₦airaland Forum

OP, please, do not take her to the US. If not, u will regret it totally. I live in the states and I know wot am talking about. please. Also, do a paternity test on that ur che asap I take God beg u.

Jayslicky:
The first thing I would advice you to do is to go and have a DNA test for that child, with what you explained here I don't trust that your wife, she is a big time pretender and pretenders are capacable of commiting dangerous sins.

The love between you two had quenched for a long time but you refused to see it, it all started from that her birthday, she felt you really didn't take her as your most important thing in life, I think that is when she started getting closer to her ex, I suspect that your wife and ex still had a short time relationship before getting married to you, she did that because she realise her ex was not ready for marriage and she was pregnant, so she decided to get married to you.

You can both go to see a counselor and let him know where you guys are lacking in your marriage, maybe you are not doing something right that is infuriating your wife but just hope she still has any iota of love for you, if not the marriage is as good as dead.

You're just wasting quality advise. This OP is a woman wrapper, he won't have the courage to do anything. How can your gf be seeing her ex again, got pregnant and brought the baby to him and he foolishly rushed a marriage. By the time they get to USA the girl will leave him, take the baby away and probably bring the baby's dad to the USA.

That birthday was just an excuse for her to justify fucking her ex. They've been fucking long before the issues started and this OP has been a mumu for so long the girl is playing him at the worst level.

Walahi me sef done dey get double thoughts on relationships and marriage ooh

jelel6:
This are the kind of stories that make people fear MARRIAGE. Nothing I fear most than the mistake of choosing the wrong Partner. However, the only that gives me solace is that I I'm willing and ready to use Divorce as a tool to restore sanity.

This why Baby mamas is the new trend. How can someone go from virtue to vile and vitrol in 360 degrees real quick. Can't people be angry without losing self respect?

OP, for the fact that it started immediately after marriage means she's displaying her default character and person. Marriage is a safe haven to let go, let free any reservations for most. In my opinion, you've made a mistake in choosing a wife that's difficult to see. I'm not saying you're without fault but there's a basic respect a sane person gives no matter what, especially to a partner in marriage. She gives none to you and you have to put yourself and your child first before your marriage. But first, get the DNA test done and be ready to leave amicably since it's not working for both of you.

sholikay:
well i'm not married, but from what you typed,it seems she has given you clue of what you are doing to her,which is prompting her to act that way...that's the issue of not giving her enough attention, care and love...some ladies might be so funny and crazy when you tend to deny them some things..she knew she is married now and since she can't cheat on you,due to conscience or whatever. she expected you to be giving her all she needs,irrespective of your busy schedule... why not deal with that first by planning your time with her,then see if she will change... I believe she can be easily manipulated by you,since she is not giving you a silent and cold treatment.... her constant nagging shows she needs you to amend immediately... women can be so funny...
note:I'm currently in such with my fiancee presently.. due to my NYSC posting we have been on this LDR thing for now,and I have not really had time for her like before..we hardly see,and she complains,nags at my little mistakes.but when I started shifting my attention back to her,her head is calming back a bit....



just be calm and amend...she is your wife now and not a fiancee or girlfriend...

wot did u jst write?smh.ar u xpecting him to leave his job and babysit her at home cos she needs attention,u did read where he said he works 24hrs and sometimes 48hrs.i actually think d wife is a narcicist and op shud start treating her in a way she wont feel indispensable

ONE topib every day!

Bros, I found your story teary to read.

I don't want to get you flustered, that person you call your wife may have been drilled multidimensionally by her ex. That is the origin of the disrespect you currently face. As some have advised, carry out a DNA on that child. You need to be strong to face the outcome because emotions would be raw and maturity would be the last thing on your mind.

As for the US thing, DON'T make the mistake of taking her there with you. Many have been ruined by taking senseless women abroad. They divorce their husbands and call the Police on them, take over their houses and force them to pay alimony for the rest of their lives while they keep toyboys to contnue to lubricate their well.

Don't be a statistic, PLEASE. Many have been there and some murdered their ex-wives out of frustration because they preferred to rot in jail than work for a foolish woman for the rest of their lives in the name of alimony. You don't have to.

Meanwhile, go and check your blood pressure and start taking medication.

Don't make d mistake of taking her to d states wit dis atittude.. black women, most especially west African women have dis reputation of destroying der men in d states, funny enough dos white haters will support Dem jst to bring down a hard working black man..Don't take her to d USA till u are very sure she has changed...
And make sure u go for DANA test... nobody is to b trusted 100%, not even ur mum..

I'm very displeased with your situation.

Anonymus010:
Thank you for the first hand advice. I will wait for the DNA

Don't wait Go and do it at a hospital yourself do you need money?

