I wish I could say that we are parting and taking our memories with us
I wish I had the chance to…
Hold your hand
Laugh at our jokes
Tease your single dimple
Run my hand through your hair
Look into your eyes
Pick up a quarrel with you
Walk with you
Talk with you
I wish I had been with you when we had the time
Oh God…. I wish I had kissed you…
But NO….. it didn’t happen
As sure as the almighty sits on his throne
So is time that passes us by….
It goes and is gone….
Taking with it…
Happiness and sadness
Pride and prejudice
Love and hate
Beginnings and endings
And all we ever have the chance to feel in this life
Seconds ticked away and became minutes
Minutes became hours
Hours… Days
Days to weeks…
Now time has come and gone
We are parting….. But we were never really together…
its like being a part of something dat neva was....
I wish you the best in all your ways….
The tears don’t come…
My heart… remains in its place fat and happy….
It cannot be broken by you because we have….
NO MEMORIES

enix2dmix: I wish I could say that we are parting and taking our memories with us
I wish I had the chance to…
Hold your hand
Laugh at our jokes
Tease your single dimple
Run my hand through your hair
Look into your eyes
Pick up a quarrel with you
Walk with you
Talk with you
I wish I had been with you when we had the time
Oh God…. I wish I had kissed you…
But NO….. it didn’t happen
As sure as the almighty sits on his throne
So is time that passes us by….
It goes and is gone….
Taking with it…
Happiness and sadness
Pride and prejudice
Love and hate
Beginnings and endings
And all we ever have the chance to feel in this life
Seconds ticked away and became minutes
Minutes became hours
Hours… Days
Days to weeks…
Now time has come and gone
We are parting….. But we were never really together…
its like being a part of something dat neva was....
I wish you the best in all your ways….
The tears don’t come…
My heart… remains in its place fat and happy….
It cannot be broken by you because we have….
NO MEMORIES

Poignant. The following are my thoughts.

* "cannot" in the third last line doesn't quite fit.

* The punctuation could be better. By extension, the ellipsis is overused.

* The tenses don't seem very coherent. I get the feeling that the time of parting is also the time jokes are or are to be laughed at.

* I get conflicting feelings about your piece. It's as if you're missing someone you don't want to miss and insisting that you don't miss them. That would have been beautiful if the poem had indicated honesty, that is, an appreciation that this is actually true.

thanks alot for that......you are very right and i think you really know your stuff. i got a lot of work to do so i can get better.