₦airaland Forum

Meestique: Monday..!

Plz explain hw it's monday

Abeg make una help me look diz riddle o
If yesterday was tomorrow ; today would have been a saturday....what day was that statement made?

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| ( =))¤
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___|_ laff wan hang me here

You got a babe's
number and you used
"chick"to store her
name. Is her Mum a
fowl?
You bought suya for
your woman, she ate
everything while you
just ate the onions. Are
you a vegetarian?
You are with your guy
but you are on your
phone talking to different
guys every five minutes,
yet you claim you are
not cheating on your
guy. My sister, are you
an MTN customer care
agent?
You ask a girl for what
she wants, she tells you
money and you are
angry. Were you
expecting her to say
wisdom and
understanding?
You took your girlfriend
to the club everyday,
then you married her
and you want her to
stop going to the club.
Were you expecting a
miracle?
Your girlfriend dumps
you for a rich man and
you call her a GOLD
DIGGER. but your sister
did the same to another
guy, yet you gave a
testimony in Church
saying,"Its the grace of
God."You are an
Hypocrite!
Your babe got F9 parallel
in WAEC, and she still
asking you for Brazilian
Hair of #150.000. Where
does she want to fix the
hair on?
You have 8 tribal marks,
stretch marks is
scattered all ova your
body yet you still want a
tattoo. Are you a zebra?
You are 6 feet tall, but
you still wear 6 inches
high heels shoe. Do you
want to whisper to God?
You are snapping in
different type of cars, yet
you expect your man to
believe you are not
cheating. Are you a
mechanic?
You gather different girls
picture on your phone
and yet you expect your
girl to believe you are
not cheating. Are you a
digital photographer?
He gave you an
engagement ring for
over five years, but he
hasn't married you yet.
My dear, are you the
lord of the rings?
You pay your babe's
university school fees
and yet you have not
written JAMB. Are you
part of the scholarship
board?
You are 18 years and
your sugar daddy is 70
years old and you are
calling him BABY. My
sister, he should be your
ANCESTOR!
Your babe is licking ice
cream and you're
drinking pure water. Are
you diabetic?
You read all of this and
yet you thumb it down?
Are you Boko Haram?
You can add other
examples in the
comment box below.
Some funny crazy things
.

Every year, thousands of girls compete in various
beauty pageants across Nigeria. While the organisers
may believe that they are helping our girls to feel
“beautiful,” they are also in many other ways causing
significant damage to the self-esteem and body
perception of other girls.
The girl who won may feel as beautiful as the prettiest
woman ever created, but what about the girls who
didn’t win? How do they feel?
I spoke with some past contestants of one of the
pageants (the girls that didn’t win) and
asked them why they think they didn’t win, and this is
what some of them said:
“Because I wasn’t pretty enough,” “Because the
organisers didn’t like me,” “Because it is a racket
and who knows what she has offered,” etc.
Things like this inspire jealousy, low self-esteem, and
other self destructive behaviors such as self isolation,
social anxiety, eating disorder, drug abuse, personality
disorder, bitterness and social phobia among our girls.
Beauty pageants in Nigeria should be sanctioned.
Where do we draw the line between “beauty pageant”
and “prostitution?”
These pageant organisers and agencies are doing
nothing but exploiting our girls in order to make
money. You gather politicians and paedophiles to watch
girls in G-strings and bikinis wriggling their waists all in
the name of making a show for TV. Are the contestants
always meant to lie about their beliefs and relationship
status in order to get a good score? Have we totally lost
sight of what is morally right and wrong?
Beauty contests seem pointless to me. To tell a woman
to submit to someone else’s definition of beauty is
crazy. Isn’t it bad enough seeing young Nigerian girls
forcing eating disorders on themselves just to be
perceived as prettier?
‘I am so fat and it is just not healthy’ has become the
chorus of every girl on the street. Parents have become
very competitive trying to make their daughters more
beautiful than their neighbours’ by forcing their
children to make unnecessary adjustments to their
bodies to look better than their peers. Now we see six-
year-olds having hair extensions, permanent mascara
and waxed eyebrows. Do these children really need to
be exposed to such things to know that they are
beautiful?
The society needs to protect the children from the sick
idea of assembling girls in camps and tasking them
with over-sexualised dance routines. Sincerely, what is
the moral behind these beauty pageant shows? How
have they helped the society in general? With sports,
we can talk about mental discipline, fitness and
advance body control. For all the money that beauty
pageants cost to organise, is it really worth it? Of all the
things you could expose our girls to, are pageants
really the best thing out there?
Women have always demanded respect from men. Not
only should they demand it, I think they deserve it. But
why make them scamper around in G-strings and
bikinis showing off their bodies, knowing that men are
going to go “gaga” and lick their lips. I don’t want to
sound disrespectful, but can you blame the men? Men
will always be men. We can’t change our nature, but
you know what we can change. We can change the fact
that our women are naked and competing to be “the
most beautiful in the world.” We shouldn’t endorse
beauty contest because it brings money to some
people. I believe that there are still a handful of women
out there that share the sentiment that beauty contests
are wrong and give men the wrong idea of what a “true
wife” looks like.

