Thank you all for your input

Pheww, finally thru!
You seem like a good girl and I think you are so naive.
What is with all these 'pastors' telling you stories, shaping your every thought process?
Your MiL may be a 'controlling' woman but you are already biased towards her and that can blurr your judgement.

What church does your fiance attend or rather, what church is wedding you?

Odunnu: Pheww, finally thru!
You seem like a good girl and I think you are so naive.
What is with all these 'pastors' telling you stories, shaping your every thought process?

i wanted to ask the same thing - my dear poster the marriage is between you and your future husband - please please do not place heavy reliance on pastors some have their own agenda's.

Thanks Odunnu, my fiance attends Redeem and so am I.

Thank you cotton101

I knw Pastors are involved, but right before they were involved, my fiance has had so many dreams about his mom that worries him alot. So the Pastor's input is just a plus thing...

To be honest, regardless of what the Pastors are saying I still want this woman....but the main issue at hand now is her changing the rules behind the engagement which is beyond my control as the elders in my family are not very pleased, they are saying that is not how engagement is done culturally and traditionally. Bearing in mind, this same woman had once mentioned to my fiancé that the engagement is normally done in the groom’s compound, I was like what on earth?

Hi I have not finished reading ur post will go back to it shortly but I would like to know in what form do you n ur pastors receive confirmation from God? This may not relate to ur post but if for example u know in ur heart ur partner is not the right one for u maybe they r abusive n all n ur pastor gets confirmation that says otherewise will you go ahead wit the marriage?

Finally done. Firstly it's not right for ur hubby to be to put this burden of his mother issue on u. U never mentioned his dad, why is she d one doing everything even if his dad is late his most senior uncle should be the one handling the engagement issues I Am partly yoruba n have a friend that is Yoruba n her father is late when she wanted to get married her inlaws gave d list to her mom which she promptly sent to her dads people.we Yoruba are too much of a people pleasers n ve seen marriages that don't last cos this always backfires. Your marriage is between u n ur partner.if his mother is not advices properly she will ruin it n it's all in the hands of ur man.

WHat ever u do...DONT LET HER HELP U BUY UR WEDDING RING.

Good luck

Does the Redeem church have anything against the traditional marriage list?

@ OP

I dont get it, from what you've said, your MIL is a terrible woman who doesn't even want to be there for your wedding (is I understood your totally confusing post). . .

My question is, why are you so bent on having her there

If she doesn't want to be there and her son doesnt want her there, what is your own problem

I think OD is right . . you really are naive!

Well, yes some churches don't like some items on the traditional lists and this is always substituted with money and a polite explanation of why you cannot provide these items yourself...
That being said, your mother-in-law cannot be in charge of the wedding...where are your fiance's paternal relatives? They should be in charge...if she doesn't want to be there, no need to force her

Thank you so much Airpure.

I prayed and fasted to God for conviction from God that he is the chosen one before we started dating and on three occasions I got the confirmation myself, he did the same also. But you know our Nigerian parents, if you tell them you have found someone, they will want to pray over it also which my mom did and she also got positive confirmations.

I know it’s not right for him to put this burden onto me but I appreciate it because he opened up to me who his mother truly is. As for the dad, d dad lives in Nigeria, so many times the children told their mother that when is she bringing their dad to the UK, she always tell them that she can’t bring him to UK because she doesn’t want their dad to come and be holding her down in UK. And since I have been dating my fiancé, I discovered the woman is not even bearing the husband’s surname, she has been using her dad’s name. And I also noticed that this woman always call the shorts, its whatever she says that must stand maybe because she’s always sending money to him so the poor man doesn’t have much say. I remember when the argument started in April when the mother said the wedding must hold in Lagos, my fiancé spoke to his dad, and to my surprise the dad said its whatever you mom wants that’s the final. Imagine that. My fiancé told me his mom is not on a good terms with her husband’s family mainly because she’s always calling the shorts and its whatever she says that stands. So on this issue, the dad does not have anything to say because of his mom.

@ Odunnu

The Redeem church doesn’t have anything against it. The woman was just saying because she goes to MFM so therefore somethings have to be removed from the list.

@ Ujujoan

I don’t see how my post is confusing, I tried to explain as much as I could.

