₦airaland Forum

@op sorry oo. Didn't mean any offence. Looks like u actually do have a lot of work to do on urself. Often times d change we need is in us. Would have loved 2hear babyosisi's appraisal of this. Anyways Happy Divorce or is it Happy Walking! Lemme add congratulations on ur new status

advice247:
I've taken a long walk, my dear...straight arrow u seem like an abusive person too days y u can reason that way...I've spoken with elderly ppl and they said it's best for me to move on...and today would be a memorable day for me.A man dat sees nothing wrong in insulting his wife in public...its a no no no matter the reason.

@ ops we shld be very careful in our relationships. Often times people that are not ready for such go in2 it all in d name of love. Lemme ask u a question, so when i say do a self appraisal n be honest u know exactly waht i am talkin abt. How did u know d decision he had made was bad? How did u tell him his decision was a mistake in front of d 3pple? My guess is he felt insulted by most likely ur tone of voice or felt that wasn't even necessary. There is a way u can tell a man 2go lick ur poop and he will gladly do it. What kind of man is it dat will out of nowhere call u odeh cos u said his decision is a mistake? I think u r painting a picture of an abusive man but somewhere in the middle. My question remains, what has been ur own contribution? I havent heard u say anywhere here he has raised his hands. @Kanwulia i think we shld be wary of d kind of advice we give 2younger women here. For all u know, dis could be d abusive, insult d hell out of any man, talk anyhow kind of woman and no man certainly wants that! And of this is d case, u'd have just helped her break her marriage instead of helping her assess the reality on ground and make d necessary changes. I believe in equality of sexes, but i have seen as many abusive women as there r abusive men. So let's be wary of jumping to conclusions except we wan2 invite the man here lets hear his experience with her.

advice247:
Well said straight arrow, but d reverse is d case, he is the one dat talks most, raises his voice in the house when there is a misunderstanding, dis evening I was called an "odeh" in d presence of 3 ppl, the reason was dat y did I tell him his decision to follow the road he took was a mistake.for the church ppl he wants me to be outgoing, all over the place and am not.am very reserved and quiet.

@ op, in my experience, i've come to understand that abuse is not entirely one sided. You havent told us your own contribution and sometimes what we call abuse might just be d little change we need 2make n things get better. Ask yourself, are u better? What leads 2d shouting matches and what is ur contribution to these? Misunderstandings occur but they shldnt degenerate to that. I have found that quite a number of ladies would have said 10 things 2a man b4 d man says one or even when dey dont say much, d words r often offensive especially 2a man(not that excessive ego is ow.k but women need 2understand that God made men with the ego thing). I think you need to look inwards. What leads to the quarrels and what part is it you play? Does he just over nothing come out blazing hot? If that's d case, find ya square root cos he'll one day beat u to pulp, but i know often times it takes two 2tangle. On d church thingy, maybe he feels u r not surrounded by the right people. Who r ur friends? U shld even b happy. We all need people 2push us 2wards God n 2wards having d right relationships. I doubt if he comes out insulting u cos of this, the story is incomplete. If he pushes u towards people he knows r godly, it means it is a god fearing man u married. What is bad abt mixing with d people in church? If u attend d same church u probably hang around d same pple. There r good n bad people everywhere n i'm not sure he is forcing dem down ur throat. I think u need 2do some self assessment.

advice247:
How do u cope with an abusive man, when there is an issue at home he would shout on top of his voice calling u names, say things like u don't have value, where is your brain, he gives u list of things to talk about and what shl'd not be talked about, snaps at u at work and say it's cause ure hair is always untidy, u ask a simple and d answer is where did u keep ure brain.He tells u not to wear hairnet wen ure at home, complains your not serving God cause u don't mix with church ppl like him...

is it not best to take a long walk from such a man?

I am extrovert but i think i'm dating an introvert but one with a difference and it's not been easy. She doesn't love books, doesn't love movies, can't spend meaningful time hanging out, in fact is useless in social gatherings, gets confused and stressed up in the midst of people to the point of acting up and sometimes irrationality, refuses 2attend functions if i'm not there bla bla. I have met introverts who can hold their own but... I love her tho but men it's not easy

Well, and this is my own experience, my ex said she ws raped by her uncle or was it cousin n that ws how she lost her virginity, one of my friends(not gf), same story, my present gf, twas her cousin dat raped her. It's really worrisome. It's either rape is so rampant and we aren't dealing with it legally and as seriously as it should be dealt with or 90% of the girls around even tho forming good girls , are really just .... and liars. I'd rather go with the first cos the level of distrust something this little can generate ehn. Btw, you dont need 2tell me how many pple u slept with or how u lost ur whatever, cos i dont care. Buh if u choose 2tell, why lie? And all of them, I never asked. The information was volunteered. Hmmm.. quote author=chimkaire post=30265894]Did you say ''every''? Now, 'cos the females around you says so doesn't mean it's thus for all
Smh at some peep's reasoning sha. Why would a sane person claim''R.APE'' [/quote]