₦airaland Forum

Sometimes relationships can seem like a lot of work
until you sit back and realize just how much you've
been given. A thriving, healthy relationship
requires some give and take, and is absolutely
within your reach if you and your partner are willing
to do a bit of work. If you and your partner are right for each other, all the work will definitely be
worth it in the long run.

Part One of Two: Things You Must Do Independently

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1. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Save yourself several hours of arguing by
remmbering this one rule: it's not up to anyone
else to make you happy. In a relationship your
partner will try to please you and make you
happy but in the end you are responsible for
your happiness.

2 Make good on your words. Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going to do
something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook
dinner, or get a birthday present, and then blow
it off or simply forget about it. What this does is
systematically destroy trust. And relationships
need trust in order to thrive.

3 Admit your mistakes. If you know you've done something to hurt your partner, intentionally or
not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize
sincerely, without making excuses or
justifications like "I'm sorry you made me
angry." Commit to changing your behavior. If you
notice yourself apologizing for the same
mistake over and over, step it up a level. Tell
your partner that you recognize this mistake
keeps happening, and you want to train
yourself to stop. Request help and ask for him or her to gently point it out to you when
you're making this mistake again.

4 Be realistic. Every relationship has disagreements and days when staying isn't the
easiest choice. But what makes a relationship
healthy is choosing to resolve those problems
and push through the hard days, instead of just
letting issues and resentment fester. Review your expectations. Do you see your
partner as a person, with both winning
qualities and flaws, or as someone you
expect to be perfect? If your expectations
are so astronomical that no one could live up
to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure. Accept that conflict happens. If you expect
to be in a long-term relationship, you're
bound to have the occasional disagreement.
Remember that one argument isn't the end
of everything, and there's no person on
earth that you'd agree with all the time. Always ask yourself whether you're better
off in the relationship than out of it. If you
don't think you're better off in the
relationship, then you probably should have
a serious discussion with your partner. In a
loving relationship, this question almost always gets a simple "Yes."

5 Listen to your partner. Sometimes, all your partner wants is for you to lend an ear and be
sympathetic about one of their problems. Other
times, your partner wants you to actively give
them advice. Know which one your partner is
looking for, and try to give them what they
want. Being a good listener is all about paying attention to what they're saying and not blowing
it off. Listening to your partner will enhance your
relationship in many ways. It will help you
resolve differences without arguing; let you
explore each other's personality more
deeply; and even help you pick out an
awesome Christmas present. There are no downsides to listening.

6 Show your affection in whatever way you can. There's a difference between knowing that
you're loved and feeling that you're loved.
Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our
partners should know that we love them even
when we don't show it. Don't rely on this too
much. The best relationships use affection to show love. Do something for your partner that you
know s/he will truly appreciate. Whether it
means getting up early to mow the lawn,
taking the kids to karate, or baking that nutella shortcake , it's often the little favors that say the most. Don't be afraid to show physical affection
every once in a while. Loving relationships
feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and back-
rubs that are mainstays of affection. Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss
your partner after you come home from
work; it's another thing to kiss your wife
while you're skydiving, falling 10,000 feet
from a plane. It's the thought that counts, so
put a little effort into it for huge returns.

7 Be loyal. Make sure he/she knows that you will always be there for him/her. Put him/her first in
your life as much as you possibly can. Not that
you have to only see him/her ever, or never talk
to anyone else, but he/she should know that he/
she can always count on you if he/she needs
something. Also, expect the same loyalty from him/her. You deserve to feel prized in the
relationship just as much as him/her.

8 Do not ever hide anything from him/her. Especially your feelings about him/her and your
relationship - whether good or bad! This way you
will be able to overcome all the difficulties and
challenges together. If something bad happened
in your past that still affects you in the present,
he/she needs to know about it. Note: you should be able to discuss your sexual history. It is an
obligation before you decide to be sexually
involved with your partner. But you should make
them feel safe and not judgmental and you
should expect the same from your partner.

9 Give him/her some space. Everyone needs their own privacy and some freedom, so don't
constantly watch everything he/she does.
Everyone hates to be watched, stifled and
controlled. Do not ever spy on him/her (reading his/her
phone, stalking him/her on social networks,
following him/her around). If he/she is
cheating on you, you will find out. These
things cannot be kept secret for very long.
But if you spy on him/her and he/she is innocent, you will lose his trust and respect
forever.

