₦airaland Forum

I did not see my boyfriend for two months, even though we are in the same city and a half-hour drive apart. That dilemma triggered me to perform a Google search: how to date an entrepreneur. I landed on a heartwarming post, which totally lightened me up.

Most people do not understand the reality of dating an entrepreneur, and it is a sweet reality I am learning to enjoy.

Entrepreneurs are highly driven. They have a clear purpose; they work their ass off to achieve their goals. They meet people all the time. They do not sleep; they have odd ideas at odd hours, and they need a lot of space and time to think and to strategize.

Here are 10 things I’ve learned about the unique experience of dating an entrepreneur:


1. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO DATE YOURSELF
Be prepared to have a lot of “me” time. Sometimes you read a book, or you listen to a sad song, and you want to talk to someone, but he is not there.

You need to be comfortable being with yourself, developing your own passion, honing your skills and navigating your way toward your goals, just as he does. Spending time on your own gives you the space to reflect on what matters in your life and what you value.

Your heart will tell you if he is worth the long wait.


2. YOU ARE AWESOME AND COMPLETE AS A PERSON
M Scott Peck said that two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other, but choose to live together.

Yes, your boyfriend may be an accomplished professional, or even public figure, but you should not be intimidated by what he does.


3. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE LIKE HIM
Let’s be frank: There will be times you feel like you’re not enough while he is doing heavy lifting that changes the world. When you see his live updates all over social media about the next big thing he is doing, you wonder what the hell you are doing.

Always remind yourself that every human being is born with unique traits. There will only be one Steve Jobs, one Martin Luther King and one Mother Teresa.

You should focus on using your strength to contribute to society. The true measure of greatness is our capacity to navigate between our opposites with agility, and grace to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never to stop trying to get better.


4. REDEFINE DATING
What is dating? Hanging out together after work? Going out for romantic dinner on Friday night? Looming the mall during the weekend? None of these fit into your current pattern.

You learn to define being “present” differently. Presence is the ability to understand each other’s mental state and value in life, and being able to communicate that.




5. BE OPEN-MINDED, INQUISITIVE AND LEARN ABOUT HIS GEEKY STUFF
He told you he has a Google alert on you. So, you learn about SEO, coding, web analytics and so on. He has ways to know if someone read his email; he has ways to track someone’s search record, and he has so many ways to stalk people for business purposes.

Now you want to express your thoughts on dating an entrepreneur, and you start feeling self-conscious about what he will think when he sees it.


6. YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BE HIS NUMBER ONE
That’s okay. He should not be your number one, either (see point two).

You attend his talk, his launch, his stand up — all occasions where he will be the center of attention. He hugs you when he comes down the stage, and that feels special. As you watch him surrounded by an audience later, you feel proud that he has a big heart to reach out and be helpful to others.


7. NEW WAY OF SEEING CALENDAR
To him, every day is a workday, and every day is a challenge.

When you are feeling pumped that the weekend is finally here, he says the weekend is when business happens. His schedule is like a Lego block: packed and stacked.

You have to always be prepared to be ditched for a date because there is always something important coming up randomly. That is okay, too. If you have a fulfilling life of your own, you understand what he is doing.


8. YOU LEARN ABOUT THE BIZARRE HUMAN BIOLOGICAL CLOCK
He totally flips all of the biological theories you learned in school about sleep, alertness and stress. Four hours of sleep is normal; late-night writing happens every day, and productivity peaks at night.

You and he will never sleep at the same time. He left the bed after watching you fall asleep, and you watch him sleep in the morning. You love it, though — no complaints.


9. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO FIND FAULT IN EACH OTHER
Every month, he will (try his best to) block a weekend out for us look for a new place and spend the weekend together, outside of work.

I love that he turns into the ordinary guy in shorts and flip flops, and talks about the science of F1, instead of VC, investment, return and money.

Dating a super busy man like him, I learn to treasure every rare second we get to spend together. Life is too short to find fault in each other.


10. TRUST YOUR GUT
Why do you date him? Make sure you have a firm answer in your heart that has nothing to do with monetary value. A real entrepreneur does not hoard wealth; he invests and generates value to improve lives. Choose him for his present value.

It is not easy dating an entrepreneur. There will be times you feel lonely, proud, in doubt and in love, but you know right this moment you want to be there for him. That’s how you know.

– Isabelle Thye/EliteDaily

http://www.radar.ng/art-life/10-things-you-should-learn-while-dating-an-entrepeneur/

SINGLENESS, A GIFT?!...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Dennis Franck-Director, Single Adult/Young Adult Ministries

Have you ever heard parents tell their kids, “someday you’ll grow up and have a wonderful husband/wife.” Or, “God has someone special for you!” Have you ever felt the pressure some people in the church put on a young adult to, “Settle down and get married”?
It’s very common for parents, church leaders and others to want to see youth do what many Christians think is the “successful thing”…graduate from high school, go to college, find a potential mate, graduate from college, get married, serve God together and live happily ever after!
There are problems with this thinking, though, and many youth today know that such a scenario is not always the reality! Divorce is extremely common, many teens are living in single-parent families, and maybe even more difficult, many are living in blended families. The practice of marrying by age 21, 23, or even 25 is not as common as when your parents married. In fact, marrying by age 25 is becoming less and less frequent these days! Take a look at how the age at first marriage has risen during your parent’s lifetime, even during your lifetime!
Median age at first marriage
Men Women
2005 27.8 yrs. 26.5 yrs.
2000 26.8 yrs. 25.1 yrs.
1990 26.1 yrs. 23.9 yrs.
1980 24.7 yrs. 22.0 yrs.
1970 23.2 yrs. 20.8 yrs.
1960 22.8 yrs. 20.3 yrs.

Right now in the U.S. there are 61 million single adults over the age of 18, one fourth of all adults in the nation! This is almost double the number and percentage of single adults when your parents were about your age. People are postponing marriage for many reasons including: finish college, get a masters degree, get a good start in a career, buy a house, develop their abilities and talents and others.
The “Gift of Singleness”
I don’t know about you, but I never heard anything about the gift of singleness while growing up in a Christian home. In fact, my dad was a pastor! Certainly I would have heard something about this if it was in the Bible! But I didn’t! What does God’s Word say about this, anyway?

The “gift of singleness” is found in at least two places: Matthew 19:11 and 12, and
1 Corinthians 7:7. In Matthew Jesus explained the three reasons that kept a person single:
1. Some people were born without the ability to have sex
2. Some people were castrated in war and had this ability taken away
3. Some people chose to remain single to serve God
Regarding the gift of singleness, Jesus told people that “not everyone can receive or accept serving God as a purpose for staying single. It is for those to whom the capacity to receive it has been given.” In other words, it is a GIFT! Singleness can be a gift for life, or can be chosen for a period of time to develop one’s identity, character and direction before marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 7:7 Paul agreed with Jesus’ teaching about the gift of singleness. He said, “I wish that everyone was as I am (single). But each person has their own gift from God. One has this gift, another has that gift.” It is clear in verse 8 that Paul was single when he wrote
1 and 11 Corinthians because he said, “to the unmarried and the widows, it is good for you to stay single as I am.” So, singleness is a gift and marriage is a gift.
As a pastor to young adults and single adults for 21 years, I have known several people who had the gift of singleness! These people usually had four things in common:

1. They were not bothered by staying celebate
2. They were content being single and not having a romantic relationship
3. They gave little thought to marriage
4. They found great satisfaction serving God in their spare time
What Can Be Good About Being Single?
Jesus was a single adult! Jesus lived his life on this earth for 33 years unmarried! Have you ever thought of Jesus as a single adult? In the Jewish society in which he lived, parents chose a marriage partner for their kids and they were married by the time they were 18 years old! Yet Jesus lived well into his 30’s without a wife and children.

You may have never thought about the advantages and benefits of singleness, whether for a period of time, or for life. Here are some benefits I learned from others while pastoring adults who were single or single-again (divorced or widowed):

Benefits of Singleness:
1. Travel without needing a spouse’s permission.
2. Move without needing a spouse’s permission.
3. Spend money needing a spouse’s permission.
4. More time to serve God
5. Work on preparing to be a healthy marriage partner
6. Does not have the stresses marriage brings
7. More freedom to develop close friends of the same/opposite sex
8. More freedom and flexibility to develop abilities and talents
9. Do not have to be concerned about marrying the wrong person, or at the wrong time, or for the wrong reasons. (many people do)
10. Develop your spiritual life the way you want to
11. Keep the apartment/house the way you want it!
12. Cook and eat only the food you want!
13. Keep the bathroom door wide open!

The best and probably most important advantage of being single is the benefit of developing you! Many adults marry before they should and have not taken the necessary time to mature spiritually, relationally, emotionally and financially before entering into a lifetime commitment. They don’t have a complete understanding of the roles and responsibilities of marriage. Because of this, the marriage has much difficulty and sometimes does not last.
Many people think marriage completes us. I think some people confuse the word “complete” and “compliment.” Marriage does not really complete us, only compliment us. (sometimes it does not even do that!) Colossians 2:10 says “we are complete in Him.” Christ completes us, not marriage.”

I have found that it is more important to BECOME the right person for marriage than to FIND the right person for marriage.

http://singles.ag.org/singleliving/singlenessissues/?targetBay=0dfecc8f-984b-4af8-b770-fa7607115a32&ModID=2&Process=DisplayArticle&RSS_RSSContentID=22039&RSS_OriginatingChannelID=1255&RSS_OriginatingRSSFeedID=4951&RSS_Source=

2wks ago:
*Timi Dakolo - Beautiful Noise...(2nd time I'm buying the album)
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*Long time no comment* just a lonnnnng time observer!

The President wakes up. He slept very late last night. It is in the nature of the calling – a series of late-night meetings that stretch well into the next day. Last night, there was the one with the two friendly state governors, who brought a list of allegedly disloyal ministers. After that, the party executives, who wanted to discuss the forthcoming governorship election in one of those troubled states.

What state, by the way, isn’t a troubled one in this country, when you think of Ebola and Boko Haram and the marauding herdsmen? Not to talk of politicians themselves and their endless “wahala”.

Speaking of Ebola, it was the issue on the table for the President’s third late-night meeting. But it was a boring meeting; full of confusing numbers and epidemiological jargon. It reminded the President of the time when he had to make a living teaching. Teaching students who had no desire to learn, in a university that had no desire to stay open. The humdrum-ness of it all still sometimes produces a sinking feeling in his stomach. Years of waking up, praying the Datsun Bluebird would start without fuss. It now seems like that life was lived on another planet.

The President sits up in bed, yawns and stretches. He is alone, the Madam is somewhere in Europe inaugurating a warship, or was it a new wardrobe. He tries to remember what day of the week it is. That’s the problem with this office – time is no longer your own. You are surrounded by an infinite number of persons whose job it is to snatch time out of your hands. People think the President is powerful. But he is not as powerful as those people; who make him do stuffs he has not the slightest clue about.

The President steps out of bed, with no idea what his day might look like. He reaches for the bell, to summon help. Just before he presses the button, there is a knock on the door. He makes his way to the door. The image that flashes through his mind is a strange one: what if the Villa has been overrun by hostile forces, and he is about to be captured like Laurent Gbagbo or Samuel Doe. But this is Nigeria, not Ivory Coast or Liberia, and Nigeria is not at war.

Nigeria is not at war. Nigeria is not at war. Technically, that might not be true. Boko Haram is no longer a terrorist group in that sense, it is now an army, if what you read is to be believed. That is another problem with being President. How do you know what to believe? You can’t just jump into your car and drive off to Maiduguri to seek the truth. Every movement has to be choreographed; every step pre-planned. Those security people are tyrants. You can’t go here or there, can’t do this or that. They relish the hold they have over the C-in-C. What’s the point of being the most powerful person in the country if other people have to make decisions for you?

The President can’t even keep money in his own name – other people have to do it for you. Any one of those small boys who loiter around his office probably has more money underneath his bed than the President has ever seen in his life. Without these people, the President is a snot-nosed little boy crying and wondering where mummy is. Half of the things done in the President’s name, he has no idea. Half of the statements credited to “the Presidency” have nothing to do with him. Most of the money taken in his name will never come near him.

The President opens the door. It is the Private Secretary, the Aide de Camp, and the spokesman. They all look tired; they went to bed at the same time but have to wake up well before the President. Because they are not the president. That is the edge he has. People have to at least pretend to respect him.

The men instantly proceed to do what they’re paid to do: snatch time out of his hands. He can hear Time crying like a baby, as these marauders drive the rusty dagger of officialdom into its beating heart.

The spokesman hands him a sheet of paper on which the day’s news has been summarised. The President has a feeling that his people sometimes strive to protect him from too much bad news, but the news these days is so full of badness you can’t conceal much from anyone. Ah, here’s some good news: the military has retaken the town they lost to Boko Haram. Good news, if true. But how is a President to know for sure that these military people and the journalists are not lying? The President knows he needs people who can tell him the truth.

