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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. (10413 Views)
I can't keep quite anymore. Please help me / Why Are People Not Respecting The Sanctity Of Marriage Anymore? / I Just Ended My Marriage! Single Mum I Married Still Contacts Her Ex Regularly (2) (3) (4)
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Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Mariangeles(f): 8:12am On May 09, 2020 |
crackkhaus: 3 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Romanoff(f): 8:13am On May 09, 2020 |
Confusedwomsn: No one is born again if they are still fornicating. Only a pretender would be raising up holy hands in the choir stand and be living a life contrary to the scriptures. The Bible says "if the foundation be destroyed, what will the righteous do?" I believe you both need to trace your steps back to God. Put Him in the centre of your marriage. Seek counselling from older couples in your church and maybe involve your pastors in the counselling sessions. Marital crisis are not a war you fight physically and with insults. It is a war you fight with wisdom and on your knees. God help you sis. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Richy4(m): 8:13am On May 09, 2020 |
Confusedwomsn: Oh God!!! You really do need a therapist ASAP. I thought that it was a minor issue but your reasoning makes me wonder if u were up to 23yrs... So the fact that your parents still maintain their relationship and your siblings is still married made u seem to be a failure if u dissolve your relationship right? Look it doesn't work that way. What matters is your happiness and what you wanted in life... putting others too into consideration... Both of you needs couple therapy... And FYI, u can't bring another kid into a toxic environment. Work out your issues first.. 5 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Omar09(m): 8:49am On May 09, 2020 |
Confusedwomsn: Really if you are tired of him, you don't have to put up with excesses, give him a break and leave him, that's if what you pointed out is true. But I wanna ask, were you the one who forced him into this marriage? Cause with the look of things, it seems you are the one. |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Ybaby: 8:52am On May 09, 2020 |
Confusedwomsn: I see you trying. Well done sis. Read books on the Male and female energy so that you can be the woman and he will be the man. For him to have a good paying job - means he is a man and responsible too. Let him be that man for you, talk to him as you will take to your boss but with cleavage and bumshort. Give him food like a king, he should have a special plate, cup, chair etc and just stroke his ego at every chance. It will take time for him to genuinely trust you again o because too much damage but if you want him - keep at it. If he is trying to provoke you start crying and take on the damsel in distress mode rather than the witch mode. If you must abuse him say things like just because you are bigger and stronger and richer than me you want to be cheating me ... it is not fair. Stop buying things in the house, ask him nicely so that he too will have property in the house -making it harder for him to check out Stop that nonsense of competing with him- you are not a man. Act a little helpless and need that man. Send sweet text messages. Let him know you can not afford to lose him. Stop making him feel he is just there to help you make babies. No baby talk at all... if you use your female wiles well he will be the one to fcccuuk you into pregnancy. Love is very powerful. Use it. You have a man who has a good job. That is 80% About house chores, it is men who have no finance power that are forced to do house chores or in the abroad where they have no help. Cover his weakness of untidyness with your tidiness. Some other woman will take that man in and he will be for her everything you have been dying for him to be for you because she will string his guitar properly. What you will gain- a man that works as a machine for you so you dont age quickly, a man that adores you back. You are equal but he is the head. Treat him that way geniunely for 6months straight. PS this advice is not for women with men who are not financial capable o. Give those ones a broom and mop o. Let them sweep the whole street. Thanks 5 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by OsuIgboIpob: 9:02am On May 09, 2020 |
Confusedwomsn:Women and stubborn stupîdity. It baffles me how you people want to compete with someone you can never win... As long as a guy has small change in his pocket, good-looking and healthy, he'll always have the advantage. You people have the key to getting what you want but just to pay small sacrifice (humble, obedience and sacrifice), you don't want to ever do it. You want to be treated like a queen but can not treat someone like a king. You know what you want and you have the key and power to get it. JUST HUMBLE YOURSELF FOR SOMETIME! When get what you want then you can continue your madness if you love Chao more than peace. 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Eazie351(m): 9:09am On May 09, 2020 |
first of all, try to be humble for 2 months at least. |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by padi94(m): 9:33am On May 09, 2020 |
Madam from your story, you have two children already... don't thank me, count again but this time based on their habits 4 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Confusedwomsn: 9:45am On May 09, 2020 |
Thank you all. I'm reading and I totally appreciate. I know I have to learn how to be humble but trust me it's easy to lie and say I can or I will but. It's not. Wwe had no settee when we got married and I was like let's work on this it will be nice, he said okay but no real plans to do, I had to save and get it. The same with the generator, our television, our sir conditioner, our fans, even stabilizer, even extensions. Our gas cylinder was stolen but I had to replace it, I do sell these with joy because I want to make my home comfortable but when I see men struggle to put their home together I feel jealous, my mom said I should stop buying properties but I can't, how will I see something that is good for my home and not do it. I've calmly asked him why he does not think about providing these things for us. Even when these things get bad, he will ignore not until I quarrels and shout or report to people before he will grudgingly do it. I'll try to be humble but trust me it's not easy, I told him just play your role small and I will worship you because with all I'm going true it's difficult because I'll just pretend and be cursing you in my mind. When I hustle and save to get these things, I'm never appreciated. I'm not boasting but I just felt like explaining how I truly feel... 4 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Nobody: 9:54am On May 09, 2020 |
