₦airaland Forum

PrimadonnaO:
If you say you're not compatible, fine. But you didn't mention that in your story at all. All you emphasised was that she refused to accept you back after you had begged for three months.

Why didn't you tell her a long time ago that you didn't think you were compatible. A baby after and sleeping with her friend before you realised it, yeah? You supposedly wanted to finish your house first, suddenly you're suspending it.

Sigh. Life would be a lot simpler if we're all honest with each other.

Except she already wishes to relinquish her child to you, I hope she has the means to fight to keep her daughter.

Best of luck.

P.S I'm actually wondering why you and this ex you suddenly love to the moon and beyond broke up in the first instance.

from you response you are blaming me for everything, I quite agree with you on that, I am to be blamed since I caused it, if I had kept it a secret it would still be all rosy between us now, but the did has been done, she has refused to forgive me and made it clear to me that I should move on.

As for your last question, i lost contact with her, I got to meet her again via Facebook. My suddenly love for her is due to her character traits which she has shown even while we were in school and now that we are together.
I think I deserve to move on, and pls do know that I have equal rights to my daughter too.

Legionx:
Thanks for this reply but I' meant your degree as in first class or second class.

I just want to know what's possible for me

second class lower, I had all the free time but I no serious. First class is possible if you serious bros.
All the best

Legionx:
I know this does not relevant to the issue at hand but please how were you able to school and work

And what degree did you graduate with..

I'm working and schooling too and it's very hard to keep up

Bachelors.
civil engineering,
working and schooling was easy because I had an understanding with my boss, everything was smooth.

PrimadonnaO:
For starters, one thing we've all got to understand is that when we offend someone, it is not in our place to determine how they react, or how quickly they forgive us.

For Christ's sake, you cheated on her... and with her friend! In her mind, you probably blocked her while at it, too. Man, that's painful. She had every right to be hurt. Not everyone comes around quickly. Congratulations if you forgive people in a snap... but you must understand not everyone is like that. Some persons come around a lot more slowly. It really pains me when I see people expecting everyone to behave and think like them. Do y'all understand the concept of individuality at all?

yes, it is not in my place to determine how she reacts or how quickly she forgives me, this to me is not a trait I want in a woman I want to marry, I guess I can say we are not compatible.

PrimadonnaO:
Well, moving past that, you want to marry this girl because she offered to give you 100 out of 200k to complete your house. Can't you see that she's desperate? What would 100k really do in completing a house? Is she going to fund the wedding rites, too?

if you read or understood the OP, I stated that I rejected her offer, i started the building myself and I intend to finish it myself, I will sponsor my wedding myself, I careless about how desperate you think she is, as a matter of fact I love her the more for that act.
This is the same girl that has shown me love right from uni days, I have dated many girls and I see an exception in her, she is my kind of woman desperate or not.

quote author=PrimadonnaO post=82032454]
My dear, that you dated her in 2015 doesn't mean she's the same person you used to know. You need to re-know her. She said she saved up 200k from her govt allowance and PPA salary. Very interesting! Was she living with her parents throughout the NYSC period? Are her parents well to do?[/quote]she served in Abuja her PPA was at the Nigeria customs, she was given free accommodation and a monthly stipend of 15k. She also plait hairs and do weavon cap to sell for fellow core members and female custom officers.
I have known her to be this independent, hardworking and very supportive right from my university days, plus she has all the characters I want in a woman.


quote author=PrimadonnaO post=82032454]
If you decide to go ahead and marry her... your cup of tea. But please, quit the nonsense about going to get your baby from her mother. You have no right to. She's not yours alone...and a child is best left with her mother. Continue to provide for her upkeep, but leave her alone with her mother.[/quote]Nonsense talk, really?
I am a Yoruba man, we don't leave our children outside. I have every right to get my daughter back,
thank you.

bethyz:
Just like that you want to move to this next babe hmmmm.

Becarefull ooo

What would you advice sir?

Akuchaser:
wow

life is somehow
this your new babe might have fault you will get to figure out later.

observe well o

Hmmm. No body is perfect, all that matters to me is the strong love and commitment she has shown me right from my university days.
I go still observe her sha.
Thanks

mrNEMZY:
You are a good story teller.

Don't go into a marriage before settling the past relationships fully. Go to the baby mama parents, tell them the whole thing without mixing words.

This is for them to know what happened, and not for their approval.
Let them know that you have moved on and nothing can stop you.
Then go on with the new girl.

Thanks, I will see to that.

pharrell8:
Have u informed d gal u loved abt ur child if u av den I'll suggest u follow ur hrt.