Go and do DNA first them come back here later for my advice after the result ... I don't want to waste my saliva.


If the result shows the baby is yours which I doubt....

Threaten her with divorce


United state is a NO No for you..


You will become the end loser don't say we no tell you

Taking her to United state is like taking a sniper to commit suicide.
She's a cursed woman....

The woman no love you

The reason why she's disrespectful is because.... The Ex still having sex with her and the guy is still controlling her.

I have a brother in United state that got married to a Jamaican .... After 4 children my bro discovered non was his...... Now the woman has taken all the US citizen back to their father in Jamaica and my brother is left with nothing


Wise up

lilmax:
well I didn't read your story

but the comments here says you're foolish


I believe those comments

Me too.....from the comments, the op is not just foolish, he is stupid too


Meanwhile, dear Op, please never you listen to anybody advising you not to take your loving wife, the love of your life, the mother of your baby to US, please take her to US, once you people get to US, register her for counseling session and I promise you, she will change and become the loving wife you married. And please don't listen to all these marriage destroyers on Nairaland advising you to go for a DNA test for your lovely baby, don't do that, your wife can never do such, women don't do that except their husband is impotent, are you impotent @ Anonymus010 ?


Nigeria can change women, it is because of the stress in Nigeria and the mini flat you guys are living now that's making your wife to be acting somehow, once she gets to US and begin to enjoy the good environment and steady light, she will become a good wife to you again.

Lastly, as soon as you guys arrive US, please also make sure she enrolls for a nursing school....I am very sure you are a nurse @ Anonymus010

catwalq:
Did it ever occur to you that your wife might be suffering from Pre/Postpartum psychosis.

If I blow you ehn...

catwalq:
Did it ever occur to you that your wife might be suffering from Pre/Postpartum psychosis.

Only brainless women allow that disease. >My wife tried that when pregnant and I used some serious factory reset on her.

Pearlyakin:
Bro, you took it outta my mouth, if my wife insult my mom, she go chop slap walahi, I don't joke with my mom for anything, if the guy had deal with her then she won't pass her boundary.

Even if it's on our wedding day she insults my mom I'll call of the wedding, I don't like stress in my life.

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

First I must tell you that marriage is an entirely different ball game to mere dating.
You have to stand you ground n never let her disrespect your family, most often when a wife disregards her in-laws , it's usually traced to what the husband has told her about them and she studies how you relate with them. You know when a man see a girl he loves, it is natural for the man to start talking like a radio. So don't every discuss issues with your family with your wife , I mean don't ever report them to her , I'm sure u know what mean.
I see some comments here saying she might have been seeing her ex, well that might n might not have happened, do t be too hasty to judge but keep observing her like my people will say, watin eye no see no dey break heart.
As regards the US application, don't update her about it for now , and about cooking , whether na your money or her money she take cook you must eat and always ask her for your meals while your provide for the family.
Again don't let her talk you down again, there should be a strong warning as regards that. Sometimes ladies want to weigh you , you must not be too cold , sometimes you should shout but pls Don't beat. Lastly be a gentle man but not a perfect gentle man, you should understand what I mean . Cheers

If I see stories like this, I call the person a fool! First u ain't serious... U married her cos of what she was doing to u back then in school,now that u are no longer in school,the love has died! That's what I call school life. Secondly that child is not yours...oga better divorce

lilmax:
well I didn't read your story

but the comments here says you're foolish


I believe those comments

Character

madridguy:
You're too harsh madam.

She spoke the truth

Olorunnim:
Even if it's on our wedding day she insults my mom I'll call of the wedding, I don't like stress in my life.

Lol bad guy

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

Take this advise very seriously. First thing do a DNA test of the baby to ascertain if the child is yours. The sooner you do it the better for you.

Secondly, if it happens the child is not yours, then you divorce her. She's only going to make your life more miserable.

Thirdly, if the child happens to yours, you tell her you think you should take a break. Tell her you are not feeling the marriage anymore and that you need to clear your head. That way she may sit up. She knows you love her more that is why she's taking advantage of you. But if you become nonchalant to her practically, but in your heart you love her but don't truly show it, she will come in terms with you.

Painted her black here, but I'm pretty sure there are many parts left out

genq:
You are mad for this stupid advice. He should be calm and amend?

I swear you will marry a woman who will reduce you to trash in your own house. You will spend hours licking that putrid hole in between her legs just to satisfy her and she will still cheat on you and bring home b@stards for you to raise. She will continually insult you and your entire lineage and you will be adviced to amend and remain calm.

I wish you all the best bro. Simping ain't easy.

From his post, he said he's a youth corpse so the fool is comparing his boyfriend girlfriend relationship to a marriage.

Besides to OP said for matured men only.

