₦airaland Forum

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'Owambe' parties are definitely one of the best in the world. So much time goes into the planning and preparation for these parties that when they eventually do happen, they happen really big. I guess it’s just in our nature as Nigerians to go all the way when it comes to partying.

Given how big they usually are, 'owambe' parties have been known to block streets and roads, which in-turn, disrupt nearly all forms of movement in areas close to where they are being held. Thankfully, they are held mainly during weekends and not work days.

For those who don't know, 'owambe' parties are basically huge parties thrown by Nigerians (most especially Yoruba Nigerians) to celebrate anything from birthdays to weddings, and the likes.

These parties majorly involve the presence of lots of food, most especially, jollof rice and pounded yam served with various types of highly endowed soup, coupled with plenty of small chops (finger foods) and lots of drinks.

They also involve a lot of dancing and money spraying by the numerous guests in attendance, with continuous loud music being played by a live band in the background. The guests are usually present in their 'aso ebi', plus shoes, bags and accessories to match.

'Aso-ebi' by the way, is a Yoruba term which means 'family clothes', in English. It refers to a common cloth worn as some form of uniform by members and friends of a family during social occasions.

The 'aso ebi' fabric is usually chosen by the host(s) and sold to interested guests. The fabric is then sewn into various styles and worn to the party on the D-Day. The varieties of 'aso ebi' styles adds an interesting mix to the ceremony as a whole. Although the 'aso ebi' concept originated from the Yoruba tribe, other tribes in Nigeria have also embraced it.

Moving on however, there are basically six kinds of people that you will always find at any 'owambe' party in Nigeria. You just can’t help but notice their presence right from the moment you arrive at the party venue, until the moment you leave.

1. The 'Aso Ebi' Slay Gang.

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This set of people slay together at owambe parties in their 'aso ebi', sewn in different breath-taking styles. They are the most important people at the party. If an owambe party were a company on the stock exchange, they would definitely be the shareholders of the company.

Given the huge importance attached to the wearing of 'aso ebi' at owambe parties, this special set of people are always placed high on the priority list when it comes to getting the goodies or benefits of the parties they attend.

2. The ‘Mo-Gbo-Mo-Ya People (Party-Crashers).

These set of people are the party-crashers/intruders/uninvited ones at any 'owambe' party. Whenever they hear about the next party to hold in town, they must attend, even though they have no connection with anybody at the party whatsoever.

They don’t want to know whether they don't have an invite or care about what the celebration is about. Whether it's a birthday, wedding party or even a post-funeral party, They don't want to know. They just have to be there by all means and they solely attend for no other reason than the free food and drinks.

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When you try asking them about their relationship with the host, their response is usually something like “I’m a friend to the brother of the host's aunty's cousin's sister's nephew's mother's sister”. But brethren, don't be deceived. Anything they tell you is nothing but lies.

They can be further grouped into two categories; that is, the 'part-timers' and the 'full-timers'. The part-timers are not consistent with their party-crashing. They simply do as their spirit wills. They only crash parties for ‘awoof’ (free) food and drinks when they're broke and hungry .

The full-timers on the other hand are very consistent. Party-crashing is a full-time weekend job for them. No matter the financial weather they're in, they will still look for parties to crash. Before the beginning of every weekend, they will patiently and carefully find out about all the upcoming parties in town and develop a ‘must-attend’ list. You can trust they won't miss any party on the list. They will surely be at every one of them.

3. The Hungry People.

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This set of people are never patient enough to wait till food and drinks reach their table. They take it upon themselves to constantly remind the servers every chance they get that they haven’t been served, even when it’s not their turn yet.

They are not hard to spot at parties at all. You can always identify them when you hear stuff like, “Aunty/Uncle hurry up with the serving naw!” “We haven’t received food here o!”

The ‘mo-gbo-mo-ya’ people or party-crashers could also easily fit into this category because they are also a hungry set of people but there are ‘hungry people’ and there are ‘hungry people’, if you get what I mean.

