₦airaland Forum

all dis long talk cos she want to prove dat men benefit more in marriage

i don talk taya, theses are her reply to our conversation about marriage being beneficial to men or women...she choose men



My personal experience? I can give u plenty of instances where women are asked to keep quiet and be obedient all in the name of marriage

Now u also said supported when we call... Was that supposed to erase the fact that we were neglected by our own father. This man was living his life while his kids had to hope a customer buys something before they could eat.
I'll tell u something very certain. Boys tend to follow the footsteps of a father figure irrespective of how the man behaves. You know why? Cos they like the power it gives. They like the fact that they are in control and can control women to do their bidding. For instance, in a household where the family is dysfunctional and they have a male and a female child, when this children grow up, the boys tend to exhibit what they see their father do. They believe thats what a marriage is supposed to be.The girl child will tell u otherwise. She'll tell u she never prays for that kind of marriage. Why? Because all she saw while growing up is her mother taking responsibility for the family with little to no help from her father or she sees how her was beaten and treated like a child instead of a partner. She sees all her mother's suffering and vows never be like her mother. That's why men these days say women nowadays are not as enduring as our mothers . Boys saw the power given to men, girls saw the suffering their mother went through

I'll give you another example. My ex boyfriend is from a polygamous family. His father married another wife with the excuse that she was misbehaving. So marrying another wife will make her behave properly. Long story short this guy was asked to live with his father and stepmom. He went through hell from his stepmom to a point that they accused him of raping his stepsis because she missed her period for a month. Stepsis got pregnant and they wanted to quickly marry her off to the guy responsible you won't believe the father didn't tell him or his mother about the marriage( even tho he lived with them in the house) his father had to send him to go work far away.It was when He saw his stepsis post on Facebook that he knew she was getting married. He would always tell me that polygamy is something he wouldn't wish for anyone because of what he saw .Now when me and this guy were planning our future, we will always talk about do'sand don't. This guy will always tell me there's a possibility he might get married to two wives in the future and I'll always ask him, wasn't it u who went through hell from polygamy? So u don't mind having ur child face the same ordeal as you?just because u like the power it brings u.

In so many instances have I seen men tell their wives not to work that they will provide. But let them have a little misunderstanding, the man will stop dropping money for food. There're instances where both the man and his wife are working but the woman doesn't help in paying bills and the man will force her to stop working because she's not helping. But how can u expect her to help you when you don't help her. You both go to work, she comes back home to house chores, taking care of the kids, going to the market, hospital runs, school runs and so on. Then the man comes home to eat and chill. No help whatsoever from him and u expect her to also help in paying the bills with u? Pls tell me how that's fair ? And when she doesn't help in these bills the man tells her to stop to spite her or because he fills she is saving more than him.

Do I also need to tell you about how women die on a daily basis from abuse from their male counterpart. How a woman's life depends on the decisions made by the male in the family even if she likes it or not. Or should I tell u how when a woman is being married into the family of her fiance she's expected to act meek and submissive, collect every insult hurled at her just because that's what women are supposed to do. But when a man goes to his wife's house he's treated like a king.
They'd tell women they are not entitled to any property from their fathers house and yet the so called husband will tell them you are not my family only the children u bear are family to me.

If our mothers had their own money back in the days, I can assure u most of those marriages won't last at all. Cos they would have left and never looked back. That's why most women today want to be independent so they don't have to be stuck like their mothers.

i no fear algeria na our internal crisis i fear pass

Dogalmighty17:
That book of Moses eh! Guy, I fear that book. No be to summon the spirits be the problem. Na to remember how to send them back. If you even as much as fail to pronounce the incantations correctly, the spirits won't go. Spirits hate being idle. If you summon them, you must give them an assignment in the language they understand. They become very violent if you don't tell them what to do. They'll ask you why you summoned them in the first place. They are willing to do everything you ask of them since by summoning them, they are bound to you. But they are low level demons. There are powerful, high level demons you can call upon. You are too low to summon them. They'll hear you but not show themselves, though you can sense their presence. Those are territorial demons. Very ruthless personalities

I am careful about playing some kinds of Hollywood movies in my home. Some of the incantations in these movies are real. And the spirits hear them and come into your home. But you aren't aware that spirits are now dwelling in your home! But the incantations in the movie you watched, summoned them! With time, things start going wrong around you. Remember that I said spirits hate being idle.