Dude is obviously too young or not yet ready to get married but you coerced him with pregnancy, still your abusive and nagging mouth won't let him round off his adolescent life in peace by not letting him drink small stout and keep cup. Well, all you can do is to wait for him to grow up or you take a hike. 3 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by nautybride: 10:01am On May 09, 2020 |
Fake story! Or the poster is mentally derailed? |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Kingarthur21: 10:05am On May 09, 2020 |
crackkhaus:If a man marries a lady he doesn't love,she will suffer...that is why it is best for a man to act at will. I have never seen a marriage that came about because the man was guilt-tripped or pressured into marrying a lady that is sweet. A woman can manage a man that she doesn't love as long he treats her well,but no matter what a lady does for a man that doesn't love her, she will still shed tears 8 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Confusedwomsn: 10:07am On May 09, 2020 |
nautybride:Why do you say so, this is my true life experience |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Ishilove: 10:08am On May 09, 2020 |
*sigh It is well o. That is all one can say now. It is well |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by nautybride: 10:17am On May 09, 2020 |
Confusedwomsn:Sorry, the way you wrote your story bit by bit won't make one give the right advise. I am sorry if it hurts. |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by crackkhaus: 10:24am On May 09, 2020 |
Kingarthur21:She has gotten used to forcing things on him - first pregnancy, then marriage. Now it's love and affection she wants to force out of him. 11 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Vloml222(f): 10:25am On May 09, 2020 |
@confusedwoman!Well theres alot of mistake been done already.my best advice is to talk to a marriage counselor not even ur pastor.most times it's always not rosy but as far my concern your condition dont need too much stress and all the anxiety.. And having another kid isnt a bad idea but dont you think you are rushing things ,even if your husband loves you ,ofwhich I think he does, your act shows him you are just been selfish, and care alone of your feelings and wants. Have you thought about how hes feeling?and coping with the fact that one day he might just lose you. Dear OP! This man loves you, how many men will learn you have such a disease that has no cure,then go ahead and impregnate you and then marry you,and one day if a miracle dont happen ,he becomes a widower with a burden of raising his kids alone.pls be considerate and work on yourself ,live the best moments with him and ur kid,respect him,love him like never before,spend time with him,give him that beautiful memory. |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Vloml222(f): 10:28am On May 09, 2020 |
@confusedwoman!Well theres alot of mistake been done already.my best advice is to talk to a marriage counselor not even ur pastor.most times it's always not rosy but as far my concern your condition dont need too much stress and all the anxiety.. And having another kid isnt a bad idea but dont you think you are rushing things ,even if your husband loves you ,ofwhich I think he does, your act shows him you are just been selfish, and care alone of your feelings and wants. Have you thought about how hes feeling?and coping with the fact that one day he might just lose you. Dear OP! This man loves you, how many men will learn you have such a disease that has no cure,then go ahead and impregnate you and then marry you,and one day if a miracle dont happen ,he becomes a widower with a burden of raising his kids alone.pls be considerate and work on yourself ,live the best moments with him and ur kid,respect him,love him like never before,spend time with him,give him that beautiful memory. I hope you grab from this little I can let out. 1 Like |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Mbcastrol(m): 10:34am On May 09, 2020 |
madam stop nagging that guy to death, he loves u for sure but your emotions are everywhere. Men cry too, stop talking too much and listen. 1 Like |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Confusedwomsn: 10:34am On May 09, 2020 |
Vloml222: Thank you but I'm not dying ooøo my phone is really not good... Was never diagnosed of cancer... Just saw it. It's s typo 2 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Olunmercy56(f): 10:36am On May 09, 2020 |
Don't you have a family of your own? Why being frustrated in your home Just make sure you don't die of depression |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Uneed2talk: 10:48am On May 09, 2020 |
Confusedwomsn:You said he was your friend and lovely but you didn't know him. I see you were too blinded by love. That someone is a good friend doesn't mean he/she is good for marriage. You were looking at he is a church choir member, gist with you and nonsense. Was he not also not unserious about life generally then? Was he the one doing house chores then? I bet you also shouldered the bulk financial responsibilities in the name of he didn't have much. Look, you lived your life with too much fear and Landed into a bigger problem. Now you are continuing with more fearful living. If you had sense then you would have asked him to marry you first since you claimed he was perfect and all but you asked for pregnancy first because you knew the implication of waiting for marriage from an unserious someon like him. Now you want to have all your children from him not minding he can beat out that womb you want to use or that you can deprive your child of a mother by the time he kills you because you so wanted to give him a father. Only one child you are frustrated already and you are decieving yourself that when it's two you won't send him when I can see that your frustrations will double and you will provoke him to main or kill you. That dude is not ready for marriage life, he is feeling you may have rushed him to make mistake and yet keeping you in case he is the one wrong. He is both eating his cake and having it because you gave him yours. He is living his life, you are wasting yours. You are nearly dead to sex, next you would be dead to your senses that tells you something is not wrong with you for asking for things to be done right. They are already telling you to swallow every shiit he gives you, then you will only see shiit as good eventually. Separate from him and let him decided if he wants you this time but no you want to die there. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Nobody: 10:59am On May 09, 2020 |
