crackland:

Jhenny:

He should rent a house for the sister and she has a husband. With all the help he rendered, na still insult end am. Somebody you will beat like say she wan die. Nonsense

Reading OP's post is just making me angry.

I love my family, you cannot afford to be stupid.

Sixfeetbelle:




Why are my being scolded? Especially after I added a disclaimer?

Alright, Mr Sensible, what would you advise Op?

Sixfeetbelle:


You may find my advise somewhat uncomfortable, but if you pick a thing or two from it, then I'm glad I could help.

Can you comfortably rent a self contained/two bedroom for your sister for a year? If so, call your sister and rent one for her, so that their load can leave your place. Make sure the house is in another state so they can minimise communication with you. After that, call a family meeting with your parents and her in attendance. Tell them the paid rent is all you have capability for and once it expires, you won't give them any kobo ever again. Insist she find something doing within that time frame or consider being blacklisted by you forever; more like giving her an ultimatum. You need to make your stand clear for people to respect your opinion. That's how my brother behaves.

Why I advised the rent is so that it won't be as if you abandoned your family at the hour of their need. And with them gone, you and your fiancée can now focus on each other.

elektra:
Oga,

You already know the solution to your problem but you are not willing act on it. Even if we talk on nairaland from today till tomorrow, so will still not act until you are ready.

But for now, start practicing how to say NO. Use mirror, look yourself in the eye, say NO and maintain eye contact. Practice many times. NO, NO, NO!
NO is a complete sentence, no need for further explanation. And Nigerians need to learn how to say NO, especially to their family members.

When you are ready to take action. Give your sister date that her load will be taken out of your house (I recommend short time interval like 2 weeks). She will shout and complain and insult. Just keep saying NO. Any further requests to assist them in a way that impedes your own progress, what will you say? NO.
When the 2 weeks reach, what will you do? You will not chicken out. Repeat after me, I WILL NOT CHICKEN OUT. If you like, chicken out. You will continue to live with load someone else’s load.

From your story it appears your parents are also contributing to this menace. You can use this experience to learn more on how to deal with narcissistic, parasitic, Oliver-twistic and choosing-beggar family members.

eyinjuege:


He was barely able to pay his own rent for a room and parlour.
It will be wicked to put the responsibility of renting a 2 bed for the sister when he is barely surviving.
Unless we want him to go and carry gun to please them.
She should move in with their parents, and bone what people will say. I'm sure she is always welcome there, at least till things pick up for her family.

Sixfeetbelle:


You may find my advise somewhat uncomfortable, but if you pick a thing or two from it, then I'm glad I could help.

Can you comfortably rent a self contained/two bedroom for your sister for a year? If so, call your sister and rent one for her, so that their load can leave your place. Make sure the house is in another state so they can minimise communication with you. After that, call a family meeting with your parents and her in attendance. Tell them the paid rent is all you have capability for and once it expires, you won't give them any kobo ever again. Insist she find something doing within that time frame or consider being blacklisted by you forever; more like giving her an ultimatum. You need to make your stand clear for people to respect your opinion. That's how my brother behaves.

Why I advised the rent is so that it won't be as if you abandoned your family at the hour of their need. And with them gone, you and your fiancée can now focus on each other.

Just4test:

For now,i can"t afford the rent.But with time i can still do that for them.

If i am to do that i will need some time,but not now presently but i need to create a space for my integrity

Just4test:
Please i would like to take some minutes from your busy schedule to explain to you all i really have to say.

I know this section is filled with married men and women.You might have come across this issue before or about to,i really need a very good advice...I am very sorry,this will be lenghty.

My current age 30 years old man,left my parent's house when i was 24.I currently live alone but i have a fiance about to get married soon.

The issue on ground is about my family,I have a younger sister.She got married last 3years..and moved into a new apartment with her husband.
Ever since she got married have not been having peace due to the financial state of her husband.I really don't know what happened all she told me was it was this and that..

I have sent hundreds of thousands for her to keep for my parent,Her and her husband spent the whole money without proper documentation.