I am not so bent on having her there, but for once, I don’t want any trouble especially with MIL, and also I don’t want to be blamed for something I didn’t do. For example, few months back, my fiancé came to visit me because I wasn’t feeling too well, his mom called him, he put his mom on speaker and she heard my voice at the background, so immediately the woman ask him where he is, and “he said I came to visit my fiancée”, the next thing she said is quoted “must you always go and visit her, that Seun has put your head under her, always controlling you” so already she has that negative mindset against me that I am controlling her son. And this is why I am trying to avoid her trouble and I don’t think there is anything wrong in that. I’m only trying to let peace reign. Like I said I’m not bent on having her there, I only just asked for people’s advice that what should I do and not to be criticize.

@ Enoquin

Please see the reply I wrote to Airpure about his relatives.

You know the reason why I am asking all this is that are there still people that do weddings without the parents there even though they are alive and kicking?

You are complaining that she has a negative mind about you yet you have "noticed" her controlling nature, said here that she doesn't use her husbands name, calls the shots and a whole lot of negatives about her. You both have negative feeelings about each other, too much gossip and issues between you all.
I normally don't get involved in issues when people use church to make decisions because Nigerians have spoilt Christainity. If you want to marry marry abeg, if you don't want then don't do it. You have seen all the negatives instead of painting a woman you are already biased against as she is of you decide that you either chicken out or stick with him and manage all these issues.
Sort it out, but in all this Pastor Said this Pastor said that don't one day tell your husband that his mother is bad, if he wants to talk let him talk the day you use your mouth to say that you have entered forever trouble

seunadegoke: @ Ujujoan

I don’t see how my post is confusing, I tried to explain as much as I could.

I am not so bent on having her there, but for once, I don’t want any trouble especially with MIL, and also I don’t want to be blamed for something I didn’t do. For example, few months back, my fiancé came to visit me because I wasn’t feeling too well, his mom called him, he put his mom on speaker and she heard my voice at the background, so immediately the woman ask him where he is, and “he said I came to visit my fiancée”, the next thing she said is quoted “must you always go and visit her, that Seun has put your head under her, always controlling you” so already she has that negative mindset against me that I am controlling her son. And this is why I am trying to avoid her trouble and I don’t think there is anything wrong in that. I’m only trying to let peace reign. Like I said I’m not bent on having her there, I only just asked for people’s advice that what should I do and not to be criticize.

Your post is very confusing and difficult to read!

You've not said a single positive thing about this your MIL to be, and yet you claim you want her at your wedding!

You claim she doesn't want to be there and your husband to be doesnt want her there, so how will it be your fault if she doesn't go How does the balme come to you if she doesn't show up Except you are not telling the full story sha . . .

Nobody's criticizing you, I just dont get what your problem is. Maybe you are one of those born again pretenders sha. If it were me, I'll be doing cartwheels that she's not coming; at least from what you've said about her!

Ujujoan:

Your post is very confusing and difficult to read!

You've not said a single positive thing about this your MIL to be, and yet you claim you want her at your wedding!

You claim she doesn't want to be there and your husband to be doesnt want her there, so how will it be your fault if she doesn't go How does the balme come to you if she doesn't show up Except you are not telling the full story sha . . .

Nobody's criticizing you, I just dont get what your problem is. Maybe you are one of those born again pretenders sha. If it were me, I'll be doing cartwheels that she's not coming; at least from what you've said about her!

GBAM!

Uju, I agree with the pretender comment, I am sure she is probably kneeling down every second doing "mummy mummy" while her head and heart is filled with so much negative thoughts towards the woman.
Poster, if you want to marry marry, if you don't want then don't, enough of the whinning, we won't call your mother in law a "witch", am sure that's what you want to hear

Ujujoan:

Your post is very confusing and difficult to read!

You've not said a single positive thing about this your MIL to be, and yet you claim you want her at your wedding!

You claim she doesn't want to be there and your husband to be doesnt want her there, so how will it be your fault if she doesn't go How does the balme come to you if she doesn't show up Except you are not telling the full story sha . . .

Nobody's criticizing you, I just dont get what your problem is. Maybe you are one of those born again pretenders sha. If it were me, I'll be doing cartwheels that she's not coming; at least from what you've said about her!