4. The Greedy People (Gluttons).

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Even after consuming several rounds of everything consumable at the party, this set of people are never satisfied. Their gluttony is first class. They must have a taste of everything.

They would lie shamelessly to the servers over and over again that they haven’t been served so that they can get more.

If the feeding arrangement is of a ‘serve-your-self’ format, they will start with, "I just need something light" and then go on to fill their plates with a bit of everything available, until a mountain forms and there is no space left on the plate to fill. You can always trust them to return for more after that.

Most times, this set of people also come prepared with a nylon bag to pack home all the extra food they fraudulently collect. It is a must that they pack food home for later consumption. Most of them have no shame. They will confidently fill their nylon bag in the presence of[url="http://www.tortorri.com/2017/09/6-kind-of-people-you-will-always-find.html"]...More>>>[/url]

Source: [ http://www.tortorri.com/2017/09/6-kind-of-people-you-will-always-find.html ]

Explorers:
The iPhone X will be available in space grey and silver, and ships on November 3.


The iPhone X will come with a 'super retina display' that uses OLED technology giving it the highest ever pixel density in an iPhone.


The built in chip that controls Face ID is built with a neural engine, allowing it to execute 600 billion operations per second.


To unlock the phone, users can use facial recognition, which Apple calls Face ID.


It will 'learn' your face, so every time you glance at the iPhone, it detects your face even in the dark


Even if you dye your hair, put on a hat, wear glasses, or change your appearance in other drastic ways, the device will still recognize your face.


Apple even worked with Hollywood filmmakers to be sure it can't be fooled by photographs or masks.

How secure is this face ID?

What if the user is sleeping and someone takes the phone close to the user's face? Won't it unlock?

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1. Thou Shall Strive To Be The ‘First Customer Of The Day’ At Every Shop You Patronize.
Many Nigerian shop owners have this belief that their sales throughout the day are somewhat dependent on the way they treat the first customer to patronize them. So whenever they receive the first customer of the day, they go the extra mile to make sure the person feels extra special and leaves their shop happy and satisfied, even if it means selling to them at highly cheaper discounts.

Having learnt about this, I always try as much as possible to do my shopping in the morning Just so that I don’t miss the rare opportunity of being the first customer at any of the shops I would be patronizing so as to get the “first customer of the day” discount on everything I would be buying. Even though I’ve been quite fortunate in my quest many times, I’m not always lucky. Not every shop owner actually buys into that superstitious belief.

2. Thou Shall Split Prices Into Half First Before Commencing Thy Bargaining.
I came up with this commandment during my early days of doing my own shopping when I got insulted by one Yoruba market woman who got deeply offended when I priced her wares way lower than the original price.

From the little I remember, I only priced the fish I wanted to buy from her down to NGN200 from the NGN800 she wanted to sell it for, to which she responded, “ko gba, e lo si waju”. When you translate that from Yoruba to English Language, that statement has two meanings. One is direct and the other is indirect. Directly it means, “Please try somewhere else, I can’t give you at that price” but indirectly, what she told me was simply to “f**k off!” It was when I tried persuading her further that all hell broke loose. What names didn’t she call me that day?! It wasn’t funny at all. Being the easy-going type of person that I am, I just respected myself and walked away.

I’ve come to learn overtime that the best thing is not to price down goods way much lower than half the original price. When a seller gives me a price, it’s just a front. The real price is probably ‘nearly close to’ or ‘slightly more than’ half the original price. So for example, when the seller says a product is NGN1,000, I just slash that amount in half, which is precisely NGN500 and the bargaining continues from there until we both agree on a fair price. That way, it’s a win-win.

3. Thou Shall Carefully Verify The Condition Of Goods Before Purchase.
I once branched by an Igbo man’s shop in a market one day to buy a pair of leather slippers for myself. It was in the afternoon and I was on my way home from a friend’s place in Lagos. I was in so much of a hurry to leave the shop so that I could catch a bus home, early. Working hours were almost over and I had to beat the ‘after-work’ traffic before it started to build up if I wanted to get home on time. So, I immediately paid the seller after we both agreed on a fair price for the cool pair of leather slippers that caught my eye without properly checking the condition they were in. “All new things are never in bad condition”, I always assumed.