10 Express your feelings towards him/her. Always remind him/her of how much they mean to you,
and what they represent to you. Women are not
the only ones who need expressions of love and
care, men need that too. If you have a problem, you need to let him/
her know - preferably in a clear and calm
manner without any yelling. If he says `Are
you OK?` and you answer yes, do not
expect him to understand that you really
meant no. Be honest and open. Let him/her know it is safe to open up to
you about what he is feeling. Reward his/her
trust in you by sympathizing with him/her
and, but you don`t need to say much, just
listen. Don't be afraid to lose him/her or spend
every minute fearing the huge pain that that
might cause you. Enjoy each wonderful
moment as it happens, and realize that there
will never be another one just like it. Never be pathetic and needy just to make
him/her pay attention to you and give you
sympathy. A solid relationship should be based on
mutual respect; if you are constantly trying
to pull him/her down with you, this means
you don`t respect him /her enough to
want him/her to be happy. If you are
depressed, see a doctor - don`t pull some guy/girl into your problems.

11 Encourage him/her. So that he/she can be more successful at work or study. That will make him/
her realise how much you care about his/her
future and wish that he/she'd become one of the
best. It will also make his/her feeling towards
you grow even stronger, and he/she will believe
that you're ready to support him/her on anything he/she does.

Part Two of Two: Things That You Must Do Together

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1 Revive date-night. Going on dates, even if you've been in a relationship for years, is still
important. In fact, it's especially important for
couples who have been together long enough to
grow comfortable. Try to go on a date at least
once every month. Some couples make it a
priority to go on one date every week. If you're having trouble imagining date
ideas, try recreating a date you had with
your partner early on in your courtship. Do
exactly the same thing(s), or put a spin on
the date by reinventing it in a significant
way. Do something new and exciting. Doing something that gets your blood flowing and
your heart rate up enhances feelings of
togetherness between partners. If you're
feeling brave, go on dates that makes you
feel like a kid all over again: going to a
comedy club, taking a cooking class, or test- driving a new car, to name only a few.

2 Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation, as you must offer it to your partner as
much as you demand it from them. Remember who forgiveness really benefits.
Forgiving your partner absolves him or her,
but it also frees you from carrying around
anger and resentment. Don't view it as an
entirely altruistic act — it's something
you're doing for both of you.

3 Laugh together. Laugh at one another with the security of love. Laughter helps the world go
'round, and it may with your relationship, too.
Laughter helps your body burn calories, increase
blood flow, strengthen the immune system, and lowers blood sugar levels. [1] Laughter can be comforting, infectious, or an aphrodisiac, and
many things in between. Don't forget to laugh.

4 Support each other. Being supportive means making your partner's happiness and well-being
a priority, in ways big and small. Keep in mind
that part of why you're together in the first
place is that you're each other's biggest fans, so
make sure you act like it. Try demonstrating
your support in these ways: Be a good listener. If your partner needs you
to lend an ear, do it willingly. You don't
always need to come up with a solution, just
support. Offer encouragement. If your partner is
trying to make a positive change, start a
new hobby, or undertake a difficult
challenge, be his or her biggest cheerleader. Provide a safe place. Allow your partner to
be vulnerable in front of you without fear of
judgment.

5 Devote time to each other. Make spending time with your partner a priority, even if it's a little
inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared
experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating
that nurturing yours is important to you. Take up a hobby. Learning something new
together can help you grow closer, as well as
discovering a leisure activity you both enjoy.
Try sports like tennis or basketball, learning
a new language, cooking, crafting, or
whatever else you've been wanting to try. Find small ways to serve each other. Doing
small acts of service for your partner shows
that you're aware of what he or she needs,
and you're willing to help out. It doesn't
have to be an extravagant gesture: make
dinner, take care of a small errand, or offer a foot rub at the end of the day. Don't make it
a big deal, and don't automatically expect
payback.

6 Develop better communication. Most people aren't born great communicators — it's
something nearly everyone has to work at. The
way you talk to your partner might seem small,
but you do it several times a day and it does
have an effect. Consider these fixes: Don't use directive language. Try to keep
phrases like "you should" or "you can't" out
of your relationship. You and your partner
are equals, and neither one of you should
have the authority to direct the other. Relay your expectations. If you expect your
partner to do something, say it. Don't
expect that he or she should read your mind,
and don't rely on hints. Being clear about
what you want gives your partner a fair shot
at succeeding. (And keep the above point in mind: instead of "You should take the
garbage out every day," say "I'd really like it
if you took the garbage out every day." Say "please" and "thank you." You should be
able to let loose around your partner, so
there's no need to worry about having
impeccable manners all the time. The
exception to this is asking nicely and
expressing gratitude when your partner does something — don't just assume he or
she knows how you meant it. Fight fair. Don't just let all these good
communication skills go out the window
during an argument. Try to get your point
across in a loving, respectful way that
doesn't seek to hurt your partner. If he or
she insists on yelling or throwing insults, quietly request a calmer attitude.

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[img]http://4.bp..com/-kSALf_-Y69g/UOwHBJTY7vI/AAAAAAAAHSw/wnCL0kiMvTA/s280/hos1.jpg[/img]

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