100% in agreement.
This is what the bible calls eyeservice, menpleasers. You know such a woman has a negative energy and you still want to pretend, so they will say you're a good girl. Nonsense and balderdash. Best advice my mum gave me for marriage - she said what you can't take in the night, you'd better not take it in the morning. If you are prepared to be the butt-licking bride now, no problem, but just get ready to do that for the rest of your married life.

Thank you all.

I understand everything u wrote, d woman is doing all dat to u to protect her son because she is scare, so dat u won't treat him d way she treated their dad(law of Kamal). Be more prayerful n be focus. Especially wen it comes to d time of conceiving so dat d woman will not b hindering u. She is a xtian by mouth. But u need to talk to ur guy, to let his mom attend ur wedding. Den let go of some items in d list(dey can pay mony for it), so dat d sleeping dogs will lie. Prayer n fasting will do a great job in dis case. because has dis case is going, if u dnt act fast, both of u will be cat n dog. someone dat has started keeping malice wth ur mum for mths,so u prepare urself for d worse if care is not taking. I wish u blissful marriage.

@ Op,go and marry ur guy and allow that woman be..some MIL,are worse than her,mine 4 example

@Seunadegoke
You may need to clean off some stuffs in your post that may brew trouble for you, if somebody that knows you comes across your post and puts two and two together----your MIL is from Ilesha, you are from Ife, they are from Lagos thing thing thing and tells your MIL that you are sharing this online----more katakata fit burst o. Just saying.

She (MIL) is damn too controlling and should know that this isn't her wedding. People won't change their tradition because she attends MFM, she sure can close her eyes to the kolanut etc that she doesn't want to see and simply perform her motherly duties that day. Yeah, your man shouldn't forbid her from your wedding/trad marriage. You can have a mature person (definitely not your mother or she may cram up again and think that you guys are taking her and her son over. Lol) talk to her and make her understand that she is overstepping stuffs.

Girl! You've got a whole lot on your plate cause it looks like she may want to demand what gender of grand babies she wants . This kind of person is better put in her position now lest she wants to mash up everybody in the future. A solid "Hey mama, don't overstep" from her son may keep her in check enough to let you guys live your lives, at least next time she arises to roar and remember that she won't be allowed to walk all over anybody, she will chill for sure. You also need to cut out that "all pastor's confirmation" stuff. Jeez girl you sounded like you may be running to them pastors to seek the perfect positionings for you and your hubby when you start making babies . Seriously, don't crown these people kings over your life. They are not God, they are humans like you and you sure can use your brain and discernment to decide on things instead of running to pastors, some of whom will collect money to divine for you and tell you their whims which you assimilate like bible. Let up on that dearie.

seunadegoke: @ Ujujoan

I don’t see how my post is confusing, I tried to explain as much as I could.

I am not so bent on having her there, but for once, I don’t want any trouble especially with MIL, and also I don’t want to be blamed for something I didn’t do. For example, few months back, my fiancé came to visit me because I wasn’t feeling too well, his mom called him, he put his mom on speaker and she heard my voice at the background, so immediately the woman ask him where he is, and “he said I came to visit my fiancée”, the next thing she said is quoted “must you always go and visit her, that Seun has put your head under her, always controlling you” so already she has that negative mindset against me that I am controlling her son. And this is why I am trying to avoid her trouble and I don’t think there is anything wrong in that. I’m only trying to let peace reign. Like I said I’m not bent on having her there, I only just asked for people’s advice that what should I do and not to be criticize.

This post of yours above reminded me of the movie "Monster-in law" cause some of you are already acting out the script. There is jealousy brewing here. A mother that is afraid of losing her son and a bride caught in between. You have to follow her with sense. You may need to make her your friend, be understanding when she feels insecure and jealous. Both of you need to meet at a place where she understands that you are not there to steal her son's affection and control their lives, only at a place like that can there be peace between you and her.

,... See the pic below

@OP, u need this..

PARAGHRAPH O!

@ Ivynwa

Hi, I must say I really appreciate your input and all points are noted, thank you.

As for the post, I will amend the post accordingly.

@ Richfella,

I typed up at work coz I was in a rush, that’s why.

@ Wislet,

Thanks so much.