₦airaland Forum

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

OP oo
Will you hear my own
It's simple we're not there to know what's really happening but your brother is an adult,forget we have no advice for him,we only have for you
Please behave like your brother is doing what he's meant to do and you act how you'll do if he's actually doing what he's meant to do shikena
Just behave like he's not too social
Nothing anybody wants to say here that won't boil down to this

I really feel for the op. The op said that his family members are not interested in his (2nd son's money now) but in that natural blood bond that should exist among people of same family to be in his family.
None of us chose where we'll be born, or the individuals that'll constitute our siblings. The blood affinity that runs in a family is so strong that it cannot be wished away or be broken by anything in this life. He needs love, peace, and agape relationship among his siblings.
This type changeth not except by prayer and fasting. It's beyond ordinary. I've similar situation right now.

stan83:
Two things are behind you story, is either the wife and her family has used juju to turn his face against his relation or he belongs to a cult were he sworn an aoat not to help his siblings and relation. The solution is compulory family liberation by a true man of God. May God liberate your home.

What is your problem in life?

opomulero:
our people say,
" a person that is judging based on the statement of one party is a wicked person".......

for someone to turn his back against you, even up to against his mother, let me tell you that your brother has his own side of the story to tell....

if you were to be in his shoe as i'm perceiving you through what you wrote, you will even react more than him......

the person wey never see fight/war na him dey call himself man, when war comes the true man in u will show forth

Thank you. You are wise.if you hear the other side of the story you will observe that the family had a hand in it all.

They probably want to control and suck life out of him.

madridguy:
You welcome bro, i don't know where people get the orientation of " leave your brother alone "

Seriously! Individualism is the bane of family unity

Enculer:
Lazy man. Typical poor mentality. He owes you nothing.

Have you lost touch with humanity
It's mostly people that knows nothing about this kind of situation that's commenting here
Forget the most you can do is just to tell him to act "love" nothing more,the bashing won't help

For Fu*k sake, some persons in Nairaland deserves accolades. OP, you brought out some gurus who are extremely intelligent and filled with wisdom. I learned a lot especially from the comments on the first page.

Some Nigerians are brilliant.

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

Reading this made me thank God again for my brother, who single handedly sponsored my masters program outside shore. Jesus thank you ooo. To Op, It is well.

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

You aren't being totally honest. Something serious must have transpired while growing up for him to be bitter towards you guys. I know from experience. He's hurting inside. Except that thing is addressed, it's never going to be the same. Try finding out what is with an honest dialogue when he's in his best mood. Except you already know.

deleson:
This is an existential crisis that has been left to fester for years, however, it can be resolved.

Apparently, a lot of the commentators didn’t read the post in its entirety or just read to reply.

OP isn’t interested in his money but establishing family bonds with him, especially for the sake of the younger generation.

Handling this issue requires a multi-faceted approach. Professional counseling, intentional forgiveness and forgetting the past, parental involvement and honest conversations, prayer, wisdom and understanding.

correct! Most of them here just typing trash. Leave ur brother alone how? Family is family, typing long stuffs ain't the intelligent stuffs. Kudos to you.

It's a painfull thing to see ones own family in such lavish wealth but you struggle to come up with coins.


But know you brothers wealth it's not yours. Pray for him.

Many of them will spend crazy in clubs and show love to strippers but there mothers or sister na war. God help this world.

Because iniquity shall be plenty the love of many will wax cold

Dude is under a spell

We are all individuals. I can understand you just need his attention. Its all gonna be okay as long as you remain human with aspiration. Believe me!

Moboj:
Have you lost touch with humanity
It's mostly people that knows nothing about this kind of situation that's commenting here
Forget the most you can do is just to tell him to act "love" nothing more,the bashing won't help

The title of the post shows they only care about his money.
Simple.

It has always been like that for long in many families... Leave your brother alone if he's not ready to help/uplift you.
So, go work and earn your money...

chloride6:
What is your problem in life?

I don't comment on NL but mehnn this topic is hitting a spot
Please just leave that person alone
I pray he finds the God of the religion he's following and not the name of the religion
Naija and over religiousness

CanadianNaija:
He didn't deprive himself of anything? Do you hear yourself? See your mindset, are you in his pocket?

