₦airaland Forum

No he is a first born. I am a last born.

This has been my life for the last 5 years, believe it or not. I do not know whats wrong with him. He told me a year and a half ago that when he was 6 yrs old that he was sexually abused by his Aunt, thats when i had to leave because he refused to seek counselling (as well as the fact that he was engaged to someone else).  I feel really sorry for what he went throughout his childhood but  at the same time I am not responsible and I should deserve better.
I love him and will support him because he seems like a broken man.
He has a real hate towards women. Everytime we have a conversation he refers to women as bitches and it makes me very uncomfortable.
I just pray that someday he will realise how much I love him and want to help him.
But he is really bitter towards women in particular.

I called his mother in law earlier and she did not know by the way she was speaking to me. He told me that he told her but when I was speaking to her she seemed to talk to me as usual so I suppose he didn't tell her.

He just told me that he told his mother already. Then he told me I should pack out of the house and go and find another lover.

faakay

Please don't judge me because I am not Nigerian. I am still a decent person and have a very good heart. I always loved my husband and I gave him so many chances again and again. He told me that he is one of those men that has to cheat. I was always serious about the marriage for the sake of our child. I gave myself and faithfulness to this marriage 100 percent. But I am getting tired of doing it and he seems to be getting worse. What would you do if you were married to such a person?
Please life is hard enough and I am not a robot. My heart is broken.

I was wrong but I was very angry and anger makes you do stupid things. I tried to explain to him the reasons for why I did it but he wouldn't understand.

Yeah I'd love to buy him out if I had the money, not to mention that I am in negative equity.

I already went to my family before. I do not want to do it again. It would be too embarrassing for me.
Any way its my house too. I pay for the mortgage and my name is on it so I would feel stupid to leave. If I leave my house would turn into a brothel and I not having that.

He is enjoying the situation at the moment. He said that I can have as many men as I want outside. He dosen't care. He said that from now on that he is entitled to have a girlfriend and that as of today I have no say. He said the only reason he is staying in the marriage is because of our child. He told me he dosen't love me anymore. He said that he is not going to leave the house and I can't either because its my only home.

Do you think I should call one of my in laws and tell them the situation. Would they not think that by talking to a another man that I am a LovePeddler as my husband said. It was a mistake that I made. I never intended anything to happen with me and this man. I have too much of a conscience to do anything physical.

Talk to his family? I don't think so! Do you honestly think they are going to take my side over his? Although, they are aware of his past behaviour.
He hasn't told his family yet about whats going on.

We have a child together which makes it very hard. He is now calling all of his friends telling them what I did. He is not even open to understand why I did it or that he pushed me there.

@angel 72

The problem is that he never wants to talk to me. If I have a problem or I am upset he dosen't want to know!! I feel neglected. This has been going on for 5 yrs constantly. I am not able for it anymore. He dosen't seem to comprehend that I have feelings and needs. He has constantly cheated on me and even got engaged to someone behind my back. And he thinks he can now turn this back on me.

No I don't intend on fucking anyone I just need emotional intimacy and my husband is not giving me any. I have tried believe me. I am very frustrated.

I reconciled with my husband a few months ago after all the agonies he put me through, only to find he hasn't stopped his cheating ways.
He is still still verbally insulting me as well. Just a few nights ago. I was pushed to the limit and I couldn't take any more. I contacted a guy I could talk to and he could understand me. I felt a bit guilty about it but I had enough. I didn't do any thing physical with him. I just liked talking to him and him listening to me. It felt good to be loved, now my husband has found out and he is crucifying me for it! He said that I am a LovePeddler even though I never slept with anyone and even laughed in my face saying that he can now freely f**k around outside. He also said it was a taboo in his culture for the wife to do what I did. Is this true? I love him but I could never get the respect and love from him that I needed in the last 5 yrs. Am I wrong for what I did?

abujabooks, i think you may have a strong point. I was on the phone to my mother in law and she thinks the same thig. Up until the point this woman came along he was all about me and our son and now its all about her. Please tell me more, which verses etc, etc.

Hi. i've been busy the last few weeks. I was just reading through the comments. I have to say I am not a fat, ugly old woman who was desperate to marry. He certainly didn't leave me because of that because she is not exactly Miss Nigeria. She is quite overweight with a chubby man face and her dress sense is up her ass. I am a size ten who goes to the gym regularly. Alot of people say I am pretty and can't understand why I married an African man cos afterall it's only the fat desperate white woman that do it. I am sick of this stupid stereotype. Before I dated him , all of my boyfriends were welsh or english. Please I am worth 10 of her inside and out. By this time 6 months she'll be a distant memory to him.

