₦airaland Forum

Beverlypie:
Yeap and sometimes wish I haven't so I can find my way.

I kinda knew that already. You painted yourself as the victim but I wish I could hear her own side of the story b/c I'm sure she has hers. I remember a government campaign a few years ago warning citizens against these sorta marriages b/c at the end of the day, the citizens are often the victims. Whether you want to stay or leave the marriage is up to you but I find it hard to believe you're the saint you painted yourself to be up there, especially b/c of your "If u know my real moniker here on nairaland, u won't say 1% of what u said" comment to Flyca.

UjuJoan2:
But he didn't 'work hard on his own'. He chose the easier way out, and there are consequences.

So true. A lot of people apply for PR and/or get it the legit, patient way after leaving Nigeria. Other people also apply legitimately and get it right from Nigeria. Then there are a handful like the OP who maneuvre their way through the system w/o working for what others work hard to get, so I don't feel bad for him. And again, I'm sure she has her own side of the story.

Yes u are right...thanks

FYI : the father of those kids is also younger and she sponsored him to live in this country as well.... he’s not even from African country and because his country men don’t go about writing stuffs like this about themselves, nobody would call it scam.... our mentality is what put us where we are globally and the reason we get stereotyped....I believe some of the stuffs she read here on NAIRALAND contributes to the problem in our marriage.

theButterfly:
I kinda knew that already. You painted yourself as the victim but I wish I could hear her own side of the story b/c I'm sure she has hers. I remember a government campaign a few years ago warning citizens against these sorta marriages b/c at the end of the day, the citizens are often the victims. Whether you want to stay or leave the marriage is up to you but I find it hard to believe you're the saint you painted yourself to be up there, especially b/c of your "If u know my real moniker here on nairaland, u won't say 1% of what u said" comment to Flyca.

So true. A lot of people apply for PR and/or get it the legit, patient way after leaving Nigeria. Other people also apply legitimately and get it right from Nigeria. Then there are a handful like the OP who maneuvre their way through the system w/o working for what others work hard to get, so I don't feel bad for him. And again, I'm sure she has her own side of the story.

.

flyca:
She throws you out of the house.
She is insecure.
She is (was) jealous (when you got your first job)
She insults you, says hurtful things to you.
She accuses you falsely (calls you a scammer even when she knows you can't scam anybody).
She raised lazy and lousy kids.
She argues endlessly.
She does not want you to establish yourself in a foreign land.
You want kids, she doesn't (I mean, she already has at least 2, and not very young anymore).

Okay, so lemme ask you. Would you tolerate a quarter of these from a Nigerian woman?

Will you marry a 35 year old Nigerian woman who is not in marriage? Either as a single-mom or a divorcee?

I hope you did not change your moniker because your past here will hunt you? Are you one of the she-males that calls spinsters “evening newspapers”?

You guys (esp here on NL) are strangely amazing!

The same guys, if given the opprtunity, will lick the assssss of a white female who is “few years apart with her being on the high side” and with kids! You just imagined escaping Nigeria to live a happily-ever life of splendor “in the abroad” without putting in a decent amount of work?

3 years of dating, why were you not researching and developing yourself in employable skills in oyibo's country. Now, money to feed oyibo's kids you want to use and read book, huh? Well done sir. Mucheche

See the characteristics of a woman that you are painting a saint, because she is oyibo and oyibo no dey do wrong for una eyes

Your eye never clear sef.
Chances are you are just getting by abroad, so you are not truly independent. You also will rather chose to be oyibos “bom-boy” than being thrown back to Nigeria. The reason you are trying really hard to make your marriage work.

Don't worry, you will be fine las las.

Damn!
Roasting mixed with bitter truth.

healthserve:
Wow. When the lustre begins to go dim. I'm not good with relationships myself. I'm clumsy but permit me to comment Sir

But would suggest you both have a ' naked conversation '. That revolves around where you both are. Issues between you both. How to move towards your couple goals. Who knows what a decent heart to heart conversation can do. Wounds could heal and open room to reconciliation.


I would place my bets on love still bountiful in this relations and if she can listen to you without her guards up and you try to appease her fears and worries, buoyancy and balance could be rediscovered and love rekindled.


Rest assured, at this stage much depends on what she wants cause its obvious to see your own needs from this write up.


Allow me suggest you both change how you communicate. I.e if physical and phone have been bad ( you not getting the attention you want to communicate your needs ), try email


Send email telling her how you both started and where you both currently are.

