₦airaland Forum

Confusedwomsn:
No, he was very good and loving. He was my best friend and lover

bukatyne:
So what do you think changed?

bukatyne:
So what do you think changed?

Confusedwomsn:
Yeah.. Thank you
I'm in my house I paid rent for, so where do you want me to go to, I wish I can give you his number so you can tell him I'm manipulative and he should leave and maybe I'll be at peace.

I created this thread not just to criticize my husband but to see where and what I did wrong, so I can fix my home.

If I cared this just so you all can abuse him how does it create Peace in my home.

I stayed clearly his bad traits and mine and his good yes traits and mine.

No constructive criticism except to blame.

Explain in clear terms how I manipulated s 3oyesrs old man, so I'll learn. I'm no victim, I have my faults too.

Confusedwomsn:
He said I don't respect him and truthfully I don't.

I find it difficult to respect him because he does not play his role, I told him this.
Our rent is due and we agreed this year he will do rent and children school fees,
My children had to stay back from school because fees were not paid last term on time.
Now our landlord has come twice to ask for rent, I've asked him how much he has so I'll contribute but he said I should leave him alone, I know I may end up paying the rent because I hate embarrassment.
I know its no excuse to not respect him but this his attitude makes it difficult for me.

Confusedwomsn:
He said I don't respect him and truthfully I don't.

I find it difficult to respect him because he does not play his role, I told him this.
Our rent is due and we agreed this year he will do rent and children school fees,
My children had to stay back from school because fees were not paid last term on time.
Now our landlord has come twice to ask for rent, I've asked him how much he has so I'll contribute but he said I should leave him alone, I know I may end up paying the rent because I hate embarrassment.
I know its no excuse to not respect him but this his attitude makes it difficult for me.

freecocoahubby:
Shut the fvck up!

You are no Christian and there's nothing godly about you.

What Christian woman results to curses the minute they feel offended? It's your type that maltreat and even kill housemaids and then lift up holy hands in church on Sunday. Audio sister mary. Oponu!

This is why you've been cursed with the miserable marriage you found yourself in

freecocoahubby:
I doubt this.

OP is rotten to the core and can NEVER have a happy ending with this disgusting attitude of hers.

Confusedwomsn:
He said I don't respect him and truthfully I don't.

I find it difficult to respect him because he does not play his role, I told him this.
Our rent is due and we agreed this year he will do rent and children school fees,
My children had to stay back from school because fees were not paid last term on time.
Now our landlord has come twice to ask for rent, I've asked him how much he has so I'll contribute but he said I should leave him alone, I know I may end up paying the rent because I hate embarrassment.
I know its no excuse to not respect him but this his attitude makes it difficult for me.

crackkhaus:
- Class is now in session -
Please have your pen & paper ready...

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM 101

- Both of you are terrible... you are no saint and he ain't no pope either.
- Both of you are abusive to each other.
- You want to get pregnant again by the same man who has been bashing your head in, and landing you in the hospital as you claim - so while he is a monster, you are a psycho.
- He has told you to go sleep with another man/men if you want to... he clearly does not care about you or what you do with your vagîna.
- He earns more income than you do, but does not contribute anything to the house despite. Apparently, you pay the house rent (you just added this now) and you also handle every other thing.
- Your own family have wondered and asked why you are still with him.

Confusedwomsn:
He said I don't respect him and truthfully I don't.

I find it difficult to respect him because he does not play his role, I told him this.
Our rent is due and we agreed this year he will do rent and children school fees,
My children had to stay back from school because fees were not paid last term on time.
Now our landlord has come twice to ask for rent, I've asked him how much he has so I'll contribute but he said I should leave him alone, I know I may end up paying the rent because I hate embarrassment.
I know its no excuse to not respect him but this his attitude makes it difficult for me.

worworbabe:
Many people have advised you already but I will still add my own.

From what you have described so far, you have shown this man that you have no where to go and that you will do anything to keep him. He is not going to change. He hurts you physically and emotionally and you are begging for his attention, you spend 80% on the house, etc. You are enabling his bad behaviour. You wanted to leave and he started to act nicely.

See, he knows your worth. Unfortuanately, you don't know your worth and things won't change until you change them.

You care about what people will say, are those people suffering with you? In the next 20yrs, would it matter what anyone's thought of you is? No. It won't cos everyone has been busy living their own lives and will continue to.

You also think you are staying for your child but that's a big lie you are telling yourself. You are doing that child a disservice by bringing him up in such an environment. He might eventually grow up to lack respect for you or even resent you for some of the things you wrote here.


