₦airaland Forum

He is a disciplined dad who doesn't eat shit because of hunger

Kobojunkie:
Does the man in question directly threaten you or your wife? Does his sending money to her parents somehow threaten your ability to relate to them or send them gifts? What exactly is the problem here? Let us know!

Understand his feelings pls

dipset01:
I honestly feel very frustrated and just need to get this off my chest. I now understand what people mean when they say, “Don’t marry the wrong spouse.” Brethren, I think I may have gotten this one wrong.

My wife and I have been married for seven years. I was 28 when we got married, and she was 22. In the beginning, things were fine, but along the line, the marriage became increasingly challenging. From early on, intimacy was an issue. She often refused sex, saying she was tired. To reduce tension, I limited my request to once a week — usually Saturday mornings — even though I would have liked more.
She also didn’t cook regularly. I complained several times, especially since I covered about 95% of food and household expenses. Eventually, I got tired of complaining. When we moved to lagos from portharcourt, She once told me she didn’t feel loved and wanted me to do more house chores and take her out more. I tried to adjust — suggested she hired a maid, helped around the house, and made an effort to take her out when possible. Lagos life can be very busy, but I did what I could. Every year for the past four years, I made sure we lodged in a 4- or 5-star hotel for a few days as a couple. She went on vacation to dubai 2 years ago. But she often said I was doing it “for the family (children), not for her.” That she wants her own treatment.


At one point, after a serious conflict, I took her to her father’s house and told him that we didn’t love each other anymore. During the mediation, she played the victim at first, crying. But when her father tried to correct her, she suddenly became defensive and started yelling — even at him. Her father was shocked and had to calm the situation. He later told us something that stuck with me: “You two talk, but you don’t communicate.” Since then, I’ve tried to improve our communication, but it feels like my wife has given up on the marriage.

In the past year, things have gotten worse. Any small thing I say seems to anger her. She interprets normal conversations as arguments and shuts down. I have become conscious of it and tell her not to raise her voice and try to match her voice tone. She’s not open to resolving conflicts. I honestly believe she no longer loves me — she resents me. She gets angry easily, often over nothing. We barely talk deeply anymore. Most of our conversations are shallow. I try to initiate discussions, but she’s either uninterested, on her phone, or just cold.

She no longer sleeps in the same bed with me, claiming back and neck pain. I’ve offered to buy a new mattress or switch beds, but she’s not interested. As a result, our sex life has deteriorated — we’re down to about once in three weeks, and even that comes with tension. Even to approach her now comes with alot of hesitation and fear of rejection. Recently, when I tried to be intimate, she got angry, accused me of hurting her breast, even though she was the one preventing me, she then walked away. That led to another quarrel. It’s extremely frustrating to feel rejected repeatedly, especially after weeks of restraint.

Even minor things turn into big arguments. For example, I once told her not to pour water into the griller after cooking because it could cause rust. Her reaction was explosive — she shouted that she’d never wash the oven again and that I should do it myself, going forward. I felt asked was she was yelling. I tried to calmly explain, but she kept escalating, I must wash it, if she cooks the food, i must wash the burner. It dawned on me that she no longer sees or appreciates what I do in the house. Despite being the main provider, I still handle more than 50% of household chores — I wash dishes, vacuum, clean toilets, take the boys to school, iron everyone cloth etc. She mainly cooks, bathes the kids, and does laundry. I told her I do as much chores and she is in no position to dictate to me, no big deal in washing the burner but she needs to be polite. And she should not take me doing chores for granted, I am just supporting her. We both work from home so there is no stress of commuting to work etc

She acts like she’s disgusted by me. She avoids sitting near me, doesn’t want me to touch her, and even turns her face away when I try to kiss her. If she is sitting on a chair, if i come sit on that chair she will use style and go to the room. It is either my mouth smells or my tummy is big. I am relative fit, not a 6 packs man o. I go just swallow these things. Nothing wrong in feedback, but the way and manner she gives it is not fine. Never ever body shamed her. One day she told me, sabi I was almost calling of the marriage while we were engaged, why did I marry her? I was shocked. It was something I didnt remember doing. It just shocks me to know how unforgiving a woman can be, and what goes through their mind.

When I try to talk things through, she ignores me or gives cold replies. I’ve even sent messages on WhatsApp just to get through to her — she either ignores them or replies with things like, “You win.” We don’t walk together anymore — she either walks ahead or rushes off.

