₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
If she wants you to start braiding your hair to please her would you?

It doesn’t matter if she likes it before, if she doesn’t like it now then you should be fine with it. it’s her body.

She has autonomy over her body. Her style. Her outfits. Whatever makes her feel good about herself.

Personal autonomy over body is something everyone is entitled to. Tastes change over time. All you can be is supportive or suggest what you prefer but never force .
It’s up to her to decide whether or not to go along with your preferred style.

Thank You.

Dan2000:
Maybe, she is worried about such. I will zero my mind about it.

Okay Sir.

Dan2000:
Seriously I never forced her and I won't, even if we are living together, I will never force her.
I do pay for the hair, but imagine paying for hairstyle that You don't admire, though it always look beautiful on her, but I prefer her natural beauty more, that's just one thing I observed about myself. I do admire her more whenever she loose her hair than using wig or any other hairstyle.

Mr Man, while you were courting the woman, you should have thrashed out matters like this.
To me, it seems you feel entitled to to your wife based on the sacrifices you have made for her.
Don't do more for people than you can overlook.
BTW, whatever you do for your wife, you have done for yourself and your children.

Dan2000:
Right from time, I have always like my woman on low cut, so this issue came up, not that there is no money to pay for plaiting her hair monthly but I do really admire lowcut on women.
I discussed with my wife concerning this, I even used a married colleague at work as an example.
But my wife says what do I want people to say?, that she is not interested in such. That I can for someone that likes such.
What will You do if Your woman react like this?.

her hair HER decision... especially if she has never rocked such hairstyle.

Dan2000:
Right from time, I have always like my woman on low cut, so this issue came up, not that there is no money to pay for plaiting her hair monthly but I do really admire lowcut on women.
I discussed with my wife concerning this, I even used a married colleague at work as an example.
But my wife says what do I want people to say?, that she is not interested in such. That I can for someone that likes such.
What will You do if Your woman react like this?.

If you had trained her well, you wouldn't have to force her to do anything. She would have naturally done whatever pleases you, the husband.

That is why I don't like the idea of pre marital wooing (begging for her attention) and courting (bribing her with dinners and gifts). By the time you enter the marriage proper, she already believes that she's the indispensable lord and master (sic) of all she surveys while the husband is her slave. To get her to respect the husband after that point is like swimming against a swift river; tiring, thankless and doomed to failure.

Oh for goodness sake; dude; LEAVE YOUR WIFE ALONE IF SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE ON LOW CUT. There are more challenges that a marriage faces and this certainly ain’t one of them mate. You said you only see your wife twice a year; THAT IS WHAT WE CALL A CHALLENGE AND YOU SHOULD CHANNEL YOUR ENERGY IN SORTING THAT OUT rather than on petty/frivolous things. To rob it in your wife's face, you even went as far as mentioning that your work colleague rocks low cut; so what? . Then you are going on and on about sacrifices that you have made for your wife forgetting that your wife has also made sacrifices for you too. Or would you say she has not made sacrifices in her own way for you? That said , if you knew you wanted a woman to be on low cut then you should have married one that has low cut from the beginning. Not all women feel comfortable with low cut neither is it all women that low cut looks good on. You have to know that in some cases, a woman’s hairdo boast her self-esteem. If you are incessant on her rocking low cut against her wish, you might see her self-esteem go low and I am sure you wouldn’t want that. Imagine if you had always had a moustache which is your identity signal and all of a sudden your wife tells you she likes men who are clean shaved and you should get rid of the moustache; how would you feel? Don’t come and tell me that you would get rid of it in a jiffy as I would take that answer with a pinch of salt. I hope you see where I am going; hence let this be and stop making a mountain out of a molehill. ENOUGH SAID

This life is just too paradoxical to understand ,imagine a man asking for such Innocuous request from his wife but was rebuffed while my own wife has always wanted low hair cut for many years now which I usually declined her from doing so .May we not miss it in our marital voyage o.