I remember an experience I had with a book called The Complete Book of Fortune. There was a ritual in that book I attempted to carry out. The ritual was to show me how my future wife will look like. I did exactly what a particular chapter in the book said. A mirror behind me, a candle before me in a dark room. The words had barely left my mouth before I saw images forming in the mirror as I turned around. The way I bolted hard from that room. I hit my shin on the door frame and till today that pain remains. I later burnt the book.

Some pastors in Nigeria use that Seven Books of Moses. That book is not for the faint of heart. Some of the tongues some pastors speak are actually incantations giving demonic spirits assignments. You see people falling under 'anointing' you see 'healings and miracles'. But they are not from God.

In Egypt, Moses performed his miracles and the Pharaohs men did theirs too. We are told that King Saul went to the witch of Endor who then summoned the spirit of Samuel and it came up from the ground. All this happened by incantations in a language spirits understand. This language is the language we were speaking before the tower of Babel and God then gave us different languages.

I'm not writing this to scare you. I'm writing this to let you know that you can't afford to be careless about your spiritual life and your relationship with God. Your bible never told you that satan and the trillions of demons under him and some with him are not powerful. I used with him because there are demons more powerful than Satan himself. Satan was only a worship leader. Demons more powerful than angels Gabriel and Michael exist. Those are the demons God has kept locked up but they will soon be released. They don't answer to Satan.

If you want to take God seriously, please do. You will be doing yourself a lot of good.

i enjoyed ur writeup, pls would like to know more..."how do u know all diz, i would like to read n learn more about spirituality, y would God release dis demons

Nostalemate:
If not for financial recklessness lifestyle how do you become broke after been paid in foreign stable currency weekly as an african talk more as a nigerian for years.

Shout-out to all Chess players and those earning from one or more In-door games like Chess and scrabble .

can u enlighten me on how to earn from chess

DanseMacabre:
It's also very important you enrol him in self-defense classes ala boxing or any other martial art. E get why.

baba i swear i don 4get...very important

DoctorStanley:
Oh ok, you were overly protected. I notice people usually fault their parents for this. Quite ironic

,
yes made me reserve, and someone once told me if we are sent to new place with no resources he will excel faster than me, i cant help but agree

DoctorStanley:
Also teach him what NOT to do - like mostly keep him away from Social Media

Meanwhile this your statement below doesn't make any sense. Can you please explain how exactly your parents did wrong so others can learn:

"My only pain which i cant call my regret... is my parent not having the fore sight to groom or build me for what i am to face, example my mother enrolled me in a computer school in
my early 20s after my dad demise, which wasn't bad"

i mean i should have been made to explore many areas in my teen especially skill and knowledge i acquired in my late 20, but my papa concern is we his children not going outside cos of the bad influence in mushin

I am compel to write this post because of some certain post i saw last week "things you regret not doing in early in life" "things ur 30 year old self will tell ur 20 year old self" in my opinion they are all bulsh** cos we are meant to make mistake abi Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
My only pain which i cant call my regret... is my parent not having the fore sight to groom or build me for what i am to face, example my mother enrolled me in a computer school in my early 20s after my dad demise, which wasn't bad (respect to her fore sight) learnt a skill in my late 20s. but this post isn't about me, it about my son.
I intend to prepare him for what lies ahead, there are only 3 things i want him to learn...(i stand to be corrected).

No 1. He must learn a skill, at his early teen age

No 2. He must understand financial literacy....i don"t know how to do this but i believe my igbo brothers can help me with this, if na to do boy boy for 3yrs i dont mind, (mind you i be yoruba i no send tribal bigot)

No 3. he must know how to cook cos i no carry last for that one

he is only 4 let him enjoy his childhood
feel free to correct me

remind me of dis quoto "everybody is breaking the law it just the question of how"

pansophist:
One thing I have experienced about competent leaders is that it is in your interest to follow their directive, because you trust in their ability and that their decisions is in your best interest, even if you do not understand why.

A man that leads himself well (which also mean he can lead others well) wont have to control people. There will be no need for it. Control is a feature of tyranny, and to control people is harder, because it is imposed, unlike genuine submission that comes from the inside.

But if after a man lead well but with a rebellious woman, then he is at fault for not selecting wisely. A high quality man makes high quality choices. You cant go choose an ogbanje and pissed she doesnt go to church.

It is more noble and harder to rule yourself than to conquer a city (Proverb 16.32)

I understand better now the word should be LEAD not CONTROL and as you and Dogalmighty17 said lead urself well and she will see sufficient reason to follow ur lead or *bend to ur will* I no want trouble with this bend to ur will B4 someone start another round of argument about me being an oppressor

Kobojunkie:
Bullying your woman into accepting your opinion is never a solution to the problem in marriage.

