It has been a while...
I wasnt wrong with my fears, he indeed had a traditional marriage organised... He even took me to their family (of course she wasnt around), thinking I wouldn't know who they are... Well, after all this and much more I finally made the decision to leave. It was the best decision ever made...Thanks for all your answers. Have a great time.

I didnt force myself on him..When we had arguments and he wanted to run I convinced him to stay, yes, but I dont think thats forcing myself on him. He was the one who asked whether I would marry him...
I hope he loves me and I believe he does, but maybe not to the extend I love him..We both have different stories. But if he actually marries a second wife for whatever reason that would make me to be useless and since I cant agree on that it would be a big disrespect to me with which I couldnt live. There might be people who can be polygamous, but I am not among it would hurt me too much to know Im not wife enough for my husband.

Its not that he doesnt earn any money but it all goes to Nigeria Im the one paying house rent, food, health insurance.... if we stay together thats fine because the house in Nigeria is something I will surely enjoy and he did a big part of it too..
Maybe I just allowed my fear to make me believe this, I dont know. If I KNEW it was true I wouldnt be here...I would leave him as I always told him when he joked (?) About having a second wife. I would love to be that white woman living in the village.. I love him and I love his roots. As I said we actually planned to live in Nigeria when I finished training.. All these things I heard him talking on phone simply got me afraid whether I am not risking far too much if what I suspect is true..
After his health issues (several heart attacks) I simply became aware of how short life can be and I told myself it was the best to give him all I can because if I didnt I would regrett it if something happened to him.. maybe it was stupid, but if you are always cheated when opening your heart to someone to the fullest what would life b all about. Can it be wrong to love that strong? Yes, you risky for someone to tear your heart into pieces if the person does not value that love..
I wish Im the one going crazy imagining things that are not happening...

Thank you so much for your help. Guess you are right I caused all of this in a way...Always wanted to be good, wanted him to feel fine, never imagined that it is possible to see all of that and still do bad to the person that gives you everything...
I know I can make it on my own but always wished for a family, always wished for my children to grow up in a happy marriage..Knowing finances wont b my problem helps, but giving up the wonderfull future I imagined for my family hurts really bad. Also all the money I ever saved went into our house in Nigeria, if I did this for a woman who steals my husband it will painfull..Still having the hope of it all being my fantasies..
I wont take any action before I am sure but I am quite sure he wouldnt tell me the truth..then how will I find out? If he does that I want to find out in time..Now Im still young having a lot of opportunities..I wouldnt want to look back at my life thinking I invested everything into lies..
I am hoping so much Im only raising fallse alarm for missunderstanding...
Had an idea..Will tell my husband I had a nightmare of him marrying another woman..the father of the woman demanded a lot as dowry..Then Ill tell him that I left him.Later on he called me to tell me his wife was treating him bad and he wanted to come back. Some days later I heard something bad happened to him...
After Ill ask him to promiss me he'd never marry a second wife...
I wish that could change his mind/hope it can stop things before its too late..Guess I am lost already...
Off course I am praying as well! I cant imagine that my dream come true with the husband I love and our wonderfull little baby could end here...

Had an idea..Will tell my husband I had a nightmare of him marrying another woman..the father of the woman demanded a lot as dowry..Then Ill tell him that I left him.Later on he called me to tell me his wife was treating him bad and he wanted to come back. Some days later I heard something bad happened to him...
After Ill ask him to promiss me he'd never marry a second wife...
I wish that could change his mind/hope it can stop things before its too late..Guess I am lost already...
Off course I am praying as well! I cant imagine that my dream come true with the husband I love and our wonderfull little baby could end here...

Its not like he doesnt see I am good to him.He talks good about me and how I show him my love to people on telephone..He even gave that girl example of how I am showing him love...

How do I make him realise that losing me is what he would regret? (I dont think the new wife marries him for love, but money and what he makes people believe about who he is here is far away from truth..in fact I am t one paying all the bills here...)

What if I confront him and he simply ignores me/gets angry or tells me a stupid lie of it being somebody else?