Well change yourself first...be the sweet romatic lady he once know.Stop the nagging,stop the insult,get a house help if you have to.Just erase his bullshit and start seeing him for what you want him to be,try and be respectful. "Honey can you please pick up your shirt and put it in the right place" 1 Like |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by CAPSLOCKED: 11:12am On May 09, 2020 |
crackkhaus: YOU FORGOT TO ADD THAT THEIR FRIENDSHIP IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS FORCED? ONLY FEW DOCILE MEN TRULY WANT JUST FRIENDSHIP WITH WOMEN. MOST MEN JUST PLAY ALONG WITH THE FRIENDSHIP THING EITHER OUT OF PITY, OR FOR A CHANCE TO GET LAID IN THE FUTURE. 3 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Calabar1stSon: 11:12am On May 09, 2020 |
All of una for front page including the OP dey crase... How una go dey type long notes when no be textbook or even handouts... Mtcheeewwwww [img]http:///media/12-24-2016/E1c7QP.gif[/img] |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by LadySarah: 11:18am On May 09, 2020 |
Ndi marry your friend pls come and advice her. There is no two yardsticks for marriage. Her friend has turned to her headache. Confusedwoman, be grateful you have one already and face front. Do you want two children who are motherless being thrown around homes or being maltreated by your "friend's " new wife. It may seem you are marrying yourself. 3 Likes |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Moneystopnonsen: 11:18am On May 09, 2020 |
All I see here is a woman who out of her desperation took advantage of a friend who cared so much for her. 1) you lured him to sleep with you in a bid to check if you will get pregnant, he barely resisted. 2) you got pregnant and moved the topic to marriage, dude did a lot of fighting with his mind and decided to marry you, because he still had that soft spot of not to hurt a friend. 3) you entered marriage and started been verbally abusive, how can you constantly do that to a man and expect love in return. This is the mistake most women make and until you are punished to the extreme you never learn. 4) your family is even suprised you are still with him, meaning you have sold him to ur family and rubbished his image because you have no value for him. You no try 5) its a good thing he still dots on his kid, he has transfered all his love to his kid, he also cares about the child's sanity so he is not planning to leave you. 6) you deserve the sexual torture you are getting now, sex comes with a lot of happy alignment from the heart. How can you allow a baby, a man u see as a baby to climb you. And am sure you have told him to his face that he acts like a baby. My advice. 1)Retrace your steps and control your mouth. 2) stop been abusive verbally to your husband. Control your mouth and learn to be tolerant as if you seek change, then be ready to endure. 3) then never take ur house matter to your family again, and just know that u have spoilt the relationship between ur hubby and family and it will take a whole long while to have it rebuilt. 4) reduce the level you interact with ur family members especially when hubby is around, let all the time be for him, even if he won't value it at first. Do those small small things that you think doesn't count. It will go a long way 5) na u Sabi ur husband pass us. Name advice you give urself go work pass. Cheers. Been down this road. [quote author=Confusedwomsn post=89344567] 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Kingarthur21: 11:34am On May 09, 2020 |
CAPSLOCKED:wrong! You are implying that men can not have female friends he doesn't harbor thoughts of sleeping with later on or dating?that is not true |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Confusedwomsn: 11:45am On May 09, 2020 |
Thank you so much for everything.. We just had s deep talk about everything and we have decided on s separation and maybe s divorce later on... Thank you 1 Like |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by Confusedwomsn: 11:46am On May 09, 2020 |
Thank you all.. |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by cococandy(f): 11:56am On May 09, 2020 |
Are you married to semi-child who has no ability to make decisions for himself?. You forced everything on him. Where was his brain when you were doing all the forcing? No accountability for his own choices? If that’s the case, the definite course of the relationship also depends on what next you’re able to force him to do. Ask yourself if your child benefits more from being in that home or will your child benefit more if both of you are apart and not at risk of liking each other. That’s if your child is truly your excuse for still being with him. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Just Don't Understand My Marriage Anymore... Please Help.. by patani(m): 12:01pm On May 09, 2020 |
Confusedwomsn: Do you know what they call submission in marriage? I am not sure... Submission can turn any beast of a man to the mumuest man you can imagine... You are telling your husband to wash his cloths and u expect him to behave like Norman husband? You are a jocker... I am not boasting or anything but I have one of the best home or marriage I av seen anywhere.. The truth is, I am an idiot n rude individual... But the level of humility n respect my wife have for me? I will never ever treat her bad cos even eternity will not forgive me... It's a woman that makes a home.. If u expect him to respect you first trust me ur in it for a shock.. Just telling u a fact.. Anyone can have thier own 'modern' view which has proved to be fatal to marriages and homes nowaways anyways.. That thier problem. My kne kobo 3 Likes 1 Share |
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