Una just wan force my mouth make I talk

1. if I am The type that bully my woman do you think your opinion matters, I will do things my way end of story.

2. I don't discuss my marriage with my guys not to talk of public forum, it private for a reason

3. Situation that lead to the discussion in the first place happened at the bar, una go still find way twist the mata for my head so I no fit shout...the guy on point has best say for me

Dogalmighty17:
You don't seek to control your wife. You show her sufficient reasons to bend to your will. Boys and immature men seek control. A mature man with depth leads. Women respond to leadership. A man who seeks to control lacks the vision to lead. A leader is looked up to. A controller only attracts rebellion.

On point

Nice2023:
This guy should go and marry and see whether his marriage would last one month.

How can go into marriage with only one mission "to control a woman".

U guys think marriage is a place u go to rest or what?

Is it that u have no mission in life other than controlling a woman?

The man is the Head of the family and every woman knows this,so why creating a topic when it is obvious u don't know what marriage is.

I swear,if u try go into marriage with this wack mentality,u will run for ur life. If u want a slave look for one but if want a wife then forget this controlling spirit,as it will send u to damnation.

I have been married for 4 years now
A situation occured which made me n my guys having dis discussion, just want to hear opinion on a larger scale.
How u come to the conclusion that I am single makes me wonder how pipu judge easily

Married Men know they have to tolerate nonsense, something u can't try with them during the bachelor days are now order of the day...ability to take nonsense has been stretched *compromised* is the word.
I know some men that can control their wife, they got lucky with a gentle and introverted wife...but I haven't seen the extroverted being controlled, I am not talking about abuse but respect even in absence, some people mistake this for fear
Simp are all over the place making this quality rare

mama i wish i had a friend like me, even if he get flaws pass me i dont mind

dollytino4real:
Dem dey carry big forehead and small neck, i hope dat my advice good, u too u good as a friend ask urself 1st, just take humans as u see dem,

I am tired honestly so tired of Nigerians as a people if its not someone tiring to dupe u it a friend having one or two problem, i am introvert in nature which means one friend is enough two friends at most, i am not the kind of person who ignore a friend in need and that has made me vulnerable to a lot of loss, i lost 700k to a friend in January Neva knew i was being played, still licking my wound till now i feel like going diabolical but for a Christian bro keeping me in check, i dont want to revenge in a hurtful way i just wan use juju collect my moni back.
February i lost a real g (maybe real to me not to him) this one funny cos na him wife put asunder, maybe she feel insecure or she tinks am gay, anyway my first time seeing wife not girlfriend end friendship. My wife do visit them but not me (say i get problem with u no mean say my pipu too must get wit u).
March, omo this story go long o, let me just say someone i am tiring to uplift japa wit my bar, i don help u make Dem increase Ur salary o, u still show u are the true son of ur fatherland “Nigeria”
April? That one na circumstances….the fake money i receive today brings out the depression in me, this pipu want make i always dey on guard cos everybody is trying to dupe the next person to show say dem be omo iko…
i swear i feel like joining the since i cant beat them ......how do you even lose a friend because his wife see u as a treat cos u are more close than she is?

nobody wey no go panic but cry no go solve am

as should be

Personally i am just like your sis but if there is one tin i have learnt in life, marriage and people who have been hurt... it is to forgive
immediately u said ur sis cant let go i know the circle continue, question is... is that what you mother would have wanted. What the difference btw your aunt and sis. mandela once said when he was about to leave prison, he drop every hated in him else he would be in prison of the mind...Forgive but dont be stupid

some people just like to impose their opinion\interest on others

Truthdeypain:
Their ignorance is bliss compared to yours, in your attempt to sound so cool, educated and refined. You sound really foolish, because for a fact stuff like this ain't new in our society, they happen daily! So you mean you haven't come across tales of peeps being hypnotized from the phone.

There are rules and principles in the spirit world, there are certain incantations and spells that these niggas, that's if you let them finish casting, tales effect immediately, it may sound unbelievable bit it is very true and can be very effective as well, though the effects may vary depending on the realm of your own spirit as a person and where you belong. As Omo ile wey i be I have personal experiences and third party experiences as well, Empirical facts! Don't think that people just sit up and make a thousand calls a day for nothing , common you can't be that stupid. People fall prey at the end of the day.

All man to his own sha. I pray say you go jam one day sha. Your English go change by then..

