₦airaland Forum

amross16:
I have met many Nigerian men on social media. Ultimately, many of the conversations gravitate to coming here to visit me--with all the expenses paid by me (lol). I am not in the market for a mail order husband, besides there is a large community of Nigerian men here. And I have dated many Nigerian men with some good experiences and some not so good--that's life. As with any relationship, use common sense--don't give your heart or "panties" up too soon before you really know the type of person you are dealing with. And I would not travel far for love, unless I had some big "bucks", and can afford to, know what I mean?

I wasn't "traveling for love". I decided to go with my mom on her business trip. Period. I already had a boyfriend and wasn't expecting my life to take such a strange detour.

Also the only reason I considered getting involved with him again after college is because he was the father of my child. Had I not cared about my daughter getting to meet her father at least once, I never would've went back there.

Captainbells:
Will you keep quiet?
You African American babes are so ignorant and dumb!

I'm as white as Casper the ghost. I'd wager I make more in a year than you will in several lifetimes so I cant be all that "ignorant and dumb".

Captainbells:
When you were so "in love" with him, did anything like background check occur to you?

I was 18 years old. Performing background checks on Nigerian citizens wasn't even on my radar.

I've read some terribly sad stories over the years about experiences many women have had with not just Nigerian men but African men in general. I figured I would share my own although its not nearly as bad as some others but I feel for those who have been scammed.

Back in 2006 I had just graduated from high school. My mom had to go to NIgeria for business reasons and she asked me if I would like to go as an adventure before diving into college that coming fall. Of course I agreed to go with her. This caused tension with my boyfriend here but I told him he had nothing to worry about. Boy was I wrong.

The culture shock was mind blowing even though I knew what to expect from researching it. I was also surprised by how so many men will instantly gravitate towards an American woman. My mom dealt with this as well but not to the same extent that I did(I was 18, she was 41). I wound up having to avoid many places due to this unwanted attention. I actually volunteered to help with a church there and actually started to enjoy my time there. I started to make a few friends my age, both boys and girls. Out of the blue, one guy started to try and force his way into our group. He was 37 years old. I later found out he was the nephew of a member of this church.

He was a smooth talker and moved quick. I had no desire to start up any sort of relationship with anyone there as I knew we were going back to the US fairly soon and besides, I had a boyfriend back home. THis fact didn't stop him. He knew all the right things to say and in hindsight I realize he was taking advantage of my youth and inexperience. The few guy friends I would hang out with all of a sudden stopped associating with me and were virtually ignoring me. I realized much later that he may have threatened them or used some form of intimidation to keep them away from me. A couple of the other girls I hung out with warned me that this guy was hoping to get with me so he could come to the U.S. I laughed at the thought of this. About a week or so later, I wasn't laughing.

We went out to eat together one day and after this, he started kissing me. I gave into temptation and of course we wound up having sex. The sex was incredible. He had me wrapped around his finger at this point. He also told me he wasn't interested in being with me just to come to the U.S. and he would be perfectly happy for me to stay there with him. An obvious lie to get me off the scent of a scam but I believed it. We started spending several hours a day together at a hotel(which I paid for). Our relationship was moving way too fast for me but I was on cloud nine. He could do no wrong in my eyes and I started to consider staying there in Nigeria to be with him if I had to. He started to be honest with me once he realized I was truly in love with him. He told me had nine children with four different women and he was currently living with one of those women. I got pissed off at this but told him he had to promise me he would leave her if we were going to continue our relationship.

I called my boyfriend back home and told him I was ending our relationship because I had met a guy over here. He was devastated and I felt so bad for hurting him and of course cried as well since the two of us had planned on going to the same college together(UCLA) and one day getting married. As soon as I told him I had broke off my relationship with my boyfriend back home because I was now in love with him, this took things to the next level. We started talking about marriage and he said that while he would be perfectly fine with the two of us staying in Nigeria, it would be better for us to live in the U.S. I no longer thought or cared about the possibility of being used by him. I was in love with him and nothing else mattered. Even though this had only been going on for a little more than a month, I was already wanting to have his baby and even told him so. THis made him very happy.

There's a saying over here....be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Well, I got it. A few weeks later I found out I was already pregnant. THis is when reality truly set in for me and I understood the implications of what my relationship with him meant for not just that moment in time, but the potential life long consequences. I was happy that I was pregnant with his baby but at the same time scared to death. I realized I had to tell my mom who was unaware of my relationship with this guy. She thought I was simply spending time hanging around with friends.

My mom was in a complete state of shock when I told her the full story. When I told her I was pregnant, she was livid. She said we are leaving here immediately and to NOT tell him our change of plans. She told me to just act normal when I saw him again and not let on anything is amiss. I still have feelings of guilt over this. Yes he was most certainly using me as a free ride to live in the US but I didn't feel like he deserved to be abandoned by me like that. I had genuine feelings for him and knowing i would be having his baby made my bond with him even stronger.

I did what my mom said(kept him in the dark) and we left two weeks later. I should've severed all contact the moment we left. I didn't. I contacted him through email after being back here in the US for a month and he was really angry about how it all turned out. Once I told him I was pregnant with his baby he flew into a rage. He wanted my phone number, I gave it to him, and we argued off and on for weeks. I was on a massive guilt trip. He of course wanted to come here and marry me and have even more children with me. That didn't happen. When I gave birth to our daughter, I felt an even stronger bond with him. I sent him pictures of her frequently but he still kept on about loving me and wanting to live here with us.

After I graduated from college, I took my daughter to Nigeria to see him. I was actually open to possibly continuing our relationship at that point and maybe marriage down the road and yes, bringing him here to be with us. When we arrived, I was shocked to find out he was with another woman and had two more children since the last time I had seen him. He started in again about wanting to come to the US with us, I had a moment of clarity and realized what a vile person he really was. He had a total of twelve children(including our daughter), and was willing to abandon his current girlfriend and the two children he had with her just to move back with me. I felt sorry for her, all of his children in Nigeria, and the women who had to spend their lives taking care of his children. He was very lazy, only worked menial jobs, and while I could forgive that personally since I am middle class and can certainly take care of us, I couldn't look past his willingness to abandon so many lives in his own country.

I left and never went back. He finally stopped trying to contact me once he realized there was zero chance of getting to move here, which proved I meant nothing to him.

While I cant say I regret meeting him since my wonderful daughter would not exist had we never met, I do realize that had there been just a few minor differences in how our relationship played out, I would've been one of those types who get completely conned, wind up saddled with a bunch of his children, and him abandoning me and my daughter just like he did all the others in his life over there. I mainly have my mother's negative reaction to my short but intense relationship with him to thank for my life not turning into a horror story.

To any other American girls visiting there or talking to these men on social media or dating sites, please be careful.