₦airaland Forum

Eriokanmi:


Fabricated

crackhaus:
Despite all of the true confession in the OP above, what makes me really happy is that none of our wonderful & gracious married ladies on NL has had any regrets about getting married...

Men can't be that bad afterall.

CalliDora1:
It's not fabricated. It's true.

I have a very close married friend that still told me three days ago how she wishes to leave her marriage because she misses her single life and freedom. She said she wishes to do things at her own pace and will again.

She said marriage has made her lose herself and she needs to build herself back to that person she wanted to be.

Men don't know that marriage is a huge sacrifice the women make for them to achieve somethings in life yet they won't value the woman

BigCabal:
Is it possible to regret something that you have been taught should be the “best decision of your life”? Yes, and these five Nigerian women share why they regret getting married.

Anita, 27
He lied about everything. About his extended family, his job, his entire life was basically a lie. I only found out after getting married to him. He told me he was a UX writer, but it turns out he is an Electrician. That would not have been a problem, so why did he feel the need to lie about it? He told me his parents were dead and he was not close to his extended family. Another lie. One day, his Uncle reached out to me on Instagram. Turns out both his parents are very much alive.

When we were getting married, he told me he wanted a small wedding. I did not think too much about it because I genuinely loved him and just wanted to be married to him. Apparently, he wanted a small wedding because he had other wives and kids. Plural. I feel like I am carrying him through the marriage. They say “men are babies” and it sounds cool until you realise that it is not metaphoric, but literal. I never knew there could be such emotionally, underdeveloped, men. Right now, I do not know what is a lie and what is not.

Amaka
I was 33 when I got married and honestly, I do not think marriage benefits women in the long run. Whatever people consider a benefit, does not equal all the things marriage makes you lose. I think marriage hindered me from doing certain things because there is a huge constraint on your time and energy. You are meant to be building the family, but then things you are building does not necessarily benefit you. A men can be working to build his family, while building his career at the same time. He gains both the benefits of being married to you such as free labour, but women can’t say the same thing. The nine years I spent building my family, I could have built my career. The only solution was to not be married anymore so I did that, and my life has been happier and healthier.

Chisom, 27
Marrying my husband was the biggest mistake of my life. Even with all the red flags I saw, I still went ahead and got married to him. He is a serial cheat and a totally unrepentant one. While we were dating he would apologise when he got caught, but now that we are married he has such a nonchalant attitude about it. As if he feels like I cannot do anything about it. He hides the fact that he is married from anyone and if I tell his girls, he gets angry and keeps malice with me. He says we are not a good match and we have nothing in common. How do you not figure out we have nothing in common for the six years we dated? SIX! Now I am pregnant and want to end the marriage but he is threatening to take the child away from me.

Continue: https://www.zikoko.com/her/5-nigerian-women-share-why-they-regret-getting-married/

Liposure:
The sacrifice is nothing compared to what men pass through when you consider the burdens, the responsibilities and the load they shoulder as head of the family.

Liposure:
The sacrifice is nothing compared to what men pass through as breadwinners when you consider the burdens, the responsibilities and the load they shoulder in marriage.

CalliDora1:
It's not fabricated. It's true.

I have a very close married friend that still told me three days ago how she wishes to leave her marriage because she misses her single life and freedom. She said she wishes to do things at her own pace and will again.

She said marriage has made her lose herself and she needs to build herself back to that person she wanted to be.

Men don't know that marriage is a huge sacrifice the women make for them to achieve somethings in life yet they won't value the woman

CalliDora1:
Gone are the days when only the men shoulder all the responsibilities. Women now share in the responsibilities and still do extra in the home front which further drains and frustrates the hell out of them.

BigCabal:
Is it possible to regret something that you have been taught should be the “best decision of your life”? Yes, and these five Nigerian women share why they regret getting married.

Anita, 27
He lied about everything. About his extended family, his job, his entire life was basically a lie. I only found out after getting married to him. He told me he was a UX writer, but it turns out he is an Electrician. That would not have been a problem, so why did he feel the need to lie about it? He told me his parents were dead and he was not close to his extended family. Another lie. One day, his Uncle reached out to me on Instagram. Turns out both his parents are very much alive.