I think your approach also made her unshakable in her stance. I don't think what you are requesting for is totally out of place but you should leave room for not having it totally your way. If you always lovingly declare your love for low cut she may yield occasionally to please you, especially since you are not always around. She can get creative with it so that she rock both low cut and plaited hair.

If after using a lovely approach and it is still not working, take it as one of those harmless aspects of her she can't lose. Trust me you also have such harmless aspects you don't want to give up even for your wife. If you look honestly within you would see it though you pride your self as one who can sacrifice for her. Let me add that even these kinds of strong holds may slack with age. Also remove your mind from you sacrificed for her before and therefore owe you all your demands because truth is there are other ways she is sacrificing for you that you can't return in exact coin.

Your wife rebuffed your suggestion because of the manner you said it to her plus a total stranger example would fair better than your former colleague's.

If you did not tell her during courtship that she must wear low cut, then do not force her to wear it now. What is even happening in marriages? Couples are having issues over minor irrelevant stuffs, hmm.

Something must be wrong with you. Is it by force to go on low cut?

Dan2000:
No she was never on low cut, except secondary school days, we use to joke about it then, all her response was that she will have to satisfy her man by all means.
So I was wondering that what's the big deal for a lady to be on low cut, why will she care about how people outside will feel.

You should be on dreadlocks to please your woman too. Awon Marlians

One man's food is another man's poison truly. This one loves low cut and he doesn't.

adeodunsimilolu:
One man's food is another man's poison truly. This one loves low cut and he doesn't.

Abi Since when is the guy the one pushing for low-cut

Another example of non-issues.

Have you considered her opinion, and should this even be an issue?

It's like my wife asking me to keep afro. I can never do it, cos it makes me uncomfortable.

Ask her what she likes.

PS: So, low cut is the most important thing in your marriage now, that you had to come crying here for?

Dan2000:
Right from time, I have always like my woman on low cut, so this issue came up, not that there is no money to pay for plaiting her hair monthly but I do really admire lowcut on women.
I discussed with my wife concerning this, I even used a married colleague at work as an example.
But my wife says what do I want people to say?, that she is not interested in such. That I can for someone that likes such.
What will You do if Your woman react like this?.

It would have been better marrying a woman with low cut instead of marrying one with hair and trying to make her cut it. Why now?

If she's not ready then befriend someone else with the hairstyle. Jealousy will make her do it by force.

OP the coward, the guy deactivated. Mscheew. Nairaland cowards. It's a good thing this is a new account. Nobody can trace me giving advice too.

We dated for over 5 years before marriage, I actually started dating her while I was in 3rd year in the university, whereas for her being on low cut was never an issue then.
The only thing I realised is that women do change after marriage.

Oga you don't know what is doing you

RisenPhoenix:
If you had trained her well, you wouldn't have to force her to do anything. She would have naturally done whatever pleases you, the husband.

That is why I don't like the idea of pre marital wooing (begging for her attention) and courting (bribing her with dinners and gifts). By the time you enter the marriage proper, she already believes that she's the indispensable lord and master (sic) of all she surveys while the husband is her slave. To get her to respect the husband after that point is like swimming against a swift river; tiring, thankless and doomed to failure.

Train her well. Lol...is she a dog? A wife doesn't automatically become a slave.

LilMissFavvy:
If you did not tell her during courtship that she must wear low cut, then do not force her to wear it now. What is even happening in marriages? Couples are having issues over minor irrelevant stuffs, hmm.

Even if he did tell her his preference for low cut during courtship, she has the right to cut her hair the way she feels comfortable. The attitude some people have on this forum towards their spouses is very unhealthy. I have the impression that some people derive their sense of self and self-worth from being selfish and bossy instead of being the person that lifts their partners up to be and feel the best they can.

ImaIma1:
Train her well. Lol...is she a dog? A wife doesn't automatically become a slave.

Are your children slaves? Don't you train them? Don't freeborn human beings get trained into a profession or a field? Or a sport? Why do you assume a unique association between training and slavery? Or training and dogs? If you do not know the definition of a word, just google it.

