₦airaland Forum

MrBrownJay1:
its funny how so many men on this thread are saying that if they find a great woman, educated, intelligent that matches what they are seeking in a mate.... but because she may be unemployed at that point in her life, they will dismiss her as a possible life mate?!?!?!?!?!?

you gotta focus on the foundation of that person, her character, her lifestyle, her being.... and nothing else. anyone can lose a good job.

2buffagain:
1) Is she in school? What course is she in? If she is not in school what is she doing or aiming at? Basically analyze her for potential as she no doubt did you.

2) Eww. Why would I want a house wife?
I would rather she apply herself to other things besides only just child rearing, be it business or an actual career. Keeps her interesting and realistic. We should both be able to come back home and trade stories of our victories and learn from each other, as opposed to just "guess what, Junior pooped on me today".

That can happen for a time, but that cannot be her entire life plan.

Reason is that will become a problem when that child grows up and no longer need her or leaves the house, like they are supposed to. What next for her? She has done nothing else over the years. She used that child as an excuse to not engage her mind in other things.

Also you hardly hear men being honest about this, but There are a lot of men who would end up disrespecting her because she is fully dependent on him for everything. This typically begins after his first financial strain.

This is the point where she starts feeling useless and starts looking for funny ways to find relevance for herself. I would rather spare my wife from that psychological turmoil.

Wifey will understand that, as much as we love our children, they must leave the nest. Her life must continue after they do, so she can't afford to make it all about the children. Even so, God forbid but if something were to happen to him, would it not be better that the woman actually has the capability to keep that family going? Instead of everything going to hell. She would then not even be able to provide for the children who she has made her whole life about.

That aside, nobody is trying to have that many children in this day and age. 2 is fine. _{I can be persuaded to 3, but she would have to convince me hard to get that high.}

CanadaOrBust:
(The guy above me don kolo o)

OP, I agree with you, BUT
1) How do u know her future? (Girls usually marry young)
2) R u sure u want extra money and financially independent wife more than a wife who’d fully take care of the kids and home and be totally financially dependent on u?

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

vital94:
Who else notice that ladies don't comment on this topic.those species are unpredictable.

2buffagain:
As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

2buffagain:
Gentlemen. The reality of living in the 20th century has changed, and so must every notion formed from previous days that no longer hold weight today.

Women are not the only ones who should be asking what you do.
You should also be asking her what she does....and guaging her wifeability from her response.
Nobody likes to suffer...yourself included. So why sign up for a lifetime of every financial request of your immediate family (and possibly both your extended families ) coming to just you alone?

Gone are the days where families survived on one income alone. Those days, houses in Nigeria used to cost #5M or less. These same houses now cost well over #30M.

I can bet your income did not also inflate 6x over the same time.

The reality is that you need a wife who also brings something home, and honestly it should hopefully be around the same (or more God willing) of what you pull in.

This way one person's income can cover the family stuff and the other person's income goes towardssavings/investments/emergencies/joblessness buffering/ etc. Your family will go farther and you can even both retire earlier if this is done right.

Also Naija guys please, have some respect for yourself.
If you meet a girl and she has the mental configuration of always wanting money from you, just know that she is not the one.

As a sister here once said, "A girl who truly likes you, won't ask you for money...unless it's bad and you are her last resort."
Na woman talk am. Believe that sister. Peep that one game from her, and most of you will be alright.

If a girl really likes you, she'll be too busy trying to think of ways to be an asset to your life or impress you...not a taker.

Get you a girl who makes her money with a good source of income and who understands that her income is to be included in plans.

You have been told.
You should be done with your broke girl phase right about now ^{(much like how women should be done with their bad boy stage).}
It does nothing for your life.

NOTE: I am not saying go and marry an idiot because she makes money.... Obviously.
You are still looking for a good wife, who just ALSO happens to be equipped with income and/or good income prospects and drive.

2buffagain:
That man must have seen life

The major thing is that, especially we black people, we are susceptible to the Black tax i.e expenses from extended family members.
The honest feeling is: "I can handle taking care of my parents, but why do I have to still be taking care of hers?"
Especially if they are the type that hungrily went in on you and collected "flenty" money during wedding list matters.

Those expenses for her side should come from her own income.

2buffagain:
1) Is she in school? What course is she in? If she is not in school what is she doing or aiming at? Basically analyze her for potential as she no doubt did you.

2) Eww. Why would I want a house wife?
I would rather she apply herself to other things besides only just child rearing, be it business or an actual career. Keeps her interesting and realistic. We should both be able to come back home and trade stories of our victories and learn from each other, as opposed to just "guess what, Junior pooped on me today".

That can happen for a time, but that cannot be her entire life plan.

Reason is that will become a problem when that child grows up and no longer need her or leaves the house, like they are supposed to. What next for her? She has done nothing else over the years. She used that child as an excuse to not engage her mind in other things.

Also you hardly hear men being honest about this, but There are a lot of men who would end up disrespecting her because she is fully dependent on him for everything. This typically begins after his first financial strain.

This is the point where she starts feeling useless and starts looking for funny ways to find relevance for herself. I would rather spare my wife from that psychological turmoil.