Itemise the issues causing rift between you both listing them from one to ten. Nothing should be ignored. Communicate thoroughly about all your displeasures

Beneath the unhealthy issues you have problems with. Indicate your suggestions, what you feel like doing, adjustments you want both of you to make.


Beneath it, ask for her perspective on issues and that you expect her opinion, concerns and perspective.


From here, a less rugged path would be paved towards reconciliation or otherwise.

You're not good with relationships but here you are counseling another person? If you followed your own counsel then you'd be better at your relationships.

Whew! Physician, heal thyself.

You should go post this in an oyibo forum if you sincerely need a well rounded advice. We are Nigerians and will advise you as Nigerians and that will not work for you since your wife is none of us.
Flyca, i like your post.

ifyalways:
You should go post this in an oyibo forum if you sincerely need a well rounded advice. We are Nigerians and will advise you as Nigerians and that will not work for you since your wife is none of us.
Flyca, i like your post.

Omg, if he posts this in any forum with a white audience, they will all call him a scammer, a fraud, etc, and be harsher to him than we are here. I've read the comment section on Yahoo on immigration-related threads and on other news-based websites to know how white people abhor these kinda situations. He will get roasted if he posts this anywhere else. He should leave it on Nairaland jeje, but it's up to him to heed my warning or not.

theButterfly:
Omg, if he posts this in any forum with a white audience, they will all call him a scammer, a fraud, etc, and be harsher to him than we are here. I've read the comment section on Yahoo on immigration-related threads and on other news-based websites to know how they abhor these kinda situations. He will get roasted if he posts this anywhere else. He should leave it on Nairaland jeje, but it's up to him to heed my warning or not.

u really don’t know much.... u only reading around...lol

tensazangetsu20:
Op I hope the blue passport was worth it o . Gerrard59 this one is what sef?

When it comes to marriage, I say nothing because I'm inexperienced and the need to hear from the other party. However, one thing I've learnt here which reinforces my earlier belief on getting PR and citizenship later is to gain them independently especially as a male from Africa.

But the comments are hilarious and to think Poco hasn't shown up.

Beverlypie:
u really don’t know much.... u only reading around...lol

You don't have to heed my warning. You can go ahead and post this on any other forum. It's your choice.

Beverlypie:
Hi N’landers.

This is a new moniker for privacy reasons. Pls I would really appreciate some mature advise, well I know it won’t come without criticism or abuse either.

I’ve been in an interracial marriage for a few yrs now(actually less than 5yrs). I won’t give exact figures just to remain anonymous. It’s started as a long distance relationship which lasted for about 3-4 yrs before we finally met and got married. She’s been everything in the world to me ever since our relationship started.
She believed in me and trusted me despite the stereotype about Naija people, peoples comments and what comes up in the news daily about us.

We got married in Naija and few months after our marriage, I migrated to live with her and we’ve been living together ever since then.

But things haven’t been too rosy since we’ve gotten together, it’s always been ups and downs just like every other relationship. Our culture clashed several times.

We are a few years apart with her being on the high side even though u can’t really guess the difference. And that caused a bit of insecurities and false accusations towards me even though there was not tangible evidence against me, as I have always been faithful to her..

Then came in a little bit of jealousy when I got my first job, it escalated into financial disputes and family feud as I don’t really have the best relationship with her kids... but they have a good relationship with their father and they spend time with him always. I never get into any arguments with them or treat them badly.I just don’t have a deep connection with them because in my own word, I find them disrespectful and abit lazy. But still do the necessity for them.

After I got a job, I wanted to save up to repay my loans, to have another qualification and also to establish myself in a foreign land. But with that being said, my priority was my share of the house bills which I was paying about 50% for the 4 of us in the house as the kids are still in school.

The arguments never seems to end, from money issue, to personal issues. Even to the extent that she would call me different names. Called me scammer and all sorts even though she knew I can never scam anybody. She became really abusive and maybe toxic that I went into mild depression and anxiety as she was all I had here when I came. I wanted to end the relationship and move on but I really love her and she’s gone through a lot with me. I didn’t want to give up on her so fast because I know deep down she loves me and wanted our Marriage to work.

My conscience won’t just let me walk out, but there was no progress.... one minute we’re sweet lovers the next minute we might be yelling at each other.