It was not until much later when I reached home that I noticed a defect in the left slipper. It was too late to return to the shop, so I waited till the following day before going back to make a complaint and demand a replacement.

I reached his shop the following day and after laying my complaint, I demanded for a replacement with another pair of the same kind but he didn’t have, so I asked him for a refund only for him to tell me, “Oga the money don enter virus! E don go”. Now, that got me really angry. After shouting at each other and arguing back and forth for a long while, he went on to give me two options. It was either I chose between buying something else or make do with the defected one. It was unbelievable!

I eventually ended up having to add more money to the money I had previously paid for the slippers to buy a pair of shoes instead. All the shouting and arguing I did that day didn’t make him change his mind. Such a stubborn soul, that man was.

In order to avoid stories that touch next time, I don’t pay if I’m not 100% sure the product is okay or if it isn't what I really want to buy, because in any Nigerian market, refunds are almost impossible to get. Not even after noticing a defect, two seconds after paying. I’ve learnt to shine my eyes.

4. Thou Shall Carefully Verify the Condition of Your ‘Change’ before leaving Shop of the Seller’s Shop.
This has become compulsory for me whenever I shop in a Nigerian market. I have learnt to always check the condition of the money I’m given as 'change' before leaving any shop where I'm given. Many sellers receive bad or mutilated currency notes from buyers without knowing and in a bid to get rid of these bad notes, most sellers pass them on as 'change' to new unknowing buyers that patronize them.

They do it by placing the bad notes in-between good ones so that they blend in, almost undetectable. If the buyer doesn’t check each note carefully before leaving the shop, that buyer probably won’t be able to return the bad notes for better ones because in most cases, the seller would vehemently deny ever giving them to the buyer. This has happened to me so many times and has forced me to be more careful.

I once received bad notes as change from a vendor without knowing. It was not until the vendor at the next shop I visited rejected them that I realized. When I went back to meet the vendor that gave me the bad notes to complain and exchange them for good ones, she absolutely denied ever giving them to me. I was shocked to the bones. I eventually had to visit the nearest bank to get those notes changed before I could continue my shopping.

So at anywhere I shop, I make sure I check the condition of my 'change' before leaving. What happens next time if it's the only money I have left and there isn’t any bank around to go change the money or make a quick cash withdrawal at the ATM to use in continuing my shopping? That means I’m stuck. No way am I going to let that happen. Getting stuck in the market is really not a situation I want to be in.

5. Thou Shall Survey The Market For All The Best Options Available Before Making Any Purchase.
Shopping in a Nigerian market is something that shouldn’t be hurriedly done. It’s not a thing of joy for me to realize I could have purchased bigger, better and cheaper versions of certain items as I leave the market, if only I hadn’t purchased them in a hurry.

Anytime I run out of foodstuff, I make sure I wait until a day I have enough time on my hands to go shopping. This gives me enough time to do a quick market survey on the price range, quantity and quality of items I need, within a radius that is comfortable for me to traverse. This helps me find all best options available before I make my decision on whether to purchase any of those items and from which shop to do so.

I learnt my lesson when I once hurriedly bought pepper from a seller in the market without surveying other places for better options first, only to see bigger and better ones for cheaper, just as I was leaving the market. I wasn’t too happy about that, so since then, I always ensure I take my time whenever I go shopping so that I can get the best of what’s available in the market.

6. Thou Shall NOT Speak Too Much English At The Market.
In Nigeria, quite a lot of market people see customers who have a good command of the English language as being financially buoyant and then charge them based on that. Unsuspecting customers who fall into this category are charged if not more than twice the original price, so even if the customer follows the second commandment above and slashes the original amount the seller charges into half before bargaining further, it won’t matter because the customer would still get ripped-off. Ridiculous isn’t it?

