I heard one of the babies came out with a praying mat?

The title alone cracked me up! God forgive me

Kobojunkie:
I don't think you are understanding the message at all. Like I said there were probably cases of the women walking out but those cases, even to this day, are in the minority. A huge majority of the case during your great-grand mothers time, your grandmother's time, your mother's time and now your time remain of men walking out/abandoning the women to do it all. And when those women(no matter which generation) had those kids, they said "it takes two . . . " but at the end of the day, the one had to live and raise the kids alone.
That is just what it is.

We can debate right and wrong, and how much men should do, from today till tommorow . . however, the main is the one's most affected are the ones who ought to take more responsibility, and more control of the situation. Remember the saying . . once beaten, twice shy . . . that wisdom ought to apply at this point . .. the old excuse no more works as women who use it look and more like eejits, and that is why in most every society, the case of the single woman is being ignored more and more often than not. Why? because society is getting tired of that excuse . . . in the west and every you go.

Again, we can brawl over man and woman but at the end of the day . . .the woman is the one who makes the decision on whether to have a child or not, and so the responsibility falls more heavily on her shoulders to bring a child she is not ready for into the work or CLOSE HER LEGS so she does not commit a wicked act against a soul she is not able to care for.

The root of the problem comes way before conception happens. The problem starts from when the woman decides it is OK to open her leg one more time . . . that is when the decision to bring a soul into this world is made. However, the problem is when that soul comes in, more of the time she is not able to cater to it and society pays darely in most cases.

If mothers really loved their children as much as they seem to love their "MRS" status, they would do everything in their power to make sure that every one of those innocent souls would be best cared for . . . they would not even consider bringing any of those children into this world until they are sure they have enough money to care for them. What I see more of are people who think Children are accessories and care more about their "MRS"/"MAMA" status than they do those little souls.

It is inane to suggest that because family planning clinics are not around every corner in Nigeria, then woman should not be more responsible. Let me guess, is she also not responsible when she contracts an STD or HIV from the men she sleeps with? Let's please be realistic here. The reason why we call them adults is that we expect them to make more informed decisions whether their is a clinic next door of not. Every sisi out ther knows and has heard of even traditional ways of checking pregnancies so I don't what you are arguing.

I have gone through a couple of your posts/arguements and it seems you are "always" right...hmmmm. Chill out now

Kobojunkie:
I don't think you are understanding the message at all. Like I said there were probably cases of the women walking out but those cases, even to this day, are in the minority. A huge majority of the case during your great-grand mothers time, your grandmother's time, your mother's time and now your time remain of men walking out/abandoning the women to do it all. And when those women(no matter which generation) had those kids, they said "it takes two . . . " but at the end of the day, the one had to live and raise the kids alone.
That is just what it is.

Oh, I do get what you're saying. I get the message but I don't agree with you one bit.

Re: the bolded, that doesn't make it right! You of all people should know that just because the wrongs in society are ignored, doesn't mean they should be left to continue. People should speak up against it, not take sides with absconding fathers because they think, Oh, well, it's a man's world and that's just the way it is.

Kobojunkie: We can debate right and wrong, and how much men should do, from today till tommorow . . however, the main is the one's most affected are the ones who ought to take more responsibility, and more control of the situation. Remember the saying . . once beaten, twice shy . . . that wisdom ought to apply at this point . .. the old excuse no more works as women who use it look and more like eejits, and that is why in most every society, the case of the single woman is being ignored more and more often than not. Why? because society is getting tired of that excuse . . . in the west and every you go.

I disagree. You and I both know that in a situation such as this where the man deems himself the Alpha and Omega in his home, there is little the woman can do. When a certain breed of Nigerian men get it into their heads that they want a male son, come what may, there is little the woman can do about it. If she takes preventive measures, i.e contraceptives, she gets it in the neck from the man who (I sincerely believe) would think nothing of taking on another wife, and another, and another, until he gets his much coveted "heir". And if you want to use the analogy of our great-great-great grandmothers, they were in a polygamous setting weren't they? Did they have much choice over how many kids they had for the man? And were they not looked upon as failures if woe betide them - they couldn't produce sons?? So what exactly is your point here?

Kobojunkie: Again, we can brawl over man and woman but at the end of the day . . .the woman is the one who makes the decision on whether to have a child or not, and so the responsibility falls more heavily on her shoulders to bring a child she is not ready for into the work or CLOSE HER LEGS so she does not commit a wicked act against a soul she is not able to care for.