For your sake and for your child's sake, leave that man. You deserve better. I know you are afraid of what will happen to you as a single woman. Ok. tell me, what are you gaining right now? The 80% money you are spending to feed him probably could have bought you a piece of land somewhere. Look at other women who took brave decisions and learn from them. If Meghan Markle didn't leave her former marriage, could she have met the prince?

Think deeply and speak to your feet.

tabithababy:
.

Wake up

you want to pay rent again This your problem no go get solution.

Dont pay any rent.. let thé landlord throw both of you out. And see if he Wont pay the rent

thé truth is you are taking your husband rôle, why Wont he disrespect you You are paying house rent for à man to live with you..

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you so much.

I had s long discussion with him about our issues last night and I must confess that I do agree with most points you said.

He said I made him this way, that I made him lose focus for his life and become lazy and s pastor told him I have negative spirit. That he has checked out and I irritate him. That he is not succeeding but I am succeeding that I should search myself.
I then asked if he wants to separate and he first said he is not sure and when I said he should decide he said yes.
I've accepted that we are no more together and I have to move on, his cousins are currently staying with us, so I want to share the foodstuffs and toiletries St home because Ill only be responsible for my child and ward.
I'm no more going to cook or be responsible for everyone. We are now officially roommates until we sort out our accommodation.
I know it will end in praise

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you so much.

I had s long discussion with him about our issues last night and I must confess that I do agree with most points you said.

He said I made him this way, that I made him lose focus for his life and become lazy and s pastor told him I have negative spirit. That he has checked out and I irritate him. That he is not succeeding but I am succeeding that I should search myself.
I then asked if he wants to separate and he first said he is not sure and when I said he should decide he said yes.
I've accepted that we are no more together and I have to move on, his cousins are currently staying with us, so I want to share the foodstuffs and toiletries St home because Ill only be responsible for my child and ward.
I'm no more going to cook or be responsible for everyone. We are now officially roommates until we sort out our accommodation.
I know it will end in praise

Confusedwomsn:
He is very good with our child, play with him sndvcuddle and laugh, I don't want to deny my snap those loving moments that's why I stay. We don't have sex unless I cry and beg before he will, I'm not even interested in the sex anymore because how can I be crying and begging for sex, I know I'm not ugly because I have admirers so many, it's by Godswill I've not cheated on him because I've been neglected and abused and I have the fear of God. Now Im dead to sex because I can't keep begging for it. So I keep myself very busy to avoid the feeling. It's not been easy but what can I ssy

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you so much.

I had s long discussion with him about our issues last night and I must confess that I do agree with most points you said.

He said I made him this way, that I made him lose focus for his life and become lazy and s pastor told him I have negative spirit. That he has checked out and I irritate him. That he is not succeeding but I am succeeding that I should search myself.
I then asked if he wants to separate and he first said he is not sure and when I said he should decide he said yes.
I've accepted that we are no more together and I have to move on, his cousins are currently staying with us, so I want to share the foodstuffs and toiletries St home because Ill only be responsible for my child and ward.
I'm no more going to cook or be responsible for everyone. We are now officially roommates until we sort out our accommodation.
I know it will end in praise

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you so much.

I had s long discussion with him about our issues last night and I must confess that I do agree with most points you said.

He said I made him this way, that I made him lose focus for his life and become lazy and s pastor told him I have negative spirit. That he has checked out and I irritate him. That he is not succeeding but I am succeeding that I should search myself.
I then asked if he wants to separate and he first said he is not sure and when I said he should decide he said yes.
I've accepted that we are no more together and I have to move on, his cousins are currently staying with us, so I want to share the foodstuffs and toiletries St home because Ill only be responsible for my child and ward.
I'm no more going to cook or be responsible for everyone. We are now officially roommates until we sort out our accommodation.
I know it will end in praise

Nitah1:
Yes,you have negative spirit.....because you contribute financially you want him to bow for you.
You even insult him by calling him slow.
You even want him to wash his clothes himself,is he ur husband or boyfriend?
Imagine you..that he doesn't do any house chores....oh lord Jesus,rescue this man from this woman.
I help my wife do everything,not by force..i wash my clothes even though she's against it.



Learn to respect a man if not.....

Graxie:
Why are you helping your wife to do house chores even when she is opposing it?

Nitah1:
coz i love her and i decided to help.

Graxie:
Yet the op is a bad woman for asking for love and help. I thought it's only boy friend that is supposed to wash his clothes according to your comment.