When we were getting married, he told me he wanted a small wedding. I did not think too much about it because I genuinely loved him and just wanted to be married to him. Apparently, he wanted a small wedding because he had other wives and kids. Plural. I feel like I am carrying him through the marriage. They say “men are babies” and it sounds cool until you realise that it is not metaphoric, but literal. I never knew there could be such emotionally, underdeveloped, men. Right now, I do not know what is a lie and what is not.

Amaka
I was 33 when I got married and honestly, I do not think marriage benefits women in the long run. Whatever people consider a benefit, does not equal all the things marriage makes you lose. I think marriage hindered me from doing certain things because there is a huge constraint on your time and energy. You are meant to be building the family, but then things you are building does not necessarily benefit you. A men can be working to build his family, while building his career at the same time. He gains both the benefits of being married to you such as free labour, but women can’t say the same thing. The nine years I spent building my family, I could have built my career. The only solution was to not be married anymore so I did that, and my life has been happier and healthier.

Chisom, 27
Marrying my husband was the biggest mistake of my life. Even with all the red flags I saw, I still went ahead and got married to him. He is a serial cheat and a totally unrepentant one. While we were dating he would apologise when he got caught, but now that we are married he has such a nonchalant attitude about it. As if he feels like I cannot do anything about it. He hides the fact that he is married from anyone and if I tell his girls, he gets angry and keeps malice with me. He says we are not a good match and we have nothing in common. How do you not figure out we have nothing in common for the six years we dated? SIX! Now I am pregnant and want to end the marriage but he is threatening to take the child away from me.

Jane, 29

I am currently separated now, but I still do not forgive myself for the decision to get married. I got married at 27 and separated nine months later. The truth is I knew I didn’t want to be married anymore by two days to the wedding, but didn’t know how to tell my family. The reason I eventually gave my family for leaving was because I caught him cheating. When I said I was leaving, he locked me up and threatened to kill me. A week after the incident, when he went to work I ran away.

He stalked me for about three months after I left. I even tried to get a restraining order, but that did not work. When I reported to the police, they collected my money and said they’d treat it as attempted murder. When I got back, they said they wanted to ‘settle’ the case. His family definitely paid them off, but the police thing kind of helped because after that the obvious stalking stopped. He currently does not know where I am, but he has an idea of the exact town. Thankfully there were no kids, but I still have panic and anxiety attacks till date.

Fola, 35

I got married at 24 and now that I look back it was way too early. He was 29 so a little older than me, but not very mature. I didn’t know what qualities to look for in a partner when I got married to him, all I knew was that I loved him. Bad choice. He wanted to pull that traditional man, head of the home thing and I wasn’t having in. Two months into the marriage and the physical abuse started. It was very irregular and I’d never know when it would happen so it caused me a lot of anxiety. I never backed down, wouldn’t cower and be a submissive wife. It took me 10 years to finally walk away from the lies, cheating, physical abuse and emotional abuse. 10 solid years of nonsense. Now, I look back and realize how badly that situation affect me.

Yusufisraelj:
No doubt that's bkos the economic landscape have changed, what you will do with one (1) effort then will require ten (10) these days.

However that's not to say that a wife should be treated anyhow, I really wonder what people do when courting, that being said, there's more than meets the eye as regards marriage and this has do with what is unseen.

Amaka
I was 33 when I got married and honestly, I do not think marriage benefits women in the long run. Whatever people consider a benefit, does not equal all the things marriage makes you lose. I think marriage hindered me from doing certain things because there is a huge constraint on your time and energy. You are meant to be building the family, but then things you are building does not necessarily benefit you. A men can be working to build his family, while building his career at the same time. He gains both the benefits of being married to you such as free labour, but women can’t say the same thing. The nine years I spent building my family, I could have built my career. The only solution was to not be married anymore so I did that, and my life has been happier and healthier.

Uyi168:
.
Keep blaming men for all your generational problems.
Old anty.

CalliDora1:
Why do you like resorting to abuse and insults when a lady turns down your advances or ignores you?
What warranted this insolence from you this bush boy?

Anyways, as usual, I'll keep ignoring you. Continue being pained.