Yes I have, and she is ok with it.

sorextee:
A wise man once said THE LONGER THE EXPLANATION, THE MORE THE LIES
I finally understood what he meant.

believe what you want bros
I sha no ask for your opinion.

anthonyuncle:
hmm,

dz one ain't long, it's deep!

I'll advice u finish ur building 1st,

leave ur baby mama and her pride,

go for ur daughter before u start marriage commitments with ur current babe

Thanks baba
as for building matter I go finish am no doubt, I am just so overwhelmingly inlove with my current babe.

as for collecting my baby before my marriage, I am not always around so I no fit take care of pikin when I no dey stay one place, and taking that girl to my parents is not an option I would like to consider.

�

Hmmm, what did she take me for?
I know say I Bleep up big time no doubt, but na me even tell u say I Bleep up, I come dey beg u join and u dey do me shakara.

I come ask her if she still wants us back, this babe state it clearly that she has moved on, I should move on.

Well, me sef don move on after I begged her for 3months and she no gree, I just want see if she go reason my matter again.
After that incident I hardly visit them again, but I do send her money monthly for my baby maintenance.
Her dad called me one day and said he would like to see me, I told him I would come if I am chanced.

I told my baby mama about it, she told me since I don't respect people she send to me so there is no need for us to settle, I have made it clear to her that anything we can't settle within ourselves, I don't believe any third party can settle it. She said ok.

Talking about moving on, I am currently in a serious relationship with one of my university babe those years, we dated while we were in school as far back as 2015 and as I graduate relationship finish. I recently met her on Facebook last year and we kick started everything again, she just finished service this year August, and she too don start marriage talk, I told her my plans that I wan finish my project before I think of marriage, she jokingly asked which stage I dey for the project I told her roofing stage, that I have been making instalmental payment for the aluminium roofing, she asked how much remain to complete the roofing payment, I told her 100k.
This babe shock me say she have savings of 200k after she finished her service (NYSC allawee plus PPA allawee combined) that she wants to contribute 100k for the building project.
I was flagabasted by this her gesture.
I asked her what was her initial plans for the savings, she told me she wanted to start a salon business after her service,
I was really moved by that singular act, though I rejected her offer and told her to continue with her initial plans.
Lest I forget since we have been dating she have never asked me for one naira.
Throughout my stay in school na she dey come cook for me without me spending a dime. This babe love me die.

Shey dis kind babe still dey exist?
As matter be so I don suspend my building project o, I dey go meet her papa for proper introduction, I cannot allow this kind better babe to pass me by.

N:B my baby mama still dey her father house dey form Lord of Ajasa, I still send monthly upkeep though, but after I don marry this my current babe now, na how I go take collect my daughter go be my next move.
Make una wish me luck.

This is a very long story,I will try to make it short as possible.
I am 29years old, graduated 3years ago.
Met my now baby mama when I went to visit one of my then ex in the year 2013, December to be precise.
(I actually went to visit my ex girlfriend for reconciliation when I met my now baby mama who was her friend as at then).
One thing led to another I got her contact and we started fucking in no long time, by February 2014 she got pregnant and I gladly accepted the pregnancy. I went to see her parents to inform them I was responsible for their daughters pregnancy.
Her mum was mad at first, but later calm down.
As at the time she was pregnant I was schooling and working same time.
I had no plans for marriage, but I was happy I had a baby on the way.
By November 2014 she delivered a sweet baby girl (The precious gift I ever had).
Just so you know I took care of all the bills till she delivered, and continued taking care of the bills even after the delivery.
My parents were unaware of my new born baby, I kept it from them, this was a personal decision even though my baby mama didn't agree. I pleaded with her that I would inform my parents at the right time.
I had to lie to her parents that my mum is aware of the baby, but she is angry about it. (I didn't lie to my baby mama though, and she was ok with the whole arrangement)

My parents live in a different state from where I stay. My mum came for a cousins wedding in the state I reside and I used the opportunity to invite my mum to my place, I told her I wanted to see her after the wedding.
After wedding mumcy came and I told her everything that happened, this was in 2017, mumcy begin para that why would I hide such a secret from her for this long, I told her I been no wan disturb her with my wahala since I no plan marriage, she sha calm down after all my explanation and demanded that I take her to see my baby mama's parent.
Na so we drive go there o, mumcy go begin beg them and cast me say I no inform her about the whole thing that happened.
We sha settled everything and everybody was happy.