Id love to cook for my husband but he is being so complicated anytime I cooked for him and didnt even taste it..For example I prepared MMoimoiwhich took me very long and he didnt try it...
Somehow I dont have the power to control him..Anytime I confront him he either gives a stupid excuse which makes me look silly or gets mad at me..
There was a time I saw picture of naked women on his camera and confronted him.Eventually I ended up begging him for peace! So there was a time I found a condom and apacket of condoms in his lugagge.What I did was to write a little note and put a picture of myself telling him I love him..Hoping hed stop everything when remembering it would hurt him.I didnt want to take away the condom because I was afraid he might do something without which would b worse..
How can I have astrong hand on him and how will I confront him with my fear. How could such marriage b stopped? Is there a way back after such traditional marriage?
I am afraid of trouble because I saw my husband dying 3 times and I am too afraid of something happening to him and we are not in peace.
Why accepting that culture? He is not even honest with me if he actually wants to marry...?

First of all, please don't call me mad. I am not the jealous type at all.

Well let me tell you my story: I am a Swiss married to an Igbo man since 3 years, we met almost ten years ago and my husband already had residence permit when he married. I love my husband with everything I am, I try everything to be a good wife. This year we got our first child, a wonderful baby boy. We've been to Nigeria several times, also in the village and we are actually planning to go and live there when I finished my training here.

Since I got pregnant my husband showed no interest again in touching me. Even before then he stopped sleeping in our bed.

When I was pregnant he often went out to make phone calls in his car, giving different excuses, sometimes he stayed there till 4 AM! I found out he was talking to a girl and the mother. I also found out my husband was trying to have telephone sex with her, but since she is a christian she refused. (He still had telephone sex with other girls, telling them to use their hand on themselves, thinking I didnt hear the Igbo..) So there was a day the girl called and asked where they will stay. He told her either here in Switzerland or in London. He also told her I wouldnt kill her. I asked him why I told her so, he just said because they are spending time on telephone.. which is a stupid excuse. I told him about my fear. His answer was : " since we know you've been fearing that, have I married another woman?" (So, he didnt say no..)

What also raises my fear: He always says to marry a white is stupid. He praises his friends who married in Nigeria while beeing married here. He once said, court marriage was not important, what counts was traditional marriage (we married in Nigeria but only court marriage). He likes to joke about marrying two more wifes. The other day I told him that was the only reason Id leave him. Later that evening he was joking about it to somebody.. There was a day I received an Email (my husband doesnt have his own email account) saying that his wife could come and look at one duplex. I told my husband and he was quick to call a girl to call that man before I called him to ask what that was all about. He used to speak hours to her on telephone and as well to his mother. She wrote also text messages that she misses him and no morning and evening passes without my husband getting SMS since about 8 months. ( I dont check his SMS because women could also use it to bring trouble, so an SMS wouldnt help me with truth...The one I told you about it was my husband telling me to read, when he was driving)

Also he keeps on telling people he spend 800'000 Naira on "that girl", which I dont know about. We were thining of bringing a girl here to take care of our boy and since one girl was unfriendly he told me about another girl, who has the same Igbo name like the other one... and later he asked again, why not her. (eventhough he complained about her before. Remember this is about taking car of our child, there shouldnt be any small problem with that person and there are millions offering to come here on behalf of that...)

So, this time around I know that some people went to the neighbouring state (the same state that girl came from) and that something is happening on Sunday. I heard my husband speaking to a girl on telephone telling her that he never saw people having to bring 33 of malt and Stout for wedding, but that her father told him so many, many times. He also said he was sorry, they had to bring a goat, but that if they are married and stay for long and she dies after a long life and many children they would bring a goat to her village for the burial.

So I asked my husbands niece what she was doing in that neighbouring state and she confirmed it was a wedding of a relation. I asked whether I know her and she answered I sould see her, when we come back.

We were thinking of bringing somebody here to take care of our boy while I am at work.

I cant stay with my husband if he marries another woman, I cant... I would do everything for him, really everything...

Please help me! This topic has been bothering me but it becomes a real emergency since it looks like the marriage is taking place on Sunday..I know people can marry traditionally without being there in person (one of our friends did so) What should I do against it? How will I find out the truth. If it is true, how can I stop it?

Please forgive me for mistrusting my husband, but all this secret phone calls and him no more being interested in touching me(I am slim like before pregnancy), him not answering me when I tell him I love him and the time he spends on telephone with one girl and the mother... He used to talk to girls and I didn't bother him, because I dont want to be the annoying wife, he used to send different girls money for school and I didn't stop him because of the same reason.

I am helpless and I dont want to start confronting people in Nigeria, because if it was not true it would make him look stupid... Also I cant speak to any friends here, because they'd only tell me to divorce my husband...