₦airaland Forum

Ok here goes. I have been married to my husband for 14 years, kids are grown and it's just us. I love him, but feel discontent and have felt this way for a while. He is very content though.

Recently made contact with my first adult love. Our story began in Germany I was enlisted and 21 and he an officer and 27. We fell in love I became pregant, I chose to have an abortion ( which I will regret for the rest of my life) it really hurt him. Still he was an offficer and I enlisted the tabu relationship. My tour was up and I left Germany he wrote, but I did not respond, I felt unworthy of him, but never stopped loving him, never. A chain of other events occured and then I met and married my current husband. The passion and connection is not what my first love and I shared.

After communicating with my first love recently, we decided to meet in the near future. First it was to be for lunch, but now it may be for much more. He is married with an unlikely match, his words not mine (2nd wife) and I with a good man, but we are worlds apart in so many things, yet he truly loves me. I do have some resentment though. I believe he may have been unfaithful in our first 2 years of marraige, just unable to prove it.

I am feeling so confused and lost. I feel like there is unfinished business. I still love him and want him (my first love). I am so unhappy at times. I don't want to hurt the man who has been there for me during tough times, but really want to feel passion and desire and love, true love again. I have always done everything that I had to do, because I had children to care for. I've worked long hours while going to school, put all my hopes, dreams and desires on hold, because it was what had to be done at the time. I feel awful for my thoughts and feelings. Do I not meet and always wonder and think about him, because it's what I have been doing for the last 21 years anyway or do I see where it goes?