₦airaland Forum

Amanda4life:
That depends on your choice boy.
For every choice has its advantages and disadvantages, like wise the other.

Even If you marry her at 12 years, she can never remain 12years all the days of her life.
Here we are talking of men/ women who are potentially productive, resourceful

Then Ned Nwoko is my role model


When she gets older I quickly bin her and get another sweet 19

2buffagain:
Well do Nigerian men have enough general game to work with and live with women without trying to be autocrats?
If your plan is to leave the country one day with your wife , you will quickly realize that the only way you can deal with your wife in these western countries is through negotiation, not by you just yelling and giving commands. And that is even a wife who is not making any money so you are not even getting any benefits of said negotiation style.

Might as well adjust your pattern, and have her enjoy some of the benefits of her input by her also being able to have a say.
Sooner or later, if you ever leave naija, you will have to anyway.

That said, the woman who overdos and destroys her marriage over the fact that she manages to bring something in is a fool.
The only way to know she is this kind of fool is by observing how she behaves as an earning woman before marriage. If you are keen (and you have to be in this game), you will detect what you need to detect to either continue or abort.

I agree to an extent...I always say men should test a woman's attitude towards her own money before deciding to marrying her....Cos assuming you will always have more than her is foolishness....It is a 40+ years journey and u ain't God...she can overtake u...If all u have as joker is your financial power then na sorry be your name....A woman earning and having good character....is not mutually exclusive. Find you a woman that has both, not one whose "good character" is based on the fact she depends on you.

efosky1246:
Bros abeg you deserve cold beer. I honestly don't understand men who have this stupid mentality.

Sharing bills with a woman?

Why the f*ck are you a man then.

If you want a certain lifestyle for your family, work your ass of till you achieve it, you won't die during the process.youll become a better man.

Men create their own reality and women live in it.

if you die now i mean today, how will your children survive?

That's when your so cherished wife will start messing around sleeping with Everyman that comes her way only to feed the family.

Think responsibly you're not in the stone age.

adecz:
When you seek to alter the natural
order of responsibility, then you should
also share your leadership position since
you have decided to sell your birthright
for the earnings of a woman.

You shouldn't also question her movement
so much since you are all hustling to
bring home the bacon.

Kitchen, house cleaning, cooking etc
must be shared & timetable made for
both of you.

The woman's official name will be her
Name, Surname, then your own name.

By the time she starts earning more than
you, I think you should start answering
her maiden name, since you decided to
enter a financial partnership, not a marriage
of love.


I suspect you are stingy by nature &
have longathroat for other people's things.
It is an early symptom of underlying
wizardry or witchcraft.


Park well.

franchasng:
You can marry a broke woman as your 2nd or 3rd wife, but your first wife should not be broke, unemployable, no sellable skill, no sellable profession, if you wish to go far in life today as a man

Thumbs up man
I will heed your advice

[quote author=CanadaOrBust post=87907371](The guy above me don kolo o)

OP, I agree with you, BUT
1) How do u know her future? (Girls usually marry young)
2) R u sure u want extra money and financially independent wife more than a wife who’d fully take care of the kids and home and be totally financially dependent on u?[/quote

You can get married to a financially independent woman who would equally be competent enough to care of the children just as a man brings money to the table as well as have time for his children.Stop hiding under the pretence of a woman taking care of her children would not have time to make money or vice versa.

2buffagain:
Guys who still think that way are not part of this century.

That, or they have never left for or lived in any western countries outside of Nigeria.
If they have, they will realize that, even if she doesn't bring any money, these women have been given a lot of powers, so the focus is on negotiation not control.
So if she is going to be having these powers as granted by the State, she might as well be bringing money to match

A bad situation a man can find himself in is having a broke/no-employable-skill-having wife, who still controls him on top of her financial irrelevance.

Them no born her well, I will divorce her asss

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

OP, I think the word is not 'makes money'

The word is either 'FINANCIALLY PRODUCTIVE'


or 'FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE'

Do you observe how the girls have been avoiding this thread like a plague .? They seem to be observing from a distance

My guy you are correct. do you know my wife bought all the food stuff in my house with her salary? me i have not even been paid. but she has been paid and she used that to stock my house. even bought for my car. imgaine marrying a homebase player. then na own goal.

