₦airaland Forum

WHY FATHERS ARE NEGLECTED IN OLD AGE.

1. In the lifetime of most Nigerian family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.

2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rest with the father.

3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.

4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.

6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.

7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.

8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.

10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.

11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.

12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.

13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.

14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.

15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.

16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.

17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.

18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.

20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play

21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.

22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humble by force. The gang-up is real.

23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.

24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.

25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.

26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?

27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?

28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife

30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.

ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOUR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DONT LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.

ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER.


Article by Prof. Fred Alasia

Quite insightful

But if u see any home where the children despise their father, it will often be because the mother thought them to do so. Women often play victims but they are very cunning and manipulative. A woman can rape or assault a man and police will still arrest the man for the assault

father wen no father well dat one will be abandoned in his old age

Some of the time the father is somehow strict to guide children from being irresponsible, protect the family against misfortunes and build wealth for the greater good of all. The father's actions are most times misconstrue to mean maltreatment by the wife and the influenced children.

You see a man very hardworking catering for his family by giving them the best of life and you still go ahead to gang up against him. That is wickedness.

Iyabo Obasanjo once claimed she has never enjoyed anything good from her father. You can imagine the outburst. And this is somebody that was trained up to Phd level and became a senator.

Note that a lot of men are irresponsible and will rather let pleasure of life take the place of their family.

God pls make me a better father

This is so correct. I like that part of co victims, I think it is the missing link of what I have always imagined.
The tyrant aspect of the father is usually so that they do not become wayward in life yet it is used against them.

So what is the solution then? Watch your home be in disarray because you are afraid to lose the love of your kids? Or just marry a new wife in old age?

Godsonx2012:
WHY FATHERS ARE NEGLECTED IN OLD AGE.

1. In the lifetime of most Nigerian family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.

2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rest with the father.

3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.

4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.

6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.

7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.

8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.

10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.

11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.

12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.

13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.

14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.

15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.

16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.

17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.

18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.

20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play

21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.

22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humble by force. The gang-up is real.

23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.

24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.

25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.

26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?

27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?

28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife

30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.

ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOUR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DONT LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.

ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER.


Article by Prof. Fred Alasia

No matter how father well as the case maybe this is fucking real, but the way out is always make sure you have financial investment at your disposal at that age. just plan well.

If you like father well if everything the poster pointed out are there the outcome he showcase are bound to happen.

dollytino4real:
father wen no father well dat one will be abandoned in his old age

This neglect only happens middle class men ,have you seen DJ cuppy neglecting Otedola

Children like the average human being are very self centered and only lean to where they can gain something and from the father it's usually money and then they mother they gain emotional support by the time most middle class men are in their 50s they lose their ability to make revenue ( which was tied to their youth, they traded their youth for salary) and the kids who have started earning then don't really need them but stiill the emotional guidance the mother offers ...I have seen some father being able to break that trend by trying to very emotionally available for their kids and advise most middle class men to do so ...Most upper class men will have finance at old age , e.g Dangote , Adenuga and so their kids will not neglect them

ojesymsym:
This is so correct. I like that part of co victims, I think it is the missing link of what I have always imagined.
The tyrant aspect of the father is usually so that they do not become wayward in life yet it is used against them.

So what is the solution then? Watch your home be in disarray because you are afraid to lose the love of your kids? Or just marry a new wife in old age?

The best option is by using the stick and carrot � method to discipline your children .While you are strict in discipline them with your right hand ,you should also remember to draw them closer with ur left hand to explain why they were disciplined .From time to time fathers should have one on one discussion with their children especially when they are troubled with their academics work in school and coping with self esteem issues . If you are both hot and cold ur children will definately have a bond with u.

You are right, maybe we over do it sometimes but many father's I know do it with the best of intentions, some mothers though deliberately turn their kids against their dad.

omoharry:
The best option is by using the stick and carrot � method to discipline your children .While you are strict in discipline them with your right hand ,you should also remember to draw them closer with ur left hand to explain why they were disciplined .From time to time fathers should have one on one discussion with their children especially when they are troubled with their academics work in school and coping with self esteem issues . If you are both hot and cold ur children will definately have a bond with u.

Not sure this is even up to 40% correct. Many of the kids from these homes turn out very wayward and entitled to the extent of becoming a liability to their parents.

GamalNasser:
This neglect only happens middle class men ,have you seen DJ cuppy neglecting Otedola

Children like the average human being are very self centered and only lean to where they can gain something and from the father it's usually money and then they mother they gain emotional support by the time most middle class men are in their 50s they lose their ability to make revenue ( which was tied to their youth, they traded their youth for salary) and the kids who have started earning then don't really need them but stiill the emotional guidance the mother offers ...I have seen some father being able to break that trend by trying to very emotionally available for their kids and advise most middle class men to do so ...Most upper class men will have finance at old age , e.g Dangote , Adenuga and so their kids will not neglect them

One sided research

ojesymsym:
Not sure this is even up to 40% correct. Many of the kids from these homes turn out very wayward and entitled to the extent of becoming a liability to their parents.

From which homes ? Middle class or rich ? Well my post wasn't about how the kids turnout but why they neglect their fathers at some point in preference for the mother

blackpanda:
Quite insightful

But if u see any home where the children despise their father, it will often be because the mother thought them to do so. Women often play victims but they are very cunning and manipulative. A woman can rape or assault a man and police will still arrest the man for the assault

You have well organized social order above your shoulders.

Rich homes. Okay, maybe I veered off to another topic. Even then I think it is even worse on such rich homes because such father's are likely to be more busy than a middle class home and likely to be just ATM or financial dad's, the difference will be that he would never loose his financial power and have to depend on the kids for his upkeep, but as for his emotional connection with the kids, mothers still seem to have the upper edge in many homes.

GamalNasser:
From which homes ? Middle class or rich ? Well my post wasn't about how the kids turnout but why they neglect their fathers at some point in preference for the mother