$470 million dollars ke...naija ever failing..the cameras are so dead that people get rapedd infront of d cctv itself

It was a pity nairaland was hacked by some bad belle people...buh I was shocked wen I saw that nairaland iz that popular that wikipedia followed it shut down story..
See for urself. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nairaland

Governor Oshiomole has again put smile on the face of
another person, found hawking in Edo state.
Stella Dimokokorkus reports it exclusively below:
Yesterday Tuesday January 7,2014 at New benin
by Total fuel station in Benin City,Gov Adams
Oshiomole and his entourage were passing by and
as usual,he was on foot while his cars were on the
move.
Some little children hawking (with their goods on
their heads) saw him and began running for their
lives but a little girl hawking Plantain chips stood
still because she was perhaps too sacred to run
Gov Oshiomole got to where this little girl was
standing,looked at her and as everyone stood still
and watched the outcome,he brought out his pen
and wrote her a 1million naira cheque and threw
her plantain chips into the air and people began
catching them to eat.. Lol.
This story is real and you can take it to the bank.
Instead of telling her to go and die, he gave her
one million naira cheque to go and live!
Good Job Baba!

[img]http://4.bp..com/-DeacS_ABjV8/Usrad3zlXuI/AAAAAAACYf4/VnRqJXZuUWA/s1600/Untitled2.png[/img]

[img]http://3.bp..com/-0Zc-EEAFMvM/UsrZv2a8fYI/AAAAAAACYfo/6nRstMF_sww/s1600/judee.png[/img]
Those are real guns and bullets, yeah? The music video
director shared the pic on his instagram page

Human body parts fell from the sky today in the Saudi city of
Jeddah.
And according to police, they could be the remains of
someone trapped in an aircraft's undercarriage bay.
Eyewitnesses had called the police to report the fall of human
remains in their area - an intersection in Mushrefa
neighbourhood" in the Red Sea city.
And indications were that the remains "fell from a plane's
landing gear.
In a desperate attempt to cross borders, stowaways at poorly
monitored airports climb inside the bays housing aircraft
landing gears.
Most of them freeze to death once the aircraft reaches cruising
altitude, though some survive.
Share 0

Ewwwwww...yuck wat a view to start the mornin with...buh that doesn't mean nigga will stop drugs










THINGZ. TIME ENDZ(I didn't say it o)

The young brazilian man is so eager to become
a Dog before his next coming after death *fairy
tale* or probably trying to break the Guinness
Book of World Record as the World dumbest
Dogman/Mandog..
The brazilian went as far as paying
surgeons to transform his face to that of a
Dog through plastic surgery.
According the brazilian dude, he said his
main intention was to make a world
record by becoming the first Dogman in
the world at large. But come to think of
this, does this act of his make any sense
*just thinking out loud here*
This is really weird, More photos for the
benefit of those who are in doubt

It's now obvious that UEFA wants an el-classico final
The same thing happened last year buh chelsea and bayern spoilt their plan
What do you guys think?

Politics is involve in diz uefa...dey jux want an el-classico final

Barca to face bayern munich as Madrid fight it out with Dortmund
While Chelsea faces Basel and fenerbahce. Vs Benfica..