After baby mama see mumcy she come begin disturb me for marriage o, meanwhile it was this same period I started a building project, I told her to be patient let me finish the building so we can start preparation for marriage. She say I should at least do something that will show commitment, I told her I brought my mum to see your parents, that is commitment to me, she sha no gree, me sef no gree. Everybody begin lock up for each other.
I am not even always in town due to the nature of my job, so I no too send.

Something later happened that got me thinking if she is really the woman I want to spend d rest of my life with.
On a fateful day she told me she was going for an all night program in a church they invited her to, in a particular area in that state.
I objected and told her not to go because the location of the church was a bit far from the where she stays and there was a case of insecurity during that particular period, she insisted that she would go and she went, I called her mum to enquire if she is aware that her daughter is going to XYZ for an all night church program, to my surprise her mum said yes but she gave her a different location from XYZ.
I come call my babe dey ask why she go tell me say she dey go XYZ and she told her mum she dey go ABC?
She answered that if she had told her mum the true location her mum won't allow her go.
That got me angry and I made my anger clear to her.
As per woman wey she be na, she begin para say I no trust her bla bla bla.
I sha let her know say she Bleep up.
We been lock up for like two weeks no talk or chat to each other. I came back to town and beef continued. I went to see her and my baby at their home and instantly her mum sensed that we have an issue because we no dey relate as usual, the mama call me one side to ask what is the problem with me and her daughter, as a guy man I just told her that it's not something she should worry herself about, that we would settle it within ourselves.

Let me state for clarity sake that one of the things I hate in my entire life is involving a third party into my relationship problems, you can help solve other problems I have o, but once it's about my relationship, if we cant settle it within ourselves then I don't think anybody can settle it for us.

So I sha told her mum that we go settle make she no worry.
Had fun with my daughter and she was very happy to see me.
I left town the following week and back to where man dey hustle.
We started chatting and I apologized to her, she was sha still mad that I didn't trust her. I sha beg her and we settle the matter.

After like a month my ex girlfriend (my baby mama friend) called me and told me she was in a near by state from where I dey hustle, as a sharp guy I told her to visit me when she is tru with whatever she went to do.
Na so ex gf visit me o, come spend 1week for my place.
My baby mama be like monitoring spirit, she dey call me morning afternoon and night. All the while my ex was with me she kept calling, and as a guy man, I dey try to avoid make ex gf no know who dey always call me.
Ex gf later know say na her once friend dey always call o, na so she carry my phone without me knowing and blocked my baby mama from calling me, blocked her on WhatsApp and Facebook.
All this while I didn't know till after she left my place.
Baby mama been done dey try reach me on phone and I was unreachable, she had to use her mums phone to call me and told me she has been trying to reach me on phone wth her number but it always shows busy, na so I take code say my ex gf don block her o, and the witch no let me know.

Truth be told I love my baby mama and have plans of settling down with her only if she can wait for me to finish my building project. I only invited my ex gf over make man pikin use that one while away time. Unknown to me say Ex gf don block my baby mama and wan cause wahala for me.
I come reason the whole matter and I know say I Bleep up, meanwhile my baby mama no sabi all the package I play with my ex gf bcoz I told her my phone was bad.
As I reason the whole thing, I decided to tell her the truth about all that transpired.
I told her my ex came to visit me and she was the one that blocked her without my knowledge.

Hmmm, my people, that was the greatest undoing, as baby mama begin vex O, say I am still in love with my ex, that I should go back to her.
I begin beg o.

Seems my begging no wan work, I had to travel down to meet her in person, and still begged but all fell on deaf ears.
She told me it was over between us.
I didn't give up begging her sha, I told her to at least consider the fact that we have a daughter together, she should forgive me for the sake of our daughter, this babe no gree o.

I begged for more than 3months and it seems there was no sign she was going to forgive me.

I come taya to beg na, me sef lock up. Time moved pretty fast, my baby will be 5years by November this year, and she will be going to primary1 once school resume. She attends one of the best school in the area plus I don't joke with her education and general well being.

This year around June, I got an SMS from my baby mama's pastor, that he wants to see me to discuss about me and my baby mama matter, something I hate with passion (involving a third party into my relationship ish) I sha told the pastor I will come and see him whenever I am chanced.
I come chat bby mama up say see wetin her pastor send me o. She said I should go and see him, I told her I wont.
I come begin ask her why she hate me so much, why she no want make we reconcile?
She told me that she was heartbroken and she did not want anything to do with me, she then said something that got me smiling, she said "I didn't beg enough"
This is not true, I begged this babe for 3months she no gree.
All her yarn b say I for still continue to dey beg her.
I gave up easily.