Preferably, those who can do it without abusing him every time. Not every time abuse President. Sometimes, take it easy. The weight of their name-calling has convinced even search-engines to believe the worst about him. Do they know how painful it is? Do they ever think that his children might also be on the Internet reading these things?

The President’s consolation lies in what some of his “enemies” have said about him. The Emir said he is a good man surrounded by bad people. The Pastor who recently wanted to become Vice-President said he is trying his best but that that best is not good enough. But he also admitted that Nigeria is a complicated country. That’s comforting, somewhat.

Nigeria is a complicated country. Everybody wants something, and everybody assumes that their chances of getting what they want are tied to their ability to prevent everyone else from getting what they want. Does that make sense? Trapped in the madness is the President, listening to millions of opinions, trying to satisfy as many people as possible.

The President is thinking of a scheme that will allow government critics to experience the office of President for a day, or a week. Something like what they do in Lagos, where schoolkids get the chance to be Governor for a day. Let them feel the pressure a little. On such a day, when the reins of government are left in the hands of one of those many noisemakers, the President imagines himself disappearing to his village in the creeks, where he will smuggle himself onto a canoe and just float gently down the river, pretending he is just a poor fisherman with nary a care in the world.

But he can immediately list at least 15 powerful people who will instantly overrule the idea. And they can get the security people to write a thousand-page report on why it would be a bad idea. And they will leak the idea to the papers and everyone will pounce on it and find their own sinister explanation.

The President realises that managing his own camp – analysing people’s motivations, keeping them loyal, pretending to be in control – is perhaps even more difficult than running the goddamn country.

Someone coughs, to jolt the President out of his reverie. It is the ADC. Ah, right, where were we? What am I doing today? The answers tumble out.

A National Summit on Education and Security, to be declared open at 10. (He is going to be late, he knows, but they will have to wait for him). Then, it’s back to the office, for eight courtesy visits and two presentations of ambassadorial letters of credence; to eat up the time until lunch. The entire afternoon will be expended on visits from party chieftains and godfathers, all of who insist they have important matters to discuss; none of whom a sitting President can afford to disdain. (Even the almighty Baba had to do plenty of begging to get a second term). At 6pm, he has to take a call from the White House. What is he going to tell Obama? At 7pm, there will be a Presidential Media chat; to provide fresh material for all who delight in abusing him. At 8pm, he has to host the “Transformation Ambassadors” to dinner. (He should remember to ask who’s funding them). At 10pm, the kitchen cabinet will assemble, to drink and gossip and strategise, until the early hours.

And then, the President will go to bed, to dream that Abu Shekau, chewing-stick-in-mouth, is chasing him around Eagle Square, while Nigerians point and laugh.

Twitter: @toluogunlesi

http://abusidiqu.com/day-presidents-life-tolu-ogunlesi/?utm_source=&utm_medium=twitter

The solution to the age-old problem of understanding others may be as simple as taking the time to improve your active listening skills. Active listening is all about building rapport, understanding and trust.

Your “likability” factor is largely determined by your ability to effectively listen to client and customer suggestions and successfully respond to their needs, requests and concerns. But you don’t have to be born with the gift of gab to become an expert communicator. Here are six tips to help you become a better listener and actually hear what others are saying, not just what you think they are saying or what you want to hear.


1. Show a real interest. When you speak to someone, especially in a busy or loud environment, give him or her your full attention. If you find yourself distracted or can’t hear them well, ask to move to a quieter area. Practice empathetic listening. Put yourself in his or her shoes and try to see the situation through his or her eyes. Ask questions and encourage the other person to elaborate. Even if you haven’t experienced the same situation, try sharing a personal story about a time when you felt similarly.


2. Use the magic words: “Tell me.” Most people will cherish the opportunity to share their stories and experiences. To start a conversation, use the two most powerful words in conversation: “Tell me.” Successful conversationalists avoid questions that may be answered with a simple yes or no. Ask open-ended questions and then listen. For example, you may say, “Tell me, Joe, what prompted you to start your own business?” Or ask for their input, “I’d like to take my family on a vacation this summer. Tell me, do you have a favorite vacation spot?” When you choose a topic of conversation that demonstrates interest in the other person, the discussion will flow more smoothly.


3. Say the other person’s name. Dale Carnegie once said, “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.” Any business acquaintance will be flattered and impressed if you remember his or her name. If you have difficulty remembering names, set out to practice as frequently as possible. When you meet someone for the first time, say the person’s name immediately. Respond with something like, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Frank.” Then use their name a couple of times throughout your conversation. When the conversation ends, say their name one last time: “I really enjoyed meeting you, Jim.”



4. Agree heartily; disagree softly. When someone agrees with you, it establishes an instant bond. Suddenly, you both have something in common. However, the strongest professional relationships exhibit mutual respect and admiration, even in disagreements. Tolerance and respect for others, especially when they disagree with you, is vital to successful networking. If you strongly disagree with someone’s opinion, softly communicate that you don’t see it the same way. Ask questions and allow the person to fully express his or her reasoning.


5. Talk less; listen more. When someone speaks to you, listen with your whole body. Nod, make eye contact, and be fully engaged in what they have to say. Attentive listening will build trust and help you establish a professional relationship. When given the opportunity, ask pertinent questions, which will help demonstrate your sincere interest. If you don’t understand, ask for specifics. You could ask a clarifying question such as, “If I hear you correctly, you’re saying…Is that right?” It’s best to confirm your assumptions rather than risk a miscommunication.


6. Don’t interrupt or change the subject. Many assertive professionals finish others’ sentences out of habit. If you jump in and interrupt someone’s sentence, you prevent him or her from fully expressing his or her thoughts. Though your intentions may be good, the other person may perceive you to be a know-it-all or in a rush. Or worse, the person may think you are trying to put words in his or her mouth. Always permit the other person enough time to finish their thought before you respond. Your patience and thoughtfulness will be appreciated.


http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/235615

Four days after his defection from the All Progressives Congress [APC] to the Peoples Democratic Party [PDP] became public, a former chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission [EFCC], Nuhu Ribadu, has personally given an insight into why he crossed to the ruling party.
In a statement posted on his Facebook page Mr. Ribadu said his “carefully considered decision” to defect to another party was in “in pursuit of a good cause, and never out of any selfish interests”.
He did not expatiate on what this good cause is but he said his next step in his political struggle would be made known in due time.
“I know how difficult it may be for you to come to terms with my defection to another party,” Mr. Ribadu said. “But I must assure you that it’s a carefully considered decision for which I do not wish to hurt anyone’s feeling. I’ll not embark on a needless animosity with my good friends, irrespective of political, religious, regional and ethnic affiliations.
“For now, I wish to assure you that my defection is in pursuit of a good cause, and never out of any selfish interests as portrayed by a section. Thanks for bearing with me on this decision, and for those who have been in solidarity with my struggles and still giving me the benefits of the doubt, I’m most grateful. I’ll never let you down on this new path.”
The former EFCC chairman, who was reacting to a report quoting him as disparaging his former colleagues in the APC, said although he had left the opposition party, he would continue to hold its leaders in high esteem.
He said, “Let me quickly make it known that I did not issue a statement disparaging APC and its members, including Governors Amaechi, Kwankwaso… These were clearly fabricated, expected backlash, by mischievous characters interested in misleading the public and drawing a picture of non-existent feuds between me and my good friends.
“My defection shouldn’t be seen as an initiation of political antagonism with my good friends in another party. I still hold them in high esteem, and even where there are marked differences, I believe there are decorous and honorable ways of resolving them. So, kindly disregard any statement said to be by me attacking the personality of any politician since my defection. I’ll never allow myself to be drawn into such disrespectful exchange.”
Mr. Ribadu formally joined the PDP in Bako ward of Yola South Local Government on Saturday, to the chagrin of the APC, whose National Chairman, John Oyegun, described the development as “very terrible”.
The Chairman of Youth for Good Governance in Adamawa State, a PDP Pressure group supporting Ribadu’s candidature, Isa Toungo, told PREMIUM TIMES that Mr. Ribadu was given a membership card with registration number 1933795.
On Monday the former EFCC chairman obtained the expression of Interest and nomination forms to run for Adamawa Governor in the October 11 election under the platform of the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP.
One of his associates, Hamidu Mahmud, who led the team that went to the national headquarters of the PDP in Abuja to obtain the forms, said contrary to reports, the former APC presidential candidate did not join the PDP just to pick automatic governorship ticket.
He also said Mr. Ribadu had already applied for waiver in line with the party’s constitutional provision to enable him qualifies and participates in the election.
Mr. Mahmud also dismissed the notion that Mr. Ribadu was in the contest at the behest of President Goodluck Jonathan.
“The framers of the PDP Constitution did not insert the waiver clause in anticipation of Nuhu Ribadu; it is a principle of general application. So, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu, having joined the party, is expected to enjoy this waiver clause that is in the PDP Constitution,” Mr. Mahmud said.
“We have applied for the waiver and we are awaiting the decision of the party on that. We are not aware that the President wants Ribadu, it was some PDP Chieftains in the state that called on Ribadu to come and contest for the governorship of the state. So, the question of the President wanting Ribadu does not arise in this case.”


READ MR. RIBADU’S FULL STATEMENT BELOW:
My good friends,
I know how difficult it may be for you to come to terms with my defection to another party. But I must assure you that it’s a carefully considered decision for which I do not wish to hurt anyone’s feeling. I’ll not embark on a needless animosity with my good friends, irrespective of political, religious, regional and ethnic affiliations.
Let me quickly make it known that I did not issue a statement disparaging APC and its members, including Governors Amaechi, Kwankwaso… These were clearly fabricated, expected backlash, by mischievous characters interested in misleading the public and drawing a picture of non-existent feuds between me and my good friends.
My defection shouldn’t be seen as an initiation of political antagonism with my good friends in another party. I still hold them in high esteem, and even where there are marked differences, I believe there are decorous and honorable ways of resolving them. So, kindly disregard any statement said to be by me attacking the personality of any politician since my defection. I’ll never allow myself to be drawn into such disrespectful exchange.
As for my next step in this political struggle, this would be made known in due time. For now, I wish to assure you that my defection is in pursuit of a good cause, and never out of any selfish interests as portrayed by a section. Thanks for bearing with me on this decision, and for those who have been in solidarity with my struggles and still giving me the benefits of the doubt, I’m most grateful. I’ll never let you down on this new path.
Thank you!
Nuhu Ribadu


https://m.premiumtimesng.com/news/166977-ribadu-speaks-at-last-why-i-defected.html

Gentlemen still exist, today, although they may appear slightly different.

The “old school” gentleman, who pulled out chairs and opened up car doors, has since been replaced with the “modern” gentleman, who can maintain a stimulating conversation outside the realms of Twitter, Facebook and BBM.

Given the social norms of today’s society, being a gentleman will prove itself to be quite difficult – but not impossible.

Just because certain behaviors aren’t considered “cool” or “popular” by mainstream standards doesn’t mean they’re correct by societal standards. Being a gentleman is timeless, and mainstream trends will phase in and out. Notice this, and focus on the long-term.

While being in your 20s and carefree may discourage all intentions of acting “gentlemanlike” – recognize the longevity of certain good habits. These will never “go out of style,” and are telltale signs of maturity.

Everyone can be a gentleman. That title is earned, it’s not something you’re born into. Here are 20 things every prospective gentleman should strive to do:

1. He refers to women by their given first names

Mom gave her that name for a reason, use it. In many cases, it will be extremely disrespectful to call a girl anything besides her given name, and generic (typically profane) slurs are only a clear sign of your own ignorance.

A gentleman should be deliberate in regard to how he addresses a lady, and first names will leave minimal room for error.

2. If he can spare it, he spends it

While paying for your female date is no longer an expectation in today’s society, especially on first dates, unless you’re falling on really hard financial times, it’s a good look to at least offer.

3. He says “I’m sorry”

Having the capability to say, “I’m sorry,” is one of the most overlooked qualities in both men and women. Apologies require a great deal of strength, and the human ego will make matters personally challenging.

Part of becoming a gentleman is realizing that the man who can admit when he is wrong is no weaker than the man who never backs down.

4. He stands behind an unwavering set values

Standing behind a set of values, and believing in something, displays loyalty in a man. True gentlemen will follow a moral code, with others’ best interests in mind.

Upholding certain values will prove to others that you’re in no position to be walked over, and that you will fight for what you believe in.

5. He always holds the door open

It’s such a little gesture that goes such a long way. I understand these types of things may seem “ancient” in the year 2014, there’s still a degree of charm that comes along with them.

The “modern gentleman” should not abandon the “old school” tools of the trade.

6. He compliments people

Complimenting people around you is a direct reflection upon yourself. It shows others that you are not too self-absorbed to take an interest in them, and it also shows kindness.

While random acts of kindness may go unnoticed by some, to others, they might mean more than you could imagine.

