₦airaland Forum

helllooo! i already found her, remember eveseh?,

yo helllllllllllllooooooo this topic is about me! i do mind you two using it for your mystry chit chat session!

Yo Kadeeja and evesh, 'sup with the attitude anyways i've just posted my photo anyone can see it now just go to my profile,

Raymonds Guide On: How To Become The Next Big Nollywood Star

I've been a keen observer in the industry known today as Nollywood, i've followed it's storied history with great passion,
i've seen stars rise and i've seen them fall, i've basically seen it all so believe me when i say i have some experience when
it comes to scouting for 'the next big thing in Nollywood'.

Do you fantasize about been chased out of an eatery by your numerous teeming fans? Or do you like the idea of been
addressed as the biggest and brightest but most controversial star in the whole Nollywood galaxy? well if you answered yes to either of those questions, then these rules you must obey religiously!
Firstly:

Change that accent;

If you want to make it big in this industry you have to sound posh, put some exotic flavours to you raw accent, make it go up a notch, you know, with some class.

Some accents that could get you recognized are the English accent (mostly the vocals) and then of course, American, never pronounce the 'T' if your going to say a word like 'hunter', it should come out as 'hunner',but this golden rule has some exceptions, if you're a short funny looking miget you don't have to fake it leave it raw besides people don't really give jack about your accent, they just sit there and imagine how SMALL you brain is or how rewarding it would feel picking you up by the legs and slamming your skull against an asphalt!, (Alway remember this change your accent rule worked for Ramsey Noah)
Get real!;

This second rule if obeyed and followed with so much seriousness could get you into Nollywood faster than you can say the word 'ACTION'. The rule simply involves you 'getting real' that is going into reality television, it really pays and with all
these reality TV buzz hitting the entertainment industry you'd have to be unluckier than Stephanie Okereke not to get chosen for at least one of them. And when you do get chosen try be controversial, don't sit back saying "I just want to be myself!" that doesn't do rubbish for you, always slam peoples egos even if its uncalled for, take a page out of vaughn's (sic) playbook (vaughn remember him? the dude from gulder ultimate search). You should also be smart enough to use the first rule!


Do outrageous things;

I don't care if your father is the pope! if you want to make it in Nollywood you should be wise to do stupid things at the right time. Wear skimpy dresses (if you're a lady) admit smoking weed, give it a corny name like wisdom weed, buy a power bike and ride it carelessly on the streets of lagos ( an accident would do good for your popularity), attend wild night parties, basically do wild things that would get your name into local tabloids and fuel their hunger for new material, they would reward you back by taking your name to the very hearts of the followers of Nollywood!

Put God first and your scandals second,

These two things should be your priorities! God and scandals. First God, always make seemingly honest refrences to God whenever your being interviewed. It doesn't matter if your an immoral skunk or a 'two bit LovePeddler' it always pays to give credit to God for your success, "God made it possile for the director to oblige me that role!" well your knowledge of how to please a man's sexual cravens did most of the trick, but give God the credit.

You see Nollywood is being run by a vast majority of Igbos, 95% of these Igbos are church goers, now even if you use your body to get roles (which i strongly advice you do if you want to be a star) pleasing those hands who feed you won't be a bad idea.

Now the scandal, your second most important priority, two words i say to it, BE SCANDALOUS!! get into affairs with
other peoples husbands, take Genevieve Nnaji for instance, you'd be amazed at how much fame and roles she got when that whole Genevieve and Atiku 'rumour' was buzzed about on the internet she now models for Lux, the girl is on a mouth watering contract with Lux thanks to Mr. Scandal!

And lastly:

Know when to 'settle down',

After you've made all that money from Nigerians who watch your films, it would be nessesary to get married, pick up a husband or a wife and STAY with him hold him tightly and be less controversial. NEVER ever spend like a fool, take a cue from MC Hammer, Dennis Rodman or even Mike Tyson, ( now those are dumb niggers!) being known as a cheap LovePeddler, corrupt bastard, immoral pig or any other adjective your critics may use to describe you with is bad enough but being broke is even worse. If done with perfection this rule would add an immaculate ending to your career!

And for those dull moments when you seem to loose the drive to go, remember that Lillian Bash who actually had a semi pot belle was once a Delta soap girl for a year with a pot belle! and those two midgets have acted in more that 100 Nollywood

movies, so why can't YOU BE THE NEXT NOLLYWOOD STAR!?

----------------Raymond's words of wisdom---------

"Any fool can BECOME a star but not every fool can REMAIN a star" - Raymond aka Blackspittle

ORIGINALLY COMPLIED BY ME!!!! RAYMOND (BS)

This is where fans of wwe come to play,

Cool site!

ugh too bad, my gmail account is acting up again, i'll hav to try it again later

Yea i do hav a photo, give me your email if you want it,

And could you please tell me ALL about yourself,

sure, i'm willing to give it a try, thats if your willing to give it a serious try yourself, this AIN'T a joke to me, if your serious, sure! but only one thing though, you live in holland!

im, *ahem , im 18! ,

Im not 17, musta being an error or sumthing,

, thanks evesh, another shoulder to cry on!

WHAT?! yo wait up, newsflash, im NOT 17 and i could walk into any club without the bouncers having the slightest suspicion what so ever that im underaged (may be its 'cause im NOT underaged)

BTW i don't want to get a girlfriend like that,

Yea, that would be easy, go out to a club, get a girl, take her home, have sex with her, wake up the next morning alone on the bed, walk to the bathroom to find my mirror plagued with the inscription " Thanks for sharing my HIV virus with me" written with red lip stick, NO THANKS!

well actually, there was this one girl in school i really liked, but i didn't have the courage to speak to her. We always caught each other staring on MANY ocassions, like for 4 whole weeks i KNEW i loved her but didn't have the courage, didn't have the god damned courage,

I'm not playing hard to get, just stating the obvious position, and thanks for the good luck message, i'll need all the help i need,

I got a number of photos i could post, but you'd have to want to give me a try and of course reside in PHC before i'd show 'em to you,

whats wrong with being gay?

The subject title says it all, i need a girl, to love to hold to take good care of. So i'd just introduce myself before i go any further. My name is Raymond, im originally from Edo state , benin city but i've lived in Port Harcourt all my virgin life and i've come to love these people. I just wrote the latest WAEC exam and awaiting my result - but rather than sit 'round waiting, im trying my hands on the under exploited world of 2D animations, if im successful i could make BIG money ( to take care of my juliet). So if you're a girl from Port Harcourt and want to be loved by me please holla at me at
osmineditor1@hotmail.com

other info

im a light drinker, i don't smoke, i don't worship the devil neither do i masturate so please HOLLA back at me,

I'm into animations, well bacically 2D, Im bout to get my graphics tablet and then get into some serious animation, commercially!

Okay, call me obnoxious call me stupid i don't care but i couldn't help picturing amy (a human equivalent of godZilla) doing a pillow talk with fat basterd on the same bed, 'Chubby' gurl wants 'chubby' guy, (chubby = FAT), What u afriad of amy? that you'd crush the slim guy when you get ontop?,