₦airaland Forum

Nigerians sha.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"...ON PURPOSE!

(1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

(1) Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

(1) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

(1) Crying is blackmail.

(1) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
-Subtle hints do not work!
-Strong hints do not work!
-Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

(1) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

(1) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

(1) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

(1) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

(1) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

(1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

(1) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

(1) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

(1) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

(1) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

(1) ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

(1) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

(1) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

(1) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

(1) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...really.

(1) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or VB cars.

(1) You have enough clothes.

(1) You have too many shoes.

(1) I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

APC EXAMINATION QUESTIONS
.
First End of Session Exam.
Government 101 Time: 3 Hours
.
ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS
.
If GEJ is a constant, while APC is a variable, and if 1year have been used for blaming, with the aid of a diagram:
.
1. Discuss the probability of APC blaming GEJ for the next 3years for:
i. Dollar increase.
ii. Fuel Price increase
iii. Power Failure
iv. Unemployment
v. Fulani Herdsmen Killings
.
2. If APC = All Promises Cancelled, where PMB is a constant, discuss the speed at which:
i. N5k promise is cancelled
ii. Feeding of school pupil is cancelled
iii. NYSC allowance is reduced
iv. Fuel pump prices are increased
.
3. Define the term, ''Budget padding''.
.
4. Mention 3 types of APC propaganda you know, and how they can be used in 21st century politics.
.
5. Mention 5 IDP you know that feeds with N14000 everyday.
.
6. Mention the next 3 countries PMB will travel and the disgrace he would receive.
.
7. If PMB is silent when herdsmen kills people and buys jet fighter when Biafra is mentioned, what is the probability that PMB is not a terrorist?
.
8. Write short notes on these mad phrases;
i. masquerade dressing,
ii. importation of grass
iii. fantastically corrupt
.
9. If x is chanji and y is lies./propaganda, solve the equation, 2x + 5y = ?
10. If you used to be corrupt, but now fantastically corrupt. Explain the effect of gravitational force on you.
.
Good luck! Your time starts now.

Am watching u don't cheat, examiner.

INTERNAL HOME MEMO

FROM: FATHER

TO: ALL DEPENDANTS & RELATIVES

CC: MOTHER

DATE: May 18, 2016

SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION

Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations
Have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going
to be accepted.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry
and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request.

2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!

3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are
Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to
me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justification backed by a qualified dietician report as supportive documentation.

4. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per
person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

5. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make
available shortly.

6. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to
offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

7. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from the House.

8. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The
House, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment
somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

9. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from
their village Head or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their homes. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival.

THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!

Signed:

DAD
Chairman of Home Affairs

simplemach:
is it shared for free?

Awoof dey run belle.

[quote author=Ezedon post=45691043]I don't understand[/quote Our Governor just gave us our fertiliser at a subsidised rate. We farmers can stop the jubilation.

Kaduna state fertiliser, first in Nigeria history.

The way your dad looks at your new friends.

Finally I found my masquerade.

DrayZee:
Thank you.

when they are using u and think you don't know.

Love knows no bounds.

This is just to sad.

endtimesblog:


Endtime booobs be this ooo chaii



SEE MORE PHOTOS OF HER HUGE BREASTS @: http://www.gistmelove..com/2016/04/see-this-lepacious-slim-girl-with-very.html

West African milk production company. WAMPCO.

I was chatting with a new chic I met online, she now asked me where I was, I said on my one story building balcony. She then asked for a picture. I sent this and lo and behold she blocked me. Haba! Na joke sha.

No pun intended just for laughs.

MRBrownJ:
these are AVOCADOS she is selling, not pears

Bros avocado is a type of pear also.

Which of the pears(pairs) is she selling, and which of the pears (pairs) is he buying?

Chai.

This boy was kidnapped at a village at Kaduna and his organs were removed. Please let's be cautious in our movements and my God help us. It happened on the 1st of April.

God bless our troops and may Nigeria conquer Be.

It's well.

The thing is I don't even have an account with the bank.

When you decide to leave state matters.

Keep resting on.

Macmilla:
Oya, receive sense!

Say Amen

amen I take am.

Macmilla:
That's a G-wagon naah. Ar u a learner?

I am ooooooo

More

This is spectacular, what make us this car fans?

This situation is getting out of hand and we all need to work together. Unconfirmed reports say this is Edo state.

When the person that painted this is from a part of Nigeria not yet discovered. Na joke oooo.

No pun intended.

olumzzz:
WRONG!!!
The Mercedes Benz S65's interior doesn't look like this

can you please show us the interior?