She knows my pay rate but still tell people I was not honest because she doesn’t see my payslips, I felt like most of the time she’s playing the victims card.
She doesn’t support the idea of me having a side savings to pursue my careers or whatever. But she wasn’t against it 100% either

We don’t have any kid together even though we both dreamt about it but unfortunately our chances of having kids is gently fading away....but she never see it as a big deal, even though I explained what having own kids means to us in Africa.

She always tell me to leave the house at every provocation then turn around and say she didn’t mean it for me to leave. I’ve recently moved out just to be happy again, I still miss her and she’s regret her actions and been begging to come back. All the sweet memories of us still plays in my head. But I really don’t know if going back into that house is a wise decision.
She’s got a very beautiful heart but unfortunately her emotions gets hold of her most of the time.

Please people who have gone through separation or divorce, how did u handle living without someone who has been a big part of your life for so long.

This man. So you neva still sabi how to manipulate oyibo wife after all this time
You need tutorials?

Gerrard59:
When it comes to marriage, I say nothing because I'm inexperienced and the need to hear from the other party. However, one thing I've learnt here which reinforces my earlier belief on getting PR and citizenship later is to gain them independently especially as a male from Africa.

But the comments are hilarious and to think Poco hasn't shown up.

Hahaha. You are mad!!!

Flyca has said it all. Last last, he will become a member of MGTOW

Back home single mothers are being stigmatized. Yet our men travel far to get married to people older than them who order them around. They compare us to the white yet they can't even endure the slightest mistake we make but carry the trashes of foreigners like cross.
I feel your pain o but sort yourself out. If you can't live forever with it then get your ass off that union.

flyca:
She throws you out of the house.
She is insecure.
She is (was) jealous (when you got your first job)
She insults you, says hurtful things to you.
She accuses you falsely (calls you a scammer even when she knows you can't scam anybody).
She raised lazy and lousy kids.
She argues endlessly.
She does not want you to establish yourself in a foreign land.
You want kids, she doesn't (I mean, she already has at least 2, and not very young anymore).

Okay, so lemme ask you. Would you tolerate a quarter of these from a Nigerian woman?

Will you marry a 35 year old Nigerian woman who is not in marriage? Either as a single-mom or a divorcee?

I hope you did not change your moniker because your past here will hunt you? Are you one of the she-males that calls spinsters “evening newspapers”?

You guys (esp here on NL) are strangely amazing!

The same guys, if given the opprtunity, will lick the assssss of a white female who is “few years apart with her being on the high side” and with kids! You just imagined escaping Nigeria to live a happily-ever life of splendor “in the abroad” without putting in a decent amount of work?

3 years of dating, why were you not researching and developing yourself in employable skills in oyibo's country. Now, money to feed oyibo's kids you want to use and read book, huh? Well done sir. Mucheche

See the characteristics of a woman that you are painting a saint, because she is oyibo and oyibo no dey do wrong for una eyes

Your eye never clear sef.
Chances are you are just getting by abroad, so you are not truly independent. You also will rather chose to be oyibos “bom-boy” than being thrown back to Nigeria. The reason you are trying really hard to make your marriage work.

Don't worry, you will be fine las las.

God bless you babe.

Nikkol:
Back home single mothers are being stigmatized. Yet our men travel far to get married to people older than them who order them around. They compare us to the white yet they can't even endure the slightest mistake we make but carry the trashes of foreigners like cross.
I feel your pain o but sort yourself out. If you can't live forever with it then get your ass off that union.

No mind them. Broke asses thinking they can get the creamy foreign girls.

Na those foreign grave them go marry last last

flyca, you're a god. You're my WCE ( Woman Crush Everyday). I like the way you said the truth, no bullshit.
God bless you and continue to bless you forever.
As for OP, Beverlypie, you're a scammer and you only initiated that marriage for the green card or passport just like your other scamming black brethren.

Its black men like you that hawk yourselves for passports to countries that men like you built and established and then you turn around to abuse black women.

For passports, men like you are ready to sleep with even a white corpse just to stay in a foreign country. My sincere wish is that that white woman deals severely with you. By the time she's through with you, you will forget your own name.

Scammer!!!!

theButterfly:
Omg, if he posts this in any forum with a white audience, they will all call him a scammer, a fraud, etc, and be harsher to him than we are here. I've read the comment section on Yahoo on immigration-related threads and on other news-based websites to know how white people abhor these kinda situations. He will get roasted if he posts this anywhere else. He should leave it on Nairaland jeje, but it's up to him to heed my warning or not.