One day I even begged her to forgive and forget whatever I might have done, even if I didn’t know what it was. But things only seem to get worse. We relocated to the UK last year, and I thank God I have a good job that helps me support the home. Honestly, I feel that’s the only reason she’s still around. My spirit tells me that if I ever lose this job, I might lose my home too. Or she is just waiting for the kids to be of age.

I’ve tried to make things better — bought her gifts (including a Samsung S24 for her birthday), taken her and the kids to the cinema, arcade, amusement park, and more. She enjoys these things, but there’s no real change. Even told her to tell me what she wants. The only area I think I need to still work on is the pray more with the family. She says she wants me to pray more with her and the children. I admit it an area I need to work on.

No one is perfect, neither am I or expecting my wife to be. I know I’m a good husband and a great father, But it feels like she’s emotionally checked out. Divorce is never in my mind because I come from a Christian home, and I care deeply about my kids and even her. I still believe any marriage can work if both partners are willing to try. But right now, I’m just tired. It’s painful when you want to communicate, but the other person refuses. She’s grown cold, distant, and resentful. When she cooks, I can see the resentment in her eyes, she is not happy doing it. It is like she went into the marriage with certain expectation and it doesnt look like I am meeting them. I have tried to ask, what can i do, teach me to love you. Tell me what you wants, for where? she will just lock up.

She has good qualities — she’s spiritual, beautiful, ambitious, serious-minded, she takes good care of the kids, she has introduced my children to God and prays with them. But emotionally, it feels like she’s no longer in the marriage. I’m just frustrated and honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been faithful, responsible, and patient.

At this point, I just needed to vent. Maybe someone out there has gone through something similar and found a way forward.

In the midst of this u travelled out with this kind of woman or out of Nigeria ? U don't know how to deal with women

7 children only u ? Something Terrible is running in both families lineages

Na poverty that come with teaching made me quit teaching, I thank God today.

The truth is this u are not going to marry her but u don't want to be blunt with her . Don't frustrate her and make her to curse u. When preek was inside there , u had promised her heaven on earth then . Fix this thing pls

U don't deserve any help. Seven kids only u ? Nonsense

Focus in building yourself. Come out clean and sharp and take care of the children if she says na u get them .

Wetin my eyes saw in the hand of those girls no only God go judge and.

If u get any hacker there , pay heavily and get her WhatsApp and Facebook hacked for u. Whatever u see and hear there should advise u what to u sir . Welcome back to ur Virgin wife . 8 months and the woman should be staying for u because na u carry holy penis. Them don Bleep her tire !

They dupe me 65975 NAIRA

U should be shameless to have such a woman that until she is told , she won't sweep and be proud of her .

For your friend to ask her to do so means many occasions she came in the past , she does nothing in that house apart of giving u pussy to fu$ck
Get rid of such a girl men

U people claim to be more religious than the religion. Pretending to be normal

If u have. It upgraded yourself in any way , don't go there

How on earth will NIGERIA be missing out of this ? Oh my country

Just be like me two weeks , then she will understand that being principled and disciplined in marriage works. Sir , she has met a lot of men before u that destroyed that shape no be only u and the child birth . Just that na u say u want to be a good panel beater. This woman may not end up with u outside Nigeria . Pray pray pray . Her taste of life is way higher than urs and she is permanently on the look out

So I should put mouth into ur toto and be licking it say wetin happen ?

Obi behaved so stupidly by endorsing that dud to be the candidate

Wait for the rent to finish and pack out

The reception is unnecessary

The problem is not DHL , it's the customs. DHL has been ever transparent

If u are my sister , I will advise u to quit the marriage

Sin has consequences

I didn't know that stupid women like this still exist . U resigned from ur job because of ur husband ? Ah u no well at all

U are begging for house rent but u have someone daughter to spend on . Notice of house rent repayment comes after the first one

No wonder they don't return their dead body home with a beautiful casket. What a heartless joke

Ah not even allow this for two years ?
Ah breaking the news to them after impregnating her ?
Oh brother ,it would have been honorable on ur part if she is not pregnant.
Oh brother , it would have been honorable on ur part after 2 years of ur brother's death .
My late friend's wife frequently needed my presence around them ,I ran till today I help them from afar.
Play noble pls

Fubara is on his way out . He is too calm to survive this

A country where two storey building structurally designed turns to 4 storey building because of corruption? Hmmmm

Go for azythromacine 500mg just 3 in a card and thank me later

Sell it to me 08073966421