It's my honour to address this
august gathering of the United
Nations. I am equally delighted to
attend the first-ever High-Level
Plenary Session of the United
Nations on the Rule of Law, the
spirit of which was bequeathed to
me by my late boss, who passed
away on the 5th of May 2010. May
his gentle soul Rest in Peace, Amen.
Honourable Sec. Gen., first I must
commend you for coordinating the
affairs of the United Nations with
more than 190 members.
Managing affairs of this secretariat
is not an easy task. But compared
to my country – which is just a like
a forest – United Nations is like a
test tube. That is why it is difficult
to easily measure achievement in a
forest. Nonetheless, I will highlight
some of the achievements of my
administration.
Despite my commitment to rule of
law and equity, it may interest the
assembly to know that I am the
most criticised president our
country ever had. We have evolved
a number of policies with long-
term benefits, which people will
benefit in the future. But despite
this barrage of criticism, I remain
steadfast, doing what I know is
good for the country.
We are very close to reaching a
milestone, a point where
petroleum subsidy will be
completely withdrawn. Petroleum
subsidy removal is good for the
economy of our country, just as
cassava bread is good for our
health. That is the reason these
two issues become the thrust of
my agenda.
Our country is currently
submerging under flood waters.
While ordering Julius Burger to
clear the flood waters from the
roads, I also told my ministers that
the best way to address the issue
is for people to learn swimming
and diving. We will make this
compulsory for all our people in
order to reduce the perennial flood
deaths. I have already directed the
Federal Road Accident Corps to
immediately start issuing diver's
license to Nigerians who are
certified fit to swim and dive.
Those outside the creek, now have
opportunity to learn diving and get
license.
As I once said in one of my great
speeches, "The dream that any
Nigerian child from Kaura-Nomoda
to Duke village; from Potiscum to
Nsuka; from Isale-Iko to Gbocko
town will be able to realize his
God-given potentials, unhindered
by tribe or religion and
unrestricted by improvised political
inhibitions." Honourable Sec. Gen., I
still hold on to this belief.
The challenge of Boco Haram crisis
is coming to an end. I've already
decided to award Shekarau and
Abu Qaka a multi-million dollar
contract for the security of
churches, telecom masts and
schools in the North Delta region.
The same thing I did to my Naija
Delta militants. Currently, there's no
oil bunkering or pipeline vandalism
in the region. This is a good
example of rule of law. Alhaji Asara
and Mr Tampico have all benefitted.
Militant is not ahead of terrorist or
insurgent. We are treating them
the same in the spirit of Rule of
Law.
Mr Sec. Gen., this august assembly
should note that I am the most
impartial president my country
ever had. When I decorated a
business mogul Alhaji Alinco with
GGCON honor, Nigerians hailed me
because of his contribution to the
provision of employment
opportunities. That boy Alinco,
who Fordes magazines declared
the richest black African, is one of
the pillars that hold the collapsing
real sector of our economy. It's
surprising that some people
criticise me for being biased in
order rubbish our effort. This year
again, in the spirit of equity, I also
conferred another business man,
Mr Mic Adenooga.
The National honours award was
established by National Dishonour
Act No 5 of 1964. The act
empowers the president to
honour deserving citizens. Since
1963, a total of 4,426 merit
awards have been conferred on
Nigerians. I contributed 979 to this
number. This really is no mean
achievement even on the
international scale.
My dear colleagues, the world may
notice that I recently showered N5
million to each of our gold medalist
paralympians, just as I directed my
defence chief to give N200,000 to
the families of soldiers killed by
Boco Haram sect. I do this in the
spirit of equity.
Mr Sec. Gen., my fellow heads of
government, assembly men and
women, our country has four
major tribes today. We had three
major tribes before, but my
government increased the number
to four. We now have, in
alphabetical order, Ausa, Ejaw, Ibo
and Yoruba. This has never been
achieved by any government
before my administration. Hardly
anyone can tell which tribe
between Ejaw and Ausa is the
majority, or between Ibo and
Yoruba and vice versa.
On the planned introduction of
N5,000 note by the Central Bank,
many people were not even aware
that I even proposed a
denomination much higher than
5,000. My plan was to introduce
different notes for different
individuals. For example, I
proposed 620,000 notes for
Members of the House of Refs,
while the 5,000 can be used by the
general public. The logic behind my
proposition, which idle social
media critics vehemently rejected,
is to check corruption.
Our electoral commission under
Professor Dahiru Jaga-Jaga has
conducted the freest and fairest
election ever in the history of our
nation. Having won the election
with a landslide, the commission
deservedly declared me winner. We
gave them more than N80 billion
for the election and we are willing
to give them more money to
provide permanent voter's card. It
will interest this august assembly
to know that currently, Sierra
Leone is trained by Jaga-Jaga on
how to conduct election.
The securities and exchange
department under unassuming
amazon in person of Ms Rigima
Oteh is doing great job. The
market is appreciating by the day
as she rids the department of
corruption. She is embodiment of
transparency and rule of law.
As one of the future economies of
the world, I am glad to inform you
that our country is on the path of
economic growth. My coordinating
minister of the Economy Dr. Ojoro
Wahala is also doing great job.
While reiterating my government’s
commitment to Rule of Law, I will
however end my address with a
pertinent request to this august
assembly to consider our country
for a permanent seat at the
Security Council of United Corrupt
Nations.

Very funy.cant stop lafin

poster you try no be small

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Why?

This post has been EATEN!!!

Jokes are neva long.crap!!! Mtschew