He does not need to post that hes an African or Nigerian. My point is that since the oyibo wife is the problem as he has posted here, he will get fellow oyibos to analyse the problems better from an oyibo man Pov.

If his wife is Bola, Nkechi, Aisha then i would have known what to say.

go to quora or reddit

assuming your story is even true, why are you coming to a nigerian forum to talk about this problem?
what applicable advise do you think you will get here?

this na oyibo woman whose eye don tear and knows what was up from the beginning.

https://www.gq.com/story/the-great-high-school-impostor

just as the family here used this guy, the woman is also using you. better use your prick well is all i will say

.

Breaststroke:
Wait, Poco are you Antibrutus as well? Just wondering o

Yes

.

Breaststroke:
Lol, what happened to your main handle? Pocohantas?

E dey. I dey use this one to troll. If them ban am, nothing spoil

kneehighbootz:
flyca, you're a god. You're my WCE ( Woman Crush Everyday). I like the way you said the truth, no bullshit.
God bless you and continue to bless you forever.
As for OP, Beverlypie, you're a scammer and you only initiated that marriage for the green card or passport just like your other scamming black brethren.

Its black men like you that hawk yourselves for passports to countries that men like you built and established and then you turn around to abuse black women.

For passports, men like you are ready to sleep with even a white corpse just to stay in a foreign country. My sincere wish is that that white woman deals severely with you. By the time she's through with you, you will forget your own name.

Scammer!!!!

Below the belt

You're right though. Previous generations of men no try.

flyca:
She throws you out of the house.
She is insecure.
She is (was) jealous (when you got your first job)
She insults you, says hurtful things to you.
She accuses you falsely (calls you a scammer even when she knows you can't scam anybody).
She raised lazy and lousy kids.
She argues endlessly.
She does not want you to establish yourself in a foreign land.
You want kids, she doesn't (I mean, she already has at least 2, and not very young anymore).

Okay, so lemme ask you. Would you tolerate a quarter of these from a Nigerian woman?

Will you marry a 35 year old Nigerian woman who is not in marriage? Either as a single-mom or a divorcee?

I hope you did not change your moniker because your past here will hunt you? Are you one of the she-males that calls spinsters “evening newspapers”?

You guys (esp here on NL) are strangely amazing!

The same guys, if given the opprtunity, will lick the assssss of a white female who is “few years apart with her being on the high side” and with kids! You just imagined escaping Nigeria to live a happily-ever life of splendor “in the abroad” without putting in a decent amount of work?

3 years of dating, why were you not researching and developing yourself in employable skills in oyibo's country. Now, money to feed oyibo's kids you want to use and read book, huh? Well done sir. Mucheche

See the characteristics of a woman that you are painting a saint, because she is oyibo and oyibo no dey do wrong for una eyes

Your eye never clear sef.
Chances are you are just getting by abroad, so you are not truly independent. You also will rather chose to be oyibos “bom-boy” than being thrown back to Nigeria. The reason you are trying really hard to make your marriage work.

Don't worry, you will be fine las las.

Wish I could kiss you. No homo

Gerrard59:
Below the belt

You're right though. Previous generations of men no try.

As in the current generation is really trying

seguno2:
As in the current generation is really trying

I cannot really say but this generation is not in anyway responsible for the spoilage.

Don't leave just yet. Put efforts in making your marriage work. Dont make it look like you took advantage of her -like her marriage was a sham after all, you knew what you were getting into.
If you decide to divorce after much efforts, make sure you so it legally, amicably etc and you both signed the paperwork.
No vex too much divorce the woman who brought you to where you are now. Unless ofc you get funny intentions before before

Make her accusations come through.

Have you gotten the kpali from her yet? If so fade!!!

Nikkol:
Back home single mothers are being stigmatized. Yet our men travel far to get married to people older than them who order them around. They compare us to the white yet they can't even endure the slightest mistake we make but carry the trashes of foreigners like cross.
I feel your pain o but sort yourself out. If you can't live forever with it then get your ass off that union.

It's all for the kpali.

Single mothers "back home" have nothing to offer....unless they have foreign kpali or money.
If they don't have either, then they have no point in the market given other options.

If sIngle mum at home is fine, maybe she can get dicked down proper from time to time (So she can give her Love Machine a break)...but that's all she gets.

Life is an equation.

2buffagain:
It's all for the kpali.

Single mothers "back home" have nothing to offer....unless they have foreign kpali or money.
If they don't have either, then they have no point in the market given other options.