7. He’s well-groomed

Comb your hair, brush your teeth, shave your face. Maintaining small, good grooming habits will speak volumes about you as a person.

If you can’t manage to keep your appearance neat and orderly, how can you expect others to believe your life is any more neat and orderly?

8. He always smells good

For the ladies, but also for yourself. By simply smelling good, you will attract far more people than the alternative.

It’s a subtle aspect of your appearance that bears far deeper social implications. Find a brand or designer that you really like, and let that become “your smell.”

9. He keeps a good posture

This isn’t the back of middle school algebra class, and your company isn’t some boring teacher. Sit up straight, with your chest out, shoulders back and demand the attention of every set of eyes in the room.

Whether it be just you and your date or a room full of prospective clients. Gentlemen will have a strong backbone, and I’m referring to their character.

10. He’s patient

Children are fidgety and anxious. Gentlemen are cool and patient.

Whether it be en route to dinner with a new girl, and stuck in traffic, or handling matters of business – a gentleman will always wait situations out until they’re most advantageous to act upon.

11. He maintains self-control

Gentlemen will always be in control of themselves. When other people, or things, take the wheel and steer, – with regard to life choices and specific habits – it is only a matter of time before you find yourself spinning out of control.

The modern gentleman will not fear experimenting with things, and indulging in certain things, as long as he maintains control and stays within the lanes of his respective road.

12. He always listens, first

Trust me. Everyone’s got something to say. It’s a much rarer commodity finding someone who will listen.

Being a gentleman is not about constantly speaking your mind, but knowing when to speak, and, most importantly, when to shut up and listen.

13. He’s smart with his money

Gentlemen don’t live and die by receipts or bar tabs. Being fiscally responsible is a life lesson, and being fiscally irresponsible is one you will most likely learn the morning after.

Being a gentleman doesn’t mean buying every attractive girl you see walk past the bar a glass of wine to show off what’s in your wallet. True gentlemen will strive to find the right girl – and then start saving up to buy the entire vineyard.

14. He’s always on time

Being punctual displays reliability. A sense of responsibility will often supplement those who value the importance of time, and meeting appointments.

If you’re on time with regards to the smaller things, others will know they can depend on you when it comes to larger issues. Gentlemen will know that being five minutes early is too late.

15. He asks questions and doesn’t speak about himself

Showing an interest in others is refreshing. A gentleman will look to inquire about those around him, especially a date, rather than preaching about himself.

Asking questions will show a genuine curiosity in someone, the opposite of apathy. Gentlemen will look to keep their dates engaged, and speaking, as opposed to taking the risk of talking too much.

16. He’s always respectful

Being a gentleman doesn’t mean being a “yes man.” It doesn’t mean seeing eye-to-eye with everyone you meet, and it certainly doesn’t mean being a kiss ass.

What it does mean, however, is that you will always uphold a level of respect with all of your associates. Naturally, a date, or girlfriend, is by no means any different.

17. He makes the first move

Don’t leave the fate of any situation in the hands of others. Whether it be starting up a conversation with a girl you’ve never met at a bar, being the first to attempt to reconcile things with a long-term girlfriend, or even pursuing a certain job opening – always take matters into your own hands and make the first move.

18. He’s composed

Keep your composure. True gentlemen are always poised. Because when situations become dire, and others start to panic, gentlemen have the ability to provide a beacon of assurance that the people around them can feed off.

In the words of Ernest Hemingway, “Courage is grace under pressure.” Be graceful under pressure.

19. He doesn’t rush out of places

Sloan, from “Entourage,” dumped a guy she dated because he asked to leave the Lakers game early to beat traffic. Don’t let this guy be you.

Always try to be the first man in and the last man out, as it displays your intentions to see things through. Whether it be a movie, a sporting event or work, don’t leave until the fat lady has finished singing.

20. He doesn’t finish his food before his date does

Don’t be a pig. If you’re eating with company, or out to dinner with a date, don’t rush through your food like you haven’t eaten in weeks.

Especially during the earlier phases of dating, view meals and dinner dates as social events. Scarfing down the steak you order should always be secondary to conducting a stimulating conversation.


http://www.radar.ng/art-life/20-qualities-of-a-gentleman/

What makes a marriage last? The answer to that question is different for everyone, and every marriage is individual. That said, there are lessons to be gleaned from other marriages and things we can incorporate into our own to fortify and strengthen them. But what are they?

Whether it’s regular hot sex for decades or something more subtle and intangible, the people we know who have been married for 10, 20, 30+ years all have their own reasons their relationships have endured while so many others have failed. A few weeks ago, we heard from 10 women on what a “good marriage” is.

This time, eight men get their say about what makes a marriage stand the test of time. And what they have to say might surprise you!

1.) “Upon discovering that my husband and I have been married for 41 years, people always ask us what is our secret. So I posed this question to my spouse, who is very quiet and parses his every word. Without hesitation, he remarked it was because as a highly romantic, creative individual who is the social secretary for our lives, he never knows what to expect from me from one minute to the next, and he finds he likes it. So the secret to our union is to always keep things interesting and exciting.”

~ Carol Gee, Atlanta, Georgia, married 41 years

2.) “I believe there is one key trait that can make or break a marriage — servant-hood. It may sound countercultural, but by considering your spouse’s needs as much or more than your own, you can exhibit love and humility that will strengthen a marriage, not prohibit it. I found this to be true in my own marriage.”

~ Jay Lowder, founder of Jay Lowder Harvest Ministries and author of Midnight in Aisle 7, married 18 years

3.) “We respect and always want the best for each other. Therefore, we never allow the other to become complacent. We always encourage each other to learn, improve, and evaluate things in our lives that should be changed.”

~ Jim Sweeney, creator of MIKE Sports Entertainment, married 33 years

 4.) “We began our relationship as friends. We were both dating other people but knew each other as friends. Eventually the partners we both had went their ways and we started seeing each other. Even during our formative years, I considered my wife a good friend and confidant. We shared and enjoyed lots of first-time things together, which helped cement our bond.”

~ Mark W., San Jose, California, married 31 years

5.) “A marriage works because both people feel comfortable with each other in every single respect of the relationship. In other words, they can’t be afraid to do those little embarrassing things that you would never do when you’re dating. You need to have a few screaming arguments about stuff, as long as they aren’t re-hashed every single day in several ways. You have to have fun, no matter what it is. I dress up in a dress for Halloween or she makes silly faces and noises at me.”

~ Robert D. Sollars, married 14 years

6.) “I respect my wife for all the reasons I was attracted to her to begin with: her intelligence and wit, her beauty and grace, her openness and her emotionality. [Also], a child-centric household is not only not good for your children, but also for your marriage. I highly recommend time without kids as a regular part of your schedule.”

~ Dr. Mark Gettleman, aka Dr. Goofy Gettwell, married 14 years

7.) “My oldest friends are the ones I share common interests and activities with, and I believe the same goes with marriage. My first marriage fell apart after our kids left the house, because without them, we had nothing in common. She had her friends and activities and I had mine. In reality it fell apart long before the kids left, because to be honest, we never really enjoyed doing the same things together. Thus we were married, but not really friends. I now am happily married for five years to a woman … (and) we both love doing so many things together.”

~ Chris Rither, married five years

8.) “Number one thing we do to keep our marriage blissful — communicate. Ninety percent of the world’s problems are a result of poor or non-existent communication. If either of us wants something, we ask. If we like or dislike something, we say so. If we are angry, we say so. Our reasoning is simple: This person chose me, s/he has dedicated him/herself to me, and there is nothing that I can say that cannot be discussed and resolved. We don’t agree on everything and we should not, but we respect each other and each other’s position.”

~ Louis Altman, married 13 years

Eight men. Eight different answers. The truth is, what makes a marriage last depends so much on the specific people involved. We can listen to advice all day long, but in the end, we know what makes our marriages tick. Only we know how to make them good.

Now, go forth and do those things.


http://www.thetrentonline.com/8-husbands-reveal-makes-marriage-last/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=8-husbands-reveal-makes-marriage-last&utm_medium=twitter&utm_source=twitterfeed

Last week was for #MarriedMen

I will be posting a new series of tweets on #MarriedMen from 3pm today Sunday 13th. Stay tuned.

When you marry, you’ve entered something that was invented by God. #MarriedMen

Tell your wife “thank you” for all the cooking, washing, cleaning and even making the bed. #MarriedMen

Why not take some of the heavy load your wife is carrying off her shoulders. #MarriedMen

If you’re determined to run marriage your own way, you’ll be in trouble because marriage is God’s idea. #MarriedMen

It was not the ‘village elders’ who came up with marriage. It was God. He Himself officiated at the first wedding. #MarriedMen

Once you’re married you’re married. #MarriedMen

Your wife has to take priority above work and business and pleasure. #MarriedMen

Your wife has the power to set the direction of your entire life. #MarriedMen

If your marriage is strong, even with trouble all around you, it won’t matter. You will be able to move out in strength. #MarriedMen

If your marriage is messed up and everything else is great, it won’t matter. You will be moving out in weakness. #MarriedMen

Your wife’s words are so powerful she can actually overturn negative things said about you. #MarriedMen

The love and affirmation of your wife has the power to heal many of your deepest wounds. #MarriedMen

If all in the world say you’re ugly but your wife says you’re beautiful, you’ll feel beautiful. #MarriedMen

Stop complaining about your wife to your mother. #MarriedMen

Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Resolving them is a part of the process of bonding with your wife.#MarriedMen

Be the man. The #MarriedMan

Talk to your wife. #MarriedMen

Make eye contact with your wife. #MarriedMen

Let your wife talk. #MarriedMen

Sit down and listen to your wife. Just listen. #MarriedMen

Saying “I love you” to your wife is good, but showing it is even better. #MarriedMen

Remember love is not just what you say, it’s what you do. #MarriedMen

To your wife, a kiss actually says more than a 1000 “I love you’s “.#MarriedMen

Stop taking out your frustrations on your wife. #MarriedMen

Stop dumping your work issues and problems on your wife at night. #MarriedMen

Speak to your wife as your equal. #MarriedMen

Please treat your wife with some respect. #MarriedMen

Brag about your wife in public. #MarriedMen

Your wife is not inferior and should not be made to feel so. #MarriedMen

Please leave your parents out of your marriage. She didn’t marry your father. #MarriedMen

Treating your wife as the ‘weaker vessel’ does not mean treating her as an inferior vessel. #MarriedMen

The bible says your prayers will be bouncing back from the ceiling when you don’t treat your wife with respect (1 Peter 3:7) #MarriedMen

If you use all the water in the tank and leave none for her, that’s not love. #MarriedMen

Enjoy life with your wife. #MarriedMen

Sacrifice a football game to go to an event that your wife enjoys. #MarriedMen

Spend a weekend at a hotel with your wife. #MarriedMen

Stop shouting at your wife. She can hear you. #MarriedMen

Be a spiritual leader not a spiritual dominator. #MarriedMen

Submission from your wife is easier when the one she is submitting to loves her enough to sacrifice his life for her. #MarriedMen

To keep bringing up old issues of what your wife did in the past is not loving as Christ loved. #MarriedMen

The man is the head of the house but Christ is the head of the man. #MarriedMen

We’re told to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. He gave Himself. Give yourself to your wife. #MarriedMen

Stop saying” you’re always” or” you never”. It comes out as judgmental and condemning. #MarriedMen

Remember you said “until death do us part”. God doesn’t take that lightly. #MarriedMen

Stop acting like a paramount ruler or village chief. You’re still a husband #MarriedMen

Adultery of the heart is one of the most common problems among #MarriedMen.