Wifey will understand that, as much as we love our children, they must leave the nest. Her life must continue after they do, so she can't afford to make it all about the children. Even so, God forbid but if something were to happen to him, would it not be better that the woman actually has the capability to keep that family going? Instead of everything going to hell. She would then not even be able to provide for the children who she has made her whole life about.

That aside, nobody is trying to have that many children in this day and age. 2 is fine. _{I can be persuaded to 3, but she would have to convince me hard to get that high.}

Farki:
Must marriage be some sort of fight for dominance?

Some people's egos will not allow them to simply enjoy life.

Genset:
Ladies, please be wise. Nature has accorded everyone their responsibility why alter it? Men are to provide while women nuture and take care of the home. Why do u also want to share a man's responsibility when u know a typical egocentric African man will never take part of your own nature accorded responsibility. Why double ur workload ? A lot of you men on this sites shout down feminism but pick it all up when it suits your purpose . Equal responsibility came up as a result of femininsm. So, u lazy men are enjoying the fruits of feminism. This post just shows that the number of lazy men in this country keeps increasing at an alarming rate. Someone on this thread was even saying it is not allowed for the first wife to be financial dependent but the second, third wife can be . This is simply a case of monkey dey work, babbon they chop. After u must have laboured and become so old, he then out there and picks a physically more appealing wife to shower all your hardwork on . You may even get thrown out of the house because your name was never in the property. I used to ascribe to this gender equality balderdash until i checked and discovered it complete work overload on the African woman and removed myself from such group. I will only take gender equality seriously when i meet a man that wants to go equal in all resoinsibilties. Until then , i continue to sit in my traditional roles of doing this . I hate cheating and i no get strength to over work my self .
My fellow ladies , watch sheraseven 1 on youtube for better understanding . She is the truth. Shalom

Jman06:
If Nigerian women would not want a man who expects them to contribute financially and are okay with the traditional setting whereby the man wins all the bread for the family, then I don't think there's any need wasting resources on training the Nigerian girl child in schools especially universities. It doesn't make any iota of sense to train a girl in the university only for her to end up as a housewife in a man's kitchen!

Ps--- Personally, I even prefer the traditional setting but she has to be completely under my control going by your reasoning above.

Belafonte:
Women who run home businesses or run businesses from home.

RisenPhoenix:
Women are the same worldwide, and bosses are the same worldwide too. I've seen for myself firsthand.

You are only trying to justify your desire to rely on your wife's contribution to what should rightly be your own responsibility.

Yes, I know that it will cause me problems elsewhere, which is why I will always remain in Nigeria despite having dual citizenship. But my view being unpopular among the Western simp culture does not make it wrong.

Kfaaji:
I agree with you op. Before I went for my NYSC there is a married old man in my area that gave me an advice that during NYSC there will always be opportunity but people do fail to see it. That's it's after NYSC people will be realising those opportunities they've missed. I payed careful attention to this warning by making sure I applied for every opportunity coming my way then. Even some that required NYSC certificate and it worked for me. Fast forward to after my NYSC, I went back to thank him for the advice. He now said he'll offer me another one. I said I'm listening He said "[b]never marry a lady that is not earning any income to complement you". He said it's very important I keep to it. The [/b]man must have been talking from experience. Am still holding on to this advice. It's the truth. It's not easy to be taking care of all your immediate family and some of the extended families needs coupled with some unforeseen contingencies during this period. It's a suicidal mission!

chukzyfcbb:
Nonsense.

Of all the qualities to find in a wife, it's money that's your major concern.
is that her primary responsibility as a wife?

Why have you decided to shift the goal post as a husband, don't you know the role of a man in the home is to be a provider ? That is your primary role!!!

It's your duty as a man to Provide for the family.
She may be working when you meet her or not but should never be a criteria for finding a wife.

If your plan is for your wife to share your bills in marriage, you have started your marriage on a shaky foundation!

No matter how small/little you make, bro own that shit! own those bills it's your responsibility. if she contributes it should be out of love not mandatory.

Nig--ga Fvk outta here with this bullshii..

CHoccolaTE:
What are you typing?
Nobody said women shouldn't contribute but men should not be selfish entitled bastards that want women to share Male traditional roles but refuse to cook and clean and relinquish some authority to her.

RisenPhoenix:
No.

A simp is one who is subservient to women, does not understand their manipulations and puts them on a pedestal. One way of doing this is by giving in to the feminist idea of role blurring, which is what your method leads to. If she has to contribute financially, then her work is as important as yours, so you have no moral right to consider yourself as the head of the family, nor can you shirk equbally being responsible for roles that are traditionally hers like child nurture and housework; this is straight out of feminism 101.

Having a financially contributing wife automatically disqualifies you from any respect in marriage. Only pimps and players make money off women and they can only sustain it for a short while, and tend to use fear and addictions more often than game; also it only works on damaged women. An alpha male does not shirk responsibility; ever. He also has too much pride in his abilities to sponge off a mere female. Do you think alphas like Donald Trump, Aliko Dangote or Ned Nwoko for example squabble over who pays the home expenses with their wives?

Chatflick:
Nairaland girls have gone missing. What could be wrong?

CHoccolaTE:
What are you typing?
Nobody said women shouldn't contribute but men should not be selfish entitled bastards that want women to share Male traditional roles but refuse to cook and clean and relinquish some authority to her.