A woman that does not make money today can make money tomorrow. One that makes money today can lose it tomorrow.

The age Don change na. Both of us can be making millions from home

CanadaOrBust:
(The guy above me don kolo o)

OP, I agree with you, BUT
1) How do u know her future? (Girls usually marry young)
2) R u sure u want extra money and financially independent wife more than a wife who’d fully take care of the kids and home and be totally financially dependent on u?

This is useless post. What metrics do u use in measuring a woman that brings joy to your life?
You want a woman than earn above 300k. What of if she wants a man that has 6plus inches of joystick which you might not measure up to? By the time you spend one month you find out that the money making attraction is useless. By that time you see her real colors. You might actually resort to drinking when you suspect your wife might be making moves to get that which you don't have. People should think very well in making all these çhoices.

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

its a good thing to marry a woman that is working, to me is not a must, one might end up marrying wrong simply because u wanna marry a woman that is work, so guys marry who you love and also loves u back.

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

That is just one part! Making money and sharing the mo ey with you her spouse are not mutually inclusive.

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

God will bless you bro, dis one go pain those Nairaland lazy girls

If you want a woman to contribute equally financially in a home,just be ready to cook and clean like she does and sacrifice your headship over the home.Period.When a man loses his job,his working class wife shouldn't treat him like crap but he should know that he should do more chores than he used to.That's common sense.

Who we choose to marry is non of ur business.
It's a personal thing.
I only go for neat and intelligent women.
All the women I've dated,I've been the one giving them money for business or to start up something or getting a paying job for them thru ur connect with friends and relatives.
So what u are saying I should be waiting or go for only women making money like one Golddigger?! It's more important to advise a women to get something going for herself. Than only having to clean the house, tidy the kitchen or "looking nice" for her husband all the time.
Since no one can predict the future.It would be better for women to learn some skills or get a part time job than being a full time housewife.
What happens if something happened to her breadwinner(the husband)?! Or What happens if the marriage breaks down and u split?!
Nevertheless,if u've had some fulfilment in Life as a man u won't be bothered with the underlined topic here

Alvin212:
What of

Ned Nwoko and Regina

I hope you know Regina was a household name even before she got married to Ned.
Till now, she still acts and does her thing despite marriage to a very rich man.
He hasn't tried to stop her from acting and doing her thing, and so far he has been very supportive

CHoccolaTE:
Personally I am all for female emancipation and women having jobs/not depending on some guy totally but topics like this are not for the average Nigerian man who believes he should be taken as a demi god by his wife.
You can't have a wife paying rent and buying food to feed her husband and and paying other bills and then her husband wants to exercise TOTAL control over her and the household in spite of her financial and domestic contributions.

That's why Nigerian women avoid men who want them to contribute financially.
Another thing is, after marriage the same man expecting his wife to split bills will expect her to be primarily responsible for housechores and be completely submissive and obedient to him. It doesnt work that way. If a woman starts feeding you or paying your bills you no longer have complete authority over her.
And it becomes imperative that you as the husband also take up housechores like cooking and cleaning and child care.

An average egotistical Nigerian man will not want to do all this.

Sometimes I feel like people are talking from the moon,
Nobody heard about cleaning bots? NOBODY!? I have like 15 of those. They clean 24/7
Their are laundry machines too, can you belive that?
I can eat my food in a resturant, I can even have it deliverd to me.
Women have rights like everybody else.
They will work and contribute to the maitaning of everything as long she benefits from it. I will do me and you ll do you, we will meet by the end of the month. Contribute our bills. Once you can't afford the bills you ll move out.
Am not going to tell you what to do.
Don't tell me what to do .

efosky1246:
It disgusts me when men try to make it seem like if a woman doesn't contribute financially, then she's good as useless.

I am really concerned about the loss of sense of responsibility from men nowadays. When did it become a taboo for you to make the money yourself and let your wife run the homefront. The Asians have been doing this for years and they're not complaining, hence why the family unit is strong and their children turn out as responsible adults and contribute meaningfully to their family and society at large.