Bayern Munich will
face Barcelona in the semi-
finals of the Champions
League, while Real Madrid
have been paired with
Borussia Dortmund.
The Bavarians have claimed
the continent’s top prize on
four previous occasions and
are desperate to atone for
defeat in last year’s tournament decider against
Chelsea.
However, to do so they will have to go through
Barca, who are seeking their third Champions
League title in five seasons. The two sides will
first meet at the Allianz Arena before locking
horns again in Catalunya a week later.
The other semi-final sees Madrid renew
hostilities with Dortmund, whom they faced in
this year's group stages, Jurgen Klopp's men
upsetting losBlancos at Signal Iduna Park in
October before picking up a precious point at
the Santiago Bernabeu just a couple of weeks
later.
However, los Blancos, who will host the second
leg, are bidding for their 10th European Cup,
while boss Jose Mourinho is hoping to became
the first coach to lift the trophy with three
different clubs, having previously prevailed with
Porto and Inter.
Dortmund have made just one previous
appearance in the final, in 1997, when they upset
Juventus in Munich.
The first legs will be played on April 23 and 24,
with the return fixtures to come on April 30 and
May 1. The final, meanwhile, will take place at
Wembley on May 25, with the winner of
Dortmund's meeting with Madrid having being
designated as the 'home' team during Friday's
draw in Nyon.

Pandemonium broke out,
yesterday, on Daleko bridge, in Mushin Local
Government Area of Lagos State, after a
foreigner was allegedly shot dead by a yet to
be identified policeman in uniform.
There were, however, different accounts as
to how the deceased, identified as Santos
Korie, was killed.
A version said the foreigner was driving in a
Toyota Highlander vehicle at about 7a.m,
when he was allegedly intercepted by some
policemen, who were in a commercial bus, on
the bridge.
An argument reportedly ensued as the
policemen were said to have demanded
Santo’s documents, with a view to
ascertaining whether he was an illegal alien.
Then all of a sudden, there was a gun shot
from one of the policemen, which killed the
foreigner.
Another account had it that the men in police
uniform could have trailed the foreigner to
the bridge, as they reportedly opened fire on
him at close range on getting to the bridge.
The gun shot was said to have jeopardize
motorists and traders’ movement, as they
reportedly fled in different directions for
safety.
A truck pusher who simply identified himself
as Eugene, told Vanguard that men in police
uniform usually patrolled the area, extorting
money from gullible motorists.
Eugene who claimed to be returning from
where he had offloaded some bags of rice
around Isolo, said the policemen zoomed off
immediately they fired the shot.
He disclosed that one of them attempted to
take something from the foreigner’svehicle
but was ordered otherwise by his colleagues.
Eugene said: “Even after they left, the man
inside the car was still breathing. If he had
been rushed to the hospital at that time,
perhaps, he would have survived. Nobody
could even go near him anyway, until some
policemen came and took him and the car
away.
“This is not the first time policemen are seen
operating in commercial buses in Lagos. Most
times, they come to raid. At other times,
they stop vehicles and even okadas. Nobody
knows what happened that led to the killing
of the man.”
Police react
While most eye witnesses claimed the killers
were policemen on illegal duty, the Lagos
State Police Command, in a swift reaction,
debunked the claim, saying the killers could
be gunmen who usually operated in police
uniform.
The command in a statement signed by its
spokesperson, Ngozi Braide, noted: “In
recent times, gunmen operating in military
and police uniforms have been involved in one
violent crime or the other and the Lagos
State Command is not leaving any stone
unturned in dealing decisively with any fake
uniformed officer.”
It was not immediately ascertained whether
the gunmen were hired killers in police
uniform or real Police Officers.
Meantime, some arrests have been made and
the suspects are currently being detained at
the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) for
interrogation.
“Following this ugly incident, the
Commissioner of Police, Lagos State
Command, Mr. Umar Manko has ordered
that the gunmen must be fished out with a
view to knowing their identities, particularly
as they were alleged to have operated in
Police uniforms.”
“The Commissioner of Police hereby appeals
to members of the public and especially the
victim family to remain calm and embrace
peace as the perpetrators of this dastardly
act must be brought to book”, Braide said. SOURCE:http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/04/policeman-allegedly-shoots-foreigner-to-death-in-lagos/