Confusedwomsn:
I got married about five years ago to my friend becsuse I got pregnant...
We were really good friends, infsct best friends and I shared everything with him, I told him everything. While dating I was sick and diagnosed with ovarian cyst and I got to know that I may find it difficult to get pregnant. Stupid me confided in him that Im scarred I may not be able to get pregnant and we should try. And then I got pregnant and I was like okay fine what's the big deal we are both working and in love, let's get married and have the child but he said I should abort the baby.
I told him no but if he does not want to get married to me fine. So many bullshit later, we got married and it's been hell.
I have endured every bullshit possible beatings, neglect, insults and all that. But I have not been innocent too I've been abusive too.
If you ask me I'll say he provoked me but if you ask him he'll say I provoked him.

He says I don't respect him but I tell him he can't force me to respect him, he has to earn it.
For example, he does not do any housechore , no not even one although I don't really care much because I have someone thst helps me out but I've asked him to take care of his clothes which he does not, scatters his clothes like s child and just wants to sit and press his phone all day then hang out.
We both work and he earns better right now, but I'm 80oercent provide for the upkeep for our home, 99oercent of the furniture and appliances in our home was bought by me. He constantly accuse me of cheating when I don't go anywhere at all, I go to work, my shop and straight back home. He keeps late night and comes back to call me s prostitute and I'm like I sit at home but you go out but somehow I'm the prostitute.
When I'm angry I insult him so much and then he hits me, I insult him because I'm frustrated.
I go out there hustle so hard but I'm been ridiculed..

I told him let's have one more child to make it two but he said no that he is notsure , he is never sure about anything, very slow. I still want to have one more child with him because I want all my kids to have one Father but he says his not ready. When will you be ready, he does not know...

My family thinks I'm crazy to still be with him but I don't want my son to grow from s broken home, I don't want my kids to have different fathers, I actually still do love him and although it may be foolish of me, I somehow believe he will change.
I've prayed, cried, fasted but there is absolutely no difference. People tell me I this is how cross river men are but for how long will I continue, he is seven years older than me but behaves like s child with no future plan. I really confused and sincerely tired.

Nitah1:
Madam park well pls....my wife never expect me to do it as the op to her husband ok.
How can u ask your husband to wash his clothes cos you guys are having issues in marriage?
Because the man cannot bend,the wife too remains adamant,between the two who do you think ought to b more submissive ?
Look,your friend isva terrible woman,you cannot compete with man in marriage ok...this is Africa.

Graxie:
You are already shouting because your hypocrisy is oozing. I don't need to descend low like you in your assumptions. You jumped into this thread, crucifying the op, claiming it's boyfriend that washes his clothes yet in your house, you are that slave you are claiming the op wants to turn her husband to. You do it happily because according to you, you love your wife. I truly pity those who go to you for counsel. I am very sure your wife is also perfect.

Nitah1:
Look at you,did you sleep at home last night at all,when have you become op spokesperson?
Where in my comment i said is a boyfriend that washes his clothes?
I said you can not ask you husband to wash his cloths as if he is your boyfriend.
And just as you know,my wife is perfect.....she cannot ask me to wash my cloths,she cannot come online to call me slow,she cannot come online to advertise her self how she takes care of everything at home and axpect me to worship her...that's what your friend does.
Just you know,you jump in here cos i never quotes you anywhere,i quoted the op but since you has a running tap called mouth and a very bad upbringing,you don't know how to maintain your lane.



Passing shot��,my wife never imposed pregnancy on me as yardstick to keep her as wife.



Go get a life.



Respect your man or get ready to move like herdsman.

freecocoahubby:
Which worth? I don't think you are worth much tbh and that's why you found yourself in a toxic situation.

You're already damaged goods and no man will marry you after you divorce this your "friend".. you know why? because:
1. Your attitude stinks.
2. You are so dumb and insecure that you brought an innocent soul into this world with a man you were not in a relationship with, just to prove something to yourself
3. You come with extra baggage (yes this kid you bore for your "friend" is extra baggage for any quality bachelor out there).

So, instead of disturbing us on Nairaland, why not get up and leave the marriage since you don't "need" him. You rude, uncouth thing! Now that you've proven to your pathetic self that you can have a child, take your child and leave!

Nitah1:
May God bless you,have told her same here.....she's not wife material,too rude and disrespectful to be a wife.

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you so much.

Confusedwomsn:
Thank you and your opinion has been noted.

Just a simple question, would you wish your daughter to be the breadwinner of s home were the man is not jobless and earns better thsn her and also be burden with all the responsibilities of the home.

How can s grown man in this century be trapped into marriage with pregnancy, there are thousands of baby msms out there.

I'm a terrible woman and human being, what is stopping him from leaving.