₦airaland Forum

Title: Baba Sati:The Brown-Moustached Palm Wine Loving Certificate Huzzler

Author - Ajayi Oluwatosin

Category - Humour

Description -Baba sati is a certificate forger who calls himself certificate merchant to hide the impact of the illegality.

He got nickname for all things. He calls money ‘bar’. He calls students ‘scudents’, politicians ‘poli-theivians’. He named his male and female workers “huzzlers”. People wonder how he coin names for people, action or things.
His got a favourite quote. “As long as it is money, it’s a huzzle”. He tells people “leave legality of huzzle to God.”

The other time, he said; “Noun is 3-fold (name of person, place or thing) while Baba Sati is 4-fold (name of person, place, thing and action), therefore he is more than a NOUN because he gives name to people, place, thing and action.

His brain is so sharp competing with core i-3 Laptop RAM such that if you argue with him without facts, he downloads facts like water and confounds people’s fact-less claims.

Don’t wear a black tie like a gentleman without facts and engage with intellectualistic Baba sati, he floors people and confirm to you them they are products of half-baked educational system in Nigeria.

Baba Sati follows the news religiously. Get to his living room and see a 50 inch TV which – a result of his huzzles – hanging beside a terraced wall.

With the TV and cable subscription, he familiarizes himself with contemporary issues like certificate saga playing out politically whether in the executive or legi-sharing chambers.

Enjoy Baba Sati's trips, twists, turns, and tirades and painful penitence

To buy, click here: https://www.okadabooks.com/book/about/baba_sati__brownmoustached_palm_wine_loving_certificate_huzzler/18153

NICE

TarOrfeek:
You can do better!

@Tarofeek, thanks. Il try harder to improve.....

bjerry1:
Baba Sati, this story is fantastic, i am checking link immediately..... i want the rest ogf Baba sati... keep it up SlateMan

@bjerry1, thanks for the encouragement. i wont disappoint you guys. You can check the link HERE

Title:Baba Sati, The Brown-Moustached PalmWine Loving Certificate Huzzler
Author: Slateman
contact:slateofthenation@gmail.com
Genre : Fiction
Status : Published

legal notice : All rights reserved: no part of this story or publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into any means ( electronic,mechanical, photocopying, screen grabbing, recording or otherwise) in part or whole without the express permission of the author. Contact me at slateofthenation@gmail.com

Again this is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are product of author’s creative imagination. Any resemblance or reference to actual persons living or dead, events past or present is purely coincidental.

With The Permission of the author, you can enjoy the 1st chapter without stress.

Intro

Baba sati fictional character, a certificate forger, but calls himself certificate merchant to hide the impact of the illegality when people ask, what do you do? If its bar, it’s a huzzle. He calls money “bar”. He got nickname for all things. He calls students” scudents”, politicians “poli-theivians”. He calls his male or female workers “Huzzlers”. People wonder how he coin names for people, action or things.


The other time, he said “Noun is 3-fold ( name of person, place or thing) while Baba Sati is 4-fold ( name of person, place, thing and action), therefore he is more than a NOUN because he gives name to people, place, thing and action while a noun is just a name of anyone , place or thing”. The huzzlers burst into laughter after hearing Baba Sati define himself.


His brain is so sharp competing with core i-3 LAPTOP RAM such that if you argue with him without facts, he downloads facts like water and confounds your fact-less claims.


Don’t wear a black tie like a gentleman without facts and engage with intellectualistic Baba sati, he will floor you with facts and confirm to you that you are a product of half-baked educational system in Nigeria.


Baba Sati follows the news too. Get to his living room and you will see a 50 inch TV, a proceed of Baba Sati huzzles. “As long as it is money, it’s a huzzle”. He will tell you “leave legality of huzzle to God”. With the TV and cable subscription, He familiarizes himself with contemporary issues like certificate saga playing out politically whether in the executive or legi-sharing chambers.