Your brother can not get you into Shell, whether he works there or not.
I know for a fact how rigorous their recruitment process is, especially if it is for a fulltime position.
There're companies that hire contract staff for Shell and others, that one is another matter.

If finished within the age range for their engineering graduate trainee program why didn't you apply? Was your grade good? Did you pass the aptitude test, and their accessment day?
Their fulltime recruitment is centralized and done from out of country.

It's not a one man's business, you hear that he's helping people what kind of help? Do you know? Have you bothered to ask him?

You seem misinformed, you were all given the same opportunity i don't know why you seem so resentful and envious of him.
Shell is one company at least that you can get into on merit, people without connection do it everyday, it's not your brother's fault that you're an engineer that works in a hospital.

How did you come about the bolded? Who told you he never applied, who told you his brother can't help him secure his a job even if though he is in management cadre? So a top management person in shell cannot even secure a contract job in shell? Really? Is that how seriously they take merit in Nigeria? Toh let me tell you, in this country you live in, many people will suffer for most of their lives if not all of it because they don't have a hand to raise him. I remember my foolish uncle, a top government functionary that spent many years in service without securing a job for his own blood children. According to him, nobody helped him to get there so he owes nobody anything Based on the stuff I read here, I believe the children should also tell themselves nobody owes them anything. Nonsense, the people that hold onto that silly school of thought are swimming in an ocean of ignorance, that you suffered to make it does not mean everyone around you has to go through same. I passed my uncle the other day, he was standing by the roadside stranded, I could not believe my eyes. I drove past him with my eyes the other way. The guy has nothing!

trevorhorace:
You aren't being totally honest. Something serious must have transpired while growing up for him to be bitter towards you guys. I know from experience. He's hurting inside. Except that thing is addressed, it's never going to be the same. Try finding out what is with an honest dialogue when he's in his best mood. Except you already know.

Thank you. The OP is not telling the whole story. He starts with "rich brother"....
Tell me are they all disabled?

People giving birth to children and expect other people to raise them , 1 or 2 kids is good enough.

I have experienced this, trust me, I resulted to brain reset, my primary responsibility is first to my immediate family, my wife and my children, then to my mum, if she decides to give them all I give her good luck, anything outside this will be voluntary contributions not mandatory responsibility. I hope this help you.

Forget him and Lean on to God...OMO TO SO ILE NU SO APO IYA KO.....

Gabson001:
Act like he's dead bro
I have elder bro that ask me
"what do you want" whenever I call him
Family is just a name
I've learnt to live like am the only person on earth

#peace

Brother! I have an elder bro like that too.

Enculer:
The title of the post shows they only care about his money.
Simple.

Don't be too quick to conclude
I pray you never find yourself in this kind of situation, it's more like a self war
I'm still saying the best advice he can get here is for him to behave as if the brother is doing the right thing
We all have different definitions of "right"

madridguy:
Is your mum still alive?

I keep laughing at people saying the OP should leave his brother alone and work for himself.

To me, in life we all need someone to lean on to climb our own ladder. A good example is Linda Ikeji, may God continue to bless her. I believe she hustle her way alone, but immediately she got to the top she never neglected her siblings. God bless her more.

I'm sure we all have different background and upbringing but none of my siblings can do this. We have community training and my father of blessed memory used to ring it to our ears before he passed on. He used to say, i pray you all get to the top, but you all cannot get there at once, but whoever get there first must make sure he/she help others. This is our motor in my own family.

So u have sense like this

You won't understand if you have not experienced it.
If you check well, he must have exhibited 'symptoms' of that habit when you guys were much younger. It is painful, but what can you do?
The rest of you should stay together. Give him the space he wants. Reach out to him occasionally if you have to. Send him birthday greetings. (Don't expect a response) Invite him to your social events. (Don't expect to see him there). Hopefully one day, his eyes will clear.

Useful1:
I really feel for the op. The op said that his family members are not interested in his (2nd son's money now) but in that natural blood bond that should exist among people of same family to be in his family.
None of us chose where we'll be born, or the individuals that'll constitute our siblings. The blood affinity that runs in a family is so strong that it cannot be wished away or be broken by anything in this life. He needs love, peace, and agape relationship among his siblings.
This type changeth not except by prayer and fasting. It's beyond ordinary. I've similar situation right now.