If she fine, maybe she can get dicked down proper from time to time (So she can give her Love Machine a break with the real thing)...but that's all she gets.

Life is an equation.

Hussle must pay

Beverlypie:
Hi N’landers.

This is a new moniker for privacy reasons. Pls I would really appreciate some mature advise, well I know it won’t come without criticism or abuse either.

I’ve been in an interracial marriage for a few yrs now(actually less than 5yrs). I won’t give exact figures just to remain anonymous. It’s started as a long distance relationship which lasted for about 3-4 yrs before we finally met and got married. She’s been everything in the world to me ever since our relationship started.
She believed in me and trusted me despite the stereotype about Naija people, peoples comments and what comes up in the news daily about us.

We got married in Naija and few months after our marriage, I migrated to live with her and we’ve been living together ever since then.

But things haven’t been too rosy since we’ve gotten together, it’s always been ups and downs just like every other relationship. Our culture clashed several times.

We are a few years apart with her being on the high side even though u can’t really guess the difference. And that caused a bit of insecurities and false accusations towards me even though there was not tangible evidence against me, as I have always been faithful to her..

Then came in a little bit of jealousy when I got my first job, it escalated into financial disputes and family feud as I don’t really have the best relationship with her kids... but they have a good relationship with their father and they spend time with him always. I never get into any arguments with them or treat them badly.I just don’t have a deep connection with them because in my own word, I find them disrespectful and abit lazy. But still do the necessity for them.

After I got a job, I wanted to save up to repay my loans, to have another qualification and also to establish myself in a foreign land. But with that being said, my priority was my share of the house bills which I was paying about 50% for the 4 of us in the house as the kids are still in school.

The arguments never seems to end, from money issue, to personal issues. Even to the extent that she would call me different names. Called me scammer and all sorts even though she knew I can never scam anybody. She became really abusive and maybe toxic that I went into mild depression and anxiety as she was all I had here when I came. I wanted to end the relationship and move on but I really love her and she’s gone through a lot with me. I didn’t want to give up on her so fast because I know deep down she loves me and wanted our Marriage to work.

My conscience won’t just let me walk out, but there was no progress.... one minute we’re sweet lovers the next minute we might be yelling at each other.

She knows my pay rate but still tell people I was not honest because she doesn’t see my payslips, I felt like most of the time she’s playing the victims card.
She doesn’t support the idea of me having a side savings to pursue my careers or whatever. But she wasn’t against it 100% either

We don’t have any kid together even though we both dreamt about it but unfortunately our chances of having kids is gently fading away....but she never see it as a big deal, even though I explained what having own kids means to us in Africa.

She always tell me to leave the house at every provocation then turn around and say she didn’t mean it for me to leave. I’ve recently moved out just to be happy again, I still miss her and she’s regret her actions and been begging to come back. All the sweet memories of us still plays in my head. But I really don’t know if going back into that house is a wise decision.
She’s got a very beautiful heart but unfortunately her emotions gets hold of her most of the time.

Please people who have gone through separation or divorce, how did u handle living without someone who has been a big part of your life for so long.

Have you gotten your Green card yet? That's the most important thing right, otherwise those years you spent with her would have been in vain. If you have received your Green card you are on the right track, stay where you are don't go back, and for goodness sake don't get that girl pregnant.

I think it is so hypocritical that Nigerian men wont marry or even date single mothers in Nigeria but will jump for joy to marry an older foreign hoodrat with multiple children still living in the home who he helps support.

That Green Card is a hell of a motivator.

khiaa:
Have you gotten your Green card yet? That's the most important thing right, otherwise those years you spent with her would have been in vain. If you have received your Green card you are on the right track, stay where you are don't go back, and for goodness sake don't get that girl pregnant.

I think it is so hypocritical that Nigerian men wont marry or even date single mothers in Nigeria but will jump for joy to marry an older foreign hoodrat with multiple children still living in the home who he helps support.

That Green Card is a hell of a motivator.

It is, isn't it?

This is why I don't even give change to akata/white-people begging in the streets.
You have a blue passport/citizenship. That's all you need to be successful in this yankee....if you want to be.

To add to the fact that this hobo citizen also likely voted for Trump and blames me for his condition instead of his own laziness...Nigga isn't getting a dime of my compassion pennies. It's as dumb as some idiot from the north voting for Buhari, and then coming to beg me for money on my street. The nerve.