₦airaland Forum

UPDATE

Nothing has improved; everything is still the same. The children are frustrated and confused by her ongoing bitterness towards everyone. They’ve been asking me why she seems so unhappy and critical, rather than ever showing any happiness. Even when they try to interact with her, it doesn’t make a difference.

I’m doing all I can to keep things from falling apart, but it’s wearing me down. This feels like the breaking point. After ten years, it seems like we've finally reached the end of this struggle.

update

The kids are still worried about Christmas and the celebrations. I tried talking to my spouse again, for their sake. I apologized and told her that whatever the issue is, she should share it with me, but if she’s unable to, I hope she can forgive me so we can move forward. Yet, she said nothing. I’ve decided to let her be and focus on what I can do for the kids this Christmas.
I see divorce imminent, no fighting spirit left in me

UPDATE

I sincerely want to thank you all for your kind support and contributions.

I’ve made another attempt to have a conversation with her, but unfortunately, there’s still no progress whatsoever. The kids have been asking about Christmas, and when they spoke to her, she said she doesn’t care and has more important things to do. They came back to me, and I tried to explain to her that, for the sake of the kids and the spirit of Christmas, we should at least communicate and make an effort to resolve things.

However, after I finished speaking, she simply walked away. I’m completely at a loss. The kids are looking to me for some excitement and joy this Christmas, and I’m struggling to find a way forward.

Dogalmighty17:
Can you send me an email? Your matter need more mature minds to advise you.

I have sent you one

Onegai:
Thinkingtru

Has she ever seen a psychologist or a psychiatrist before?

Sit her down, tell her:

"You're hurting me. You're hurting the kids. You're hurting yourself. This all needs to stop. We are going to book an appointment with a psychologist and each go for Individual Counselling. After that, Joint Counselling. Depending on the results, either we do Marriage Counselling or Divorce Counselling". Yes, Divorce counselling and Mediation exists abroad now.

It is not a request, it should be a demand.


If she refuses, start making plans to leave. Speak to a lawyer. Speak to the kids (without blaming her or making them take sides), you'll need to find out if you're going for full custody. Yes, you can get it if you prove she's hurting them mentally.

10 years is a long time and none of this is normal.

Please, don't let any of us diagnose her with any nonsense medical condition. We haven't met her, we only have your word for how she behaves. She needs to get professional help, so do you. Only then can you guys get an answer.

Praying for you, and your family.

Thanks, she has refused to . I captured everything in my post

Dogalmighty17:
Can you send me an email? Your matter need more mature minds to advise you.

YES,

Admin, please kindly help move to front page.
Thanks

mrblessed:
And you get mind call her your wife? Even stonecold roommates don't behave like to his.

but I cant call her anything else

Tallesty1:
Or maybe the guy did something to her, something so bad that he feels he deserves the punishment.

Because why will someone he loves treat him this bad for 10 solid years and he keeps trying? Dey gum him?

Dude has been suffering for the past ten years, that's around the same time Buhari became president 😔 😔.

He's a strong man.

and her family also did the same thing to her .

do you know we relocated overseas, because of this constant fight with her family and known friends. I was reluctant relocating oversea because I had a good job, and she barely had a job, I tot coming over here will make her better, but Nigeria was just a childs play compared to now. Well, let me just say that every year has been progressively worse, even in Nigeria, every year was worse than the previous, so it may not be the over sea thing, it is just the natural progress

Sp1ritHusband:
Separation! Separation!! Separation!!!

She is doing all these because she believes she knows you so much and you will never dare try to separate from her. Whatever you are passing through, the kids are passing through more than twice that.

Have her sit down and tell her you are tired of her behavior and the marriage, it is apparent there is no more love in the relationship and you are being tortured at this point.

Your mental health is very sacrosanct and we have only one life to live, as for intimacy, I got myself a beautiful girlfriend on the outside. wifey has been begging for intimacy for almost a month and I am the one turning her down. I never call her when outside and hardly pick her calls. Life is not supposed to be this hard and mine has not done 20% of what your wife is putting you through.

I cant put a roof over your head and be treated shabbily.

I have a policy of never reporting to in-laws, we are both adults and if we cannot figure ourselves out, then it is better we separate and go separate ways. Last night, my side girl even presented me with very beautiful designer shoes as a Christmas gift and I was surprised. It was an amazing night and I always feel like a king whenever I am with her.