Last 2 years,she gave birth and one way or the other i and my parent cater for all the needs..she had to bring the baby to my place for about a month since they believe the house was evil..This i never believed but i accepted in good fate.

Sometimes,she would just wake up one morning and tell her husband she is coming to my place?for what?
This kept on happening ,until last year.Their landlord asked them to move out of the house.I am managing a room and parlour self,and just planning to buy some little things just to prepare me for marriage..They were living in 3 bedroom flat.Immediately,the landlord asked them to leave,all she could think of was to bring all their 3 bedroom loads to my place..I rejected that but my parent knew about all this right from when they were spending all the money i sent to her to keep for them..so i can be free..

My parent intefered that i should please accept all the loads..the loads was too much..i collected it all since last year june,they told me it will just be for 1 month.

All my plans were now on hold,i am not progressing in my life as my house have been turned into store,i still have the loads in my house as i am typing this.
I explained all to my partner,she would always accept what i do.She doesnt argue anything with me.

My business was not improving since the very day i accepted all the loads,my business just turned upside down..

Last year september,she picked a fight with me because i refuse to allow her stay with me..even when i still can't breath with the loads here..
She called me all sort of names,Said i am proud because i have a sef contain and many abusive worda at me.

December last year my business started getting better but couldnt pay my rent as we speak.

Mum pleaded for us to settle last month,I told mum..have forgiven her but i need time to just forget all the insultives words she used at me..

The problem i am having is she is just too selfish,why should it be her alone?and she havent learnt that i love my privacy so much
And what if i am married is that the way she will be disturbing my peace up and down.
The annoying part is my parent are in side of her that i should allow her stay..after all the insults have recieved from her..

why should it be me?i don't have my life anymore
I just feel like taking just one bag and leave they should not even have my contacts anymore..this i told my mum.

I am tired,just tired.This night i was able to say enough words to my parent because i was so annoyed.
They might end up saying it was my patner's decision in which it was mine..i just love my privacy.
Please,Those who are my elders in this please help me..I am so hurt.

frozen70:


Don't allow other people's sluggishness slow your speed

They have arrived and cat go unless you leave them their and pack out, if they can't pay the rent, the landlord will chase them out

You have to move on, you are too soft to plan, you think your woman accepts anything you say,
No ❗❗
Time will come when she will react and by that time you too will understand that you have been used

Move out and tell them thst you have gotten a place to stay that you need your privacy

If you think you can't do that, then get a room and pack their things there, carry them to the place and show then their new apartment

If you keep allowing them, you will end up paying their school fees

You have to take the bold step.
As for your parents, let them talk and beg you, don't argue with them and don't say yes or no, say you have heard, just ignore them and move on

By the time they discover that you are not a push over, they will free you

Sixfeetbelle:


I understand. Just know that when you're able to do anything for them, make it clear to her and everyone in your family that this is the last time. You need to take a stand and abide by it before people will start taking you serious.

Good luck

Just4test:

I really appreciate this,made a lot of sense..thanks alot.God will bless you

Just4test:
Please i would like to take some minutes from your busy schedule to explain to you all i really have to say.

I know this section is filled with married men and women.You might have come across this issue before or about to,i really need a very good advice...I am very sorry,this will be lenghty.

My current age 30 years old man,left my parent's house when i was 24.I currently live alone but i have a fiance about to get married soon.

The issue on ground is about my family,I have a younger sister.She got married last 3years..and moved into a new apartment with her husband.
Ever since she got married have not been having peace due to the financial state of her husband.I really don't know what happened all she told me was it was this and that..

I have sent hundreds of thousands for her to keep for my parent,Her and her husband spent the whole money without proper documentation.

Last 2 years,she gave birth and one way or the other i and my parent cater for all the needs..she had to bring the baby to my place for about a month since they believe the house was evil..This i never believed but i accepted in good fate.

Sometimes,she would just wake up one morning and tell her husband she is coming to my place?for what?
This kept on happening ,until last year.Their landlord asked them to move out of the house.I am managing a room and parlour self,and just planning to buy some little things just to prepare me for marriage..They were living in 3 bedroom flat.Immediately,the landlord asked them to leave,all she could think of was to bring all their 3 bedroom loads to my place..I rejected that but my parent knew about all this right from when they were spending all the money i sent to her to keep for them..so i can be free..