Hi. Things are getting tougher, that slut that calls herself a Yoruba woman and reads the bible is now ringing up my in laws. Is it because she is Yoruba she thinks she can steal my husband and that she is superior? What a fake troublemking LovePeddler! I know for a fact that any man or woman that believes in god and reads the bible would not go have a sexual relationship with a married man. She will marry my husband not even over my dead body.I am sure because I am white thats why she think's she has a superiorty over me. She has another thing coming.

Yes they are engaged to be married. When I confronted him about it. He said he was only playing her. He dumped her for a week or 2 but she kept calling him and begging him and he went back to her.Now it's back to square one again and now she claim's she's pregnant. I don't know if she's bluffing or used that as an excuse to gethim back.

I don't see how getting his visa revoked is going to help, he hates me enough as it is. It is not a wise thing to do. Afterall we have a son, and I also want to stay on his family's good books.

Well I know for a fact that he has only been seeing this woman for 5 months. I came across something on our pc , he left himself logged in on yahoo messenger and they were asking questions back and forth to eachother like. Whats your favourite food? How many brothers and sisters do you have? Whats your father's name? rubbish like that! That was 5 mths ago. Any way I here she's introducing herself to people as his wife! He even took our son to her house without my knowledge at one point! He'll probably be getting our son to call her mummy soon!

What I really want is advice from nigeian men because they are the only ones who are the closest to knowing whats going on in my husband's head!

Yes he just got a 5 yrs residency a few months ago. I don't think that has anything to do with it though. He was going out with a few white women before he met me so if it was really for papers, he would've married the first white woman.

Did I read you right Sisikill? I should be friends with the woman who stole my husband? What? I should reveal my problems and innermost thoughts with her. So she can make a laughing stock out of me. God forbid. I don't know about that. I'm not that short of friends. Yes she knows who I am and what I look like and I am sure she knows how upset I am with her. For example, if I was the other woman I would keep well away from the wife for my own sake!! My husband is the kind of man that would find having the 2 of us in the same room as eachother a nightmare. I would certainly not like to be in the same room as her in case I'll do somethng I might regret!

When we first started seeing eachother, I asked him can I learn his language. He told me that that he didn't know it that well and that there is no point in me learning it anyway. He used to go to Nigerian parties without me. I used to ask him can i go to them so that I can have a chance to fit in more and wear my attire that my mother in law gave me as a gift. He said no i couldn't go to them as I wouldn't fit in. He used to go to an African church, again I asked can I go and it was always the same answer ' I wouldnt fit in'. I don't know if this is the same for everyone, but i felt very hurt. Was he ashamed to be married to a white woman?

Whether she is an asylum seeker or not, it dosen't matter. she has something that I will never have and that's her skin colour and where she is from(the exact same state as him) now what chance do i have? And as far as I can see that is all that matters to him! So much for who you are ,not what you are.

I won't give up because I know and I hope he is going through a phase. He misses home and he probably thinks going with her is going to cure his homesickness. I dont know. Is it because I am white that you are all saying I should be divorcing him. I may be white but that does automatically make any yoruba woman better than me!

I can work up to 80/90hr weeks and I am afraid maybe that had something to do with it. When he came back from work, iwas going to work, but what option did I have. I couldn't let us starve and have no roof over our heads. We have a big mortgage to pay. His new woman dosen't work, she's an asylum seeker(so he told me). So she probably has all the time in the world to be on his beck and call. He told me to do extra hours at work for us to be a bit comfartable, now look where that has left us, another woman taking my place! I just don't know. Life is too tough! His mother told me that he complains that he never sees me because of my workload but I'm doing it for our family's future. Is that an abomonation in Nigeria?

No I am Welsh, But I just can't eat, sleep, anything. His family still supports me especially his brother(a born again christian) I said to my husband tonight if he needs anything just call me. I am trying to be civil, but he just hung up on  me. I am dying here. I just want to waste into nothing. Please whats going on?? I want my husband back! I don't want anyone else.

I am married to a Yoruba man from Nigeria  for the past four years. I am a Welsh woman from Wales and I am 23 years old. My husband is 6 years older than me. We got married in Lagos in 2004. We have one son who will be 4 soon. In the past few months my husband has changed, he wants to go back to Nigeria in 2 years time but without me. So he has started seeing a woman , a yoruba woman. He said because I am white I can never live in Nigeria and that really hurts me. I live for my husband and my son. I would do  anything for my husband , but he says because  I am white I can never be a Yoruba woman. But he has only known this woman for 5 Months and I am worried about him. I may be a white woman , not Yoruba, but I love my husband and I would literally do anything for him. Does race really matter that my husband has dumped my son and I for someone he barely knows. Is it really that important? I have been to Nigeria twice and I love it. My in laws call me all the time to tell me that I am the only wife they recognize and that they love me. Please I need some advice from Nigerians' because I just don't understand.