When some ladies have kids for you and have stayed with you for about 10 years, they believe they can get away with any behavior and try to test the boundaries with their husbands. I do not take nonsense and am not afraid of a divorce and I welcome living alone, we will split the kids and they will be fine. As a matter of fact, I never talk with her in-laws and never pick their calls.

Your choice to make, you can continue living a miserable life, have high blood pressure and die one day or, take your life into your hands. We all live once and then die.

easy maaaan

Sp1ritHusband:
Separation! Separation!! Separation!!!

She is doing all these because she believes she knows you so much and you will never dare try to separate from her. Whatever you are passing through, the kids are passing through more than twice that.

Have her sit down and tell her you are tired of her behavior and the marriage, it is apparent there is no more love in the relationship and you are being tortured at this point.

Your mental health is very sacrosanct and we have only one life to live, as for intimacy, I got myself a beautiful girlfriend on the outside. wifey has been begging for intimacy for almost a month and I am the one turning her down. I never call her when outside and hardly pick her calls. Life is not supposed to be this hard and mine has not done 20% of what your wife is putting you through.

I cant put a roof over your head and be treated shabbily.

I have a policy of never reporting to in-laws, we are both adults and if we cannot figure ourselves out, then it is better we separate and go separate ways. Last night, my side girl even presented me with very beautiful designer shoes as a Christmas gift and I was surprised. It was an amazing night and I always feel like a king whenever I am with her.

When some ladies have kids for you and have stayed with you for about 10 years, they believe they can get away with any behavior and try to test the boundaries with their husbands. I do not take nonsense and am not afraid of a divorce and I welcome living alone, we will split the kids and they will be fine. As a matter of fact, I never talk with her in-laws and never pick their calls.

Your choice to make, you can continue living a miserable life, have high blood pressure and die one day or, take your life into your hands. We all live once and then die.

You said something about the kids passing through what I am passing through twice.
I deliberately did nit write this on the initial post
The eldest child once aske me what I was thinking when I married someone like this
NB
We live oversea now.

I really need advice regarding my spouse, as we’ve been having constant and unresolved conflicts. I’ve tried my best to address these issues by talking to her, but nothing seems to work. I’ve suggested everything from counselling to involving family members, but she refused.
She gets angry with everyone, even the children over the smallest things, and it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never right. What hurts the most is that she has started accusing me of things I would never do—things she knows deep down are not true. Whenever we have even the slightest disagreement over the phone, she hangs up on me. Most of the time, she won’t answer my calls or call me back.
There was a time when I confronted her about this behaviour. I told her about the missed calls, which were clearly logged on her phone. Instead of acknowledging it, she flared up and denied ever missing my calls.

I have been battling this behaviour for over 10 years, intimacy is gone, we have intimacy inly when she wants.
For the past three weeks I had to go for a work based training course for managerial promotion.

She always says she is busy when I call. She usually does this even when I am at home. Even when she picks up, there is so much noise—cracking of utensils and other sounds, she always make sure the discussion can not hold, if I tell her to let me know when she is free she usually says she is never free. Even when I go to her to start a conversation , for example when she is just sitting, she will suddenly start playing games on her phone, and when I try to tell to try and focus on the discussion she will say that, I can leave and that she does not listen with her hands.

Even when I call, or told her to call me anytime of the day that she is free, but she usually says there is never a time she is free. She tells me that if I cannot talk, I should hang up. When I call at night, she does not pick up and never returns my calls. If I call during the day, she is always in a hurry to end the conversation because she either wants to get some sleep or has something else to attend to.
For all these, her mum and her aunt have been involved in the issue, but they can not really talk to her, they are scared of her, infact , these are the two only two people that she barely communicates with as at now because her siblings , cousins and all have all kept their distance,
These past days, I reached out to her mom and uncle once again This has been going on for years, and instead of getting better, it’s only becoming worse. I feel completely drained and unsure of what to do.

Last week, I tried to have a talk with her to make her see how the marital disharmony was impacting all of us, including the kids. After I finished speaking, she didn’t say a word. I waited and tried to encourage her to respond, but she later said that if I was done talking, she had other things to do and a headache. That was all she said.

I would greatly appreciate any advice or guidance.