You can’t lead your wife anywhere you yourself haven’t been. #MarriedMen

You can’t expect to lead your wife spiritually if you’re not pursuing God yourself. #MarriedMen

Grab your wife’s hand and ask her how you can pray for her. #MarriedMen

Read a book together with your wife. A book in the bible is a good idea. #MarriedMen

Stop flirting with your wife’s girlfriends. #MarriedMen

Find a pet name for your wife. Honey. Sweetheart. Baby. Darling. #MarriedMen

Don’t call your wife mummy. She is not your mum. #MarriedMen

Wash the dishes for your wife sometimes. #MarriedMen

Look into your wife’s eyes. #MarriedMen

Make your wife happy. If she’s happy, you will be happy. #MarriedMen

Greet your wife first before you greet the children. #MarriedMen

Stroke your wife’s hair. #MarriedMen

Leave your mobile phone and bond with your wife. #MarriedMen

Intimacy goes beyond sexuality. #MarriedMen

Your wife is “fearfully and wonderfully made”. Learn some anatomy and even physiology. #MarriedMen

Hold hands with your wife. Rub her shoulders. #MarriedMen

Learn how to agree to disagree with your wife. #MarriedMen

No two people will ever agree on everything. It’s ok. Have guidelines for managing conflict with your wife. #MarriedMen

Stop fighting with your wife over money. #MarriedMen

Don’t resent your wife’s family. #MarriedMen

Respect your wife’s father. He brought her up. #MarriedMen

Your wife wants her feelings to be understood. #MarriedMen

Don’t rush to try and fix your wife’s problems. Listen to her first. #MarriedMen

Consult with your wife before you make those big decisions. #MarriedMen

Discuss with your wife before you make expensive purchases. #MarriedMen

Understand what your wife means when she says, “Don’t touch me at night if you didn’t speak to me during the day”. #MarriedMen

Your wife really wants to connect with you. #MarriedMen

‘Chase’ your wife again. #MarriedMen

Why are you so stressed out? #MarriedMen

Working on your marriage is also the man’s job. #MarriedMen

Don’t be lazy with your love for your wife. #MarriedMen

If there’s anything a man hates in his life, it’s a nagging wife. Please stop nagging. #MarriedWomen

Your husband is not a ‘project’. He’s not yours to change or fix or mould. Please he is yours to love. #MarriedWomen

A nagging wife is like water going drip-drip-drip on a rainy day. How can you keep her quiet? (Proverbs 27:15 GNB) #MarriedWomen

Stop looking at your husband to be the one to make you happy. That’s actually your job, not his. #MarriedWomen

A husband’s greatest need in this world of marriage is to be respected by his wife. #MarriedWomen

When you give to your husband without expectations, then God somehow begins to meet your expectations. #MarriedWomen

Your husband truly wants you to be happy but he really doesn’t want to be blamed when you’re not happy. #MarriedWomen

Look in the mirror & learn to love what you see. A woman who loves her body takes care of it for her husband. Love your body. #MarriedWomen

The successful mathematics in marriage is to give 100% and expect nothing in return. #MarriedWomen

Stop expecting your husband to be what he’s not. Unmet expectations will be the greatest source of sorrow in your marriage. #MarriedWomen

You have to make forgiveness a habit. In big things and in little things. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. #MarriedWomen

I’m not sure your friends will give you objective advice about your husband. Why make them your counsellors. #MarriedWomen

Try to overcome little annoyances, like when your husband leaves a wet towel on the bed. #MarriedWomen

Men are not wired like women and your husband doesn’t even know he is being insensitive to your needs. Tell him nicely #MarriedWomen

Stop saying “I will leave you one day” or “I want a divorce” whenever you quarrel. In the end it will backfire. #MarriedWomen

Stop being so needy, it drains your husband. #MarriedWomen

Never criticize your husband. It builds resentment in him. #MarriedWomen

Why don’t you compliment your husband on what he does right rather than tear him down for what he does wrong? #MarriedWomen

When your husband does something you appreciate, it’s nice to let him know. #MarriedWomen

Do you realize that the more you try to force your husband to do something or restrict him, the more he’ll try to escape? #MarriedWomen

Why do you even bother going through his text messages? There’s no need. Stop it. #MarriedWomen

Your husband needs time to chill in his ‘man cave’. Please leave him alone. #MarriedWomen

You may not understand why he loves to watch sports or violent movies. You don’t have to understand. Give him his space. #MarriedWomen

Focus on what you love about your husband and please leave the rest. It’s not for you to change him, that’s God’s job. #MarriedWomen

Make the bed. Thank you. #MarriedWomen

If you try to control, restrict or cage your husband it will take away that ‘thing’ that makes him a man. He’s a free spirit. #MarriedWomen

Speak clearly. You will be angry with your husband and he will have no idea of what he said or did to annoy you. #MarriedWomen

Don’t walk away after you’ve spoken your mind to your husband. He will hold it against you and bring it up later. #MarriedWomen

Don’t give your husband the ‘cold shoulder treatment’. He will escape from home. #MarriedWomen

Stop waiting for your husband to arrange a date or give you what you want, take responsibility and create it yourself. #MarriedWomen

Criticism and control will only make your husband shut you out. #MarriedWomen

Sex is a core need for your husband. It anchors his soul to yours. #MarriedWomen

Frequent meaningful physical intimacy is what connects your husband’s heart to yours. #MarriedWomen

Pet your husband. Massage his shoulders. Give him a manicure. #MarriedWomen

If you shut your husband away from physical intimacy then you’ve cut off his most important connection to you in his world. #MarriedWomen

You have to love your husband even when he is unlovable. #MarriedWomen

Serve your husband even when it seems he doesn’t appreciate your service. #MarriedWomen

Be sensitive to your husband’s physical needs even when you’re tired. You can do all things thro’ Christ who strengthens you. #MarriedWomen

Please stop airing your dirty laundry in public. Your husband just hates it #MarriedWomen

Teach your children to respect their father. Make them see him as a hero. #MarriedWomen

Please make your house a welcoming home. #MarriedWomen

This night out thing with the ‘girls’ is really a risky thing you’re doing. #MarriedWomen

Protect your husband. There are she-wolves out there. #MarriedWomen

Do all things without grumbling and complaining. #MarriedWomen

It’s not nice when your husband is the subject of your girlfriend’s gossip and petty quarrels. He’s a man. Protect him. #MarriedWomen

Pick your battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t fight over little matters. You only stress yourself out. #MarriedWomen

Be very careful about reading romance novels. They give you a false illusion of life. #MarriedWomen

Please stop comparing your husband with anyone else’s. Do you know how they live? #MarriedWomen

Accept your husband for what he is and not what you want him to be. #MarriedWomen

Source : Twitter @drtonyrapu

You’re smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can stillmake out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick — and you’re the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I’ve been there. Let’s face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain’t always pretty.

That may sound grim. But here’s a secret: Sometimes it’s the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

Marriage truth #1

You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you’ll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn’t make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for.

Actually, it is. You just didn’t realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other’s faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that “for better and for worse” doesn’t kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That’s when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It’s not him. It’s just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You’re learning that marriage isn’t a destination; it’s a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that’s better than any fairy tale.

Marriage truth #2

You’ll work harder than you ever imagined

Early on, when people say, “Marriage takes work,” you assume “work” means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naiveté, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.

If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths — and from where he sits, you’re pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn’t mean you’re done — it just means you’ve advanced to graduate-level studies. That’s because every time you think you’ve mastered the material, he’ll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

“It’s like losing weight,” says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. “You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it’s a lifestyle. That’s marriage. The effort is a forever thing.” So don’t be too hard on yourself — or him — on those days when you feel like you’re struggling through remedial math.

Marriage truth #3

You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder)

Do you have a “never go to bed angry” pact with your partner?

Yes! We make a point to always resolve issues before bed.

Yes but we rarely follow it.

Nope, there’s no way that would work for us!

Whoever decided to tell newlyweds “Never go to bed angry” doesn’t know what it’s like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I’ve got three words for you: Sleep on it.

You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I’ve found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you’re angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you’re both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. “This was a huge lesson for me,” says Andrea. “As women we’ve been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I’d let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself — let the emotions settle a bit — and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day.”

Marriage truth #4

You will go without sex — sometimes for a long time — and that’s okay

How often do you have sex?

Every single day!

3+ times per week

Once a week

Once a month

Rarely. And I mean, rarely.

There are few men in the Western world sexier than my husband. And I don’t say this because I know he may read this article. I’ve seen women checking him out when they think I’m not looking. (Honestly, ladies, you don’t have to sneak a peek. I don’t mind if you stare.) That said, there are times that I just don’t feel like having sex — often for reasons that have nothing to do with Genoveso. (See? Even his name is sexy.) I can’t lie and say this is always okay with him. But the fact is, there are also plenty of nights when he’s not in the mood. So maybe a few days go by when we don’t do it. And then a few more. And….

Sexless periods are a natural part of married life. A dry spell isn’t a sign that you’ve lost your mojo or that you’ll never have sex again. It just means that maybe this week, sleep is more important than sex. (I don’t know about you, but between work, 3 a.m. feedings, the PTA, soccer, T-ball, and everything else, I sometimes crave sleep the way a pimply, hormonal adolescent longs to cop a feel.)

And don’t kid yourself; no one in America is doing it as often as popular culture would have you believe. Instead of worrying about how much you think you “should” be having sex, keep the focus on figuring out your own rhythm. “I used to think, What’s happened to us? We always used to be in the mood,” says 35-year-old Kim Henderson of Oakland, CA, who’s been married for five years. “Now I know better. Life happens. My husband just started a new job. He has a long commute, and we have two small children. I think we’re good.”

The key is to make sure that even if you’re not doing “it,” you’re still doing something — touching, kissing, hugging. Personally, my heart gets warm and mushy when my husband rubs my feet after a long, tiring day. He may not be anywhere near my center of gravity, but that little bit of touch and attention keeps us connected even when we’re not having spine-tingling sex.

Marriage truth #5

Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together

I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It’s really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It’s just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more “right” I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he’s right most of the time (go figure!). So we’d lock horns — often. That is, until I learned a few things.

Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong — there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband’s. “I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage,” says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. “Now I see that I’m not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There’s more gray in life than I thought, and that’s taught me patience and the value of compromise.”

The more I get to know and appreciate my husband for who he is, the more I respect his positions. That doesn’t mean I always agree with him. But I can see the value in striking a balance that satisfies us both. And instead of harping on how wrong he is, I can usually swallow the verbal vitriol and simply say something like, “I see your point” or “I hadn’t considered that.” After I sincerely acknowledge his view, it seems to become easier for him to hear mine. And because I know I’m being heard, most of the time now, I don’t even want to prove how right I am anymore. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Marriage truth #6

A great marriage doesn’t mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right

Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it’s also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don’t just raise your voices; you raise real — sometimes buried — issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn’t give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won’t break us; they’ll only make us stronger.

Marriage truth #7

You’ll realize that you can only change yourself

Ever seen the ’80s sci-fi cult classic Making Mr. Right? When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich’s android character into her personal version of the ideal man — sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.

There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us — something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we’re doing the right thing.

Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man — stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies — is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you’re lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

Here’s a perfect case in point: “I used to go off on my husband because he didn’t empty the sink trap when he cleaned the kitchen,” says Kimberly Seals Allers, 36, of Bay Shore, NY. “It got me nowhere; my rants only made him resentful. Now I come home and when the kitchen looks clean, I’m like, ‘Cool, now all I have to do is empty the sink trap.’”

Marriage truth #8

As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you’re really made of

I’ve got issues. Trust issues. Control issues. And others, I’m sure, that I’ve yet to fully discover. I guess I’ve always known I wasn’t perfect. But in more than a decade of marriage, I’ve been smacked upside the head with the cold, hard evidence.

There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, “I’ll call you at 8.” Then, just to try to trip me up, he’d call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn’t figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me — really and truly — this stuff wouldn’t happen.

I’d like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I’ve come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I’ve had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.

I still struggle as a work in progress. But I am completely clear in the knowledge that many of the deepest frustrations in your relationship are an opportunity for you to confront yourself. That can be difficult to accept — after all, it’s so much more comforting to keep a running tab of your hubby’s deficits and tell yourself that his failings are the only thing standing between you and a better marriage. But if you let it, this bumpy journey toward self-awareness can be one of the more fulfilling rewards of a committed, long-term relationship — you’ll learn to love your quirks and be compassionate toward yourself, just as you’re learning to do with him.

