₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
Somehow I doubt that

Because you picked all the “good” things you said you were doing in your marriage and rubbished them and then tried to get other co-signers on to help you discourage other men from doing these same good deeds. And the only people you’re in agreement with are those telling you negative things about her.

It’s not giving that you want it to work.

Your opinion is very appreciated, thanks

cococandy:
OP could have divorced since.

I’m a supporter of divorce especially when such deep bitterness seems to be between them. Instead he chose to come here to recruit women haters into his campaign of calumny.

Understand something’s and understand life, if you truly love someone, the simple act of reading negative comments or advise about that person can make you realize the other good aspects of the same person.

You need to think more, there are more sides to everything.

Obviously I want my marriage to work, are you married?

cococandy:
So which is it?

Did she beg you to stay when you called for separation or did she tell you to go that she hates you and you disgust her? The two statements are polar opposites

Did it occur to you that they are two separate events?

cococandy:
See the problem with telling tales is that you forget what you said initially.

lol, ok thanks

SweetyZinta:
So sorry for what you are passing through.
I have been seeing people reacting differently and blaming you. Hmmmm I weak! You sound like a good man so here is my advice. Are you from the same state/village? Have you reported her to any of her parents before now?

You need to take her back to her family and tell her family everything she has been doing to you. After everything watch the family's body language, you will know if they support her behaviour or not. After then, still leave her there and go back with your kids alone. Tell her to learn how to treat a man cos you are also tired of her attitude!! Since you work from home, you can be able to take care of your kids, if she insists you can leave the kids with her. Let her stay there for at least a month and see the difference.

Some women are possessed by some spirits and they pressure and kill good men only to realise that they have lost a treasure. May God be with you!

Thank you so much, God bless you!

Silentgroper:
she should earn her respect if she wants to be respected.. you don't sit at home doing nothing waiting for husband to make provisions for everything the family needs and expect to be respected.. No, it doesn't work that way.. you don't tell your husband "you hate him" and expect to be respected.. You don't talk back to your husband while he's talking and expects to be respected.. You basically don't disrespect your husband and expect to be respected . Kolewerk ..

It was father's day . He had every right to have gone out with friends/family and stayed out late . It's just a day to celebrate him and he needed to live it to the fullest ...

Making a toast is stuffing things in the middle of two breads and placing in a toasting machine.. Tell me how that's much of a work around 10pm .. if she was that needed to eat around 10pm wouldn't she make something for herself to eat .. like I said op was even lenient asking her to make toast .. if it were me, any food I pronounced that night must made, i don't care how hectic it's ... You refuse, pack your bags and go to your father's house ..

I don't condone indiscipline...

A woman who was trained properly would have called or texted that what are we eating tonight or what do you want to eat. I was the one who thought of dinner for the family and bought the items.


I really took a lot of shit from her and anything I try to correct her monster and beast get thrown at me.

Silentgroper:
you're way too soft on her .. you've enabled her too much ... Some females would dare not try this on her husband even asswipes on nairaland chatting shiit all over . . Seriously, if you two have this resolved, you need to change that, it's a must...


Omoh, one woman go come unplug TV when I dey watch am .. Dem never even born am well to change channel while I on the TV . She go waka go her father's house at the next min ..

God knows

Silentgroper:
she should earn her respect if she wants to be respected.. you don't sit at home doing nothing waiting for husband to make provisions for everything the family needs and expect to be respected.. No, it doesn't work that way.. you don't tell your husband "you hate him" and expect to be respected.. You don't talk back to your husband while he's talking and expects to be respected.. You basically don't disrespect your husband and expect to be respected . Kolewerk ..

It was father's day . He had every right to have gone out with friends/family and stayed out late . It's just a day to celebrate him and he needed to live it to the fullest ...

Making a toast is stuffing things in the middle of two breads and placing in a toasting machine.. Tell me how that's much of a work around 10pm .. if she was that needed to eat around 10pm wouldn't she make something for herself to eat .. like I said op was even lenient asking her to make toast .. if it were me, any food I pronounced that night must made, i don't care how hectic it's ... You refuse, pack your bags and go to your father's house ..

I don't condone indiscipline...

Thank you.


She really did a number on me. Monster and beast were just a few words.

opera1:
How are you sure he return home exactly 10pm? For him to say 10pm, just kno it's few minutes to 11pm.......
Moreover how do you expect someone taken care of kids with other house chores to wake up by 11pm to prepare a meal for someone who ought to be with his family latest 8pm.

