₦airaland Forum

Post by: Lauren Martin

If dating in general is difficult, then dating in your twenties is damn near impossible.
Dating in your twenties as a woman is like trying to catch a fish without a rod. It’s like sitting on a boat, praying and hoping some stupid bass will willingly jump out of the water and into your limp net. You’re looking for a miracle and a complete reworking of a fish’s mentality.
But why? Why is it so damn hard to find a good guy? Why is it so hard to get back that relationship that came so easily in high school and college?

We’ve all been guilty of passing on the guy who was “too easy.” The guy who texted us every morning, called us for dinner and made sure we knew his intentions. We were bored with that guy. We were young and alive and thought we needed a little danger.
Well, now we’ve got that danger, and all we want is the safety of a man who isn’t going to get us in bed and stab us 15 times in the heart before getting out before dawn.
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We’d rather be hurt than numb
The saying is “it’s better to feel something than to feel nothing,” but when it comes to bad boys and assh*les, you usually always end up crying in bed wishing you could just be numb again.
Before he hurt you, however, you were so damn desperate to feel something that you willingly jumped into the pit of piranhas, thinking you were ready to take on whatever. Oh, how wrong you were.
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We’re deluded by our own fantasies

If we’re being honest here, let’s be real and say that most guys we meet aren’t sized up and down for who they are as people, but for how good they’ll look in our Instagram pics. We don’t look at men and see them for who they are and how they will treat us; we see them for the chance we have at making them ours.
We chug down these fantasies and grandiose notions before we realize that we’re drinking poison.
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We want to be “that girl”

Every woman wants to be “that woman” who changes the bad boy. If you haven’t already figured it out, here’s a hint: The bad boy never changes, the women he dates just get more stupid. His wife, “the one who changed him” isn’t living with a converted saint, but a man who is most likely going behind her back.
There’s no prize in being “that girl,” but most likely a few consolation prizes that include a stab in the back.
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We don’t actually want boyfriends

This may be a stretch, but I think women choose the wrong guys because they unconsciously don’t want — or aren’t ready — for real relationships.
Relationships are intense; they require complete self-confidence and a good amount of time. Women in their twenties are just coming into their own. We’re finding out who we are, what we love and how we will define ourselves.
Having a boyfriend is another job and facet of ourselves we’re not always ready to explore. Sometimes it’s easier to choose the guy who won’t be our boyfriend than to just admit we’d rather be alone.

..........................................................................(www.highghost.com)...........................................................................................

xynerise:
Harden up?
Does the principle of "Spare the rod and spoil the wife" apply here too?

i dont get??

Post by: WILL LEGEND

Are you textually active? Seeing as nearly 95 percent of 18-35 year olds send text messages, you probably answered “yes.” Even though we might not want to admit it, texting has become ingrained in our daily lives – yet, most of us guys have trouble understanding how to effectively use it to communicate with the opposite sex.
Well, days of spending 20 minutes to plan a single text message are over — so are the days of self-induced headaches from not knowing what to say. Realizing the five most common texting mistakes that guys make will help you to become a texting master.

1. Sending a poor initial text.

A lot of guys strain themselves to think of a witty first message, but it’s absolutely not necessary. This can actually reduce your chances that she will reply.
Let’s go over the two elements of a good first text:
One: it should be simple and concise. Do not write an essay. If she happens to see a massive block of text when she’s fairly busy, do you think she’ll be in the right state of mind to soak in the message and formulate a reply?
Probably not. More likely, she’ll put it off and if she’s not that into you, she might just put it off forever.
Two, it should be sent relatively soon after you get the number. Some guys stubbornly abide by the “three-day rule” before contacting a girl, but that’s tomfoolery.
The problem with the “three-day rule” is that if the girl gave out her number to several guys in the same day or night, she might not remember you after three days.
It’s okay to text a girl immediately after getting her number. It’s not desperate; it’s basic communication. No matter what, I’d recommend sending a text within 24 hours of getting the number. Something simple like this works just fine:
“Hey Hannah, nice running into you at ABC Bar! Save my number. –Will”
Make sure you sign your name at the end of the first text so there’s zero chance of confusion.

2. Beating around the bush.

AKA: taking too long to ask her out.
This is a fatal mistake. Guys think that they once they get a girl’s number, they should start building attraction through texts. Unfortunately, texting is essentially just words on a screen. There’s no vocal tonality or body language — two necessary ingredients in building a connection. Generally, you can only lose attraction through text.
The lesson here is you should be building attraction during your initial face-to-face interaction, leading up to when you ask for the number. Remember, the primary reason for getting a number is to set up a future date.
Think about it from a female’s perspective. You meet an attractive guy and agree to give him your number. If he seemed cool (and not creepy), you’ll hope that he asks you out. But instead, he decides to text you a hundred questions to get to know you and tries to be clever with every reply. This continues on and on and on. Would you still be interested in this guy?
It’s important to consider the fact that attraction expires. Oftentimes, a girl has multiple suitors, and if one guy isn’t decisive enough to ask her out, the girl will go for the guy who is decisive. She’s not going to wait on any one guy forever.