My parent intefered that i should please accept all the loads..the loads was too much..i collected it all since last year june,they told me it will just be for 1 month.

All my plans were now on hold,i am not progressing in my life as my house have been turned into store,i still have the loads in my house as i am typing this.
I explained all to my partner,she would always accept what i do.She doesnt argue anything with me.

My business was not improving since the very day i accepted all the loads,my business just turned upside down..

Last year september,she picked a fight with me because i refuse to allow her stay with me..even when i still can't breath with the loads here..
She called me all sort of names,Said i am proud because i have a sef contain and many abusive worda at me.

December last year my business started getting better but couldnt pay my rent as we speak.

Mum pleaded for us to settle last month,I told mum..have forgiven her but i need time to just forget all the insultives words she used at me..

The problem i am having is she is just too selfish,why should it be her alone?and she havent learnt that i love my privacy so much
And what if i am married is that the way she will be disturbing my peace up and down.
The annoying part is my parent are in side of her that i should allow her stay..after all the insults have recieved from her..

why should it be me?i don't have my life anymore
I just feel like taking just one bag and leave they should not even have my contacts anymore..this i told my mum.

I am tired,just tired.This night i was able to say enough words to my parent because i was so annoyed.
They might end up saying it was my patner's decision in which it was mine..i just love my privacy.
Please,Those who are my elders in this please help me..I am so hurt.

Pootle:


At your age now you be ready to take some drastic decision, whether it favorable to whomever or not. call ur sis husband and explain to him you wanna start ur own life soonest and give him a considerable time frame to evacuate him stuffs.

Shinny1:
Op helping your family isn't bad but when is dragging you back please cut the access
you can't raise above your present state.. cos for you to help them first you must establish yourself if not you remain in the same mess with them and never achieve what you desire
The only solution is for you to build yourself first...a blind man can't led another blind person so you need to be financially stable before giving them the kind of help they want if not ..in the process of you helping you might end up struggling so be wise

Just4test:

I really apreciate this your advice..it really gives me relief

Shinny1:
Op helping your family isn't bad but when is dragging you back please cut the access
you can't raise above your present state.. cos for you to help them first you must establish yourself if not you remain in the same mess with them and never achieve what you desire
The only solution is for you to build yourself first...a blind man can't led another blind person so you need to be financially stable before giving them the kind of help they want if not ..in the process of you helping you might end up struggling so be wise

Shinny1:

Is well...you will soon get over it.. just start your planning now

Sixfeetbelle:


You're right about that but if she could move in with the parents, why hasn't she? Why is her load in his place? Why is everything being dumped on him when the parents are there? I really don't think the parents are taking a stand on this issue or have the capacity to help out and are just waiting for him, as a man, to take a stand.

He either settles them or gives them the boot and mean it too.

boldx:
Young man,

I understand how you feel. Please be careful the way you handle your sister or else your innocent fiancée will be on the receiving end. I am wondering why they stay in a 3 bedroom if they cannot plan their life. Who are they trying to impress?

Erratic siblings can bring down an entire family. Your sister should split up her load and take to other people's house. The best decision is to discuss with your brother in law about the load. Please don't hide your feelings. Just promise him you will help him out when your business takes shape again even if you can't really go all the way to help so that he can find a way to sort his load out.

You need to be OK psychologically for your business to move forward.

crackland:

He has done enough, more than enough.

And to think the ingrate is still mouthing off when she should be showing appreciation to him every morning, is utterly despicable of her.

Where she stays should not be his problem even if he has the spare resources laying around.

merahki:


This is a really cool and mature advice. It encourages purpose, drive and caring all at once. And it is the plain truth. I like it.

Seundrizzy:
her husband no get family atall or is he an immigrant in naija...sit that man down and tell him to relocated to his family that is if he gat any...for your sister Oga you are man act like one it either you don't drink or smoked because if you do...moral high go make you talk sense to your sister she has taken you for granted.. I prayed you no married girl wey go run away with your saving because you too cold