Let the op check himself

Not everyone feels the need to lie. If I said 10, it was 10.

frozen70:
I don't really know what triggered the dislike in you, but from what I read, I think she is tired and fed up with you and the relationship

She is just waiting for thr right time to leave

Well do whatever pleases you and make sure you give attention and care to the children for the tike being

As it is now, both of you are flat mates

Nothing can be done untill she comes back to her senses

You are very correct. Very correct, she wants to go.


I wish her luck and all the best!

I really want to kick her out now as we speak but I still being considerate because of m the children.

Silentgroper:
how do you know it's 11pm .. it's probably way before 10pm .. op never said the wife was taking care of a newborn in which she clearly isn't .. so why can't she make a simple meal as toast bread around that time for her husband, the same man that gets her everything she wants like a robot without compaining .. it's not like he asked her to go pound yam or make amala or semo just a friggin toast bread that won't take up to a min . ..
No that's uncalled for..

Even if she was tired, that day was Father’s Day, I prepared the meal we ate all day, c’mon sense or a more thoughtful person won’t have reacted the way she did.


But she did and I reacted too and now I am the bad guy.



These women oo

maasoap:
And there are no men that respect their wives? A man shouldn't voice out if his wife is becoming antagonist or showing attitude in the house? If I treat you right, if I play my part, shouldn't I expect you to do the same or I shouldn't complain when you don't?
Any partner who's tired of marriage should walk out of it instead of making life hard for the other partner in the name of woke or whatever

She said she is tired and wants to go and if I wouldn’t fight for us, I should let her go.


What have I been doing these past years?


It just hit me this morning that I might really have to let her go, if she comes back fine, if not; God knows best.


If I was the monster and beast she has been calling me for years, she won’t have stuck around till now.

Silentgroper:
how long does it take to make a toast ..

Op is even lenient .. I would have ask her to pound yam that night and she dares not do it ..

She knows I am the gentle, easy going type and hate our neighbors hearing our voices, so she uses that against me. This last issue we had, she went to put off the TV by the socket so the neighbors can hear everything.

maasoap:
And there are no men that respect their wives? A man shouldn't voice out if his wife is becoming antagonist or showing attitude in the house? If I treat you right, if I play my part, shouldn't I expect you to do the same or I shouldn't complain when you don't?
Any partner who's tired of marriage should walk out of it instead of making life hard for the other partner in the name of woke or whatever

For those saying maybe she pays the bills, she doesn’t. I have a nine to five and at least 2 other jobs that pay me well, each month rake in at least 400k depending on the month.


I don’t club, I am not materialistic so I rarely buy clothes, I don’t drink although I smoke. 94% of my earnings is spent on my home, taking care of my family.


Talking about leadership, how else do you want to lead a woman.

I have told her countless time to start reading, stop waking up late, start waking up early to plan your day, learn new skills, stop speaking pidgin, and do away with unnecessary friends. After a few weeks or days we are back to square one. There was a time I even called the brother to help talk to her about her attitude all to no avail.

SweetyZinta:
So sorry for what you are passing through.
I have been seeing people reacting differently and blaming you. Hmmmm I weak! You sound like a good man so here is my advice. Are you from the same state/village? Have you reported her to any of her parents before now?

You need to take her back to her family and tell her family everything she has been doing to you. After everything watch the family's body language, you will know if they support her behaviour or not. After then, still leave her there and go back with your kids alone. Tell her to learn how to treat a man cos you are also tired of her attitude!! Since you work from home, you can be able to take care of your kids, if she insists you can leave the kids with her. Let her stay there for at least a month and see the difference.

Some women are possessed by some spirits and they pressure and kill good men only to realise that they have lost a treasure. May God be with you!

Thank you!

You mentioned her family, let me tell you a story and see if any man here can tolerate what I have tolerated.


On our daughter’s naming, her mother called me that she needed money or something. I was about to cut my hair, was even on the seat when the call came in.

I rushed down to my house, only to see her brother-in-law and her friend seating in the house.

I stood in the parlor talking to my wife and this friend totally ignored me for like five minutes, in my living room as if she didn’t see anyone.


My wife didn’t say anything, the brother didn’t say anything. When I asked who the Bleep is this that can’t greet, do you know what they told me?

They said I don’t always calm down that the friend didn’t see me. Now my point is even if my wife was foolish then, couldn’t the elder brother who is supposed to be wiser, speak up and ask the girl whom he introduced to me as his babe that “didn’t you see my in-law”!

They both said nothing and witnessed the disrespect, without saying anything until I lost my temper and walked the friend out of my house.


Guess what, the brother-in-law followed her and don’t come for the naming.

