The A/C hummed in the background while i nodded helplessly, as i snoozed off in the Bus on my way to Iyana-Ipaja, I was wearing an old white shirt, lost all its brightness, well, i got it for a Viva back in medical school, on a pair of Cream Chinos, a senior colleague at the hospital where i worked joked that i looked like the Physiotherapist who came around usually in the evenings, with a brief smile and a greeting. It had been a long day. As the Bus approached Iyana-Ipaja, i arose from my slumber, the man seated next to me had already alighted off the bus exposing, my amateur napping to the other passengers. Clutching my Blackberry, i cleared my head, looked out the window, good i left work early i mused, there was no buzy lagos traffic today, checked my phone, a few messages, no need to comment. Ah, the bus stop.


So now, to take another connecting Bus to Abule-Egba, i strolled ahead to the distal end of the Bus-stop. a white volkswagen Bus came along, it had blue stripes, like an Ibadan commuter bus, no conductor, but Jupiter's Cockerel...a Female Driver!!! Ah, ''This Lagos sha'', i pondered, looking away to get an alternative, but then i thought, what the heck!!! So i jumped in.


Now, Iyana-Ipaja to Abule-Egba is usually a 10minute drive, maybe 6 minutes in your own Car, but much longer when there's traffic. The Road is fairly good, you could drive with poor headlamps at night and not bother about port-holes, the initial segment of the trip sloped downhill, so most bus drivers enjoyed roller coasting downhill at full throttle until they plateaued out at a portion of the trip known as ''Pleasure''...How Ironic!!!


As i boarded the Bus, i couldn't help but notice how amused the other Passengers were and even helped call out destinations and bus-fares, i even thought the passenger seated next to her was her Husband and was just giving his Wife a Joy Ride, an idea only extinguished when he alighted at ''Pleasure!!!''


The Driver kept calling her Destinations enthusiastically, she obviously enjoyed the attention she was receiving as people stared in dis-belief at her, a Bus-park Extortioner came along to tax her, but she ignored him and the passengers mumbled that he ought to be ashamed of himself, a man shouldn't be collecting money from a woman!!! Gender tagging i'd say!


So, bus full, we set out, after passengers helped her watch the sides as she maneuvered her way out of the Bus stop. However, the usual Roller-coasting was absent, as the usual Chauvinistic Bus driving swagger was absent and the passengers seemed expectant. She asked for her fares Row by Row, and Drama, part one started when she contested her Bus fare with one of her female passengers as they haggled a 20 naira fare difference, in the wake of 2 Trailers overtaking, as she suddenly promptly came to a halt, just before Pleasure bus-stop and did not resume the trip till the matter was settled, only resolved by another passenger, a man, volunteering to pay the 20 naira difference!


So we set out, next stop, Pleasure Bus-stop then a Gas station just after Pleasure. In the station, She brought out her Bag, so big, searched for duplicate keys to the fuel tank, whilst the engine was still running. ''Mummy, e pa ina motor yii n'' said the fuel attendant, as the woman looked like she was multi-tasking or just mentally distant. Was all this rocket science i thought?


Next stop, Ile-Epo bus stop, picked two passengers...who eagerly dived into the bus at a seemingly charitable bus fare, an old man in another bus had even exclaimed,''yeeeh'', almost squeezing out through the window of his bus to get into African Mary Poppins's bus!!! The Passengers chuckled at the occurrence, the lady in contest above, seated next to me, was quiet now, although, a few minutes earlier, a man behind me, nearly swore that the Driver was actually in the wrong! Then the Driver, sarcastically retorted that this Passenger faring business required attention, else if she calls her fare 50 naira, the passengers would say its 20 naira and then Pandora's box was open, as all assortments of abuses we're rendered back and forth for over 5 minutes by the Driver and the lady next to me, initially, some male passengers tried to pacify the women, but i guess, it got amusing and everybody just kept quiet, listening.


My Yoruba isn't so good, so can't post any of the abuses, but i brushed up on some new Abuses. And so the abuses went on till i alighted at my bus-stop and wondered, it's most certainly not a woman's job, to drive a Danfo Bus....february 2011.