SaharaReporters has learned that Dr. Chudi
Nwike, the former Deputy Governor of
Anambra State who was kidnapped on March
19, has been killed by his kidnappers who
had demanded a N30 million ransom and
actually collected a negotiated amount.
The Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN) said
that the body was identified at the Agbor
Police Station in Delta State by the Anambra
State Chairman of the party), Chief Amaechi
Obidike, State Secretary Barr Emeka Ibe, and
the victim's brother, Dr.Bufo Nwike.
The statement noted that the family had
negotiated and paid a ransom prior to the
discovery of the body, Bufo Nwike handling the
negotiations and arranging to pay to the
kidnappers N5million at an undisclosed location
in Delta State.
That ransom was in paid on April 5, but the
kidnappers, after collecting the money from
the courier, cut off all further communications.
The body was discovered thereafter.
"We are tremendously ashamed of the
circumstances of his death and wish we could
now erase from history that a former Deputy
Governor of a State in Nigeria died in this
manner," ACN said in the statement.
The party called on the security agencies, in
view of the fact that they did not succeed in
tracking down the abductors of the former
Deputy Governor while he lived, to "rise and
smash all obstacles on the way to unearthing
the abductors and killers of ACN's rare gem,
an embodiment of peace and knowledge."
Related News

Super hot Nigerian-international
model, Agbani Darego was spotted at
her younger sister wearing the below
dress which left her boobs spilling out.
Of course the outfit has sparked up lots of
negative comments on the social media, you get
to see comments like "Agbani what happened to
your boobs? Why are they sagging?
"Uneven boobs, bad boob job."
"Is that Agbani with her open breast?
Foolish! May be that is why her younger sister
got married before her."
Guys what do you think of her boobs? Do you
think that the people are being fair or not? Lol,
but really did Agbani Darego have to expose
that?!

Super hot Nigerian-international
model, Agbani Darego was spotted at
her younger sister wearing the below
dress which left her boobs spilling out.
Of course the outfit has sparked up lots of
negative comments on the social media, you get
to see comments like "Agbani what happened to
your boobs? Why are they sagging?
"Uneven boobs, bad boob job."
"Is that Agbani with her open breast?
Foolish! May be that is why her younger sister
got married before her."
Guys what do you think of her boobs? Do you
think that the people are being fair or not? Lol,
but really did Agbani Darego have to expose
that?!

Few pix of mine

Weird buh true

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in
1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in
1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in
1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in
1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain
seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil
rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the
White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary, Kennedy, warned him not
to go to the theatre.
Kennedy's secretary, Lincoln, warned him not
to go to Dallas.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was
born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was
born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three
names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in
a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught
in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before
their trials.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in
1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in
1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in
1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in
1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain
seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil
rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the
White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary, Kennedy, warned him not
to go to the theatre.
Kennedy's secretary, Lincoln, warned him not
to go to Dallas.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was
born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was
born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three
names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in
a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught
in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before
their trials.

Really a mystery...2 presido with d same fate

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in
1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in
1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in
1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in
1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain
seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil
rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the
White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary, Kennedy, warned him not
to go to the theatre.
Kennedy's secretary, Lincoln, warned him not
to go to Dallas.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was
born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was
born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three
names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in
a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught
in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before
their trials.