Wrong. In the Nigerian setting, hahah! The only choice a woman such as that has / had is / was to keep opening her legs as wide as possible for the man to deposit his little swimmers. I'll give you an example. Whilst at uni, a friend of my room mate came in to give us the tale of one "Chinwe" who had the society wedding and envy of all. However, when "Chinwe" gave birth to a girl 9 months later, the hubby refused to come visit mother and child at the hospital. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the next time my roomie's friend went to go visit "Chinwe", she noticed "Chinwe" had been beaten black and blue. Why? Because the hubby wanted her to try "again" for another child, preferably a male this time, just 2 weeks after she had given birth. Now tell me Kobo, this was a university pharmaceutical graduate. Did she really have any choice in this matter other than to spread her legz wide open for her ape of a husband??

Kobojunkie: The root of the problem comes way before conception happens. [b]The problem starts from when the woman decides it is OK to open her leg one more time . . . [/b]that is when the decision to bring a soul into this world is made. However, the problem is when that soul comes in, more of the time she is not able to cater to it and society pays darely in most cases.

And I've just explained to you why the woman may not have any choice here but to do as the man wishes - unless of course, she wants a divorce??

Kobojunkie: If mothers really loved their children as much as they claim to love their "MRS" status, they would do everything in their power to make sure that every one of those innocent souls would be best cared for . . . they would not even consider bringing any of those children into this world until they are sure they have enough money to care for them. What I see more of are people who think Children are accessories and care more about their "MRS"/"MAMA" status than they do those little souls.

Prove it. Give me hard facts backed with well researched statistical data showing this is the case.

Kobojunkie: It is inane to suggest that because family planning clinics are not around every corner in Nigeria, then woman should not be more responsible. Let me guess, is she also not responsible when she contracts an STD or HIV from the men she sleeps with? Let's please be realistic here. The reason why we call them adults is that we expect them to make more informed decisions whether their is a clinic next door of not. Every sisi out ther knows and has heard of even traditional ways of checking pregnancies so I don't what you are arguing.

No it's not. Do you know that when I had my daughter a few months ago, before leaving the hospital, the doctors on their ward rounds made it a point to discuss contraceptive measures to all of us new mums?? Even though s/e/x was the last thing on our minds! This was followed up by my health visitor and my GP during my 6 week postnatal check up. So what are you talking about here??

What you could say here is this: despite all the measures, we still have one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancies - but that is a completely different thing to this matter on hand here. Re: STD / HIV, how can you even say that?? Have you not heard of cases where the faithful wife / husband contracts such from the cheating partner? We are discussing about a wedded couple here, not some boyfriend / girlfriend stuff Kobo.

codernoni :
I heard one of the babies came out with a praying mat?

Hey kid, this is family section!!!

eduson33: Hehe,maybe na mama put em run go
madam abeg,mix peper soup and beans,add okporoko and kpomo joing and spray some stew if posible.no time

Ki ni werey n ko so?

Efemena_xy:

Oh, I do get what you're saying. I get the message but I don't agree with you one bit.

Re: the bolded, that doesn't make it right! You of all people should know that just because the wrongs in society are ignored, doesn't mean they should be left to continue. People should speak up against it, not take sides with absconding fathers because they think, Oh, well, it's a man's world and that's just the way it is.



I disagree. You and I both know that in a situation such as this where the man deems himself the Alpha and Omega in his home, there is little the woman can do. When a certain breed of Nigerian men get it into their heads that they want a male son, come what may, there is little the woman can do about it. If she takes preventive measures, i.e contraceptives, she gets it in the neck from the man who (I sincerely believe) would think nothing of taking on another wife, and another, and another, until he gets his much coveted "heir". And if you want to use the analogy of our great-great-great grandmothers, they were in a polygamous setting weren't they? Did they have much choice over how many kids they had for the man? And were they not looked upon as failures if woe betide them - they couldn't produce sons?? So what exactly is your point here?



Wrong. In the Nigerian setting, hahah! The only choice a woman such as that has / had is / was to keep opening her legs as wide as possible for the man to deposit his little swimmers. I'll give you an example. Whilst at uni, a friend of my room mate came in to give us the tale of one "Chinwe" who had the society wedding and envy of all. However, when "Chinwe" gave birth to a girl 9 months later, the hubby refused to come visit mother and child at the hospital. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the next time my roomie's friend went to go visit "Chinwe", she noticed "Chinwe" had been beaten black and blue. Why? Because the hubby wanted her to try "again" for another child, preferably a male this time, just 2 weeks after she had given birth. Now tell me Kobo, this was a university pharmaceutical graduate. Did she really have any choice in this matter other than to spread her legz wide open for her ape of a husband??



And I've just explained to you why the woman may not have any choice here but to do as the man wishes - unless of course, she wants a divorce??