You guys make it seem like marriage is some kind of business venture.if not for anything, be a man for your children, they need a parent to look after them at least in their tender years.

Have you not seen homes were both husband and wife are financially well to do but the children are nothing to write home about.

A woman can support at times financially but you going into a relationship looking for a woman who you'll share bills with just shows the quality of a man that you are.

This isn't the 80s anymore, some people can't afford to live in their houses on just one income. When the income gotten from just the man was enough to feed, educate and house the family most did it, now it is not the case.

If a woman can't at least take care of herself should anything happen to the husband then she is a liability. There is more to life than taking care of children, soon they will grow up and leave the home, or if the husband dies or loses his job then what happens to the wife? Will she beg or starve?

Also there is a serious problem of trafficking women as wives in Asian countries and in Japan the population is dropping because men are refusing to get married and work themselves to death because that is the societal expectation.

candelahria:
If you want a woman to contribute equally financially in a home,just be ready to cook and clean like she does and sacrifice your headship over the home.Period.When a man loses his job,his working class wife shouldn't treat him like crap but he should know that he should do more chores than he used to.That's common sense.

this when we see situation where by the woman become the husband and the man becomes the wife.

Nonsense. Singles Ignore this please. Pray for a good woman who believes, respects and submits to you. Also be a good and worthy man to your family. Every other things are additives. Mind you, I'm happily married.

CHoccolaTE:
Personally I am all for female emancipation and women having jobs/not depending on some guy totally but topics like this are not for the average Nigerian man who believes he should be taken as a demi god by his wife.
You can't have a wife paying rent and buying food to feed her husband and and paying other bills and then her husband wants to exercise TOTAL control over her and the household in spite of her financial and domestic contributions.

That's why Nigerian women avoid men who want them to contribute financially.
Another thing is, after marriage the same man expecting his wife to split bills will expect her to be primarily responsible for housechores and be completely submissive and obedient to him. It doesnt work that way. If a woman starts feeding you or paying your bills you no longer have complete authority over her.
And it becomes imperative that you as the husband also take up housechores like cooking and cleaning and child care.

An average egotistical Nigerian man will not want to do all this.

Must marriage be some sort of fight for dominance?

Some people's egos will not allow them to simply enjoy life.

justnock:
Just ignore them. It shows that you're ahead of them. Enjoy your life.

Bro did you understand his complaints ? Pls help us understand too

CHoccolaTE:
Personally I am all for female emancipation and women having jobs/not depending on some guy totally but topics like this are not for the average Nigerian man who believes he should be taken as a demi god by his wife.
You can't have a wife paying rent and buying food to feed her husband and and paying other bills and then her husband wants to exercise TOTAL control over her and the household in spite of her financial and domestic contributions.

That's why Nigerian women avoid men who want them to contribute financially.
Another thing is, after marriage the same man expecting his wife to split bills will expect her to be primarily responsible for housechores and be completely submissive and obedient to him. It doesnt work that way. If a woman starts feeding you or paying your bills you no longer have complete authority over her.
And it becomes imperative that you as the husband also take up housechores like cooking and cleaning and child care.

An average egotistical Nigerian man will not want to do all this.

If Nigerian women would not want a man who expects them to contribute financially and are okay with the traditional setting whereby the man wins all the bread for the family, then I don't think there's any need wasting resources on training the Nigerian girl child in schools especially universities. It doesn't make any iota of sense to train a girl in the university only for her to end up as a housewife in a man's kitchen!

Ps--- Personally, I even prefer the traditional setting but she has to be completely under my control going by your reasoning above.

CanadaOrBust:
So what u want is a girl with solid character who can weather any storm with u and without u, even if they don’t have much at the moment. The important thing is the character. That job may be gone tomorrow. She could be sleeping around but with good money/job. She may want nothing to do with home but always all about business and money-making. U sure that’s what u want? So u see the answer is not so simple. What has worked through the ages is: the man goes out to bring and they MANAGE whatever he brings, while the woman takes care of the home! Nothing prevents her from doing small time jobs or biz. Once the children are grown she can then go big time

I don't know who you are, but I pray that the Most High will bless you abundantly for this. What most men fail to realize is that the moment a woman too start bringing home money, things will turn chaotic in that house. Let me use myself as an example. My first two years of marriage was the most peaceful and enjoyable. You know why? My wife wasn't working then. She looks after our child, takes care of the house, cook me good meals such that I started getting fat. Whenever I'm out for work, I always feel like going home to meet my sweet and loving wife. Everything was going peacefully until boom....