Enjoy Baba sati trips, twists, turns, and tirades and painful penitence





 
[center]Acronyms And Definition[/center]

DA – Discreet Assistant
Banker client – client type that pays over 70% of agreed services cost
Bar-Men – Client that can pay in full for Baba Sati Services
Flexi – Banker-Client
Jaga - Banker Client
huzzlers – Baba Sati's staff
Huzzle – What you do to earn
Bar – Money
Kampe – Baba Sati's potential client
Enforce – Baba Sati’s nickname for policemen
Coronation – Induction of palmie drinkers when they achieve certain milestone


 
Chapter 1

Weird CV Of Baba Sati

Brown- mustached Baba sati is a huzzle commander. He nicknamed his staff and workers huzzlers. “As far as it is money, it is a huzzle”. He adds, “Whatever your hands findeth to do, do it well”.


Sometimes his workers pass Baba Sati for a theologian using discreet scriptures verses to twist and support illegality. When confronted, he answers “leave the legality of our huzzle to God”.


Baba Sati is a certificate merchant. “You don’t have to be in Toronto to get a certified Toronto certificate”, he jokingly told one of his clients. My huzzles made me a self-made man making other people”. There was a time he boasted that, he can send people to NYSC Camp without ever attending 4 walls of Nigerian “broken” universities.


How did Baba Sati become a merchant of local and international certificate? How did he become syndicated certified huzzler? Some of his client gets emotional when he relays his cock and bull self-made stories. But not all of them buy-in his emotional storylines. Some even suggests that he engages bullshit story to capture emotion to charge more so that clients won’t cut price for his services.


When you agree to pay him his bar (money,) he transmits those emotional stories about his life. He tells you, “I am not a bank or GSM; I don’t advance credits or encourage debts”. Flexy asked him, “what is the meaning of encourage debt? Debts are good if you use it to purchase an asset and not liability;


Baba Sati relaxed his high-held head and responded “ Flexy, so you are brilliant economist but still visit my wonder palace to acquire foreign certificate?. You are crazy oh!! And stop questioning my lexical terminology here. They are business terms coined by Baba Sati. I am product of self-survival system, not your broken educational system”. Flexy held his peace immediately before Baba Sati dispatches him. There’s even a badge resting on his table that reads “Debtors will kill Baba Sati’s Biz, Find Your Way or Go to School”.


He told Jaga (an indirect huzzler) that he is a product of broken university systems. “Jaga, the systems are broken, only God can fix broken naija systems. I went to a public university where the lecturers got no respect for poor students that he was”.


Jaga listening to Baba Sati’s emotional roller coaster stories, nodding his head like a yellow agama lizard. He wondered whether to believe the stories or pretend false attention so that he can get a great deal from Baba Sati for subsequent biz partnerships.


“It was the system, handouts and lecturers that sent me packing, they turned me to half-baked graduate” Baba Sati told Jaga. He rhetorically asked Jaga “can a lion give birth to a snake?” No, Jaga Replied. “Can your black-blood African wife give birth to a white American twin when she is under your custody here in Nigeria?”, Jaga replied” No” . “So also, half-baked system, schools, lecturer cannot produce full-baked graduate.” Both of them laughed hysterically so loud that other direct huzzlers working in the room adjacent to Baba Sati’s office heard the loud laughter.


Finally, Baba Sati dropped out of the university because he couldn’t afford the cost associated with the system. “As a serial entrepreneur” I tried all half-baked businesses but didn’t succeed”. Jaga was surprised; he retorted “which one is half-bake business again? What is the difference between half-bake business and bakery business?”


Baba Sati mocked Jaga and answered him “had it been, you attended even half-baked university, you will know the difference. Jaga, You don’t have to finish university to become half-baked graduate, if you drop out in 100 or 200 levels, you are half-baked. Half- bakeness itself got grade. Your half-bakeness is critical”


He continued “That’s how I found myself in this loyal certificate huzzle”. The rags to huzzles story ended when Baba Sati received an alert that, another bar-man is around. Bar-man according to Baba Sati, are clients willing and eager to pay full cash for certificate services, not part-payment. He quickly discharged Jaga “see you next time” and Jaga left.


That's The End Of Chapter 1. I hope you enjoyed it. More of Hilarious abound in rest of the chapters
To get the remaining chapters, click HERE or send me an email on slateofthenation@gmail.com with a header ( I WANT MORE OF BABA SATI)