₦airaland Forum

Farfalla:
Why is divorce such a difficult option for some of you guys? Why stay in a marriage where you want to be away from your spouse as much as possible? What kind of marriage is that?

If he cannot even trust his wife enough to live with her anywhere in the world, why should he be in that marriage in the first place? Na by force?

The reason men stay in their abusive marriages is because men love women unconditionally in most case.
When a man marries a woman, he didn't get into that marriage casually, he makes a decisive stand and chooses to stay with the woman he married through thick and thin.

Women initiate 70% of divorce and move on quite quickly.
Men hardly get the support they need after divorce, the blame is on him as a failed leader who cannot lead his home right.

So you see the man has most of the shame and blame for the failure of a home than the woman does.
I know a man whose marriage was dissolved by the wife, he didn't know my wife had knowledge to that information but whenever he sees her he talks as if they are still married.

Men don't love for fun, when they do marry, most men don't just bring a woman into thier house for cruise. They mean business.

A woman can marry because that's the available option at the time or marry because the man can provide. Once a better option shows up they jump ship or start moving crazy in the relationship.

The men have a lot of stakes in the relationship because the men have invested a lot into the relationship. Men pay bride price, sometimes train the woman, nourish and feed her for most part of the marriage. That's a huge investment. No matter how crazy the business is, many won't let go easily because their sweat is in the business.

That's why I encourage men to make their women invest heavily into the relationship so they won't just leave easily in times of difficulty.

Now, if the concern is mainly that your kids get a good form of education, consider staying for a while in Nigeria while you monitor their progress. @OP, Abroad is wild, many parents do actually regret it if proper monitoring isn't available to guide and regulate the emotions of those kids especially during teen age when the hormones rage and peer influence is high.

Even parents who live with their wards sometimes lose control over them, as I know someone who can't even correct or talk to the child anymore. The ideology of the west encourages that the child should be allowed to form their own opinion and the fact that you can't actually discipline in a way that instil fear and respect in the child's mentality has made many of the children lose control and do as they please.

Also, if you consider the option of separation from your family, you may get the same outcome. The presence of a father in a home plays a significant influence in how your kids turn out later in life.
Boys rebel a lot especially during their adolescent age if they lack the fatherly role in guiding and tampering their unruly excesses. Also girls will miss your presence and they turned out to seek fathers in the opposite sex as they age which make them desire a male figure in their lives, so most times they are ruined emotionally and probably may come to hate men in the future mainly because of your absence. So your role is very crucial in being in their lives while they develop and grow into maturity.

Please,for your wife, if you suspect or know she has some foul attitude to you in Nigeria, if you permanently locate her to the west, you may lose her. Why? the law gives some many awkward rights to the woman as against what we have in Africa. So these privileges get into their head and most times, many do misbehave.
If you know that your wife has no ride or die attitude as concerning your marriage and relationship, I beg you in the name of God don't bring her. I KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING.

Many Nigerian women don't subscribe to the African and the biblical principle of the family as the man being head and the woman's submission,
to the authority of the man as the leader of the home. So when they get abroad, they conceive that if, in case of an altercation, they can easily send you out, own half of what you have worker for all your life and still get you to support their children while they have the liberty to do as they please(getting as many c*rks as possible) they tend to throw you under the bus and relieve themselves of your exertion and control over of the home.

In the west, women have the ability to earn and also enjoy equal rights and even more privileges just for being a woman. So they have upper hand as the case may be, some taking that to account seek to lord and boss over their husband. Tell him to also do domestic chores that they haven't complained of even while catering to the whole family in Nigeria. So the manual lose it and try to excert his influence which if not handled properly may lead to violence or a rebuttal from her because she understands the law is in her favor.

Also women as they age also tend to get bored of the marriage, the authority of the man and his control and dominance especially if they start to earn more or rise above the man in the relationship.

They feel he's now below par, and they can't submit to him. To the key is for the men to rise and strive earnestly to always be a quality leader of the home so he doesn't lose his authority. Because the society offers equal opportunity for growth and sometimes you'll discover if the woman is qualified, I mean as the skills to be employed, they pick the woman over the man except the man displays exceptional ability over her.

I have so many things to say but let me conclude here, if you didn't meet your wife as a virgin or you suspect any unruly or sketchy behavior towards the opposite sex while in Nigeria then be prepared to share her with other men or divorce as soon as she gets her liberty in the west.
Why do I say this? Most times in the west, she's more in contact with her work colleagues than you, especially when you both keep a job to meet the high demand of the utilities of the home.

In the progress, she may get drawn to one of her male colleagues or a randy boss whose leadership skill she admires. Men who find her attractive or wabts to pipe her will make a move on her, and if consent is given, she gets laid with.
Once she has a taste of another c*rk, this is the beginning of the end of your marriage most times except she's really family oriented or has a strong religious mentorship, if not that marriage is over sooner than later in most times.

I can give you the full gist of how a woman has chemical(hormonal) imbalance, especially when they cross 30yr and how they get tired of their husband's boring sex life if you want. But I'd stop here for now

Thanks

I understand how you feel about this incestuous relationship the aunt is having with her cousin's husband but the truth is wisdom is profitable to direct like someone has quoted the Holy writ.

If you feel your conscience isn't at rest with these whole saga, make sure your identity isn't revealed while you confront the aunt, because the truth is you can't change or convict anyone to do the right thing.

Instead, they may gang up against you and work as a force to pull you down, and you will have regrets while you never minded your business in the first place.

These ones are sneaking behind their loved one to fulfill their fantasy and you think you can stop them without giving a good fight so as to not let their secrets out. Then you must be deluded.

They turn everything against you and fight you till you blame yourself. So tread cautiously, I'd advise you turn the other face but if you think you need to challenge them do it without any traces to you.

You're a good person, but please don't get yourself burnt by your being too good.