Silentgroper:
how do you know it's 11pm .. it's probably way before 10pm .. op never said the wife was taking care of a newborn in which she clearly isn't .. so why can't she make a simple meal as toast bread around that time for her husband, the same man that gets her everything she wants like a robot without compaining .. it's not like he asked her to go pound yam or make amala or semo just a friggin toast bread that won't take up to a min . ..
No that's uncalled for..

I actually wanted to respond to him, then I changed my mind. Thank God you did in my behalf.


That was the first time in weeks, I stayed out that late and it was because it was Salah. I rarely stay out late and detest men who do.

I detest it to the extent that when I cautioned an older friend about spending more time with his family instead of staying out, the man told me that it is not everyone who see seating in a bar at 10 or 11 that is a drunkard.

Some of those men who just trying to while away time to avoid going home because of the kind of wife they have.

Loisemm2:
Let your current wife see that other version of you first. See, most women like good men but they only respect and truly love a man they perceive as strong and firm. Mature women who have seen and experienced life will know the worth of a good man but most ladies don't till they learn to.

You need to become more firm with her. Don't tolerate nonsensical behaviour from her. Ignore her till thy kingdom come if she starts misbehaving. You can also choose not to mince words with her. Lay it all out with a very firm hard tone and face. Let her realise herself and choose a better path. Then let her know you won't continue to take mistreatment and foul words from her. Or there will be consequences. Not necessarily divorce. But don't tell her you can't do away with her if push comes to shove.
If she really values you and her marriage, she will seek for ways to make amends. If she doesn't, its her loss.

Even if she changes, love her very well but never become a door mat or an effeminate man again. Continue to be that strong firm disciplined man she knows she can't misbehave with. That man she knows loves her to the moon and back but won't take rubbish attitudes from her. This is the ideal man many women want and respect.

Whoever you are, God bless you!


Thank you.

Villa12:
we don't judge without hearing from the other side. Even the dumbest person on planet earth don't judge without hearing from both parties. Invite your wife to this faceless forum to share her own views.

I don’t need your judgement, what you don’t understand is that is simple act of venting here has helped.

I’d rather vent here faceless than talk to family and friends about my issues.

Jozilinn:
there's something you are not telling us, you sound too good said things like you're Christ,guy what are your bad flaws nobody is perfect,you think you too good for her, you feel like you are doing her a favour, do you allow communication in the marriage, your friends said you should take s dude chick imagine guy, do you feel your wife standard is beneath you like she wasn't your class,e get why ask your woman your fault nobody can hate anybody for a reason if she doesn't have a reason then you ask her to leave call your family,tell them you aren't interested but will be caring for your kids,then after an agreement... you maintain your self focus on your attitude,try to love yourself before anything another woman can come in a year because by then you probably would have figured out the issue exactly. Accept blames and learn to give room for communication, you no offend her but you hurriedly did the chores to please her so only you know wetin dey happen you understand .

Tell me how I painted myself as Christ. Everything up there is the truth. How do you make someone your everything without express communication?

Sex is another issue, I always have to beg for it and when I raised the issue in anger she said I can be going to get it from other girls.

I really don’t think most Nigerian girls deserve or want a cool headed man. They will show you shege.

Thinking back and seeing only the things I did I can only can myself a fool. Helping with the chores, helping with the kids, revealing everything about my finances to her, standing up to her family for once admonishing her, spending too much time with her and trying to make her my everything.


Friends have taught me a lot in this life which I why I chose to avoid friends and focus on my wife and family but this woman is making those same guys I abandoned for her call me a fool.


If there’s an altercation, she turns on off the TV and sound system so the neighbors can hear everything.


Is it wrong to be a good man and want your wife to be your best friend.

If this marriage finally fails, the next woman I will date will see another version of me

I have been noticing this things for the past couple of months. She even said recently in a fight that I disgust her and she hated me, I wanted to call for a separation after hearing such strong words but she pleaded and I acquiesced.

We have two kids.

Yesterday which was Father’s Day, she woke up at 10 o clock, before she did, I had slept the house and prepared breakfast because I felt she needed to rest.


I went out to with my friends around 6pm and came back around 10pm and asked her to help make toast for dinner and she boldly told me to go the kitchen and make it myself.

I really blame myself for this situation now, I made myself to accessible to all. I barely keep friends. So I made her my best friend, tell her everything about my finances and all. I treat her as an equal.


Is it wrong to treat a Nigerian woman well this days?


Everybody is advising me to get a side chick but I’m not that kind of man, I’m not sneaky or crafty enough to maintain two relationships.

I have been told to stop spending time with her at home but I’m an introvert, I don’t like frolicking with other people unless it’s absolutely necessary and besides I work from home.

I have also been advised to treat her like a stranger in her house and not talk to her for days but once again I don’t want that kind of life. I feel truly trapped.