Klass99:
My classmate said something similar during a heart to heart conversation, where we were catching up after years of being out of touch and not seeing each other.

In her case, she said she hadn't even discovered herself nor really known herself when she got married, then the kids started coming and everything became about her hubby and kids, while her own wants, needs, aspirations and life pretty much faded into the background.

Another classmate said, she's tired of just being a mom and a wife, if she knew marriage was this way, she would have held off on it for some time and focused on herself, life and career before getting into it.

Amaka (the 2nd lady in the original post) wasn't off point when she said - you lose more than you benefit as a woman in marriage. I have seen this happen with my own cousin and another classmate who was such a bright and shining star in school. Nah 3 different classmates I dey reference here

I'm not against marriage but I think young girls/women should live a little, as in, live life by themselves, for themselves and on their terms for a while, before they venture into it.

Because, when you do it too soon like right after college or university it's as if your life gets taken over by hubby and kids, before you've actually had a chance to live and discover you a bit.

Then it also feels like you are mostly told what to do all your life and decisions are made for you by others, when you go straight from daddy's house to hubby's house.
There was no break and no chance at all, to do you and make independent decisions of your own without being overruled.

Uyi168:
.
I don't even know u.
Old Hanty.

CalliDora1:
See how you shot yourself in the foot. You don't know me yet you know that I'm old.

Should I dig up the post where you were toasting me?? Naah... I ain't got time for pettiness. Just swerve!

Uchu!

CalliDora1:
Its scary. Like sometimes I look at most married women and they are a shadow of themselves, looking like the weight of the whole world is upon their shoulders and I begin to think back and forth about this marriage of a thing.

armyofone:
True - most time they don't know how to stand up for themselves before and after marriage. I think ladies should make their opinions be heard during courtship so you don't end up carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Why won't stress ( carrying the weight of the world) destroy someone who is unable to tell her man, babes watch the kids or cook dinner because I'm going for a run in the neighborhood ?

CalliDora1:
How many men even agree to assist with the chores these days? Only a few and because the woman wants to be called a good and industrious wife she'll be suffering and smiling.


I remember those days I was still into dating. So, one day I went to see the guys aunt who came around and i slept over because the place was far (Sango Ota). In the morning, the guy came to my room around 9am ( it was a Saturday) and told me the aunty said hope I'll make a good wife so. That this one I'm still in bed by this time . And I told him Immediately. I said, come, I don't joke with my sleep o. You and your aunty better get used to it or I do a U turn. He now said I should not mind her and all that.

I'll let you know my dos and don'ts. If you're not cool with it, take a walk.

armyofone:
@ "I don't joke with my sleep"
When i'm awake, that's when I cook. If you can't wait, then by all means fix something and please keep mine warm

Chisom,27.Even with all the red flags I saw, I still went ahead and got married to him.

Klass99:
My classmate said something similar during a heart to heart conversation, where we were catching up after years of being out of touch and not seeing each other.

In her case, she said she hadn't even discovered herself nor really known herself when she got married, then the kids started coming and everything became about her hubby and kids, while her own wants, needs, aspirations and life pretty much faded into the background.

Another classmate said, she's tired of just being a mom and a wife, if she knew marriage was this way, she would have held off on it for some time and focused on herself, life and career before getting into it.

Amaka (the 2nd lady in the original post) wasn't off point when she said - you lose more than you benefit as a woman in marriage. I have seen this happen with my own cousin and another classmate who was such a bright and shining star in school. Nah 3 different classmates I dey reference here

I'm not against marriage but I think young girls/women should live a little, as in, live life by themselves, for themselves and on their terms for a while, before they venture into it.

I think when you do it too soon like right after college or during uni, it's as if your life gets taken over by hubby and kids, before you've actually had a chance to live and discover you a bit.

Then it also feels like you are mostly told what to do all your life and decisions are made for you by others, when you go straight from daddy's house to hubby's house.
There was no break and no chance at all, to do you and make independent decisions of your own without being overruled.

What I have learnt generally is that an early marriage does not guarantee happiness, neither does a late one. Just do you and do the things that bring joy and happiness into your heart.