Everyone here have given you good advice.. I pray you have the balls to be a man and use it.

My advise.

Your wife might still be sleeping with her ex...

She doesn't love you anymore because you've refused to be a man and stand your ground on matters. Standing your ground is even the Right thing to do. If it means trashing the marriage be ready for it and show it to her that you're not afraid to leave her.

If you really love her be a man and stand your ground.. That is the only way to earn her respect and love ( that is if she has any love left in her for you)

Lastly, going to the us is good. I'll suggest you dont take her. And in the same vein she'll be free to still meet up with her ex... For this reason, if you go to US, forget her and start a new life. If the kid is yours use tricks to take him/her from your wife....

Do these things... Don't be a weak man.

Truth be told your wife has been giving you signs and you fail to understand...

From experience she is hiding something grevious from you and at every point she reflect those on it, she sparks at you...


Where is the bet9ja guy when you need him, the odd is sure, I can stake my two months salary on what the outcome will be a when you go for DNA test....
Talking from experience.

Don't try to go to US with her ooo, you may end up killing her cos she is def gonna push you to the wall and your back against the rope..

Ask for where you can do DNA...

Mizwisdom:
Their made up stories always follow a similar pattern, they demonize their so called wives. Maybe it's even the same troll posting similar fake stories just to hit front page.
Did you notice that he didn't even mention the type of US visa he got that gave him and his spouse permanent stay?

Anonymus010:
Wonderful!!! I never said I had gotten a US visa. I just filed for my I140 petition for my permanent residency green card. I will not disclose further info. I think its a pay back time for me too cos I also dispute many stories I see online. It's like a movie to me too. Meanwhile, I think I have gotten good advise from real people which I have started implementing..Thanks for your doubt anyway

Oga, there is nothing to hide here, people sometimes want to know how to better their lives and a little info could go a long way. @Mizwisdom, the op is probably a nurse given the way he easily combines shifts.

If you are a nurse, you can get the green card from nigeria if you pass the necessary exams and meet the other requirements. The same is true for migrating to the UK, the UK option is faster than the US. See the link below for more information

https://www.nairaland.com/2863557/nigerian-nurses-midwives-dream-working

Sad. If the account given here is the whole truth, then the gentleman married a bully. And the wife knows he’s a gentleman.

I imagine she probably boasts to her friends how she mistreats him and keep him under a tight leash, while they (her friends) look on her with envy.

Some ladies want to be bitches literally, meanwhile the Beyoncé and co that they listen to some of their lyrics don’t do nonsense / drama with their own spouse.

She will not change unless something drastic happens humbling / changing her. Those kind of people usually need to hit rock bottom to have some semblance of sense to be reasonable.

The DNA angle should also be checked. At least that’s enough grounds and proof to take action against her if you need / decide to. That’s the first step at manning up imo.

GrabHisBalls:
I don't pity some of you when you end up with bad wives. This your wife is everything bad. No character, no home training, no respect for elders, and you want to say you didn't notice any of these while dating even if she's the best pretender in town.

Marriage is for better, for worse. Carry your cross.

For guys who are yet to marry, she you done see.. My advice to una according to this story is that what you can not take as a rich man, start rejecting it now that you are still poor. Tell that tiny legs what you expect your wife to be like. Don't sugar coat it. I told my wife that I am extremely jealous and don't want to hear or see any man close to her chat apps, well brothers In the Lord are allowed. I said Ill also stay away from other tiny legs. She agreed and to many other things too. I keep asking if she remembers our agreement when we fight and it calms her down. Marriage is a contract and the Two parties must gain. To my op brother your problem started when you married her to cover shame. Wait till you are convinced that another day with her will mean that one person is going to die.

And you say this because you have personally confirmed that there are no "black" women shey?

Ishilove:
Painted her black here, but I'm pretty sure there are many parts left out

I am not an advocate of marriage, but if you want to enjoy marriage like every other dream; don't take it too seriously.
Don’t sacrifice your happiness for anything nor assume things will fall in place with time. Marriage has no special reward apart from the pride and feelings of my.. my.. my... attached to it; it all ends here.

Please, don't listen to pastors, no God give a f*ck about any marriage; it's all human arrangement. Shift body if the body language is bad.

mmadu5:
I always tell people all the time pure love only exist between MOTHER and CHILD.
No woman loves any man. It's either they love your money or your life style or they pretend to love you in order to gain marriage from you. So there's no pure love between man and woman. Pls stop deceiving yourself. Marriage itself is NOT purely for love, it's for legal Sex and pro-creation.

First sentence I know, and the rest has been added unto me as my watch word.

Kudos!

pls I beg you in the name of God DON'T I repeat DON'T take her with you at least for now & sharpaly Go and Do DNA TEST.