Oftentimes, women don't get the proper training for a happy married life from their parents' homes, so the husband has to pick up the loose ends. This is common now because mothers have been getting lax these days and people are learning their manners from the internet instead. Good women have gradually been going extinct since the era of our grandparents.

Nor is it restricted to women. Men these days too have been losing all their masculinity to the feminist narrative, but obviously, a woman cannot properly 'train' a man...only another man can.

RisenPhoenix:
Are your children slaves? Don't you train them? Don't freeborn human beings get trained into a profession or a field? Or a sport? Why do you assume a unique association between training and slavery? Or training and dogs? If you do not know the definition of a word, just google it.

Oftentimes, women don't get the proper training for a happy married life from their parents' homes, so the husband has to pick up the loose ends. This is common now because mothers have been getting lax these days and people are learning their manners from the internet instead. Good women have gradually been going extinct since the era of our grandparents.

Nor is it restricted to women. Men these days too have been losing all their masculinity to the feminist narrative, but obviously, a woman cannot properly 'train' a man...only another man can.

Is a wife a child?

And you think men are properly trained to be good husbands? Just with the kind of comments and threads we see on this forum, can you say these men have been trained to be good husbands?

A husband is not synonymous to being a boss as many men here suppose. And a man is not properly trained also. He learns on the job just like the woman.

So if you're going to mention training, both husband and wife need it.

RisenPhoenix:
If you had trained her well, you wouldn't have to force her to do anything. She would have naturally done whatever pleases you, the husband.

That is why I don't like the idea of pre marital wooing (begging for her attention) and courting (bribing her with dinners and gifts). By the time you enter the marriage proper, she already believes that she's the indispensable lord and master (sic) of all she surveys while the husband is her slave. To get her to respect the husband after that point is like swimming against a swift river; tiring, thankless and doomed to failure.

Ehn ehn, the annoying part, in the real world, you are weak.

ImaIma1:
Is a wife a child?

And you think men are properly trained to be good husbands? Just with the kind of comments and threads we see on this forum, can you say these men have been trained to be good husbands?

A husband is not synonymous to being a boss as many men here suppose. And a man is not properly trained also. He learns on the job just like the woman.

So if you're going to mention training, both husband and wife need it.

Not only children need training. Incompetent, ignorant, untrained or ineffective adults also do.

As long as the husband bears the financial responsibility, he is the boss (read; HEAD OF THE FAMILY). And I have already stated before that some men too need to be trained, so your repetition is unnecessary. But while women need to be trained by their husbands where their parents have failed, men can never be trained by their wives. Men need other men to mentor them through marriage.

We are saying the same thing.

faithfull18:
Ehn ehn, the annoying part, in the real world, you are weak.

Ad hominem argumentation is always a defence for those who have no other.

I have no incentive to prove anything to a total stranger. All I want is for a better society where my sons will not be pussified and my daughters will marry husbands who can govern their homes properly without my daughters controlling them like floor mats. That is why I like to advice my fellow men.

RisenPhoenix:
Are your children slaves? Don't you train them? Don't freeborn human beings get trained into a profession or a field? Or a sport? Why do you assume a unique association between training and slavery? Or training and dogs? If you do not know the definition of a word, just google it.

Oftentimes, women don't get the proper training for a happy married life from their parents' homes, so the husband has to pick up the loose ends. This is common now because mothers have been getting lax these days and people are learning their manners from the internet instead. Good women have gradually been going extinct since the era of our grandparents.

Nor is it restricted to women. Men these days too have been losing all their masculinity to the feminist narrative, but obviously, a woman cannot properly 'train' a man...only another man can.

This is laughable, if parents spend more time and efforts they expend on the girl child on the boy-child, I bet we won't have this much indisciplined, irresponsible and weak men present in the world today.

Parents, as much as you train the girl-child, train the boy-child too, they will grow up to become people's husbands, fathers some day.