You can't win. Give up while you can

@Efemena_xy, I think I have exhausted all avenues here. It is Ok that you do not agree with me, and I don't expect everyone to. The way I prefer to go at problems is to pick the most meaningful solution, which to me is getting the woman to think about what they do when they open up their legs in their bid to "save their precious marriages".

To me, at the end of the day, the men-problem in Africa stems mostly from women raising men(in africa many of these men are raised by women and not the men) who have little or no respect for womenfolk, and the same women, choosing to have kids they are unable to cater adequately for, and train-properly, causing the cycle to continue endlessly.

Kobojunkie:

We have heard this story hundreds/thousands of times before now. I do have to ask why people are not addressing the obvious problems. The man living now does not mean he would not have left if she had not had the quads now. I mean honestly, women need to start re-focusing their minds a bit more.
She already had five kids living in the same cramped apartment. Why think of having another when she has yet to solve the problem of their living in that cramped apartment?

They both probably looking for a baby boy, remember first 5 children are girls. Mmtshewwwww

Remii:

They both probably looking for a baby boy, remember first 5 children are girls. Mmtshewwwww

That is not the point though and I think I have more explained the point I am making here.

maclatunji: Why do many men runaway when their wives have multiple births? A detailed research should be carried-out to find-out why and how such incidences can be reduced. It is not funny. Although, one can't help but laugh sometimes.

Do we need any form of research to know why ? NO, just poverty. simple

A-town:

You can't win. Give up while you can

It's got nothing to do with winning. I disagree with Kobo's point of view and I'm giving my reasons for disagreeing. My opinion.

Kobojunkie: @Efemena_xy, I think I have exhausted all avenues here. It is Ok that you do not agree with me, and I don't expect everyone to. The way I prefer to go at problems is to pick the most meaningful solution, which to me is getting the woman to think about what they do when they open up their legs in their bid to "save their precious marriages".

To me, at the end of the day, the men-problem in Africa stems mostly from women raising men(in africa many of these men are raised by women and not the men) who have little or no respect for womenfolk, and the same women, choosing to have kids they are unable to cater adequately for, and train-properly, causing the cycle to continue endlessly.

A child, when born is a blank slate. Children emulate what they see happening around them as they know no better.

A wife beater's children grow up thinking it's okay to beat up their spouse because they were brought up in a violent environment.

Children abused by perverts grow up doing the same to young kids because that's how they were brought up.

Same thing goes for a man who absconds his parental responsibilities a.k.a baby fathers. Their kids grow up doing the same, fathering kids as young teenagers because they know no better, never had a father figure to look up to whilst growing up. So yeah, the trend continues, but the man should take a whole heap of the blame here.

Since the govt were not to be blamed why does chinese govt authorized one child policy?


And also, in religious terms, abortion is a sin.... What if, this woman cried for abortion and her pastor said is a sin..

A boy and 8 girls = a daughter in-law and 8 sons in-laws £ € $ ¥ # :-D

Efemena_xy: A child, when born is a blank slate. Children emulate what they see happening around them as they know no better.

Agreed!

Efemena_xy:
A wife beater's children grow up thinking it's okay to beat up their spouse because they were brought up in a violent environment.

Now question, Is the wife in "wife beater" an imbec_cile? why does said wife not choose to ESCAPE for her children's sake, instead of staying back to "save" her marriage?

Efemena_xy:
Children abused by perverts grow up doing the same to young kids because that's how they were brought up.

But the mothers are still there in many of the cases, and are usually the only ones that can SAVE THOSE CHILDREN from the situation, but we know in many of the cases we hear of, these mothers choose instead to "save" their marriages and their "MRS" status. So we are again back to Mother's being responsible for the bulk of the sh1t!

Efemena_xy:
Same thing goes for a man who absconds his parental responsibilities a.k.a baby fathers. Their kids grow up doing the same, fathering kids as young teenagers because they know no better, never had a father figure to look up to whilst growing up. So yeah, the trend continues, but the man should take a whole heap of the blame here.

Kids are clean slates you can write and RE-WRITE on. If a father makes mistakes, the mother can, take that child out of that environment, and do her best to correct some of those mistakes that have been written on that slate. She may not be able to get it all but she, out of love, can get as much of it as she can, corrected. However, when she is busy with 9 kids instead of maybe 1 or 2, how can she do that effectively? How can she correct the problems when she is left busy to fend for and correct 9 children which she opened her legs for, when she should have been considering the fate of those that were already there?

Again, the society we live in seems to have this archaic picture of children being accessories than anything else. Not until mothers start to love their children more, will the situation change.