So anytime I go to the market to shop, I refrain from speaking too much English and switch to speaking Pidgin English or when I'm in a Yoruba locality, I speak Yoruba, which is my native language. That way, I can blend in and avoid being hypercharged or ripped off and to be honest it has worked for me and it still does.

7. Thou Shall Take Goods In Dim-Lit Shops Out Into Broad Daylight For Proper Inspection Before Making Any Purchase.
I remember this one time I branched by a shop in a market to buy blue shirts for myself. I wanted more blue shirts in my wardrobe because I felt I had enough shirts of other colors. After a longtime of searching for what I wanted through all the pile of shirts that the seller had, I found two blue shirts that I liked and paid for them.

Just as soon as I stepped out to leave the shop, I then noticed the shirts were not actually blue, but white. It then occurred to me. The inside of the shop was illuminated by bright blue electric bulbs, meaning that the blue light shinning from the bulbs had made the white shirts look blue and I unknowingly bought them.

I immediately brought my discovery to the awareness of the seller and asked to go back inside to look for actual blue shirts. This time around, I searched for all the shirts that looked blue inside the shop and took them outside into broad daylight to confirm whether they were indeed blue or not before making my choice and you won’t believe how many of those shirt weren’t blue.

If I had returned to search for what I really wanted without any luck, you can trust it would almost impossible to get the shop owner to give me refund (Re: Commandment Number 3). I’ve always been extra-careful anytime I visit shops like that, since then. I make sure I take the goods I want to buy outside into broad daylight to confirm their true color or condition before making any payment.

Shop owners who use bulbs of a different color, other than white inside their shop might have something to hide and should be suspected. It’s might be a trick to hide the true color or condition of the goods in their shop from unsuspecting customers.

8. Thou Shall Scout For Trustworthy Sellers and Become A Loyal Customer.
It’s not every time I come by trustworthy sellers that would sell me stuff without any shadiness involved. So when I do come by sellers of that virtue, I’ve made it a habit to become their loyal customer and develop a good relationship with them. Doing that guarantees me zero-shadiness on all my purchases, including me getting the ‘loyal customer’ discounts, if you know what I’m saying (*wink*).

This has not always worked for me a 100%, but I’ve had a high success rate. The adage, “familiarity breeds contempt” is quite true as some sellers that I once deemed trustworthy and developed a good relationship with, took my trust and the relationship we had for granted and started ripping me off on the low. So from time to time, I make sure I try out other places to make sure I don’t have a ‘good-seller- turned-bad’ case on my hands.

Written By: "M." (Tortorri Feature Writer).

Cc: Lalasticlala

Source:http://www.tortorri.com/2017/09/8-commandments-of-shopping-in-nigerian.html

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If you're reading this and you are fond of doing one or all of the listed five things in this post and you know very well in your mind that it's not right to do them, but still do them anyways, we have news for you. Your ancestors are highly disappointed in you. Every time you do these things, they are not just disappointed, they weep and wail!

Now, please tell us, what really is your problem? Why are you giving your ancestors stress? As if coping with being dead and gone from the land of the living is not enough, they also have to cope with watching you do these things that they are not proud of you doing. At least, give them a reason to smile and be proud of you while they constantly watch over you.

You know what? Let's just get to talking about these five things so that you can know your sin(s) before we scold you some more and hopefully, we can convince you to change.

1. Not Having Your Bath
We and your ancestors alike would really like you to give us a very good reason or reasons for doing this. How are you comfortable with getting through the day without a bath? It's even more shocking to know that some of you go a week and beyond without having your bath and have no problem with it. Do you not know the dangers you risk exposing yourself and the people around you to at all?

Everyday, your body gives off sweat and accumulates germs. When you don't have your bath, you're simply giving those germs your sweaty body as a suitable environment to breed in, gradually giving rise to harmful skin infections, including body odour, which terrorizes the noses of everyone who come near and/or in contact with you. How you are so comfortable with all of that is just absolutely beyond us.