I used my own hand find trouble. I helped her get a job. She started with 60K salary, then, things started to change. After a short while, she decided to go into trading. After gathering my savings and obtaining a loan at my place of work. She started something. That was when the 'devil' in her show face.

She started disrespecting me, now, if I talk one, she'll talk five. It got so worse that she comes home around past 10 and you know what that means; no delicious dinner, no hot sex, no conversation or lovey lovey talk because she's very tired. Things got so worse that she doesn't even have time for her kid. She sometimes send the poor child to child on bike without even accompanying her.


We don quarrel tire. Papa talk, mama put mouth, relative settle quarrel, all to no avail. Now, I've applied the greatest gift of all; patience. I no longer let her actions bother me again. Need I even tell you that she doesn't contribute 'shishi' to the running of the house? Yes, you heard me clearly.


Why am I typing this? It's so those of you who are about to get married know the implication of your choice. A woman who does petty trading may not assist you financially, but she'll give you that peace of mind and make the marriage enjoyable. A woman who makes as much as you earn may not afford you that luxury of a peaceful marriage, but one way or the other, she'll assist you financially in running the house. Please and please, let nobody tell me that there's any woman who can contribute financially and still give her best in the marriage. I'm yet to find one.


PS- having accepted my cross, I resorted to giving myself peace through my watching movies, playing playstation, hanging out with my gees and focusing on my job. One woman no fit scatter my head o jere.

Nonsense.

Of all the qualities to find in a wife, it's money that's your major concern.
is that her primary responsibility as a wife?

Why have you decided to shift the goal post as a husband, don't you know the role of a man in the home is to be a provider ? That is your primary role!!!

It's your duty as a man to Provide for the family.
She may be working when you meet her or not but should never be a criteria for finding a wife.

If your plan is for your wife to share your bills in marriage, you have started your marriage on a shaky foundation!

No matter how small/little you make, bro own that shit! own those bills it's your responsibility. if she contributes it should be out of love not mandatory.

Nig--ga Fvk outta here with this bullshii..

Jman06:
If Nigerian women would not want a man who expects them to contribute financially and are okay with the traditional setting whereby the man wins all the bread for the family, then I don't think there's any need wasting resources on training the Nigerian girl child in schools especially universities. It doesn't make any iota of sense to train a girl in the university only for her to end up as a housewife in a man's kitchen!

Ps--- Personally, I even prefer the traditional setting but she has to be completely under my control going by your reasoning above.

Women should contribute financially.
They also have hands and brains for a reason.
Same way men should learn to take care of children, cooking and house chores. They also have hands and brains for a reason.
You cannot be an adult female or male, and be so dependent on another adult like you.
You all should learn to be useful to each other and to the society.
Learn to use those hands and brains. Learn to mop those floors and wash those restrooms, as cleanliness is next to godliness. Learn to make that money baby, otherwise you deserve to starve.

Belafonte:
Sounding daft as always. How can one person be ugly, stupid and bitter at the same time? What kind of misfortune is that one?

.

MrBrownJay1:
IMHO i dont think her income has anything to do with finding a right mate, and instead this should be primarily about the MINDSET of that person. a job is just a tool to "help" you guys have a better life, it aint a necessary foundation to assure anyone of a great union. yes , a lot of women out there are LIABILITIES, but having a job does not solve this issue. there are a lot of LIABILITIES out there that have jobs.

the important question Is: whats important for your family?! a wife with a job (that she could lose a week after wedding) OR a wife with good character (that she can never lose)?! there is a huge difference between a mentally/emotionally broke woman AND a woman who is currently unemployed.

Op said a woman with money. Not a woman who has a job. Go over the post again.

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