₦airaland Forum

firstking01:
A man that finds a wife must first of of all stand with his 2legs first or else you know the rest.

Okay Sir.

JERRY1925:
My Fear is will she call? I dnt tink she would...I can't really understnd...but I hav dis fear she's not going to call me...she has told me she wnt....she only calls me wen she misses my calls...or I call her and ask her to call me...I guess if I go a month without calling her..she will do same.

Then you need to work on your confidence my friend. Otherwise your love life will keep tossing you in the winds.

Over time there'll be coaching programs you could pick from. I just launched Super Dating Confidence, a 6-step program for singles not in a relationship or singles in unhappy relationships.

I'm taking my time. It'll be available soon. Goodluck.

LorDBolton:
The parts I find amusing about this ur post is the "love" aspect.

Tbh if u ever really played the game u would know by now that love doesn't exist...@least not mutual love.

Per the bolded...you're right about that tho but if I might add, there are also lots of babes willing to stifle a niqqas destiny

A Catch-22 situation there. If you keep playing the game, you won't find love. And yet without the game, you think love is painful, so it doesn't exist.

I have played the game. I have known love. They are world's apart. One moves bodies in proximity and the other moves hearts even miles apart.

Who no go, no know.

firstking01:
How will this help our dying economy op?

He that findeth a wife, finds a good thing and obtaineth favor from the Lord.

You know the rest.

Laveda:
Will they listen?

You know the funny thing? Sometimes they don't even know when they get hooked..

There's no need being nice cause you want to get into a girl's pants.. You're just being stupid.

The thing tire me jor. The funny part is they form being hard but they are cowards inside. Dating is interesting but not for boys or girls unwilling to show their whole cards on the table. All is well.

JERRY1925:
.


She actually said...she dnt even want me as a frnd...or wants anytin to do with me.but she picks my calls and anytim I ask her to call me wen am out of credit she does..so it's so confusing .but her roommate asked me to b patient that she misses me...and I should keep trying...but she's not makin it easy to me.

Alright. I understand better now. She's not playing games. And she's not playing hard to get. She's having internal conflict between what she wants in her head and what is attracting her in real life. You don't know her past. Her friend is right, if you love her, be patient. Let her decide the outcome of her inner conflict by herself. But if you want to help her, stop calling her. Let her call you more often from now on. This will let her invest more time into you and hopefully she'll turn around. She loves you. And you're a good guy too. Go slowly.. but let her call you more than you call her. Let her call.

First off, I'll say this. I'm not happy.

I read up on Charles Nneji's post where he promises techniques guys can use to get into girls' panties. Do they work? I can tell you they do because I know everything he's talking about. I'm sure I became a Pickup artist before Charles picked up any book on it. Long time ago in 2008. But I quit a year later. It's quite a long story but as at then, it didn't feel right. I quit pickup and started studying how natural relationships work. And it's all based on one word: SINCERITY.

And this is why Nigerians like Charles who sell these repackaged craps to fellow Nigerians for the sake of cash only make my stomach turn.

Guys, why do we really need a relationship? For companionship. To grow with someone else who can stick with us through the thick and thin.

Guys who learn "the techniques" don't ever find love with these techniques. And they end miserable, no matter how much sex they get from various girls. In fact many of them suffer from having low self-esteem, something I always propose that clients start working on in my SDC program.

Pickup techniques are simply psychological techniques that take advantage of girls' vulnerabilities with a lot of lies concocted on the guy's part. There is no SINCERITY. Truly it's sickening.

My philosophy is that truly one can find love and happiness in a relationship where the 6 pillars of Super Dating Confidence are complete. No need for tricks and all that. The end goal shouldn't be sex but a healthy and open relationship where both partners become better persons.

Guys please I beg you, quit the life. It is truly sickening. Girls don't have fish brain. They have fine tuned brains that ready to help you grow into the best man you can be.

Charles and others like him are making little money off your heads. Have they ever found love? Do they know what it looks like? I know their answers coz I've been there.

Heartbroken, vengeful but then I changed.

A lot of you guys are the same. Trying to protect your soft core from getting broken. But then I ask the question, "If you're not broken, how do you grow?"

JERRY1925:
She's dating no One..kinda positive about that.