You really need to give all of this a thought. Is this really how you want to live your life? A life of skin infections and body odour? It's really not a good way to live your life, if you ask us. You really need to start thinking of repenting from your ways. Your ancestors are really not proud.





http://www.tortorri.com/2017/08/your-ancestors-are-not-proud-of-you-if_43.html

If you're reading this and you are fond of doing one or all of the listed five things in this post and you know very well in your mind that it's not right to do them, but still do them anyways, we have news for you. Your ancestors are highly disappointed in you. Every time you do these things, they are not just disappointed, they weep and wail!

Now, please tell us, what really is your problem? Why are you giving your ancestors stress? As if coping with being dead and gone from the land of the living is not enough, they also have to cope with watching you do these things that they are not proud of you doing. At least, give them a reason to smile and be proud of you while they constantly watch over you.

You know what? Let's just get to talking about these five things so that you can know your sin(s) before we scold you some more and hopefully, we can convince you to change.

1. Not Having Your Bath
We and your ancestors alike would really like you to give us a very good reason or reasons for doing this. How are you comfortable with getting through the day without a bath? It's even more shocking to know that some of you go a week and beyond without having your bath and have no problem with it. Do you not know the dangers you risk exposing yourself and the people around you to at all?

Everyday, your body gives off sweat and accumulates germs. When you don't have your bath, you're simply giving those germs your sweaty body as a suitable environment to breed in, gradually giving rise to harmful skin infections, including body odour, which terrorizes the noses of everyone who come near and/or in contact with you. How you are so comfortable with all of that is just absolutely beyond us.

You really need to give all of this a thought. Is this really how you want to live your life? A life of skin infections and body odour? It's really not a good way to live your life, if you ask us. You really need to start thinking of repenting from your ways. Your ancestors are really not proud.

http://www.tortorri.com/2017/08/your-ancestors-are-not-proud-of-you-if_43.html

In Nigeria, a lot of our musicians smoke weed (a.k.a Igbo). Some reasons they give for doing it are that it helps them relax, or that it gives them inspiration for their music. Another popular reason they give is that it helps boost their confidence before and while performing on stage.

Even though a lot of these musicians smoke weed, Not all of them are comfortable with the public knowing about it. Just a handful actually refuse to be ashamed of doing it.

Below are four (4) Nigerian musicians that are not of ashamed of smoking weed...

Read Full Story Here => http://www.tortorri.com/2017/08/4-nigerian-musicians-who-are-not.html <=

Nigerian music artistes singing about expensive wines in their songs, like their career depends on it, is not a new thing. For some of us, it's thanks to them that we even know most of the expensive wines we know today.

The one sole reason most of these artistes do it, is just to show off. While some of them can actually afford these expensive wines, the rest can barely do. They are basically just faking it till they make it.

Here are the major ones they all love to sing about in their songs...

Read Full Story Here => http://www.tortorri.com/2017/07/5-major-expensive-wines-nigerian_17.html <=

In Nigeria today, the music industry has witnessed the rise of new artistes who began their journey to fame and fortune on social media.

All they did was simply attract and maintain a huge following on their social media accounts by posting videos and photos of themselves showcasing their unique talents and the rest they say, is history.

Here are examples of music artistes in Nigeria who have so far risen to fame and fortune through the help of social media…

Read Full Story Here => http://www.tortorri.com/2017/08/nigerian-musicians-who-rose-to-fame.html <=

Cc
Lalasticlala
Ishilove
Semid4lyfe
Obinoscopy

From some having their boobs unduly exposed by their dress to some having theirs betray them by revealing their ‘vajayjay’, while having no panty on, here are the wardrobe malfunction photos of 5 Nigerian female celebrities that went viral...

Read Full Story Here => http://www.tortorri.com/2017/07/5-nigerian-female-celebrities-and-their_5.html <=