₦airaland Forum

Thank you so much forumites for the candid advise I really apreciate the time you took AqRiUs Age and Shy One to spell the obvious to me.

Believe me a few days ago I told him that I was moving on and that he was not a real man, but as is usual I have been feeling bad for saying all those true things to him. I am just confused when it is obvious that I should just be happy with myself. I start apologising to him all over again when in fact he is the one who is at fault.

The worst thing is that God has been kind to me with all that I have and I am not a bad looking woman and that is why my friends get annoyed with why I let someone do this to me.

I will look to God for strength and wisdom to allow me to love myself much more that what I am doing right now. I have given up so mch emotionally and financially for this person it is not worth my tears any more!

Thank you Ikedonn! I know say it is easy for people to keep telling me to move on but e no eezy o, as the song says!

I love the man and I will try before I finally give up. His mother keeps telling me to be patient coz it 'go better'. The funny thing I do not even have any ties such as a child that should keep me to him but I just love him.

I am grateful for all the love on this forum, even those who see the stupid character in me, I know if my friend was in similar situation I would advise to ditch the loser.

But until you have been in my shoes and realise that true love real hurts, controls your mind, you cannot eat and think straight, then never judge me harshly or think I am stupid I beg o!

Thank you Inked Nerd for being open and honest with me in a very nice way. Thank you Wislet for b the candid summary, it is so true. I know that he behaves immaturely but the irony in life is that we do not choose who we fall in love with and yes I agree that my teenage son that I have brought up well needs to have good role models around him. I also know that all indications on this guy are just not potraying anything positive. But love can make su do stupid things sometimes and unfortunately that is the point where I am at!

I will keep praying because I know this guy and I know that this has nothing to do with bias towards a Nigerian woman. It is just a girl that will stop at nothing to always hang on to him. When he was still married to his second wife she was having a relationship with him. He left Lagos and her to go back to his family and she waited for him after his divorce. So I think she either has a hold on him or he has a weakness for her being the mistress that he bounces back to when things do not work out. That is why the family do not have an affinity towards her.

I will try and be patient and yes if it does not work out I will move on with my life. I genuinely love this guy and I am an independent and successful professional woman who can look after myself but I guess this is the one man in my life I am willing to do anything for and I do behave like a typical woman when I am with him, looking after him and taking care of him just like all God fearing women do.

Thanks for all the advise. I am really going crazy over his silent treatment. I have tried to call so that we can tak. He will not respond. I have sent emails.

He says that he opened his heart and trusted me and then I went into his mail and he feels that he does not know how we can move from that. He says that he went through hell in his last marriage and I have been told about what a hterror the ex-wife was and he says that he has developed a mecahanism to shut down when gets disappointed and he feels that I have disappointed him. I understand that but I think he knows what a calm and gentle person I am and that I love him deeply.

I know this situation looks hopeless but I love him and am willing to do all it takes to show him my genuiness and I am frustrated at how an intelligent mature man who is nearly 50 can not see that this girl is just manipulating him.

Or is there something wrong with me?

Thanks for responding! I really have no justification for what I did going through his mail but see, what happened is last year when I started communicating with my boyfriend this girl went into his phone and computer and got all my details and that is how she started calling me and telling me that how he was her husband etc. When I went to visit that is when I found out that even after my boyfriend claimed they had broken up she kept coming by using excuses to stay over and she kept calling him and texting him etc and he claimed they were just friends so i started nit trusting him and when I got into his mail I saw all the mails she was still begging him to take her back and quoting my name that I was lying about her calling me. But what pained me was that he never told me all this.

I do not keep any secrets from him and yes I know that I had no right going into his mail and I apologised and one of his sisters also begged him to forgive me because distance was playing its part in me getting frustrated. But I do not understand why after all we have been through he is not willing to give me another chance and is instead connecting with her publicly on social networks and totally ignoring my calls!

I am an African woman living in Europe and in love with a Nigerian man please advise me. I met my boyfriend at college in Europe and it was love at first sight and we dated all the while he was there. He was a senior and left 2 years before me. A few months before he left he broke up with me. I was heartbroken. A year later we got back and I flew to Nigeria to visit him while he was doing his national service. I met his mom and sister. I went back to University after my 3 week vacation and a few months later graduated and went back home. We stayed in touch and he moved to Europe and the plan was for me to join him in UK even though I started working while he got himself started.

6 months later he stoped calling even though he had called me every day for the 6 months I was home. That was the second heartbreak and I married and had a son. I never stopped loving him. After 8 years in my marriage my husband had cancer and died and I was widowed and devoted my life to look after my son. I moved to Europe 2 years later with my son where we have been past 12 years.

Last year I found my Nigerian soul mate on social network and we reconnected and started talking where we discovered with still had strong feelings for each other, so we decided to give it another shot. He was honest enough to tell me he was in a relationship and had had 2 failed marriages and he said that maybe he never kept relationships because of how he had abandoned me.

I came to visit him for a month this year and his family welcomed me and they absolutely adore me and the feeling is mutual. Meanwhile his ex did not take their break up well, calling me to harass me and then asking to stay friends with him etc She is a Nigerian girl amost 20 years his juniour and not liked by the family btw she is a friend of his daughter.
This issue was a thorn in our relationship because I could not understand how he could be friends with soemone that was harassing me.

When I came back we were fine for 2 months planning for him to come over here and visit and planning our future. A month ago he changed his tune after he discovered that I had got into his mail. Yes iI know I was wrong but I asked for forgiveness and he was ok and said I should never do ot again but she has calling him and mailing him and she convinced him that I made up all the stories about her calling me and he feels he cannot trust me anymore. Recently he reconnected with her on the social network he had agreed to removve her and I am devastated.

He will not answer my calls and respond to my mails. But the twist is that the whole family have asked me to exercise patience and his mom says that she will talk to him she knows him and he will come back and that I should not worry and that he told her twice that it is me he wants to marry and therfeore I should be patient.

What should I do when he is not talking to me. I am a praying woman but should I have any hope if he is refusing to talk to me. I have insulted him on mail for going back to this girl and that was not a wise thing to do but I am frustrated because he will not tslk to me even though he has told his family he needs time to think.

Please help I love him!