Microsoft's Latest Venture News just in of Microsoft's latest venture:
Microsoft Corporation has taken another
step toward dominating every aspect of
American life with the introduction of
Contraceptive98, a suite of applications
designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-
peer connectivity and plug and play.
It believes these technologies will give it
substantial leverage in penetrating the
copulation enhancement market. The
product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and
the need for a firewall to ensure the non-
propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of
three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0
(from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy
of Intercourse
Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The
suite also comes in two expanded versions.
Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/
Server edition, for professionals in the
sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for
startups, aimed at the housewife and
gigolo niches.
While Contraceptive98 does not address
nontraditional copulatory channels, future
plug-ins are planned for next year. OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-
peer connection needs to install the
package.
At installation, the Condom98 software
checks for minimum hardware. If the user
meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently
scaleable to meet
most requirements. After installation,
operation commences. One precaution is
that the user must be sure they have
sufficient RAM to complete the session.
When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user
gets the message,
it is now safe to turn off your partner.
DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that
frequent failures were a major concern
during beta testing. General Protection
Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous
bugs, but most of these have been
eliminated. The product needs to be
installed each time its used.
CONCLUSION: Contraceptive98 is a robust
product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price
tag, and is far superior to its shareware
version. Hopefully, future releases (of the
software, that is) will add missing
functionality, such as Backout and Restore,
uninterruptible Power Supply and Onboard Camera.
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic that
"Our contraceptive products will help users
do to each other what we've been doing to
our customers for years."