That’s the strange beauty of marriage: It’s full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together — and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

http://www.ynaija.com/8-things-no-one-tells-you-about-marriage/?utm_content=bufferaddc1&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

This is the subject of a discussion that has been
taking place for quite some time now but which has
reached a frenzy since former president Obasanjo’s
letter-bomb to President Jonathan. It is a discussion
or an argument that I have been reluctant to
encourage. As the reader will have noticed, the
question is not who is better between Obasanjo and
Jonathan but who is worse. This presupposes, quite
correctly, that both of them are bad for Nigeria. Only
God knows why He afflicted Nigeria with both of
them, but God is always right. Nigeria would have
been a much better place without them as
presidents. The answer to the question is not that
easy. Anyone who wants to answer the question –
who is worse between Obasanjo and Jonathan? –
must first be ready to answer the famous question:
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
The truth is that every bad thing Jonathan is doing
today he learnt from Obasanjo. Jonathan has only
done them all bigger than his teacher. And why
should Obasanjo, the teacher, complain? Is it not the
wish of all teachers that their students should outdo
them?
General Abdulsalami Abubakar handed over power to
General Olusegun Obasanjo on May 29, 1999, in an
election that was generally regarded as credible. But
that was the last credible election that Nigeria has
had till date. All the elections since then have been
massively rigged, sometimes by Obasanjo, the
president himself. The elections Obasanjo conducted
as president, in 2003 and 2007, have been the worst
in the history of elections in the country. Obasanjo as
president personally supervised the crime of election
rigging, many times very openly. So far, Jonathan has
supervised only the 2011 general elections. And even
though he would have won the presidential election
anyway, because the opposition parties were not as
organised as they are today, Jonathan still went
ahead to rig the elections badly, using the same
methods and tricks as Obasanjo did. He proved to be
a very good student of Obasanjo because Jonathan
showed, by his conduct of the 2011 election that
even if he was the only candidate standing in that
presidential election, he would still have rigged the
election. Rigging obviously runs in the family. If
Jonathan insists on contesting the 2015 elections in
spite of the promise he made to his party men in
2011, it is because he saw what Obasanjo did with
his own promises. There was also a tacit
understanding that Obasanjo was going to do only
one term from 1999. He nonetheless contested and
rigged the 2003 election massively. Before then, Bola
Ige had to be killed to make the rigging easier in the
south-west which Obasanjo thought he needed
badly. In 2006, Obasanjo started sharing bribes to
the National Assembly members to get a third term.
Jonathan saw all that, so why should he keep his own
promise? What is wrong in Obasanjo’s student
wanting his own third term? Let someone else
complain, but not Obasanjo.
The Jonathan government is the most corrupt
government Nigeria has ever seen. But before the
Jonathan government came into being, Obasanjo’s
government was the most corrupt government
Nigeria had ever known at the time. If Obasanjo is
screaming about the magnitude of corruption today,
which he correctly said is about to ground the
Nigerian state, it must be because he didn’t think
anyone would ever beat his record of corruption and
impunity. Jonathan’s government steals in trillions,
Obasanjo’s government in billions and a few times in
trillions. The $12 billion Obasanjo squandered on
fake electricity supply was N1.4 trillion at the
exchange rate when the money was stolen. Both
governments are governments of thieves and crooks
and both have been very detrimental to Nigeria’s
development.
And talking about corruption, how can anyone forget
so soon how Obasanjo squandered N300 billion on
roads with nothing to show for it? Many of us talked
on this issue ad nauseam when he was in power but
got no response. And how can anyone forget so soon
how Obasanjo also squandered $12 billion on power
generation and all we got was a change of name from
NEPA to PHCN? What about COJA and the several
companies like ALSCON Obasanjo privatised into his
pocket? What about Transcorp, the Aso Rock
company which he shamelessly used in cahoots with
other crooks to corruptly capture NITEL and several
oil blocks? Obasanjo shared more oil blocks than all
his predecessors and successors put together, most
of them dubiously.
In all of President Obasanjo’s eight years as
president, there was no single year he implemented
the national budget according to the appropriation
law, yet, by law and conventions of democracy, one
single budgetary infraction was enough to impeach
and remove him from office. So, if President Jonathan
has become notorious for not implementing budgets,
it is Obasanjo that emboldened him.
During Obasanjo’s days, the price of oil went as high
as $147 per barrel. Under General Sani Abacha,
Obasanjo’s nemesis that he loves to deride, it was
barely $20 per barrel, yet Abacha had more to show
for his five years in power than Obasanjo’s eight
years in office. Abacha stabilised the naira at N80 to
a dollar throughout his days. Under Obasanjo, it was
N120 or more to a dollar. Gwarimpa Housing Estate,
one of Abacha’s footprints, was considered the
largest estate in Africa at the time it was built. No
one remembers any such edifice that Obasanjo put in
place. The PTF which Abacha created remains the
most outstanding achievement of any government in
the last 20 years. Abacha was courageous enough to
talk his senior, General Muhammadu Buhari, into
accepting to head the PTF. With just N2 from every
litre after a fuel price increase, the PTF used less than
$2 billion to virtually change the face of the country.
Obasanjo increased fuel prices as many times as he
desired with nothing except the suffering of the
people to show for it. The PTF showed how very little
money could achieve so much. Obasanjo likes to talk
about how he created the GSM revolution. He should
also tell Nigerians how much of Nigeria’s money he
used to achieve that. The GSM revolution would still
have happened at the time it did in Nigeria as it
happened in every other country on the surface of
the earth even if there was no president in place. It
was a global phenomenon. It’s like a Nigerian
president claiming credit for the coming of the
internet into Nigeria.
In terms of security, while Obasanjo’s people killed
every Nigerian they saw as a stumbling block – Bola
Ige, Marshal Harry, Aminasoari Dikibo, Chuba
Okadigbo and a lot more – Jonathan simply allowed
us to kill ourselves. Obasanjo’s era was marked by
political assassinations and cold-blooded murders.
Governor Orji Uzor Kalu escaped death but he knew
exactly who sent the assassins. Audu Ogbeh escaped
death and he too knew exactly who sent the killers.
But Jonathan has not been personally associated (so
far) with any political murders the way Obasanjo
was. I hope it remains so, but if Obasanjo said
snipers are being trained, that leaves many of us
worried because Obasanjo has the capacity to know.
The main difference between Obasanjo and Jonathan
is that Obasanjo was a competent president who was
a crook, while Jonathan is totally and completely
incompetent but found himself president by
Obasanjo’s designed accident. Obasanjo knows
government and how government works but
deliberately chose to destroy the system. On the
other hand, Jonathan, not equipped for the job
should not be president in the first place and would
not have been president but for Obasanjo’s
crookedness.
If President Obasanjo had allowed free and fair
primaries in his own PDP, there was no way a
terminally ill Umaru Yar’Adua and a clueless Jonathan
would have emerged the presidential candidate and
running mate respectively. Obasanjo did what he did
because he wanted to continue to be the de facto
president even after leaving Aso Rock. At least that is
what he told Nasiru el-Rufai, as revealed in el-Rufai’s
book, The Accidental Public Servant.
Obasanjo was competent, Jonathan is not; but
Obasanjo was also a crook and Jonathan is arguably
not. For instance, Obasanjo would not have retained
Stella Oduah up to this point. He knows the kind of
terminal damage this does to a government. He
would have dismissed her with ignominy, if to boost
his fake anti-corruption credentials. Obasanjo would
have reshuffled this cabinet a long time ago. He
would not keep this kind of cabinet. And, unlike
Jonathan who dropped several ministers months ago
and still has been unable to replace them, Obasanjo
would not be that incapacitated. Obversely, Jonathan
is unlikely to change his party chairman by putting a
gun to his head as Obasanjo did when he wanted
Audu Ogbeh to resign as PDP chairman. And
Jonathan is yet to send his cronies to kidnap a sitting
governor as Obasanjo did with Chris Uba kidnapping
Governor Chris Ngige.
So, the answer to the question — who’s worse
between Obasanjo and Jonathan? — I don’t know, but
what I know is that Nigeria would have been a better
place if both of them had not been presidents.
Having said all that, Jonathan must still respond to
everything Obasanjo said in his letter. What he has
given so far as a response is more embarrassing than
Obasanjo’s letter itself. For Jonathan to think that
because the CBN governor has recanted on his $50
billion missing money means he has no question to
answer on corruption only confirms everything I have
said about him. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, his finance
minister, said $10.8 billion is still missing. Or, didn’t
the president hear that one? We are still waiting.


EARSHOT
Did Iyabo Write That Letter?
Iyabo Obasanjo’s purported letter to her father,
thoroughly insulting him, was the main subject
matter last week. The editors of Vanguard, which
exclusively reported the story, stand by their report.
But Obasanjo’s associates insist the letter was fake.
Iyabo on her own has neither claimed nor disclaimed
the letter. But the truth should not be that elusive. If
Iyabo did not write the letter, she would have come
out screaming fire and brimstone and threatening to
drag Vanguard to court by now. Also, the Vanguard
would have been profusely apologising to her by now
and not standing by their story. Besides, Vanguard is
a credible newspaper.
Many colleagues of Iyabo when she was in the Senate
believe Iyabo wrote the letter because the contents
bear similarity to what she told them a couple of
times when they were in the Senate together. A few
of them recalled a meeting some of them, including
the then Senator Iyabo Obasanjo, had with the then
newly-sworn-in President Goodluck Jonathan at Aso
Rock. When it was Iyabo’s turn to speak, she told
President Jonathan that she was going to address
him as Iyabo Obasanjo, not Senator Iyabo. She then
advised the president not to listen to any advice
coming from her father because the man was “evil”.
She said she was speaking to Jonathan as Obasanjo’s
daughter. She went on and said so many terrible
things against her father. Jonathan, I was told, was so
shocked that he almost fell off his chair. The other
senators present were clearly scandalised by her
vituperations against her father.
My guess is that when Obasanjo sent that letter-
bomb to President Jonathan, the latter must have
quickly recalled what Iyabo said about her father in
that meeting and might have sent some of his
cronies to her, with a promise of a handsome payoff
of course. Iyabo probably could not resist the
temptation of getting her own share of the
unremitted oil money and therefore caved in.
Considering the kind of dysfunctional family that
Obasanjo has raised and the grave immorality that
runs in the family (remember Gbenga, Iyabo’s
brother, also accused Obasanjo of sleeping with his
wife), no one should be surprised that Iyabo could
write that kind of letter to her father. The question
we should be asking is: how did we get such people
to be our leaders in the first place?
———————————-
This post is published with permission from
Abusidiqu.com

http://www.ynaija.com/opinion-obasanjo-or-jonathan-who-is-worse/?utm_source=&utm_medium=twitter

Here, then, are some of
Mandela’s clear and inspiring words:
“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

“After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there
are many more hills to climb.”

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you
can use to change the world.”

“I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that
comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of
being an optimist is keeping one’s head pointed
toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward.”

“There were many dark moments when my faith in
humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and
could not give myself up to despair. That way lies
defeat and death.”

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.”

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear,
but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who
does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains,
but to live in a way that respects and enhances the
freedom of others.”

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would
lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my
bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

“Honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility, pure
generosity, absence of vanity, readiness to serve
others – qualities which are within easy reach of
every soul – are the foundation of one’s spiritual life.”

“There is no passion to be found in playing small –
settling for a life that is less than the one you are
capable of living.”

“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul
than the way in which it treats its children.”

“Courageous people do not fear forgiving for the sake
of peace.”

“Our human compassion binds us to one another –
not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who
have learnt how to turn our common suffering into
hope for the future.”

“No one is born hating another person because of the
color of his skin, or his background, or his religion.
People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to
hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more
naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

www.forbes.com/sites/erikaandersen/2013/08/21/15-inspiring-quotes-from-nelson-mandela-on-leadership-change-and-life/?utm_campaign=forbestwittersf&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social

And 119 of Mandela's quotes can be seen here

http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/367338.Nelson_Mandela

PRESIDENT OBAMA: At his trial in 1964, Nelson Mandela closed his statement from the dock saying, "I have fought against white domination and I have fought against black domination. I've cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die."

Nelson Mandela lived for that ideal and he made it real.

He achieved more than could be expected of any man.

Today he's gone home and we've lost one of the most influential, courageous and profoundly good human beings that any of us will share time with on this Earth. He no longer belongs to us; he belongs to the ages. Through his fierce dignity and unbending will to sacrifice his own freedom for the freedom of others, Madiba transformed South Africa and moved all of us. His journey from a prisoner to a president embodied the promise that human beings and countries can change for the better.

His commitment to transfer power and reconcile with those who jailed him set an example that all humanity should aspire to, whether in the lives of nations or in our own personal lives. And the fact that he did it all with grace and good humor and an ability to acknowledge his own imperfections, only makes the man that much more remarkable. As he once said, "I'm not a saint unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying."

I am one of the countless millions who drew inspiration from Nelson Mandela's life. My very first political action -- the first thing I ever did that involved an issue or a policy or politics was a protest against apartheid. I would study his words and his writings. The day he was released from prison it gave me a sense of what human beings can do when they're guided by their hopes and not by their fears.

And like so many around the globe, I cannot fully imagine my own life without the example that Nelson Mandela set. And so long as I live, I will do what I can to learn from him.

To Graca Machel and his family, Michelle and I extend our deepest sympathy and gratitude for sharing this extraordinary man with us. His life's work meant long days away from those who loved him most, and I only hope that the time spent with him these last few weeks brought peace and comfort to his family.

To the people of South Africa, we draw strength from the example of renewal and reconciliation and resilience that you made real: a free South Africa at peace with itself. That's an example to the world, and that's Madiba's legacy to the nation that he loved.

We will not likely see the likes of Nelson Mandela again, so it falls to us as best we can to (forward ?) the example that he set -- to make decisions guided not by hate but by love, never discount the difference that one person can make, to strive for a future that is worthy of his sacrifice.

For now, let us pause and give thanks for the fact that Nelson Mandela lived, a man who took history in his hands and bent the arc of the moral universe towards justice. May God bless his memory and keep him in peace.

Transcript courtesy of Federal News Service.

Today, October 1, 2013 is Nigeria’s 53rd Independence Anniversary Day and Google has a new doodle to celebrate with Nigerians on its local domain at google.com.ng

The doodle features the colours of the Nigerian flag, green and white, with a touch of different shades of green and grey patterned like a Nigerian (native) fabric popularly sewn and worn by the Hausas.

Nigeria gained independence on the 1st of October, 1960. This is the second doodle for Nigeria’s Independence Anniversary to be released by Google since October 2010.

