hahahahaha.this is wonderful.nice write up

http://234next.com/csp/cms/sites/Next/Opinion/5701779-184/story.csp



ONGOING CONCERNS: So how many Nigerians does it really take to change a light bulb?

By Tolu Ogunlesi
May 17, 2011 11:57PMT
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Answer:

*One person to write a petition to the Presidency lamenting that the light bulb needs changing.

*Twelve persons to form a Presidential Panel of Inquiry “to establish the immediate and remote causes of the blackout, and prescribe appropriate recommendations;” three dozen ministers (sitting under the chairmanship of the president, on a Wednesday morning) to award a contract, “for the supply of Nos.1 light bulb.”

*One minister to announce at the end of the FEC meeting that: “Council this morning approved the release of X million naira for the purchase of Nos.1 light bulb as part of its commitment to ensuring government’s implementation of the National Light Bulb Policy.”

*Six enterprising persons to rush to the Corporate Affairs Commission (CAC) to register six separate companies for the special purpose of tendering for, and bagging, the contract for supply of the new light bulb.

*Two hundred placard carriers to march to the premises of the National Assembly to protest the marginalisation of their geo-political zone in the national bulb-allocation formula.

*One person to approach the Abuja Federal High Court seeking an order, “compelling the Federal Government to ensure equitable national distribution of light bulbs.”

*One person to approach the Federal High Court in Lagos seeking “a stay of execution on the ruling of the Abuja High Court pending determination of a substantive suit on the matter.”

*One judge at the Court of Appeal to throw out all suits on grounds that they “are frivolous and lacking in merit.”

*Six members of the Board of the National Light Bulb Allocation Agency (NLBAA) to screen tenders for the supply of the light bulb and select a “preferred” and “reserve” contractor: these six persons to proceed to Shanghai, China to inspect the factory producing said light bulb.

*Six mobile police officers to guard the National Bulb Allocation Agency warehouse upon importation of the bulb, to prevent a repeat of a previous scenario where imported light bulbs vanished two days after delivery.

*One engineer to commence and abandon installation of the light bulb. No project is deemed successful in Nigeria unless it has been abandoned at least once. (Joke: The National Independent Power Project (NIPP) and the Sagamu-Benin Expressway are in heated debate over who is the most abandoned: “Shut up there!” NIPP says to Sag-Ben. “We summoned the ‘sculptor’, the woodpecker too is saying ‘present, sir!’ What do you know about abandonment?” They argue violently. And then ‘Ajaokuta’ shows up, silent. The warring projects shut their mouths and before you can say “mobilisation fee”, have sneaked away in shame. Case closed).

Back to our light bulb change personnel calculation:

*One government official to inspect the bulb installation site, express displeasure “at the slow pace of work on the project site”, and vow to, “ensure that the defaulting contractor is made to face the full wrath of the law.”

*Twelve plainclothes EFCC officials to storm the office of the defaulting engineer to arrest him and cart away laptops and contract documents.

*One Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN) to apply for bail on behalf of the arrested engineer.

*One engineer from the “reserve contractor” to complete the installation of the light bulb, and then realise that the bulb cannot be tested because there is no electricity, and no diesel in the generator.

*One contractor to supply a tanker of diesel to the generator required to power the light bulb.

*One senior government functionary (preferably Mr President) to commission the newly installed light bulb.

*Twenty-three photographers and camera operators to cover the commissioning ceremony.

*One NTA newscaster to announce to 30 million Nigerians that the president has just commissioned, “an ultra-modern, state-of-the-art light bulb.”

*One petitioner to allege that the newly installed bulb was supplied by a company fronting for the Chairman of the Board of the National Light Bulb Allocation Agency, and that contract was “grossly inflated.”

*One NLBAA spokesperson to refute the “wicked and malicious allegations” levelled against the “esteemed and honourable Chairman” of the Agency, and threaten a libel case.

*A delegation of fourteen traditional rulers and community elders from benefiting community to pay a courtesy visit to the president to thank him for bringing the dividends of democracy to the area, and to express their “unalloyed loyalty” to him and his administration.

*One NEXT reporter to write a story on ‘lightbulbgate’ entitled: “Nigeria’s Illuminati — The Corrupt Cabal running the National Light Bulb Allocation Agency.”

* One commentator on the NEXT website (preferably a ‘TATA’, or his alter-ego ‘CountryMan’) to suggest that the light bulb probably didn’t even need changing in the first place.

Now at this point we have to do the math. Let’s see what number we come up with. That figure, ladies and gentlemen, is Nigeria’s Light Bulb Index (LBI). The World Bank says that a country’s LBI is a very accurate indicator of its readiness for transparency, and for economic development.

Nigeria and Iraq are reputed to be jostling for first place in the global LBI rankings. And that’s because (apart from the fact that the sale and use of light bulbs is already being banned in several countries, due to dismal energy efficiency), in Iraq it takes an entire Halliburton Division to change — and bill the Iraqi government for — a single light bulb.

Clay house Consulting, Port Harcourt is currently recruiting for an upcoming training center in Port Harcourt with operations in Portharcourt and Warri for the under listed position
Training Services Sales/Development Executive (Freelance or Full time)

All applicants must based in Warri, Port-Harcourt or the environs and please kindly state if you are applying for full time or freelance. Also state the location where you would like to work.
send CVs to vacancy@wbs.org.ng  not later than the 16th of May.2011

Minimum: B.Sc/Hnd

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