₦airaland Forum

Marvyx:
It's a faceless forum, you can share so we can learn and then the more experienced people can guide you if you wish. Wish you well though.

I never know who is reading and I don’t want to implicate my partner in that kind of way I don’t mind saying details of myself. I don’t how much I’ll reveal about myself later it’s a risk I can’t take. I’m really truly conservative in that way I can’t help it.

I’m beyond grateful to everyone who has taken the time to help a stranger. Truly🙏

Kobojunkie:
This is all the more reason why you need to focus your attention more on loving and accepting yourself despite all that negativity coming from your marriage partner. I mean, this sounds a lot like you are being gaslighted by your spouse.

Watching porn is not the answer here. You need to work on yourself — your self-esteem and confidence levels. You need to prepare yourself at this point. You sound like your self-esteem is in the gutters, and that is not a place for anyone to be, not even a wife.

3. If he does not want to seek professional marriage counseling, that should not stop you from getting yourself the mental health therapy that you need.

You have two kids. They ought to be more than enough reason why you, their mother, should work to heal your mental and self-esteem soonest.

To be honest thanks for calling it out I didn’t see it as that as first but now it has become clear that I need to get myself together i thought I did. I thought I had kept my esteem and confidence but I guess some were in between trying to be respectful and humble. It’s hard.
I perceive you’re a guy and I want your perspective. Something more has happened recently and I feel uncomfortable sharing here I know you don’t want to be bothered but would you please consider. I really need advice from your perspective.

All of this just makes me feel pathetic. Not made for this. It feels like some men are more difficult than they make out to be.

Kaczynski:
communication is key in r/ships


if you can't communicate to your partner what you wants and desires, you're ngmi


it's not matter of watching nasty Stoopid shit



you and your man need to go for marriage counseling

Lols all the things I knew, trust me I thought I knew but reality knocked me. He doesn’t believe in seeing anyone outside the marriage and I can’t force him to I wouldn’t be able to complain to any other person so he doesn’t feel disrespected.
Our communication is for sheets because we just go in cycles. He sees me trying to gain his empathy and understand my pov as me being manipulative and I feel attacked whenever he tries to explain his pov. So I just resort to apologizing and the cycle just repeats again.
I’ve tried suggesting texting when we are in the heat of it but when we are in the heat of it he’s like Bleep everything.
I’m starting to accept he doesn’t like me as much as I thought he did or maybe he’s bored given that we dated for almost a decade.

Kobojunkie:
. Bluey is, in fact, good for the mind as it is a great tool for helping kids and adults alike build social and emotional intelligence, which are both what I sense you need more of.

Sex/intimacy skills are not learned. It is those who wish to work in the sex industry who supposedly need to get training, as they are meant to go above and beyond to meet the needs of their clients. Also, those who are sold into sexual slavery are trained in the art since their indicators are usually seriously low on the emotional and social meters due to their situation(slavery). -\

From your OP, it sounds a lot like you may not be as comfortable with your sexuality as one would expect you should be after two kids, assuming you have all this while been in a relationship that you are happy and fulfilled in. Since that does not seem to be the case, your focus should be on your self-esteem and self-confidence before anything else.

Having a husband has a way of making one self conscious especially when you’re dedicated to trying to make it work.
I could browse on the books that I would some how fetch self esteem or confidence but pardon my skepticism.
I appreciate you taking out your time to help though and even if I might feel defensive about some of it there’s truth. I’ll try harder.
I don’t remember what I posted earlier but if I’m being honest my husband told me plainly. I’ve only ever had sex with him and it doesn’t help that I stayed in Abuja and he was down south. I’ve been a little frigid but I’ve always enjoyed the idea of sex and looked forward to lots of it when I got married but now I’m always initiating it I’ve never rejected him before and even though he has health reasons as excuse I also think it’s because I’m not great at it. So I told him that and he told me plainly that instead of complaining I should learn and I was trying to use the sex worker argument and he just went cold like I was being defensive. So coming here is my other attempt knowing how self conscious and emotional I am it’s a lot.

Sorry I’m pouring on you now lols but I’ll just stop here.

Spectrix:
I'm a Techie and work remotely
Hmmmn topic for another day

Not active here hence my late reply sorry

Kobojunkie:
What do you do for a living? How do you spend your day and time?

2. Have you tried investing in building your self-esteem and reading books instead?

I'm a Techie and work remotely
Hmmmn topic for another day

Kobojunkie:
Work on your emotional and social intelligence then. Spending a lot of time watching and learning from the children's show "Bluey" can help you with that exercise.

Another thing is your self-confidence. Sex is a lot more about self-confidence than it is about technique. But more importantly, it seems you have too much time which leads me to wonder if boredom could be the major issue here.

Lols Bluey is actually my fave children show no "porn" intended
Anywhere I work remotely full time and I have kids so definitely not enough time

RealityKings1:
You can take some Black buIIet and then learn to tighten your pussy during summer sexxxxxx

I take two on empty stomach before black bullet gets to me plus last kid is yet to be weaned. No be say I never drink in between sha but I feel he’d smell the drink and hassle me

Samantha125:
Seems like you got married to a sex freak... Was he also a virgin when you guys got married?

Truth is we dated for a very long time without sex and haven gotten married we got used to it but now it’s worse it’s been months now and even me I’m raising eyebrows.
Yes when he was younger he was always on my case but I think it was fueled because he knew I won’t give in.
Now I’ve had sex it feels like a chore I don’t really understand what the big deal is.
I’ve never turned him down though but he seems to asking for it less and it scares me we’re already busy with the kids and work any more distancing we’d be cohabiting strangers.

sisisioge:
It is well my sister....the oga sef get more responsibility inside this matter.

You may also look into changing your house weats into all those matching shorts and tanks for pull effect. No too over stress yourself.

Ok I didn’t think of this I’ll try this too Godbless you

sisisioge:
Kamasutra to the rescue and just following your instinct. It's a video that doesn't just show the deed,it explains each of the steps.

By the way, your incompetence is actually reflective of your partner's incompetence too.

And don't forget to take care of yourself. You can't be spotting a folded big belly and expect someone that sees you everyday to find you sexxy. You need to keep up the good looks. It is well. Epele

Thanks for your feedback.
I have actually tried to read the book 3years back. Cutting weight hasn’t been easy I was able to loose during my first 73kg I’m 5’7 so it was slim for my structure then but now I’m almost 80 and it’s been yo-yoing. On the outside I think people would think me sexy and very sexually active(because of the way I’ve always dressed) if they only knew.
I might check YouTube again but I don’t know how to keep my emotions in check

I feel so terrible and I need help. I married with a V-Card we’ve known each other for a long time and we have 2kids now my husband is not excited to be intimate with me anymore and when I expressed my concerns if it was my fault he said I should learn by watching R-rated videos. I’ve tried but we don’t even get to try often for me to practice. He said I should make efforts instead of complaining which really hurts (me expressing my fears was the complaining)
I’m confused I’ve watched the videos as I’m used to watching them but I don’t really feel I get much from it.
How do girls become so good at it are they thought by the men or they learn from the videos too?