3. Writing block after block of text.

Have you ever received a huge block of text that made you question “Why?” when you got it?
Maybe you felt annoyed. Maybe you felt confused. Or maybe, you felt burdened to reply with an equally lengthy text.
For some reason, many guys miss the point of texting. Basically, texting is a convenient way to communicate with short, efficient messages. But unfortunately, most guys spend far too much time crafting the “perfect” message. They’ll come up with a lengthy and witty reply to everything. They’ll try to have a detailed conversation with the hope of building attraction. As I touched on earlier, texting isn’t ideal for this.
However, texting is ideal for logistics. Short and sweet texts are the best. For example:
“Hey Hannah, let’s grab a bite at XYZ Café this week. How does lunch on Friday sound?”
Texting is awesome for getting a girl’s schedule. It’s awesome for setting a time and place to meet up. Still, don’t be 100 percent mechanical in your texts. Use witty banter to show off your personality, but the wit that girls enjoy is more casual and effortless — nothing lengthy or forced.

4. Giving her no chance to reply.

This is common sense, but when it comes to dating, common sense seems to slip the mind of too many.
If you text a girl and she doesn’t reply, you shouldn’t send a follow-up message after an hour. Or two hours. Persistence can get you the date, but sending “Are you there?” an hour after your initial text is ironically the best way to ensure you never hear from her again.
How long is a reasonable amount of time to wait before following up? From getting multiple girls’ perspectives on this, I recommend waiting at least a full day — 24 hours. Even though a girl may have seen your text, she might not have replied because she was too busy to formulate a response. So, give her a chance to reply before you send a follow up.

5. Not setting the exact time and date.

Here’s the deal – if you’re going to ask a girl out on a date, you must provide the exact time and place. Many girls look to guys to lead them in these situations and it’s irritating to the girl if the guy can’t make up his mind on exactly where and when to go. Once you get a girl’s schedule, you should set up the date. Here’s an example:
“Hey Hannah, let’s grab a coffee at this week. What’s your schedule like?”
“Hey, Will! I’m busy Monday – Wednesday but I’m free Thursday and Friday.”
“Ok, how’s 3:00 pm Friday at ABC Coffee Shop?”
“Works for me. I’m down”
Again, short and sweet. With this type of communication, there won’t be any confusion.
Guys, learn from these five texting mistakes and prosper. Though we’ve all made these mistakes, they’re actually quite easy to fix once we’re aware that we’re doing them. Remember that texting is best suited for logistics, not for building a connection.

(www.highghost.com)

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You don’t want to be the guy who gets walked all over in relationships or in friendships. Trust me, it sucks. So if you’re an example of any of the signs below, it may be time to reassess where you stand as a man in this thing we call life. Let’s go ahead and get started.

You ask too many damn questions, and you don’t make enough statements.

Conversations shouldn’t be interviews. You shouldn’t find yourself interrogating your friends or a lady of interest every time you open your mouth to speak. Leave the “where are you from?” and “are you an only child?” questions for Time Magazine. Get people’s attention by making statements.
For example, instead of asking a woman on a date, she would love to hear you take charge and say something like, “We should go out sometime.” Statements give you a higher probability of being accepted. Questions, on the other hand, give people the option of saying no.

You rarely say no in your everyday life.

The point is to not come off as a d*ck, but going through life without saying no just to please everyone else is what we here in the real world call a cop out. Have the audacity to think differently and start telling people no when it’s warranted, or when you really disagree.
Every now and again, you’ll find it freeing and, dare I say, liberating. Not to be at the beck and call of your friends who expect you do 28 things at a time is a feeling we should all experience. Learn the power of NO.

You apologize incessantly.

During a very pivotal scene in “Good Will Hunting,” Dr. Sean Maguire (Robin Williams) tells Will Hunting (Matt Damon), “It’s not your fault.” This applies to you, too. You must come to grips with the very real idea that not everything in life is your fault. With that said, stop apologizing all the damn time!
Being apologetic, or thinking that you’re appeasing people by saying “I’m sorry,” can actually come off as insensitive sometimes and definitely shows signs of being insecure. You’re not doing anyone any favors by asking for forgiveness. Leave the indecisiveness and questioning of all your decisions at the door, and start living a life of no apologies.

You are always available; thus, you are predictable.

A little mystery never hurt anyone, so would it kill you to not pick up your iPhone and reply to every blue message you receive? It’s okay to be busy. In fact, when your friends, or lady friend, try to get in contact with you, tell them you’re busy.
Try staying off Facebook for day. Try not letting everyone in the Twitterverse know what you ate for breakfast, or which train you took to get to Canal Street. Unpredictability is appealing and intriguing, like Ben Affleck as Batman.

The women in your life are 100% comfortable around you.

The women you are dealing with in your personal life should not be 100% comfortable around you, ever. Comfort usually leads to boredom. Boredom usually leads to late nights with Rosy Palm and her five sisters.
Now, I’m not saying you should carry a handgun in your jeans when you and your girl are at home watching “The Walking Dead” on Netflix. What I am saying is — going back to the point of always being too available — women shouldn’t feel that they can read you like an open book.
If you leave nothing to the imagination, there is nothing sexy and mysterious left to wonder about. Find a way to keep her interested by maintaining some distance between the two of you. Always leave her thinking, “What is he going to do next?” That’s how you keep from falling into the quicksand of niceness.

.............................................................................www.highghost.com)...................................................................................

Nice