We think that this year’s doodle features better creativity and design than that of 2010.

http://techloy.com/2013/10/01/google-celebrates-nigerias-53rd-independence-anniversary-with-a-doodle-photo/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=google-celebrates-nigerias-53rd-independence-anniversary-with-a-doodle-photo

The Federal Government has imposed a luxury tax on private jet owners and operators in the country.

As a result, the Nigeria Civil Aviation Authority has directed the owners and operators of private jets to pay the sum of $4,000 for every flight departure within the country.

According to a memo to all private jet operators and obtained by our correspondents, the NCAA ordered that Nigerian-registered private jets would henceforth pay the sum of $3,000 for every departure, while foreign registered private jets would pay $4,000 per departure.

The memo, dated August 28, 2013, and signed by the Director-General, NCAA, Captain Fola Akinkuotu, was titled, ‘Order charging certain fees on operations in general aviation.’

The memo, with reference number: NCAA/DG/OR/GA/VOL.11/2013/06, reads, “In compliance with the provisions of Section 30 (2) (q) & (s) of the Civil Aviation Act of 2006, the Authority hereby orders: All foreign registered aircraft engaging in non-scheduled operations shall forthwith pay $4,000 as fees under the provisions of the law set out above for every departure, except round trips without changes in passenger manifest, or return ferry. Such fees shall be paid in advance and prior to departure.

“All Nigerian-registered aircraft engaging in non-scheduled operations shall forthwith pay $3,000 as fees under the provisions of the law set out above for every departure, except round trips without changes in passenger manifest, or return ferry. Such fees shall be paid in advance and prior to any departure.

“This order shall be effective and in force immediately upon the date of issuance. Failure to comply shall result in denial of operations and or privileges.”

The memo is, however, generating controversy in the aviation sector, with some operators arguing that the levies are illegal and, as such, they will not pay.

But the NCAA has filed a suit at the Federal High Court, Lagos, challenging the reluctance of foreign and locally-registered aircraft operators to pay the levies.

In an originating summons dated September 23, 2013, the plaintiff (NCAA) is praying the court to determine whether by true construction of sections 30 (2) (q) and 30 (5) of the Civil Aviation Act, 2006, it is empowered to impose fees on all foreign and Nigerian registered aircraft engaged in non-scheduled operations.

The agency deposed that the payment of the said fees was to take effect from the date of the issuance of the order.

The affected airlines and aircraft operators under the aegis of the Airline Operators of Nigeria have described as draconian the policy, which they say amounts to double taxation and an illegality.

If the move by the NCAA becomes successful, it will affect pastors, business moguls and other private jets owners in the country, who will be expected to cough out about $1.4m annually as luxury tax.

http://www.punchng.com/business/business-economy/private-jet-owners-to-pay-4000-luxury-tax/

TORONTO (AP) — It was once so addictive it inspired the nickname "CrackBerry." President Barack Obama confessed to being among the millions of devotees who couldn't bear to stop tapping feverishly away on its tiny keyboard. Madonna once said she slept with hers under her pillow.

Then came the iPhone.

Users newly addicted to Facebook and photo-sharing and Angry Birds started flirting with the opposition. And as more smartphones flooded the market with their supersize Samsung screens and thousands of apps, the BlackBerry failed to keep up with the flash.

This year's launch of BlackBerry 10, its revamped operating system, and fancier new devices — the touchscreen Z10 and Q10 for keyboard loyalists — was supposed to rejuvenate the brand and lure customers. But the much-delayed phones have failed to turn the company around. At their peak in the fall of 2009, BlackBerry's smartphones enjoyed global market share of over 20 percent, says Mike Walkley, an analyst with Canaccord Genuity. Their piece of the pie has since evaporated to just 1.5 percent.

Now the company says it will lay off 4,500 employees, or 40 percent of its global workforce, as it tries to slash costs by 50 percent and shift its focus back to competing mainly for the business customers most loyal to its brand. A week earlier than expected, BlackBerry surprised the market by reporting Friday that it lost nearly $1 billion in the second quarter. It's booking over $900 million in charges to write down the value of its glut of unsold smartphones.

Shares were halted pending the news. They plunged as low as $8.01 when the stock reopened for trading, before closing down 17 percent at $8.72.

"This is the end of the BlackBerry as we know it," BGC analyst Colin Gillis said from New York. "This is a major pivot. They are cutting half of their employees and they're going to focus on becoming a niche player focused on the enterprise."

Gillis said he doesn't expect to see a BlackBerry advertisement on television again.

He said it might be more interesting for a prospective buyer, though, now that that it has announced the restructuring. Gillis thinks it's possible that BlackBerry could survive as a much smaller player. At the end of the second quarter, the company had total cash and investments of about $2.6 billion and no debt.

"That's probably the feedback they've been getting. They don't do all this if you have a buyer lined up," Gillis said. "Some of the actions may have been driven by feedback by potential buyers down the road. Nobody wants to come in and buy the company and hold an all hands meeting and say, 'By the way, half of you are fired.'"

Gillis said he can't understand why BlackBerry would release the earnings late Friday, a week early. "That's abysmal," he said. "Did you really need to do it 3:15 p.m. on a Friday? Couldn't you have just waited a week or done it Monday morning?"

BlackBerry had been scheduled to release earnings next week. But the Waterloo, Ontario company surprised the market late Friday afternoon by announcing that it expects to post a staggering loss of $950 million to $995 million for the quarter, including a massive $930 million to $960 million write-down of the value of its inventory. Revenue of $1.6 billion is only about half of the $3 billion that analysts expected, according to FactSet. The company's expected adjusted loss of 47 cents to 51 cents per share falls far below the loss of 16 cents per share projected by Wall Street.

BlackBerry said it wants to slash operating costs in half by the first quarter of 2015 so cutting its global headcount to 7,000 total employees is necessary. The company let 5,000 people go last year.

"We are implementing the difficult, but necessary operational changes announced today to address our position in a maturing and more competitive industry, and to drive the company toward profitability," Thorsten Heins, President and CEO of BlackBerry, said in a statement.

BlackBerry said last month that it would consider selling itself. The company reiterated Friday that a special committee of its board of directors continues to evaluate all options. The company said it plans to focus on offering only two high-end devices and two entry-level handsets going forward, with emphasis on the business market.

"Going forward, we plan to refocus our offering on our end-to-end solution of hardware, software and services for enterprises and the productive, professional end user," said Heins. "This puts us squarely on target with the customers that helped build BlackBerry into the leading brand today for enterprise security, manageability and reliability."

BlackBerry, formerly known as RIM, was once Canada's most valuable company with a market value of $83 billion in June 2008, but the stock has plummeted from over $140 share to less than $9. Its decline is evoking memories of Nortel, another Canadian tech giant, which ended up declaring bankruptcy in 2009.

Of BlackBerry's remaining employees, thousands live in Waterloo, a university town 90 minutes' drive from Toronto, where everyone seems to know someone who works for the company. Residents have said they've been talking about the company in hushed tones for the past few years.

"Our thoughts are with those who have lost their jobs at BlackBerry, it is always a cause for concern for our Government," Canadian Industry Minister James Moore said in a statement.

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/blackberry-lay-4500-employees-or-40-percent-global-workforce

http:///sIC84U270Z

It happens everyday all over the country but it is not everyday you have a police man get caught on tape demanding for a bribe. This is not the usual N50 bride, this particular one was desperate to collect N25,000.
Watch it here https://fbcdn-video-a.akamaihd.net/hvideo-ak-frc3/v/1095032_10151518639352553_1058436847_n.mp4?oh=4f1e6e80f2f18fdb28b76f8d009bc07b&oe=52023E20&__gda__=1375941572_b148b1c5301ec0b99f206d54ba84135a


http://omojuwa.com/2013/08/nigerian-police-caught-on-tape-extorting-n25000-at-ikeja/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Omojuwacom+%28OMOJUWA.COM%29

The final nod given to the All Progressives Congress by the Independent National Electoral Commission came at the right time within the political circles of the country. While the members of the APC family received the news with relief and joy, the PDP clan viewed it with understandable apprehension, especially since the new party is coming at a time when the PDP is trying to put out many fires within its camp – the face off between the president and Gov. Amaechi, Tukur and Nyako, Ekiti, Anambra, the South West zone, touring governors, over ambitious ministers, you get the drift.

Since the return to civilian rule in 1999, the opposition have never lived up to its name in the true sense of the word. They have been considered as appendages of the ruling party with their leaders often seen within the corridors of power soliciting for favours.

The few parties that gave the PDP a good fight were regional parties that never quite got around to defeating the PDP nationally. The Action Congress of Nigeria had a good outing, especially in the 2011 elections by trouncing the ruling party in the South-West but that feat couldn’t be replicated in the North where the All Nigeria Peoples Party (3) and the Congress for Progressive Change (1) between them garnered only four states, with the PDP carting off the remaining. The All Peoples Grand Alliance also got 2 states in the South-East.

The three main opposition parties ANPP,ACN,and CPC rightly figured out that for them to remain relevant and increase their reach, they had to merge and form a formidable platform to free Nigeria from the iron grip of the PDP that has so far proved to be disappointing. They have succeeded in giving birth to the party but the question is, will the APC survive the initial hiccups often associated with such mergers? Only time will tell if this unity will be sustained.

For now, the APC is calm and basking in the euphoria of the celebrations. When parties with regional dominance come together, the expectation is that each component party will try to muscle its way to get what it wants usually by blackmailing the other parties.

The choice of the APC presidential candidate will be the ultimate test of the party’s unity. Will they rally around the candidate that wins the primaries or are we going to witness a new crisis in a new party?

The APC is now a single united front but elements of the component parties may strive to form cliques within the new party and strive to dominate everything. The aftermath of this power play will determine the lifespan of the union.

The leaders of the new party have a great task ahead of them. They need to position the party for leadership. No great political feat can be achieved without laying a solid foundation of discipline and commitment within the party first.

Nigerians sincerely need a strong opposition party that will shake the PDP to its foundations so that even if they don’t win the elections, they will keep them hard on their toes.

Will the APC live up to its billing?

http://ynaija.com/politico/the-apc-the-calm-before-the-storm/?utm_source=&utm_medium=twitter

Over 40 years old certificates are still with WAEC.

The West Africa Examination Council, WAEC, has threatened to impose penalties on candidates who failed to collect their certificates on or before December 31.

This is contained in a statement signed by the Deputy Director, Public Affairs, Yusuf Ari, on Monday in Lagos.

It stated that millions of certificates of candidates who sat for WAEC examinations since 1960s had long been signed but were not collected by candidates.

“We wish to inform the general public that certificates up to May/June 2012 West African Senior School Certificate Examination (WASSCE), conducted by WAEC have been printed and dispatched to schools for collection by candidates.

“And certificates for external candidates for up to November/December 2012 WASSCE diet, also conducted by the Council have also been printed and are equally awaiting collection by candidates at WAEC offices nationwide.

“The external candidates, especially who wrote the November/December examination diets are advised to go and collect their certificates from all our zonal branches or satellite offices in the states.

“We urge candidates to go to where they sat for the examination because we no longer have enough space to harbour them. Most of these certificates have been lying fallow in our various offices with no one coming forward to collect them.

“Candidates come in trickles for them, only when they have absolute need for them and I think it should not be so. We therefore wish to warn that WAEC will be charging extra fee for the custody of these certificates if the candidates failed to collect them later than December 31,” the statement said.[b]Over 40 years old certificates are still with WAEC.

The West Africa Examination Council, WAEC, has threatened to impose penalties on candidates who failed to collect their certificates on or before December 31.

This is contained in a statement signed by the Deputy Director, Public Affairs, Yusuf Ari, on Monday in Lagos.

It stated that millions of certificates of candidates who sat for WAEC examinations since 1960s had long been signed but were not collected by candidates.

“We wish to inform the general public that certificates up to May/June 2012 West African Senior School Certificate Examination (WASSCE), conducted by WAEC have been printed and dispatched to schools for collection by candidates.

“And certificates for external candidates for up to November/December 2012 WASSCE diet, also conducted by the Council have also been printed and are equally awaiting collection by candidates at WAEC offices nationwide.

“The external candidates, especially who wrote the November/December examination diets are advised to go and collect their certificates from all our zonal branches or satellite offices in the states.

“We urge candidates to go to where they sat for the examination because we no longer have enough space to harbour them. Most of these certificates have been lying fallow in our various offices with no one coming forward to collect them.

“Candidates come in trickles for them, only when they have absolute need for them and I think it should not be so. We therefore wish to warn that WAEC will be charging extra fee for the custody of these certificates if the candidates failed to collect them later than December 31,” the statement said.[/b]Over 40 years old certificates are still with WAEC.

The West Africa Examination Council, WAEC, has threatened to impose penalties on candidates who failed to collect their certificates on or before December 31.

