₦airaland Forum

I have read all your replies and I have learned a lot from this. Thank you all.

Max I am not looking for conformation all i am looking for is the bitter truth. If you know the truth its like giving you the tools to fix your mind not nowing the truth or wondering why the lies and such tears your mind to pieces as you always think of the worst case scenario. If you know the truth then your mind can deal with the situation in a more rational manner because of the fact you know and you arent wondering. I do want this to work as i have baggage. I have been divorced and i have children 2 from my ex wife and 1 to a woman who just wanted a kid. I told her all this before we got intimate so she wouldnt be shocked and i gave her the chace to walk away if she decided that my baggage was to heavy or her. If you have been through a divorce and lost everything been decieved by a woman so she could have a child and live out of your pocket then I think you would want to be careful and know the truth about any other relationship you got involved in. I never thought in this world i would marry again but it has happened and i dont want to give it up without a fight but i deserve to know the truth.

I have read alll your thoughts people and I truely thank you all as I have made up my mind what to do when I return home. As I said before I was in Nigeria for 3 years and I fell in love with the people. They even gave me a Nigerian name. Jenny i think you are 1 in a million as you definately dont mince your words and you are as truthful as the day as the day is long. I will have a word with her and hopefully resolve this issue as it is tearing me apart but I do feel better with all you guys comments. I truely love her more than life itself but I cant live my own life in fear of what might happen next. She realises that I dont trust her but she doesnt understand why. I dont know but as you said a nigerian man would have resolved this along time ago. God bless you all

shit did i write Kachefu and solachie. lol I meand kachefo and imella

kachefo and solachie

ndo i am a mumu. Umaihai is umaihai. Na wa for me o. Tell me say waiten you no go dey rest now. excuse my pidgin i try o

I dont know I will just have to wait and see what happens when I get home. Thanks for listening as my mind goes crazy sometimes when i am offshore. which part of umaihai are you from?

She wants some. I am just completely confused. It all started so well. She even told me about this guy her friend. She worked with him in Nigeria. He is also an oyibo and married. So when she put her status as in a relationship on facebook he replied as if to say what was she thinking about. Now that sent alarm bells ringing in my head. I asked her and she told my not to be stupid as he was 20 years older than her. So I believed her. One day I was cleaning the house and I came across a diary. Now right or wrong I read it and low and behold there it was in black on white. There had been a relationship. I confronted her as to why she had lied and she said cause she wasnt proud of it. Well I accepted it until about 7 weeks ago. we got married 8 weeks ago. I was on her computer and a buzz came through from skype. It was him. I didnt answer but I read the history that had been written between them. She had sent him pictures of herself and said things that made me feel ill. As you know we were together when she had written them. She never talked that way with me. with the no one will ever be like you and we might meet up again shit and the I love yous. I went mental. She said it was only talk to make him feel good about himself. She said nigerians talk like that. Do they? or is it just a wat for her to try and cool down thye situation

She does. i just have no idea why she would write that sort of thing in the first place. She said she didnt mean any of it but I dont know as he asked for pictures of her and she sent him some. Why if you are truely in love would you do that. I told her that if I had stumbled on that before I wouldnt have married her but the thing was I made a promise to her father that i would look after her.

I had to go to Egypt to do a job but things arent settled and I dont want to confront her again over e mail of phone. I want to look her in the eye as she has lied before.

She is from abia state Umaihai

Jenny sorry to dissapoint you but I am not a nigerian.I am an oyibo but have been inNiferia for 3 years. I just want to know what to do in the mind of a Nigerian. We both live in the UK. I dont think like a Nigerian which is a bad thing as I admire the Nigerian race. The way your minds work and the inner strengh you possess so I just wanted help from you guys so I can decide what to do from a Nigerians point of view

The thing id i truely love this woman and yes I married her. I try to understand it as she says it is just talk but for me how can it be just talk if she really loved me she would have told him and that they could still be friends but nothing else. I have been giving her a hard time about it recently as she shows no remorse and said that it was his wifes fault for not being with her husband that put them together. If she could show remorse then I might understand but she doesnt seem to care . I dont know. I will try and not be so hard but she fails to see why I dont trust her. She goes mad and starts shouting at me. I dont know. I work away most times and my mind runs mad wondering what she is doing. I told her that I will never lock her in a cupboard and will never stop her chatting with her friends but I dont want her to have any more dealings with this man as he is married and we are married but i cant help but wonder. I had my suspicions before but she denied ever having a relationship with him bur as it turned out she was with himfor 3 years being his secret lover. It seems that she couldnt tell him herself it was over. I had to make her do it.

I dont think it is a bait but i think she wants to have her cake and eat it. I had to make her end the relationship as she never said its over. He was and still is a married man and she kept that secret so I dont know if it was going anywhere but the thing is she never closed the door on it. I had to for the sake of our relationship. My trouble is I love this woman more than life itself but I dont think I have the same effect on her

The thing id i truely love this woman and yes I married her. I try to understand it as she says it is just talk but for me how can it be just talk if she really loved me she would have told him and that they could still be friends but nothing else. I have been giving her a hard time about it recently as she shows no remorse and said that it was his wifes fault for not being with her husband that put them together. If she could show remorse then I might understand but she doesnt seem to care . I dont know. I will try and not be so hard but she fails to see why I dont trust her. She goes mad and starts shouting at me. I dont know. I work away most times and my mind runs mad wondering what she is doing. I told her that I will never lock her in a cupboard and will never stop her chatting with her friends but I dont want her to have any more dealings with this man as he is married and we are married but i cant help but wonder. I had my suspicions before but she denied ever having a relationship with him bur as it turned out she was with himfor 3 years being his secret lover. It seems that she couldnt tell him herself it was over. I had to make her do it.

The thing id i truely love this woman and yes I married her. I try to understand it as she says it is just talk but for me how can it be just talk if she really loved me she would have told him and that they could still be friends but nothing else. I have been giving her a hard time about it recently as she shows no remorse and said that it was his wifes fault for not being with her husband that put them together. If she could show remorse then I might understand but she doesnt seem to care . I dont know. I will try and not be so hard but she fails to see why I dont trust her.

I married this lovely woman who i threw my life into. I recently found messages between her and another married man she had a relationship with prior to us meeting. She told him that there would be no other like him and she loved him. He asked if they could meet up again and she had said nothing is impossible. Now I wouldnt have been bothered as such but this messages were exchanged when we were sorting out our engagment rings and the traditional marrage list. She says she wont have any more contact with this man as she said he was a good friend but is upset that I made her delete all contacts from facebook etc. I am destraught and my trust has gone but I am also scared I drive her away. Please help as I dont know what to do.

I married this lovely woman who i threw my life into. I recently found messages between her and another married man she had a relationship with prior to us meeting. She told him that there would be no other like him and she loved him. He asked if they could meet up again and she had said nothing is impossible. Now I wouldnt have been bothered as such but this messages were exchanged when we were sorting out our engagment rings and the traditional marrage list. She says she wont have any more contact with this man as she said he was a good friend but is upset that I made her delete all contacts from facebook etc. I am destraught and my trust has gone but I am also scared I drive her away. Please help as I dont know what to do.