Right from time, I have always like my woman on low cut, so this issue came up, not that there is no money to pay for plaiting her hair monthly but I do really admire lowcut on women.
I discussed with my wife concerning this, I even used a married colleague at work as an example.
But my wife says what do I want people to say?, that she is not interested in such. That I can for someone that likes such.
What will You do if Your woman react like this?.

U should have married someone on lowcut man! Y are u stressing ur wife like dis? let that woman be, a woman's hair is part of her beauty.

faithfull18:
This is laughable, if parents spend more time and efforts they expend on the girl child on the boy-child, I bet we won't have this much indisciplined, irresponsible and weak men present in the world today.

Parents, as much as you train the girl-child, train the boy-child too, they will grow up to become people's husbands, fathers some day.

It's not how much time is spent. It's WHAT is being taught. And I agree that both should be trained... boys on how to be strong and financially responsible in heading a family, girls on how to be obedient and emotionally supportive of her husband.

shestrong:
U should have married someone on lowcut man! Y are u stressing ur wife like dis? let that woman be, a woman's hair is part of her beauty.

Lol, I tell you. In a bid to get a lady with 100% of what they desire, they ignore the features they feel is most relevant to them.

I don't know why men do this, why would someone who likes ladies on makeup approach a lady who likes being natural then start forcing her to use make up when there are thousands of ladies who meets his spec.

I just don't get it.

RisenPhoenix:
It's not how much time is spent. It's WHAT is being taught. And I agree that both should be trained... boys on how to be strong and financially responsible in heading a family, girls on how to be obedient and emotionally supportive of her husband.

You are simply being a chauvinist.

Boys need to be taught emotional support and girls need to be taught financial responsibility.

I dont know, maybe you took a time machine from 50 years ago but this aint it chief

RisenPhoenix:
Not only children need training. Incompetent, ignorant, untrained or ineffective adults also do.

As long as the husband bears the financial responsibility, he is the boss (read; HEAD OF THE FAMILY). And I have already stated before that some men too need to be trained, so your repetition is unnecessary. But while women need to be trained by their husbands where their parents have failed, men can never be trained by their wives. Men need other men to mentor them through marriage.

We are saying the same thing.

So if the wife bears the financial responsibility due to some reason, it means she becomes the BOSS of him right? The HEAD OF THE FAMILY. Because we have to be clear about this. That means she can order him to do the chores, take care of the kids, go to the market, right?

Do you believe this is how marriage works? The person with the money is the boss? Hmmmm. Marriage is obviously still a mystery for even some that are married.

faithfull18:
Lol, I tell you. In a bid to get a lady with 100% of what they desire, they ignore the ones they feel they think is most relevant to them.

I don't know why men do this, why would someone who likes ladies on makeup approach a lady who likes being natural then start forcing her to use make up when there are thousands of ladies who meets his spec.

I just don't get it.

Very confused beings.

ImaIma1:
So if the wife bears the financial responsibility due to some reason, it means she becomes the BOSS of him right? The HEAD OF THE FAMILY. Because we have to be clear about this. That means she can order him to do the chores, take care of the kids, go to the market, right?

Do you believe this is how marriage works? The person with the money is the boss? Hmmmm. Marriage is obviously still a mystery for even some that are married.

Yes. Any man that tragically lives parasitically off his wife has rescinded his rights, taken away her rights and therefore has the duty to obey her. Even if she only shares part of the expenses, he still loses a commensurate part of her respect. I'd rather divorce my wife if I am unable to support her than let her feed me. A real man must bear full responsibility for his family and ensure that they only live within his means. The major reason why the woman is called upon to make financial input is because she might be dissatisfied with the standard of living he can provide for her, and that is not a good reason at all. Rather, the competent husband must ensure that he marries a woman who is content with what he has and be strong willed enough to make sure that he does not give in to her desire for more frivolities that waste his funds and sending him begging for more.

As for your final question, anyone who puts his whole life, pleasure and time on the line for the sake of his family's comfort has the right to be the sole decision maker...the 'person with the money' if you like to call him that.