This is contained in a statement signed by the Deputy Director, Public Affairs, Yusuf Ari, on Monday in Lagos.

It stated that millions of certificates of candidates who sat for WAEC examinations since 1960s had long been signed but were not collected by candidates.

“We wish to inform the general public that certificates up to May/June 2012 West African Senior School Certificate Examination (WASSCE), conducted by WAEC have been printed and dispatched to schools for collection by candidates.

“And certificates for external candidates for up to November/December 2012 WASSCE diet, also conducted by the Council have also been printed and are equally awaiting collection by candidates at WAEC offices nationwide.

“The external candidates, especially who wrote the November/December examination diets are advised to go and collect their certificates from all our zonal branches or satellite offices in the states.

“We urge candidates to go to where they sat for the examination because we no longer have enough space to harbour them. Most of these certificates have been lying fallow in our various offices with no one coming forward to collect them.

“Candidates come in trickles for them, only when they have absolute need for them and I think it should not be so. We therefore wish to warn that WAEC will be charging extra fee for the custody of these certificates if the candidates failed to collect them later than December 31,” the statement said.

http://premiumtimesng.com/news/141865-collect-your-certificates-before-december-or-face-penalty-waec-tells-millions-of-nigerians.html

Fellow Nigerians, I had planned, and hoped, to escape from President Goodluck Jonathan’s unending brouhaha this week but that seems impossible for as long as our President and acolytes continue to titillate us with salacious news every week. My piece today was triggered by a few unrelated events. The first was a chance meeting I had with a distinguished media baron who spent over ten hours with me in Accra early this week. He had apparently read most of my articles and was determined to get me to take a closer look at President Jonathan’s efforts and achievements so far. He acknowledged, unlike most of this government’s apologists, that I had maintained a semblance of objectivity in my writings. He was particularly impressed that I had remained in the National Conscience Party, at a time most politicians would have jumped ship.

I was grateful for the kind sentiments expressed by him and thanked him as was expected of me. He believes we can’t write this Jonathan Administration off despite many daunting challenges. He said it was the collective responsibility of all and sundry to support the President in order to succeed. He could see the evidence of incredulity on my face but he did not give up on his conviction. I listened to him with rapt attention and responded occasionally.

I confessed that I did not see any redeeming grace for this trouble-prone government. My pessimism was not out of what I thought the President had done wrong but from what he has refused to do right. I do not know about other critics of President Jonathan, but God knows I bear no personal animosity against him. I will continue to try my best to support and encourage the Presidentthrough constructive criticism, but unfortunately, his new-found supporters have never seen anything good in the critical appraisal of those who risked everything to get Jonathan where he is today when they were nowhere to be found. If they truly cared for the man’s well-being, they would have cultivated more friends than the enemies they’ve been amassing for him. And if they were very smart, as expected of close associates of Mr President, they would have differentiated genuine critics from those few who may have personal scores to settle. The astute leader appreciates well-founded criticism and is tolerant of even rabid ones because there is always something good that can be derived from even brutal character assassination. But since they could not decipher that simple and straight-forward fact, they chose to lump the wheat with the chaff thereby making it difficult to bake an edifying cake out of their mess.

What were the things I expected him to do that he did not do? I shall endeavour to itemise and articulate a few of them. The first and most important was that I expected a man who comes from my kind of humble background to run a simple and less expensive government. That encapsulates most of my grouses against our present leader. Under Jonathan, I think governance has become over-bloated and unnecessarily ceremonial. We have succeeded in elevating frivolity into an art. Look around Abuja and even beyond, there is no sign of ostensible commitment to national rebirth and development. While the Emirates are investing their wealth in enduring monuments, we are frittering away our own like a people without vision and ambition. I’m rigid in my belief that there’s elegance in simplicity and that it removes nothing from us if we reflect austerity measures in our days of tribulations. I’ve studied the history of other nations that went through our kind of socio-political instability and economic woes. None of them ever recovered by spending what they did not have on luxury goods.

They sat back to reflect seriously and intensely on where and how they got things wrong and re-routed their journey from the road to perdition to that of prosperity. Right now developed nations are engaged in severe austerity measures because of the economic crisis rocking the world but our current crop of leaders choose to bury their head in the sand like ostriches.
Why is it so difficult to accept that we are comatose and agree to administeran intensely painful treatment on our ailments? Rather than do this we continue to live in denial and wallow in deliberate stupidity as if there is no tomorrow.

Examples abound in Africa about countries that rebounded from perfidious and self-immolating crisis to a staggering economic growth and socio-political stability. We don’t have to travel far or look beyond our continent to see and seek examples of miraculous rehabilitation from the shadows of death. Angola, Rwanda, Malawi, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Ghana, Botswana, Southern Sudan, Ethiopia, Tanzania and others are making effort to march forward. What unites them is the discipline to understand that there is no paean without pain and that no one makes omelette without breaking eggs. We can never drink the coconut water if we are unable to crack the nut. It appears like we expect our changes to occur by some esoteric magic without lifting a finger. But that will never happen because God has already endowed us with all we need to be the true giant of Africa.

Two, I expect President Jonathan to emulate the best practises from different places. As a scholar, he should be able to conduct research into how others got out of their own quagmire and learn from them. As they say, knowledge is power. There is nothing happening to us today that had not occurred elsewhere.

I repeat, that I expect a more aggressive way of tackling the issue of poor quality education and mass unemployment because no nation on earth can be great when majority of the youths lack basic and qualitative education and the employable ones lack commensurate jobs. We cannot fight crime in a land overflowing with hunger and ignorance. We cannot exterminate corruption when an average citizen cannot survive on his earnings and there is no credit system as buffer. We can never call ourselves developed or developing when our infrastructures have virtually collapsed almost beyond resuscitation and there seems to be no redemption in sight. We spend so much on over-inflated contracts but get little or nothing in return.

Three, instead of concentrating on his job, our President is allowing himself to be distracted by politicians who have nothing to lose. I would have expected President Jonathan to let his good work speak for him rather than engage the services of bullies who bark at every perceived and imaginary enemy of government. They fail to realise that critics exist everywhere including the most developed countries. Nothing illustrates the dangerous game our leaders are playing than the report I read in THISDAY, June 28, 2013. It was an acerbic response to Dr Muhammed Junaid’s purported attack on Mrs Patience Jonathan for her perceived role in the Rivers State crisis. It was signed by a Mr Timi Briggs on behalf of “League of Rivers Lawyers.”

If the release is a sign of, and dress rehearsal for, what is to come, then Nigeria is in a very serious trouble. It seems some people have already given up on the country and are merely waiting for the opportune time to kill the dream of “one nation, one God, under one Destiny.” I did not see what Dr Junaid said that would warrant such vituperations on behalf of the President’s wife. According to Mr Briggs, Junaid has no business talking about Rivers politics: “when his region is on fire and its economy broken by activities of Boko Haram, Junaid is dumb and helpless…”

Mr Briggs was not yet done, as he vented his venomous tirade against Junaid in a manner suggesting preference for war over peace: “ If Junaid is looking for what to talk or work to do, the collapse of the Northern economy, rising unemployment, illiteracy and alarming insecurity under his nose are enough engagement rather than abusing Mrs Jonathan.”

My God, when and how did we degenerate to this level? If this is how we hope to secure a second term for our South-South brother, we are missing the road big time. Nobody, and I repeat, nobody can be President of Nigeria by the votes of his own people alone. As I explained to my concerned brother who spoke to me, our people need to wake up from this persecution complex. Our son, or brother, is President today by the grace of God. After God, people from other parts of Nigeria made it possible for him to get to where he is today.

President Olusegun Obasanjo was not an Ijaw man when he concocted the potion that threw up Alhaji Umaru Musa Yar’Adua and Dr Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. Most of those who demonstrated on the streets of Abuja in solidarity with Dr Jonathan when he was being oppressed by the Yar’Adua cabal were not from the Niger Delta. Many of those spitting fire and brimstone today did not utter a whimper.
Dr Jonathan has a good chance of returning to power in 2015, I’m sure. It won’t be on the basis of spectacular performance but because of the way Nigeria is configured. If he fails to make it, the reason would be attributable to the nonsense some people are mumbling all over the place like victims of acute delirium.

Many are boasting that we can break up Nigeria if Jonathan is not allowed to have a second term. Please, tell me the sense in the President of Nigeria downgrading to be President of the Ijaw nation. I’m yet to see a man Nigeria has blessed more than Goodluck Jonathan. I used to think President Olusegun Obasanjo had no rival until the arrival of President Jonathan on the scene. Since he joined politics around 1998, Dr Jonathan has been permanently in power at the highest levels. Why would he want some desperados to break up the country that gave him so much on a platter of gold? It does not make sense to me that someone that God has made a World Heavyweight Champion would seek a Belt in the Featherweight category.

If I were Ebele Jonathan, I will urgently surround myself with those who can think outside the box and roll up my sleeves to hit the ground running. To whom much is given, much is expected. We should stop beating these useless and unreasonable drums of war. We brought nothing to this world and we shall take nothing whenever we return to our father in heaven. What, therefore, is the essence of this hullabaloo? The best way to guarantee Jonathan’s second term ambition is to begin to work like a modern day President and not like some prehistoric demagogue.

And to those spreading the hate campaigns against innocent Nigerians from other parts, please cool temper. You must remember that most Nigerians don’t belong to any political party. They just want to live in peace and earn their daily bread. Why would you inflict maximum damage on people who are minding their business even while the looting goes on unabated?

It would be unfair and unfortunate to throw them into chaos they know nothing about. In doing so those who have dragged us to the precipice may find themselves falling off the edge and descending into a nightmare they never bargained for or one that that they can expect to wake from as the people vent their pent up frustration and anger on those who have destroyed their slumber.
President Goodluck Jonathan must rescue Nigeria from those determined to draw blood.

May God help us all.

http://naijaobserver./2013/06/29/dele-momodu-if-i-were-president-jonathan/

Dear Oyebanjo, Dapo Daniel AKA D’Banj,I am seated at a local restaurant here at the university town of Nsukka, in Enugu State, Nigeria, drinking a bottle of Fayrouz and listening to the sound of the generator, which is the only source of electricity around here.I have watched your latest music video. I went through the rigour last night. It is the video of the song entitled “Don’t Tell Me Nonsense” and it was awfully disgusting, the song, I mean. Kaffy and the rest of the dancers didn’t disappoint in the video.
This is bad, I know, using awful and disgusting, in same sentence. But that is what I feel about what I saw. Brother, D’Banj, a lot has changed since you left your brother and hustle partner, Ajereh, Michael Collins AKA Don Jazzy. Truth. Your songs have been nothing but trash. I wonder if anyone has said anything nice to you since you started making songs outside Don Jazzy. If they have, it must have been for that singular hit song entitled ‘Oliver Twist.’ Kai! That song swept through Nigeria and the rest of the world. You would not believe that the ordinary child on the streets of Nsukka knows the lyrics of that song and the dance steps too.

In Nigeria, there are plenty factors that weigh us down. One is our inability to manage our weaknesses. I see you have been buying yourself expensive jewelleries. The other day, I saw on a  blog that you wear a wristwatch worth my entire family and maybe inheritance. I commend your taste. You are a lucky and hardworking man. You deserve it, besides; ‘Oliver Twist’ made marks. It took the Nigerian music to a height that had never been seen in recent times. Its toping charts, downloads, Youtube views and itunes purchases are amongst the few things I can mention.

Dear, D’Banj, Don Jazzy may not be an ideal partner, I bet you, no one is an ideal partner! Perfect couples quarrel and make up. It is the joy of having such union. I believe misunderstanding is part of us, as humans. I will run to the zoo the day I see a union that agrees on almost everything.Back to your music, I feel Don Jazzy was made to make good music with you. He may not only be your producer, but whatever input, from advice, to production, will go a long way. Besides, he has been miserable too, without you. I have seen his eyes in music videos. There is one he did with Tiwa Savage. Ah, Tiwa. She looked dazzling, while Don Jazzy looked wanting and dispirited. Tiwa may have a perfect voice but Don Jazzy has not been able to achieve what he did with you. The other boys, K-Switch, Wande Coal and the goody bag crooner, D’Prince are unfortunate learners.
They must be stark illiterates to have taken sides when you guys parted. I understand their ignorance. But my concern here is, if you wish to stay relevant in the sight of Nigerians, making good music, and not caressing a stripper on stage on your birthday, then you have to make amends with Don Jazzy and understand that people argue because they are beneficial to themselves. Only dummies agree on everything.
I think tribalism had a lot to play in your split. It is a sad reality, if I am right. Tribalism will eventually destroy Nigeria. Our young people think they belong to a superior tribe and so make silly comments which sometimes bring about misconception and then crisis. I once had a boss, who is Igbo, who felt my tribe’s men were lazy, just because she came to my state and saw a job and was privileged to be a high ranking staff. I have had people who think those from the north should be gatekeepers and cobblers. Someone called me a militant once in Abuja, at the Sheraton, when he discovered I was from the Niger-Delta. I forgave his gross stupidity. I think we should drink a cup of water when ignorant people say rubbish about our personalities or flaws and relate it to tribe.
You are a great young man, D’Banj. Few people have attained the height you have. I am encouraged to pursue what I am currently pursuing because I know I will triumph. Your likes and that of 2Face Idibia, despite your weaknesses are heroes. And you must recall that Kanye West met you because he had heard good stuff from you. When nothing good manifests, he may be forced to give you a new job description at Good Music, which may be mopping of the floor of the studio. This evil will not befall you. If you believe it, type amen.

