How to make love to your first love...

My heart was racing. I had come to the bridge of no return. All that stood between us was the lonely staircase leading to the hotel room and a huge steel door. I felt a bag of cement fasten to my legs, and yet it felt like a feather whenever I changed my mind to flee the hotel, and would suddenly transform to a bag of cement when I turned to face the lonely staircase. O God! Help me!

He had said to me, "You are going to make love to me tonight, and I will be waiting!" The certainty in his voice still baffled me. Why did he think he owned me and could make me do his biddings. I revolted, but this thing called love is certainly a mystery!
Love make me lift my cemented legs on the first stairs. And subsequently, I dragged my feet up the staircase. It became heavier as I approached the door and my breathing sounded like I had been in a 12 round bout with Mike Tyson.

Then, I knocked on the door.......

I stopped.....

He had placed a tag on the door, "Come in my love, You need not knock!"

I froze....

A gentle push and I found the steel door give way to a dim-lit room. A soft flagrance of rose flowers lifted my chin and lured me into his presence. And there he was indeed, sitting on the sofa directly facing the door.

A careful look and my fear suddenly gave way to a smile.
He had a veil over his face.

Which kind joke be this na? Why was he trying to become the bride?

I tried to smile.... but I was afraid..... Was this the night I would lose everything, or would I still be able to resist him?

"Why have you decided to come," he asked with a naughty voice, loaded with masculine pride. I wished I could sink into the ground. Is this how I was finally going to lose my virginity?

"It's my choice," I boldly replied. "You are my first love, and although you may not be perfect, I have chosen to give you everything from my hair to my lair and from my feet to my teeth....."

"Shhhhhh! You talk too much. Come over to me and lift my veil.

Don't you want to look into my eyes before you profess your undying love?"
Neither Hollywood nor the Bible hadn't prepared me for this version of romance. Wasn't it the guy to remove the lady's veil? Yet I was drawn to him like a magnet and I felt peace in my heart to release my tough will.

So I stooped down and lifted the veil....

And there he was.... no.... He wasn't there.....It wasn't him.... I didn't see him behind the veil...

It was me. It was my face behind the veil.

In shock, I heard "me" speak to me. "It's high time you decided to make love to yourself," He said with a voice that was perfectly mine. "I have adorned you with immerse beauty and loaded you with talents and graces. So why wouldn't you love yourself?"

I protested but words failed my lips and so he continued.

"Maxwell raped you, but I love you. They demeaned you, but I died for you. Your parents called you a failure, but I don't make failures. So why wouldn't you love yourself enough to make a choice to love yourself, in spite of everything you've been through?"

Suddenly, flashes of motions ran again in my mind. I had dragged myself up a lonely stair because of love. I told myself within a veil that love was a choice. But the cruel circumstances of my life had made me hate myself.

"But Oh God! I could live with Maxwell's rape. I could survive my harsh upbringing. But why did Chris break my heart?"

Those words fell off my mouth, and I vividly recalled how Chris was the healing to all my past. Chris had promised to love me, and even marry me, but we broke up and now, he got married last year.
And the tear drops from my face seem to stir up deep anger within. My fists were clenched. I hated men, but I hated myself."

Yet I felt the gently voice sweep under my confusion, whispering tenderly, "Where men fail, I remain faithful, but you can only love your neighbour AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. You can't not use Chris to fill your emptiness from rape and parental neglect. You have to make yourself your first love. This love casts out fear of other people's opinion, and decides to see itself as a bride coming to her husband. It's time to love yourself!"

I woke up....

I looked around and saw no man. I was in no hotel. The thin covering of my wrapper was no succour to the new fear in my heart. My eyes were wide open, staring at every corner of my room, wondering my flight. Then, I understood clearly, LOVE IS A CHOICE, EVEN FOR MYSELF. Heartbreak and failures of men, parents and caregivers may have sentenced me to a journey of NOWHERE, but Love ......love is a choice!

I knelt beside my bed, with my eyes drenched in tears and I called out my full name......

As the walls echoed back my name, I replied, "I love me." At that moment, my eye pick the image of the book I had been reading. God had used Tekena Ikoko's book, EYE OF NOWHERE, to perfect the healing from my emotional wounds. A smile broke free from my once weeping face. I think I am ready to love again, especially as I can love myself again.

"I love You!"

***Tekena Ikoko's , EYE OF NOWHERE, hits the stands from the 1st of April, 2017. It will be available at all SBNS major resellers nationwide. From Sokoto to Calabar, Jalingo to Ibadan, Kano to Ughelli, Lagos to Yola. All our resellers will have copies of this great book that helps you to find love again after any heartbreak. This book costs N1,500. Remember you can get the E-book on okadabook website for just N500. As you read this book, may God's love empower your heart to love yourself boldly in Jesus name.

Respect Rewind

I clenched my fist until I could feel blood escape from my palms. My eyes narrowed down on her like a falcon on a fleeing rat. None of her words moved me. I had heard them severally. They were ranting of a puppet that mistook its size for strength. I let go the hot air from my nostrils as she continued to yell at me, over her spilled coca-cola drink.

"Can't you watch where you are going to, you slowpoke?"

slowpoke? I stopped thinking. My anger escaped from its cage. A vicious slap was released. The echo of the slap suspended every noise in the hall. The plastic cup discharged its contents all over her school uniform. I dropped my textbooks, releasing my free hands to tear at her face, as she tried to recover from the first slap. The uproar from the students in the classroom deafened the screeching sound from displaced desks as she staggered backwards.
"What!" she screamed. "You slapped me? You are dead." The shock on her face didn't deter my quick strides towards her. I ignored her empty words and focused on her defenceless stomach region. A quick jab towards her belly button was enough to trigger a vomit, and most of its contents spilled out like stinking sewage from a drainage pipe.

I took a step backward, ready for her response.

"Ayewa, what's going on there?" a husky male voice shouted from the other block. I assumed it was a teacher, and managed a side glance. "And you," pointing to me, "Aren't you, Maria, the new student?"

I glanced back at Ayewa. There were no bruises on her face. There was no smelly spilled mess on the floor. No other student had gather around us. We were still standing alone.

"I'm sorry I called you a slowpoke. I am surprised you didn't get back at me immediately. I wouldn't spare anyone who called me that. I really respect you for this. My name is Ayewa, can we be friends?"

My fist were still clenched. My textbook had truly dropped on the floor, but my mind had rolled out the remaining scene. I struggled a smile and accepted Ayewa's handshake as I saw the teacher approaching.

It was my first day at Tamale Girls Secondary school.

It could have been my last.

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I had arrived at the Mensah home a sad lonely girl. My nine-year-old mind still could not understand how my parents had died on the same day.

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Care to read more ? Respect Rewind is part of a collection of short stories in the E-book, SILENT STORMS, by Tekena Ikoko.

Get this E-book at: http://okadabooks.com/book/about/silent_storms/13098