Then give her time. Otherwise really, why in a hurry? Let the attraction between you two build up gradually. If she senses pressure, it puts up a huge red flag in her mind.

Perhaps she has an experience from her past that makes a romantic relationship undesirable to her. For instance I and a girl dated once. At first she was very closed off about getting romantic but I kept being there for her. When I sensed something from her past was being an obstacle, I confronted her about it. Before she had promised to let me in on it and I always told her I wouldn't force her. But she relaxed about the whole thing while it threatened our happiness. Feeling cornered she told me that as a 7 year old, an old man abused her and her child hood friend in a bush. Till date she's still trying to work through it, doing counseling confronting it.

So you really don't know what she has gone through. Give her time. Quit focusing on you and give her quality time. Let her trust you naturally.

On the other hand, maybe she has locked you in a friend zone. A different hot water to boil.

Just tell me what you think, then we'll take it from there. There are a lot of variables in a relationship.

JERRY1925:
Same situation with a Girl presently.. gave me all the Green light I needed...later switched to red...later Green and after small issue Red again....and d truth is..i really mean well 4 her..but it's almst a month now No Green light again....she picks my calls...calls me back when she misses them...but not ready to see me..or have anything to do with me again...the funny thing is, wen I call all she does is listen...so confused right now...if she still truly cares...somtimes I feel like giving up..but she responses to me nice..and it maks me feel bad.

Sorry about that buddy .

Be honest, does she have a guy in her life? If she does, that's a different ball game altogether.

Many times guys find it difficult to differentiate "No I'm not interested in you because I have someone else" and "No not now but if you try harder, just maybe something will happen."

Dating is a game for mature minds. And it can be fun. So does she have a guy in her life that you're aware of?

Peinstein:
And this is how you end up confusing ladies. Green light. ... Red light light .... Blue light ... Until the guy thinks you are merely wasting his time and finds something better to do with his time. I think we live in a more direct world nowadays; if you love him, observe him and give him a yes or no answer.

A player who knows his game would keep chasing a lady while he has other ladies as backup to keep him busy while "latest" lady decides. It is most likely the guy who has good intentions that would get tired of the back and forth of colour-inspired moods and decide to move on.

If you love her, why would you think she is wasting your time?

Meaning the method works! Coz you already remove yourself from her life.

Ladies deserve to be protected as they have so much to lose if the affair goes south. They know this. Why scare them to make just any choice. Fear isn't good for making sound relationship decisions.

My advice is based on facts, not just a theory. Study up on fractionation. Otherwise educate me if you have facts too. I'm always ready to improve on my knowledge.

There are two schools of thought when it comes to how a girl should respond to a guy's dating proposal. One school says it's important to make the guy suffer because guys value what they sweat for. The other school insists that playing hard to get is immature and if the girl likes the guy, she should go ahead and save time to know if they're even compatible or not. So which one is correct? Which really works well most of the time?

None of the two works well. In fact they both have loopholes that could cost a girl her happiness if her ploy backfires and breaks her heart. Before I bring up the pros and cons, let's investigate why girls need to be careful about how they accept a guy's proposal.


GIRLS STAND TO LOSE MORE THAN GUYS
Who cares more about their reputation in front of their friends? Girls. Who does society look down more on if a sex tape leaks out? Girls. Who feels the stigma more of being raped? Girls. Who'll get pregnant, drop their life's plans and dedicate time to nurse a baby? Girls. Who feels more shame being a single parent? Girls! Girls, girls, girls!!! Let's face it, society hasn't been fair to women for a long time, almost since biblical days. Yet I put it to you that girls are smarter, kinder and more beautifully made than 90% of all men. It's a fact. So for all the above reasons and more, girls have to be careful who they invite into their private world of risks. But the methods of accepting a guy's proposal listed above are below effective. Why?


WHY BOTH METHODS ARE INEFFECTIVE
Accepting a guy straight from the start without much hassles is good IF the guy has good intentions. But how the hell do you know that from the start?? Maybe there's a way but that's a topic for another day. On the other hand, if the guy came with bad intentions, it'll lead to the eventual heartbreak all ladies try to avoid, especially if he was her first love.

But then playing hard to get comes with a mistake MANY girls make - they're never sure when to stop and take a break. They ride on, "wickeding" the guy until he loses interest and walks away. And what if... what if, he was the right one? Just what if...

