₦airaland Forum

It is so sad that one has to leave their comfort zone to look for greener pasture elsewhere. Is the pasture truly green?

We come from part of the world where doing bare minimum will rarely put food on your table.

When I read stories like this, it reminds me of the failed system we generally have in Africa.

We are back to the age of slavery. This slavery is modern, and you're not physically forced into it. You find yourself there by the failure of the system that birthed you.

Tech will forever exist and be the most rapidly evolving one.

"Sacked HR that raised concern about his past."

This story is so fake.

You will soon ask us to start wearing boxers to occasions.

My cobbler would not make this sham called shoe.

Helpfromabove1:
I was expecting this kind of response and Nairaland will not disappoint
Because we are not use to this kind of kindness we easily think of it as something else is behind it

I hope this your post is not suggesting something i won’t be the one that will say it

Personality of a man mirrors their thought process

Coder2Client:
I’m someone who isn’t ashamed of being single.

I’m 36, and I’ll be 37 in December.

The honest truth is that I’m single. I’m not currently dating anyone. It’s not because I don’t ask women out—I do. But I’m not someone who enjoys talking too much, and sometimes the thought of having to constantly communicate, explain myself, and maintain a relationship feels stressful to me. Maybe that is one of the reasons I have remained single for this long.

My lifestyle is also very regimented. I have a routine that is so predictable that someone can almost tell when I’m at home and when I’m not.

Money is another major issue.

I currently earn ₦200,000 a month before tax, and I don’t have a side hustle at the moment. Sometimes I look at my income and wonder how I’m supposed to build the kind of life people expect from someone approaching 40.

I have even lied about being in a relationship when I know I’m not.

I’ve told people I have two children, even though I have never had children. I did it because I wanted people to stop asking questions and putting pressure on me. But ironically, while trying to escape other people’s expectations, I think I have ended up putting even more pressure on myself.

For a long time, I genuinely enjoyed being single.

The peace was beautiful.

No relationship drama. No constant explanations. No arguments. No pressure.

But lately, that peace is beginning to feel like loneliness.

I miss having someone.

And that is difficult for me to admit.

Another thing about me is that I give up easily on relationships. I can enter a relationship today and, a month later, lose interest and walk away without even properly explaining to the woman why I’m leaving.

I know that isn't a good quality.

My life has also been somewhat of a slow journey.

I started school at 11. I finished secondary school at 22. I completed tertiary education at 32. I started my teaching job earning ₦20,000 a month, and today, at 36, I earn ₦200,000.

You would think that increasing my income would make life easier.

But every time my income increases, inflation seems to move the goalpost.

What used to feel like enough no longer feels like enough.

And then there is friendship.

I have always struggled with keeping friends. Even as a child, I realised I didn't really have a flair for friendship. Today, I honestly don't have anyone I can confidently call my close friend.

I even remember a time when I would give people money just so they would play with me.

Looking back, that hurts.

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't party. I don't womanise.

At work, I joke around, interact with people and eat good food. From the outside, I probably look like someone who is doing just fine.

But deep down, there is a part of me that genuinely misses being in a relationship.

I can go an entire month without making or receiving a personal phone call. Most of the calls I receive or make are work-related because I’m one of the leaders at my workplace.

Sometimes I wonder how I got here.

I don't think I’m a bad person.

I don't think I’m unattractive.

I don't think I’m incapable of loving someone.

Maybe I just became too comfortable being alone.

Maybe I have built such a structured and independent life that making room for another person now feels difficult.

Or maybe I simply haven't figured out how to balance my personality, finances, career, friendships and relationships.

I don't know.

But lately, being single doesn't feel as peaceful as it used to.

It is starting to feel a little boring.

So I’m genuinely asking:

Are there other men who are like this?

Men in their 30s who don't drink, smoke, party or womanise.

Men who have very few or no close friends.

Men who have become so comfortable being alone that they don't know how to let someone into their lives.

Men who are not necessarily unhappy, but deep down, still miss having someone to come home to.

I’d really like to hear from you.

I would place my rader on your relationship status rather. I only have a simple advice for you.

It is good now that you don't feel at peace being alone again. That is a sign that you are ready.

For the kind of person you are, it will be so tough nurturing a relationship for quite a long time.

You only need to be highly intentional about not wanting out all the time. You will have 1 million reasons to walk away. But just one definite reason will floor those other reasons.

This is the trick and the deal.

Look for someone that ticks most of your boxes. Someone you genuinely like. You can never get anyone that ticks all your boxes.

Be intentionally close to them.

Make them come invade your space occasionally. They would do things you don't like. If those things they do ain't what you can cope with. Talk to them about it.

You can not complain about everything they do. You have to absorb some trivial ones.

They will also have something not too good to say about you. If those things genuinely describe you, try to change for them.

Age 37 is not a too big age, but it is an age everyone would expect you to be mature. Always act it.

There will be so much friction. But your solid intention of not walking away no matter what will make the journey look possible and simple.

I can bet it with you. If you could stay with this person for six months with all the turbulence relationships bring. You will start seeing clarity.

You don't need longer time of dating at 37. Give yourself a timeframe. Everything will move so fast.

It is better said than done, though. But trust me, it works.

What should I do with this one?