Seriously I believe all you said but the funny thing is I have experience this format but after speaking with the baba nothing happened to me and he said I should call him back maybe later I just I said yes but I did not call

Blessingisrael:
No matter what you do, Never, Never give up until she is set on the right path. I always wish I had someone who stayed through for me, maybe my elder bro. I guess I would have been better off. at 16, she is definitely vain, and materialistic. tell her to cool it , work hard, and at a time she will be able to buy whatever fashion item she desires. and when that time comes, she will realised life is more than what we possess, and those items won't mean much. I look at my shoes collections, and this pandemic make me realised how useless they are. they are gathering dust, but on that rack lay thousands of money.
if you don't nib the bud at the time and season, if your family can't meet up with her demands, she will slay to get those things anyhow. if you stay put , she will be glad that you did. do not mind anyone who will tell you to leave her to make her mistakes. my dear some mistakes, if not most, especially those that have to do with our lives are irredeemable. they leave us with a scar deeper than "leave the past behind" talks.

correct her in love, not by criticising, she will only plunge deeper into materialism.

Wish i can show her this to let her know we are not against her but driving her to the right path

WoundedLamb:
"... average girl turning to a slay queen with nothing upstairs"

Hahaha... you guys keep bashing and insulting girls on Nairaland and encouraging men to "use" them but you forget they are your sisters, cousins, etc. Relax bro, she'll be a slay queen mother and an "alpha" male from Nairaland will take care of the situation.

Ok, that was for the women bashers. OP, she's 16. Expect a lot of misbehaviour. She'll try to explore new things, good and bad. Guide her, keep talking to her and most importantly, do that with love and not force. If you show her love, she'll feel bad doing things that would hurt you. If you go with force, she might become rebellious and that means, deliberating doing things that you asked her not to do just to prove a point.

Good luck.

thanks this is all i needed and it's enough

ArewaOduduwaBia:
Nonsense, na everything them go carry come here. Rubbish!

I understand but wen u don't know how to stop a problem b4 it occurs, i tink its beta asking for advice cos we get wisdom past ourselves

So i have been away from home (lagos) for 3 years and my lil sis who is now 16 is getting all grown, but my recent communication wit my family made me realize that she have a thing for fashion, which is making her demand more from my mum... My mom having realized this is cutting everything off, on the ground that if she doesn't get wat she wants she will go astray, even my other sister which is older than her says the same thing.
This made me spoke wit her and she told me she love fashion and all, that mom want her to b like her older sis who is focus to be independent
Now my problem is how to make her realize it not all important without making her feel everyone's against her, making her do what she wants when she get the chance and making her have this entitlement mentality like an average girl
turning to a slay queen with nothing upstairs.
"I am sure going to lagos this December by God grace"

kingreign:
Whenever you dream about such, wake up immediately and rebuke such because you have nothing in common with the dead. It's also demonic to eat in the dream not to even talk of eating meal from a dead person. You need prayers and deliverance urgently.

Do not listen to spiritually dead folks telling you nothing will happen or it's normal, because it's not normal.

Thank you, mum always say so

popsy2:
It is your mind playing tricks on you. Don't believe all the bullsh*t about dreams.

kingreign:
Maybe... Maybe not

Whenever you dream about such, wake up immediately and rebuke such because you have nothing in common with the dead. It's also demonic to eat in the dream not to even talk of eating meal from a dead person. You need prayers and deliverance urgently.

Do not listen to spiritually dead folks telling you nothing will happen or it's normal, because it's not normal.

Thank you

Firstly, i am the kind of person that thinks about death always i don't know if it the recent death of my friend that cause it or i am just paranoid, all i know is i have been thinking about it since my teenage years and it gives me sleepless nights until i was visited by an angel who explained it all to me (story for another day).
So this morning i woke up remembering the dream i had last night of my dad, who died since 2009. In this dream we were together with my siblings n mum at home, according to the dream he woke up from death after one year and everything seem normal, he was eating and i was asking him of how death was like, he explained to me that he felt he was in a very deep sleep that he can't wake up from and everything he experienced was like a dream, but what i am really puzzle about was during our discussion he gave me his food and i ate especially the meat which i don't understand what it means.
i know there are people here filled wit wisdom, i will like to know what you guys think.
Note: i am not my father's favorite and he made it known when he was alive

Gundel001:
he doesn't interact freely

I wan send you email but i hope you see dis
Try to watch the movie *like stars on earth* it about pipu like ur brother, u will understand and know wat to do
Holla if u got the message

I am asking for a friend dat want to invest in jumia
She wants to sell or become an agent which i have know idea about
Can some pls put me through