So how do we strike a practical balance? Here it is:

THE RIGHT WAY TO PLAY HARD TO GET
The right way to pull it off is to use a tried-and-proven technique called FRACTIONATION.

Originating from Neuro linguistic programming, the technique involves delivering a small stimulus at first and withdrawing it, only to repeat the process progressively increasing the amount of stimulus you deliver.

I'll break it down. It means you show him a little interest then back away and play a little hard to get, then much later indicate interest again.

This works so well and is useful as it unnerves the guy making you very unpredictable yet giving him hope that maybe he'll have your heart someday. If he has good intentions, you'll observe how helpless he'll be in your hands. This is good, after all you have more to lose if you make a wrong investment. If he has bad intentions, he'll get impatient and eventually let you be, coz he knows you're playing a game and he most likely doesn't want to fall in love. You are in control.

Seeing your green light now and then your red light later generates tension in the guy's mind that can be interpreted as, "Does she like me or not? Maybe, maybe not. I'm just confused." This will unnerve any guy and then leave you who is in control to study him like a lab rat.

BUT PLEASE BEWARE
Do not get into the habit of demanding things or receiving gifts from him. This will put him back in control as he concludes that you're after his wallet and what's inside. And nobody likes being used. Someday he'll ask for a refund in kind, God forbids, leading to rape. So please be responsible.

All in all, don't accept blindly but don't play TOO hard to get. Remember, green light red light, green light red light...

According to the SDC system, there are 6 areas where relationship issues can spring up from. This particular case basically affects one of these 6 areas so it's not a surprise to me when ladies ask me about it, "Chike, he no longer calls me like that again. Even if it's just flashing."

There are only 3 reasons (all things being equal and no superstitious thing involved) why a guy who once was obsessed with you in your relationship together no longer is. Here goes:

1. The Manual-Gear Brain Reason: Men think like cars with manual gears. We keep riding on one activity until it becomes important enough to switch to another one. We have little tolerance for multi-tasking our minds and emotions to do stuff that doesn't concern our main objective. If we are worried, we focus on our worries. If we are trying to make money, we focus on that. If we are making love, we just want to do it and get off! Of course not all guys are "in-and-out" bed mates. But largely it is the male brain. Women savor the experience of things more than the end objective - and can juggle many concerns all at once. They're not in a hurry. Women could be working at the office yet at once be planning their next date in their minds down to the details of when he kisses her goodnight. So if he hasn't called, he's just chasing money probably or occupied with figuring out a problem. It doesn't mean you're not important. He just needs time to focus on what's at hand.

2. The Liability Reason: I won't lie to you. We guys, ALL OF US don't like getting tied down to unnecessary stuff that'll demand all our time. We don't like responsibilities in relationships coz we want to be free to FOCUS on other things in our lives. It just takes self-discipline and keeping the right friends to be different. The worst kind of liability a girl can pose to her boyfriend is this: BEING NEEDY. Having this attitude of, "Without you baby I'll just die." Seriously ladies, this attitude screams of the fact that you have absolutely no self-confidence. Having confidence issues like this puts the guy alert on his toes as he's never sure he'll meet up with being your one and only happiness provider. Besides when you're done draining him of his own motivation in life, he has no choice but to avoid you, calling you only when you remind him to. Be careful about this ladies.

3. The Just-Wanna-Have Fun Reason: Oh yes your greatest fear come to life. It's true. It is possible. I haven't stopped seeing guys who discuss proudly how a girl they'd been chasing for months finally got "kpanshed" last night. The only thing I tell girls is this: forget a guy's promises and enjoy the moment keeping your fingers crossed. The guy who loves you will come back, and if he just wanted to get in your pants, so what? What matters is that you liked him in the first place. There is no need to build dreams in the sky about him in your future. Like Steve Harvey said, "Get some standard." Respect yourself. Be more the adult you are. He had fun, you had fun. It was fun. Move on. As long as he didn't rape you. That is THE crime. Otherwise don't make him feel like a winner. Really don't build expectations coz when they burst, that's where the pain comes from.

So basically, for all 3 reasons, this is my advice: work on your confidence. Build your life so well with dreams, goals and ambitions that you'll hardly have time to worry about his call no matter his reason. Don't forget the greatest law of desire: the less you need a thing, the more it needs your attention.