₦airaland Forum

Good morning guys

What do you think is wrong about the Nigerian/African style of parenting?

To me, I think Nigerian/African parenting is the best but African parents think they are always right even when they falsely accuse you which I don't think is right.

What else do you guys think? Let's discuss.

Child Abuse and over sabi

1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from; the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.

2. Staying in toxic relationships for the children. In many cases,the children end-up worse off psychologically ,than kids coming out of two healthy parents living separately.

3. The "if Kevin can do it ,you can do it too ".mentality. you have a lot of parents who see the neighbour's kid doing well selling bread ,& they start pushing their own children towards that trade or career without assisting them in what they are really good at so that they too can be a shining example in their own right. You see the results of this in many African markets ,everyone sells the samethings ,hardly will you find people who produce the products or selling something that is not readily available.

cclalasticlala

Some parents think they're are always right not knowing things have evolved and times are changed now.

In some situations a child might make a better judgement of things than the parents. But with our African mentality, parents can never be wrong!

African parents can never go wrong. They know it all,you can't correct them, because such would be termed disrespectful.

Lionessza6:
1 .I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from; the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.

2. Staying in toxic relationships for the children. In many cases,the children end-up worse off psychologically ,than kids coming out of healthy parents leaving apart .

3. The "if Kevin can do it ,you can do it too ".mentality. you have a lot of parents who see the neighbour's kid doing well selling bread ,& they start pushing their own children towards that trade or career without assisting them in what they are really good at so that they can too be a shining example in their own right. You see the results of this in many African markets ,everyone sells the samethings ,hardly will you find people who produce the products or selling something that is not readily available.

So in other words, women themselves are the instigators and gatekeepers of the same misogyny they cry & complain about??

Interesting

Snaagg:
So in other words, women themselves are the instigators and gatekeepers of the same misogyny they cry & complain about??

Interesting

LMFAO, true. It's indoctrination, a cycle of negativity that only takes one generation to fix in the family . It's like human trafficking, you find out that some of the people that were once victims tend to end- up being traffickers themselves.

Ejenavi18:
Some parents think they're are always right not knowing things have evolved and times are changed now.

In some situations a child might make a better judgement of things than the parents. But with our African mentality, parents can never be wrong!

exactly.

It also depends on the parents upbringing. My dad was brought up by his uncle who lived in the USA so his thinking differs a bit from the typical African parent. Just imagine the mixture of the African and western upbringing on my dad. He was strictly strict but also saw things from my point of view after scolding me though.

Everything abeg


From the forceful religion to the heavy discipline to maiming of dreams to the ignorance...

I keep praying that I never raise my child the way I was raised

Snaagg:
So in other words, women themselves are the instigators and gatekeepers of the same misogyny they cry & complain about??

Interesting

I’ve said it before that patriarchy and misogyny still thrives today because women are directly and indirectly encouraging/supporting it.

Una own children go still complain about una own style of parenting.

Just wait small...

Lionessza6:
LMFAO, true. It's indoctrination, a cycle of negativity that only takes one generation to fix in the family . It's like human trafficking, you find out that some of the people that were victims once tend to end- up being traffickers themselves.

Toor

vastolord4:
It also depends on the parents upbringing. My dad was brought up by his uncle who lived in the USA so his thinking differs a bit from the typical African parent. Just imagine the mixture of the African and western upbringing on my dad. He was strictly strict but also saw things from my point of view after scolding me though.

The Africanness can't die, can only be watered down

crackland:
Una own children go still complain about una own style of parenting.

Just wait small...

As in!

You think 'I am not going to do this, I will be more patient, more woke' and gbam! you are doing it.

NL will still be alive.

I enjoyed my mom's parenting style with very minor tweaks though.

Lionessza6:
1.I think a lot African parents ( mothers in particular), tend to treat their sons as mini-kings who can do no wrong in their eyes. This is where the culture of Male entitlement starts from; the upbringing. The boys grow up with a sense of superiority that somehow absolves them of certain responsibilities.

2. Staying in toxic relationships for the children. In many cases,the children end-up worse off psychologically ,than kids coming out of healthy parents leaving apart .

3. The "if Kevin can do it ,you can do it too ".mentality. you have a lot of parents who see the neighbour's kid doing well selling bread ,& they start pushing their own children towards that trade or career without assisting them in what they are really good at so that they too can be a shining example in their own right. You see the results of this in many African markets ,everyone sells the samethings ,hardly will you find people who produce the products or selling something that is not readily available.

@ bold:

I believe this is very true and I think the advise 'stay for your kids' in a toxic situation is demonic. The danger with leaving apart is that the children might be willing to walk out in amendable situations and/or the kids not knowing how to function properly in a marriage because no examples and they are not willing to learn.

bukatyne:
@ bold:

I believe this is very true and I think the advise 'stay for your kids' in a toxic situation is demonic. The danger with leaving apart is that the children might be willing to walk out in amendable situations and/or the kids not knowing how to function properly in a marriage because no examples and they are not willing to learn.

Both situations are not desirable ; single parenthood & enduring a toxic relationship for the kids. They both come with their own risks & heartbreaks ,but I would still choose my own happiness and peace of mind over any family structure that makes me feel like a hostage. A happy mother is a caring . Both of you will have added responsibilities of taking care of your new homes & also looking after the emotional & financial health of the kids as individuals. Now ,what each of you chooses to teach the kid will play a big role in how they will see the world as adults.

Lionessza6:
Both situations are not desirable ; single parenthood & enduring a toxic relationship for the kids. They both come with their own risks & heartbreaks ,but I would still choose my own happiness and peace of mind over any family structure that makes me feel like a hostage. A happy mother is a caring . Both of you will have added responsibilities of taking care of your new homes & also looking after the emotional & financial health of the kids as individuals. Now ,what each of you chooses to teach the kid will play a big role in how they will see the world as adults.

It takes a lot for a woman single due to divorce to that happy, rounded mother her children needs.

Besides, you can't control what your husband decides to teach the child. For instance, an adulterous husband or abusive one can pass that trait to the children.

I would rather people look well well before getting married.

bukatyne:
It takes a lot for a woman single due to divorce to that happy, rounded mother her children needs.

Ofvourse it will be difficult at 1st,but having the courage to get the divorce is a sign that she is ready for the challenges ahead. & like I said it wont be easy,especially if the relationship was extremely abusive & it went on for years.

bukatyne:
It takes a lot for a woman single due to divorce to that happy, rounded mother her children needs.

Besides, you can't control what your husband decides to teach the child. For instance, an adulterous husband or abusive one can pass that trait to the children.

I would rather people look well well before getting married.

I see you edited the post.

@ the bolded ...I totally I agree with you.

lalasticlala abeg na!

Too quick to punish and often too harshly. Makes children lose trust in them.

bukatyne:
As in!

You think 'I am not going to do this, I will be more patient, more woke' and gbam! you are doing it.

NL will still be alive.

I enjoyed my mom's parenting style with very minor tweaks though.

You know..

The thing is, unless you want to be a 'yes son', 'okay son', 'whatever you want son' kind of parent, there'll always be something you do that will cause a child to think you're not doing it right.

Has its advantages and disadvantages......

Using my parents as case study,I'll say missing a lot of PTD meetings&visiting days,too much pressure to make it in life and always comparing you with your mates who are financially doing better than you + forcing you to get married at a certain age.

.

I think it's wrong to force kids to be overly religious

I don't have anything to say about it,all I have to say is 2020 is really a strange year, Ashley young and Kanye have grown hair

So many things oh