The former Chelsea star has made the move
to Turkey from Shanghai Shenhua after
months of speculation linking him with a move
away from the Chinese Super League
28 Jan 2013 18:17:00
Galatasaray have
announced the signing of
Didier Drogba from
Shanghai Shenhua on a
one-and-a-half-year
contract.
The Chelsea legend has
long been linked with a
return to Europe after
leaving Stamford Bridge for China in the
summer, and, despite rumours of interest from
Italy, the Turkish champions have won the race
for his signature.
"Big clubs can reach for higher targets with
bigger goals," the club's president Unal Aysal
commented on the deal.
"Drogba said that he was very happy to play for
a big club like Galatasaray in the future. Drogba
met our coach and decided to come to
Galatasaray."
On Twitter, Drogba told his PR company: "The
opportunity to play for this great club was an
offer that I could not turn down.
"I am looking forward to playing in the
Champions League again, against the best clubs
in Europe."
The Cote d'Ivoire icon will earn €2 million for
the remainder of the 2012-13 season, and €4m
for the duration of the 2013-14 campaign, with
an additional bonus of €15,000 for each match
he plays.
Both AC Milan and Juventus had been closely
linked with a January move for Drogba, but Gala
announced yesterday that they had opened talks
with the player.
He will link up with his new team-mates once
Cote d'Ivoire's involvement at the Africa Cup of
Nations ends.
Drogba is the second star name to move to the
Turk Telekom Arena this January, with Wesley
Sneijder making the switch from Inter to
Istanbul last week.
Source http://m.goal.com/x/en-gb/news/3708092

He was paid to do so

The Egyptian match official who
refereed Nigeria’s Group C game
against Zambia last Friday at the
Mbombela Stadium in Nelspruit, Gehad
Grisha will take no further part at the
2013 Afcon in South Africa.
Grisha awarded a highly controversial
penalty to Zambia late on in the game
leading to an angry reaction from the
Nigerian camp.
The Nigeria Football Federation
(NFF) subsequently dispatched a
strongly-warded protest to the
Confederation of African Football
(CAF).
CAF has ostensibly ruled in favour of
the NFF and Grisha has been sent home
from the Afcon.
An official of CAF confirmed the news
on Sunday.
‘He (Grsha) has been sent home. He will
have no further action at this Nations
Cup. His decisions did not tally with
best practices of the refereeing
profession and we would not allow
anyone to start re-writing the rules of
the game here‘, said the official.
Nigeria needs a win on Tuesday in
Rustenburg against Ethiopia to confirm
its place in the quarter finals of the
Afcon.

London - Chelsea on Friday announced that
they had signed Demba Ba from Newcastle
United, ending an 18-month spell at the
Magpies during which he helped them to fifth
spot in the English Premier League last
season.
The west London club said that the 27-year-
old had joined on a three-and-a-half year
contract for an undisclosed fee and would be
eligible to play in the Blues' FA Cup third-
round match against Southampton on
Saturday.
"It feels good to be here, I'm very happy and
very proud,' the France-born Senegal
international was quoted as saying on
chelseafc.com.
"It was important for me, and for
Newcastle, to get my future sorted and now
we can move on. Now they have the whole
month to buy someone and for me as well, the
sooner the better. Now I am here I just need
to get settled in.
"When the club who won the Champions
League wants you, the decision is very easy.
This club is massive and that's something
that helped the decision a lot. It was not a
hard one."
Newcastle confirmed this week that they
had given permission to approach the player
after meeting the £7 million asking price
that triggered a release clause in his
contract.
Ba, who moved to Tyneside in 2011, was
subsequently withdrawn from manager Alan
Pardew's squad for the 2-1 Premier League
loss at home to Everton on Wednesday
evening that did little to ease the injury-hit
northeast England club's woes.
Chelsea's interim manager Rafael Benitez has
made no secret of his search for extra
options up front and with 16 league goals in
his debut season and his current total this
year at 13, Ba could provide that extra bite.
Ba made his name during a prolific four-year
spell with German club Hoffenheim and
joined east London side West Ham United in
January 2011 after a proposed move to
Stoke City collapsed due to a failed medical
examination.
He scored seven goals in 12 games for West
Ham but left to join Newcastle after the
Hammers were relegated at the end of the
2010-11 season.
Ba will also be eligible to play in Chelsea's
league cup semi-final against Swansea but is
ruled out of the Europa League as he has
played in the competition for Newcastle.
Source:http://m.news24.com/sport24/Soccer/EnglishPremiership/Demba-Ba-signs-for-Chelsea-20130105

A man and his son were in a bus wen suddenly the bus had an accident the boy's father died immediately but the boy survived but with serious injuries
he was rushed to the hospital,to d surprise of d nurse the doctor was shiverin wen treatin him wen the nurses asked why the Doctor was shivering the doctor said it's because the boy i am treating is my son' hw is dat possible?