D’Banj, pride is the worst enemy of any man who wishes to last longer anywhere. A drop of arrogance may work, but pride is detrimental. You were called the ‘entertainer’ because you offered entertainment. Today, Inyanya, Kcee, Flavour, Wizkid and Davido are doing better. Imagine Burna-Boy, chai, that boy has some senses oh. His music, even when he is talking nonsense makes you want to sit and listen or dance to it, as the case may be. The only person that is yet to outshine you is my dearest sister, Tontolet Dike. That girl needs Jesus.

I have to go back to my drink. I paid for it and it is almost missing me. I enjoy your struggle or hustle, as you may choose to call it. I wish to hear something profound from you. While awaiting that miracle that only you can perform, I wish you the very best of life.

Read before you comment rule is still applicable here.

“It always seems impossible until it is done”
                 – Nelson Mandela

Fellow Nigerians, please let’s not deceive ourselves, the race for the 2015 elections has started in earnest. The gladiators are virtually ready and the bullets are already flying. In our clime, elections are fought like war. And nothing is spared because a Nigerian politician believes all is fair on the battlefield. I shall endeavour to lay my permutations bare, and try to situate the strengths and weaknesses of the different groups.

Let me begin with President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan. If the presidential election is to hold today, the gentleman will win. He will certainly get his party ticket even more readily than the last time Alhaji Atiku Abubakar attempted to wrestle with him in what turned out to be a mismatch. The reasons for Jonathan’s anticipated victory are legion. Unlike the last time, he has since settled down comfortably in power. You must remember that he has spent a total of three years as a full-time President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of Nigeria. In those years, he’s had the rare opportunity of approving so many appointments and distributing stupendous largesse through award of contracts at home and abroad.

Those who have benefited from him would be ready to die, if necessary, to protect their privileges and not necessarily the President. Those who are shouting at the loudest voices on the rooftops are only trying to secure their relevance and slippery grip on power. They know the truth, like you and I, that on a good day and in a clean contest it is impossible for Jonathan to win again, not because he is not trying enough but because his enough seems not to be gelling with the people. That is the simple reason his acolytes are barking like dogs to see if his opponents can be intimidated. The growling will continue and progressively become the roaring of a lion. They are not going to repeat the spin of Fresh Air this time around since the evidence on ground obviously points to the contrary.

The battle-line has been drawn and the blackmail is very direct; the South-South Region says it will not accept the number two position. In cause and effect, there should be no election they seem to be telling us since they want an automatic second term for their beloved son, studiously ignoring the rest of us from the same zone. Nigerians should just accept their fate with equanimity and know they are stranded and stuck with President Jonathan for another four years beyond 2015. If the bullies succeed, they may even spring a bigger surprise by seeking a Constitutional amendment that will make it possible for a third term. We live in a country of anything and everything is possible, even though former President Obasanjo tried it but failed spectacularly.

The PDP-led Federal Government and its followers in the states still wield enormous clout and awesome power. Nigerian politicians have never been known for principle or ideology. That is seemingly an ideal and idealism for another day before the second coming of Christ. That is why it is so convenient for them to migrate like locusts forth and back. They would rather stick to Jonathan warts and all and hope to be accommodated in the next spending spree. Hope is their staple diet and their entire being hangs on him.

Moreover, Jonathan will win today because the opposition is yet to organise itself properly. I had wished we won’t allow our groups to be bogged down and distracted with the mundane issue of nomenclature. What’s in a name after-all? Our friends have dissipated too much energy and wasted so much resources on trying to register a new party and its acronym. I cautioned against this conundrum in a private chat with a very senior member of ACN. My reasoning is simple. Jonathan did not go into a merger when he entered into secret collaboration with the South West that made it possible to defeat General Mohammadu Buhari and others. Nigeria is a Mafia country and an occultist nation where things that are done in secret are always more profitable than those done in the open. The name you will give your new baby is never disclosed until the pregnancy has been safely delivered. By playing to the gallery, the opposition danced into the hands of the Dracula who wasted no time in biting them hard and sucking them dry.

I had also raised the issue of those who would prefer to reign in hell than to serve in heaven. Many of the opposition members who have refused to join the proposed APC today are paranoid about what status awaits them in the new party. A man who’s currently a Chairman in his own party may soon become a nonentity in the merger. I doubt if many Nigerians are that generous and selfless to collapse their personal ambition for the common good of all. That is the dilemma of most of the Governors and National Assembly members who are visibly opposed to Jonathan but are prevaricating on what to do next and how to jump a fast-sinking ship. Some of them think they should join the opposition while majority of the supposed renegades feel they should take over an already existing political party. It beats me hollow why we don’t ever learn from the past.

I wish to state publicly, and for any avoidance of doubt, that they will fail miserably if they start to make such a move. As things stand right now, there is only one road leading to Paradise and the other meandering to hell. There is no third road in sight. And no third party has the humongous resources to challenge the ruling party in Nigeria today. The Grumblers Party is the only workable alternative to PDP. We must force and form a semblance of a two party system even if some of us decide to remain in our individual parties. The permutation is that it should be possible for all opposition forces to queue behind a chosen presidential candidate and still be viable to contest other posts in our individual parties. That would allay the fears of those who think the bigger parties would swallow them up and reduce their chances of picking a ticket for other contests. It is a major reservation that must not be discountenanced offhandedly.

The Governors who are worried about the avuncular disposition of Buhari and Tinubu need not lose their sleep. I know both reasonably well and they don’t seem as desperate for power as many people think. I even know Tinubu better. He’s one of the brightest political strategists in Africa today. He’s enjoying the status which it has pleased God to bestow on him by working hard to grab many states from PDP. He understands the political sophistication of the South-West and will never risk demystification. His next and final achievement would be to lead his troop to defeat the Goliaths at the top as the ultimate kingmaker. That would be easier to achieve if he remains the generalissimo that he is today than being a belittling Vice Presidential candidate.

I know for a fact that, contrary to opinion in certain circles, Tinubu, The Jagaban Borgu, is the single biggest threat to PDP today while General Buhari comes next. In Nigerian politics, money is the biggest factor before ethnicity and religion. Tinubu is the one who can mobilise financial resources at different levels. His influence in Lagos alone is of incredible advantage. All the big players in the Nigerian economy are domiciled in Lagos. While they can conveniently ignore Buhari, none would risk Tinubu’s wrath. Campaign donations would flow in if the opposition presents a mega-force. If most of the 19 Governors that supported Rotimi Amaechi can join forces with their counterparts in the National Assembly, the opposition will coast home to victory. The other layer of society that the opposition must key into is the mass army of frustrated and disillusioned youths. The figures will never add up for the opposition until they ignite the political passion in the floaters that account for about 70 percent of the electorate.

Let me now examine the possible candidates for the presidential configuration. The surest bet for me remains the Speaker of the House of Representatives, Aminu Waziri Tambuwal. I narrowed my choice to him because he readily has a nationwide template and network to work with. He has shown himself as a bridge-builder while the others continue to live in the cocoon of ethnicity. The next leader of Nigeria must be someone who feels comfortable with all Nigerians. The greatest disservice to Jonathan is the desperate attempt by his supporters to turn him into a jingoist whose only qualification to govern is where he comes from. That was one of the mistakes of June 12, when some people either deliberately or inadvertently reduced a powerful national mandate to a localised South West affair. Jonathan will soon realise like we did that his people alone cannot make him President no matter the threat of war. The same argument they are using to justify Jonathan’s compulsory second time is the same the North would marshal to say President Yar’Adua did not complete his terms and they were therefore short-changed. If I were Jonathan, I would hinge my campaign on performance rather than drums of hostilities. I will quickly bury the hatchet and settle with Amaechi and others, like President Obasanjo did with Atiku Abubakar, James Ibori and company, before he pummelled them later.

I think Tambuwal stands a better chance than the Jigawa State Governor Sule Lamido who has been publicly endorsed by President Olusegun Obasanjo. Lamido’s albatross will be that open fraternisation with Obasanjo who is no longer in control of the apparatus of power and political party unlike when he forced Alhaji Umaru Musa Yar’Adua on the nation. Obasanjo does not even command enough followership in the South West today to install a Governor. That’s not to say he is irrelevant in the scheme of things. His biggest influence is our unregistered political party, the Nigerian Armed Forces, in which he’s not just a General but one of its biggest players. Tambuwal (born January 10, 1966) fits the current trend in the world of politics and leadership. He’s charismatic and brilliant. A lawyer by training and profession, he has been exposed to international standards and best practices through courses at various institutions in Africa, United Kingdom and the United States of America.

Strategically, in order to appease the South-South, the number two position should go to them. And the best candidate to fill that spot is their ‘enfant terrible’ Governor Rotimi Amaechi (born May 27, 1965 with a Bachelor’s degree in English from the University of Port Harcourt). He’s currently the most visible political figure after the President. He’s young and confident. Furthermore, leadership across the world has become a beauty contest. That is why the Conservatives in England found their own Prince Charming in David Cameron (born October 9, 1966), who became British Prime Minister on May 11, 2010, to counter the suavity of a Tony Blair (born May 6, 1953, and became British Prime Minister from May 2, 1997 to June 27, 2007). Now the British Labour Party is back with a finer and even younger leader, Ed Miliband (born December 24, 1969), after the drab tenure of Gordon Brown. Even the Liberal Democrats were not left behind. They found their own ‘fine boy’ in Nick Clegg (born January 7, 1967), who miraculously became Deputy Prime Minister on May 11, 2010. Most of those who voted for Barack Obama as the first Black President of America were probably hypnotised by his good looks before they were mesmerised by his brains.

If this combination fails, the opposition must challenge the supremacy of Jonathan in the South-South by attracting and presenting a young, intelligent and more charismatic personality.We need vibrant leaders to ignite the fire of the urgently needed development in Nigeria. Our nation can be transfigured into a Dubai or Hong Kong with urbane leaders in the saddle. I see no reason why the South-South Elders should mortgage and monopolise our eight years, if they so insist, to President Jonathan alone without giving others a chance.

In any event, the best package would be for the opposition to form a very formidable second force to PDP and they must do this by speedily coming up with a shadow cabinet type of arrangement comprising of a star-studded team.Until we begin to field our best materials, Nigeria is not likely to know peace or witness significant development. There is no better time and chance than now for the opposition to open a new vista for our country. We can, and will, only fall at the altar of greed and selfishness.
That will be very tragic.


http://www.thisdaylive.com/articles/my-candid-take-on-2015/149702/

Mama when your boy hammer, I go buy you Range Rover

It took 10 years and $252 million to built the world's most humane prison Halden Fengsel, Norway with a capacity of 252 inmate.
The prison was designed by Erik Møller Architects and received its first inmates March 1, 2010 but was officially opened on April 8 by the Norwegian King Harald V.
A cell includes amenities such as a television, a refrigerator, unbarred vertical windows that let in more light, and designer furniture. Prisoners share kitchens and living rooms every 10–12 cells, jogging trails, and a sound studio. There are cooking and music classes offered.
Half the guards are women and guards are typically unarmed because guns "[create] unnecessary intimidation and social distance".
Prisoners receive questionnaires that ask how their prison experience can be improved.
The prison has its own recording studio, medical center and hundreds of paintings on the wall, that cost more than $1 million.

It is regarded as 'World's Nicest Prison' or 'World's Most Humane Prison'.

People say that life in prison is tough. But not in this one. I'm thinking some homeless people will commit crime(s) to lodge, sorry get sentenced at Halden Prison.
Take a look.

So many West Africa nations....

The drama is coming to an end.

I think Arik has taken this too far....and Mr Japh should take this as a lost cause. It has happened to him and others will benefit from his 'crying out loud'. Or either of the party should take a legal action....and there be PEACE!

Good job @ apeelewuetu.
Pls can u explain more how u went about ur final project? Do u have to visit the HQ @ VI,Lagos and how about the project coordinators?
And for present students like me, expect TMA1 soon.
Good thread.

@OP. Absolute wonderful job here. Don't know if you have heard of GTAsset Mgt Ltd 'mypass' investment scheme? Pls do advice for we who are not millionares yet to invest in FD.

Thanks
See u at the top.

That means all the Range Rover and other expensive rides I see at ojota too came for the 'bottled water and expensive food'. What a pity! GEJ is loosing it!