Abeg I hate hearing crap like dis! "Come to their aid"! When they were doing d deed, they didn't need aid abi?! Hubby a welder, wifey a tailor and I'm sure at most, they live in a 2 bed room, at worst "face me face u" apartment. And they had 5 kids! 5!!!!! And have d guts to "try again" for a male! I just don't get d mentality of d average Nigerian, especially d so called lower class. D economics of ur measuring standard of living is so damn easy, why can't they c it b4 their very eyes! Now they have 9, I hope she is happy with her blessed son of hers. As for d estranged hubby...I have no words! #bighiss#

Well congrats to her. iya baby.

Fleeing is part of the act.

If you don't flee, it means that you are capable of caring for all the children and hence, nobody will come to your aid.

When you flee, then you can draw attention to your plight.

It's all a psychological game.

Wonders shall never end,after five children...na wa o

good one. wish i was the one.

why e be say na poor people dey born community after them go say na God dey give pikin n na him go train am. JOB no dey naija o!!!!!

Kobojunkie:


Isn't it a tad re-tarded to conclude that anyone who asks you a question of what you post is the bitter/angry one? You don't seem to be able to support your own statements with anything near cohesive but you believe somehow that asking you serious questions amount to bitterness and anger on the part of the person asking?

Anywho, I really didn't expect much from someone who has so far tried to blame God and Government for the personal choice made by the woman in this case(a choice she does not deny at all). Minds like yours is why africa is where it remains really. Goodluck!

And with minds like urs, I gez we would have gone through civil war III.
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Creating a hill out of molehill....kinni mogbe, ki loju?
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Why dont u go shoot the woman, the man and the babies if u r so bitter for this unaccountable mistake!
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What the hell is wrong with u.....cant u read meaning to ''God that gives shall surely provide'' just like ''how does this affect the price of garri in the market'' has meaning.
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Or do u want me to say ''to hell with the dog and the bitch for giving birth to puppies''?
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Mr. Man....what makes u think that they cant take care of 5 children conveniently (based on family planning) as Ileke-Idi sarcastically mentioned also...they planned for 5, but becoming miraculously 8...what did u expect....u think sey e easy to even take full responsibilty of one child, let alone of the 3 unprepared and unplanned for.
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''God that gives shall surely provide''....simple.....and if u are not okay with my answer still....then go wear boxing gloves and ask God for a challenge!
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RUBBISH!
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And with people like.......well, let me just hang it there!

Bwahahahahhahaha

The man is a coward - what type of men are we breeding in Nigeria nowadays? My dad's generation were not cowards, these were men who went against all odds and never ran from nothing. What happened to the Nigerian 'bravehearts' of the past I hear about everyday? Poverty has destroyed the Nigerian mentality.

If he could cater for five children, nine children shouldn't be a problem. He just needs to step to the plate and step up his game. At the end of the day, his spermatozoa did the damage - he should just man-up and take charge.

And what's wrong with having the number of kids you want? People make me sick with their thought process - it's a free world, and anyone can give birth to the number of kids they want.

I'm pro-life!

I dont mean to be rude but this post had me laughing, although the story is far from funny. Well i hope someone comes to help or the hubby decides to be a man and come back and look after his responsibilities.

@topic

Like many poor Nigerians, the said man and his wife had already planned that the man take off should the babies exceed two. This they usually do so that the govt or any charity organisation can foot the necessary bills.

Now, as much as I know that the woman has more if not the full right to decide how and how many she reproduces, hence should take the chunk of the blame. The husband, the entire society and the government all should have a share of the blame.

Ileke-IdI:
The Government needs to show people what is obvious?

So the government needs to tell you that there is no water in a dry well?

Is it a crime if someone planned for 5kids, but being suddenly 8..what did u expect....abi na the man programme the 4 kids for there?
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And about the issue of people giving birth like ducks....thats illiteracy and with some factors involved.
Havent u heard about Islamizing by child bearing and reaering?
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Government indeed has a role to play Ileke!

Can someone explain the rationale between being poor,and having many children?despite most people who are poor,dont feed well,how come their s.per.m is able to fertilize egg,and rich that feeds well,always have low s.per.m count...the man ought to be arrested for causing population explosion#justjoking#.

Nuzo':
@topic

Like many poor Nigerians, the said man and his wife had already planned that the man take off should the babies exceed two. This they usually do so that the govt or any charity organisation can foot the necessary bills.

Now, as much as I know that the woman has more if not the full right to decide how and how many she reproduces, hence should take the chunk of the blame. The husband, the entire society and the government all should have a share of the blame.

Why should the entire society and government share the blame?