I'm telling you
It's like a self bleeding heart
This insatiable hunger that brings one reminiscing the old time's
OP please I feel your pain,just show your own love

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

The only thing you owe your brother is prayers of long life and nothing more. You mentioned he was never close to his younger siblings when growing up and possibly that might be where the issue lays and your parents did nothing about it. It probably deteriorated more when he got married. Your most elder also ought to have noticed certain things and talked to his younger brother but I guess it turned out to be an over site.
Not giving you money in front of his wife is the best thing to do in my own perspective. As a person I don't expect my wife to know my dealings with my siblings or parents when it pertains to anything that has to do with giving them money as long as I'm not incapacitated.

Amongst all give him his due respect as an elder brother and not because he is rich.

Surprise your elder brothers with a Christmas gift this season. Whatever your hand/heart lays upon, you should give them. Let only you and you alone know about it. And pray.

All we want is that brotherly love.

Because he's rich.

If you want something from him, ask. Don't sit your entitled ass somewhere and hope that he'll be thinking about you and readily gift you money just because you're his sibling.

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

Here’s the truth, that fact I are brothers or siblings doesn’t mean u automatically have a wonderful relationship, relationships are built and worked on even siblings relationship tho there the family bond. Ideally yes it shud be a great relationship.

Now u and ur 2nd bro never spoke or related dat much growing up except for the 1st son, why? Age difference with u the junior ones? How many are u? If it’s a large family of 8 above I can understand it cud happen bt a small family of 4/5 siblings it shudnt.

Also despite this initially cared for u all until u guys went against him because of his choice of wife. Ur reason for this will be crucial and important to why he changed and also the type of lady his wife is. Probably not the forgiving type and u brother loves her AO wants to please her because she was a victim of the family attack initially.

Ur brother will not change his attitude to u guys until u have genuine made peace with his wife and this will be extremely hard because there is a break in trust for not supporting her to mary ur brother beside the regular trust issues for in-laws generally.


Whether ur brothers wife is a good or bad person is another discussion all together.

johnmba:
Fellow NL . Am bringing this issue to seek advice.

I come from a family of 7, we are all graduates except the first son who is into business. The second son is very very rich,he works with a big multinational company.

When we were growing up he hardly play with us the younger ones but he was close to the first son. But he totally changed after he got married 15years ago. Though our parents did not initially support his marriage because of the girls background (her father died and the mum went back to her house with the daughter) and her character too. My brother got angry and said nobody should visit him or ask him for money. He used to help us in school.

Later my parents accepted and gave their support but since then my brothers attitude towards us really changed. Each time I visit him , he does not give me money in the presence of the wife. Also he usually give me money to go and eat outside because she hardly cook(maybe cos of the initial rejection)

The way he talks to the first son is degrading and he hardly pick our calls. The first son business is not moving at all but he does not care though he has given him money and car some years back and they don't talk to each other again. On several occasions people have told the third son why his brother refused to help his family. They said he helps people alot in the multinational company and he is a very nice guy.

Please what do we do? I don't want this separation to continue till death.. Our children are watching and I want us to relate as brothers and sisters.

Nb.
Nobody is calling him to ask for money. Am an engineer but works in a hospital. All we want is that brotherly love. Since I finished school I have not asked him for money likewise some of my siblings.

How do we bring him back

If he doesn't help you then you need to help yourself. Stay away from him. Look for way to develop your own self and stop relying on someone that doesn't care about you to help you.

Your focus now should be how to make your own
Money.

Aurora1:
You won't understand if you have not experienced it.
If you check well, he must have exhibited 'symptoms' of that habit when you guys were much younger. It is painful, but what can you do?
The rest of you should stay together. Give him the space he wants. Reach out to him occasionally if you have to. Send him birthday greetings. (Don't expect a response) Invite him to your social events. (Don't expect to see him there). Hopefully one day, his eyes will clear.

You have get it jare
It's even more emotional than a spouse heartbreak