On a sunday ,a gang went into a church and
started closing windows and doors.
Dey told the congregation that they were
goin to kill everyone but in Alphabetical orda.
they went 2 the Rev.
What is your name?
Rev;zoseph Zmith
lucky you
pianist;My name is Zemmanuel Zambali but
one of the ushers ova dere is Akpors samuel
"you lyin bastard",Akpors screamed at the
top of his voice"Oga my friends call me
Zzzakpors Zzzamule"
(who wan die?)
;DOn a sunday ,a gang went into a church and
started closing windows and doors.
Dey told the congregation that they were
goin to kill everyone but in Alphabetical orda.
they went 2 the Rev.
What is your name?
Rev;zoseph Zmith
lucky you
pianist;My name is Zemmanuel Zambali but
one of the ushers ova dere is Akpors samuel
"you lyin bastard",Akpors screamed at the
top of his voice"Oga my friends call me
Zzzakpors Zzzamule"
(who wan die?)

www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey

Dame Patience went out for drink with
some of the top women….
Waiter brings their bill:
Dame Patience N10,400
Ngozi Okonjo. N10,250
Dora Akunyili. N10,450
Turai Yar’adua. N10,200
Total. N41,300
She says: I will pay for everyone else, but
Total must pay
for herself because I didn’t invite her, afterall
she owns
petrol stations all over Nigeria!

Obioma & Akpos dey scatter fight outside
examination hall, classmates gather. Wetin
happen na? Akpos : Dis idiot copy me 4
exam! Obioma: Copy wetin? I no write
anything, na blank sheet i submit! Akpos :
Una don see am? Na blank sheet I submit
too! The examiner go think say we copy
from each other!.

May God deliver us from all these Facebook grammars:
"To hair is human to forgive is design"
"I hate guys wit low selves of steam".
"You are a blessing to your generator".
"I am a soccer for guys wit six park".
"My bb charger is no longer walking".
"Anybody who supports this killings is a
carnival"
Be magnified oh Lord, you are highly
exhausted ♫♪
Be thou exhausted, exhausted ♫♪
You are handsome in this place mighty God
♫♪
Crucified laid behind a stove" ♫♪
Upsome God, mighty God ♫♪

abeg follow my fanpage@ www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey

Akpos again!!!
Akpos came home crying from school. His
Father went back with him to find out why
his teacher beat him.
Papa Akpos: Teacher why you beat my Pikin?
Teacher: Ask your son what he did?
Papa Akpos: Akpos wetin u do?
Akpos: I asked her why is Bra singular when
it covers 2 items and Panties plural when it
covers just 1 item?
Papa Akpos: Osalobuwa! Teasher don teash
my pikin nonsense! LIKE My fanpage@ www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey

A wife was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband's key in the
door.
"Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk
he won't even notice you'rein bed with me."
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed, a
few minutes later, through a drunken haze,
he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the
bed. He turned to his wife :
"Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There
should only be four. What's going on ?"
"Nonsense," said the wife,"You're so drunk
you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again.
You can see better from over there."
The husband climbed out of bed and counted.
"One, two, three, four. Damn, you're right!!!!!

AKPORS AND THE EGG SELLER
Akpors: How much are ur eggs?
Egg seller: BIG ones go for N30, SMALL ones
N25 and CRACKED ones N5.
Akpors hands her N30 and says,
"Crack me 6 BIG ones"

A Chinese man called a Prostitute house &
asked for the services of their most talented &
energetic girl.
The girl finally got to his home & they started
having sex.
Once he was done, he jumped off the bed,
ran to the window, took a deep breath, went
under the bed & came out the other side &
started having sex with the girl again.. After
he had finished the 2ndtime, he again
jumped off the bed, ran to the window, went
under the bed & came out the other side &
started again..This he did 8 more times! The
girl was impressed by his Stamina.
After they finished the 10th time, she decided
to try it herself.
So, she jumped off the bed, ran to the
window, took a deep breath, went under the
bed & saw 9 more Chinese men....

This is sooooo funny: HaHaHaHa
Girlfriend : (Low Voice) Sweety, Last night I
had a dream about you.
:
Akpors : (excited) Oooh, Tell me Somtin Honey
:
Girlfriend : I dreamt We were traveling in a
bus, Suddenly the bus lost control & fell in
the river. Everyone swam to save their life, but
you were still swimming and searching
for someone.
:
Akpors : (with luv) : Oh, Definately, i was
searching for You..Right?"
:
Girlfriend : (Frown) NO, You were shouting,
Driver! Driver!!,
Please, Give me My Change before You Die..

A wife was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband's key in the
door.
"Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk
he won't even notice you'rein bed with me."
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed, a
few minutes later, through a drunken haze,
he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the
bed. He turned to his wife :
"Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There
should only be four. What's going on ?"
"Nonsense," said the wife,"You're so drunk
you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again.
You can see better from over there."
The husband climbed out of bed and counted.
"One, two, three, four. Damn, you're right!!!!!
Click LIKE if you understand.

I've seen most of them before except the facebook grammer stuff, realy cracked me up . Well done!

I think you are funny

::::::tenx pretiE:::::



I THINK MOST NAIRALANDERS DONT THINK AM FUNNY
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THATS IF THEY THINK ATAL

On Christmas, Santa will bring for :
-Messi : A record book (so he can see which
record to break)
- Cristiano ronaldo : shampoo for his hair
- Brazilian ronaldo : hamburgers
- Balotelli : a brain
- Nasri : A new bench
- Ribery : A halloween mask ( so he can look
more beautiful)
- Van Persie : toys for the little boy inside him
- Valdez : huge gloves (so he can stop some
goals)
- Sir Alex Fergunson : Pack of chewing-gums
- Ozil : New glasses
- Cisse : A physics book
- Torress: A scoring Brain

Hahahahahaha!

I was a Candidate at a JAMB Examination. We were writing Use Of English. I shaded the ones i knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when i noticed a very beautiful girl sitting beside me. She was shading and was not looking up. Through the help of my long neck, i peeped and checked her work, she was in number 65, i was still in number 21 and time was running out.
I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her. We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone; What are it?
Why is you dey copying me? Copys! copys! You is not shaming! As big as you dey! You is a dull boys! You are a disgrace to your manhood.

Na so i shout; heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! heeeyyyy!!!
I am finished yay, who has eraser eeeehhhh!!!!!!!!


Lol
LIKE and COMMENT to encourage me please...

Sergeant Akpors a police officer arrested a man urinating at a place clearly marked "Do not urinate here, fine N500.''
The offender wanting to pay the fine, gives the Sergeant Akpors a N1000 note,
The Sergeant Akpors turns around, fumbles a bit and says to the man, 'Oga now, piss again, I no get change...'

Well done

A set of 7 months old twin babies in the womb saw a d1cck comming towards them, the 1st baby said;
"Daddy is comming to inside to play with us".

The 2nd baby replied; Mumu; you no get sense! It's not Daddy, it's uncle. Daddy doesn't cover his face with a nylon when he wants to play with us.
You will see, this one will not give us ice cream when he is leaving=))=))

A man gets on a bus and sees a pretty young
nun. He sits down next to
her, and pleads with her:
"You are so attractive and I must have sexx with you."
... "No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She
stands up, and gets off at
the next stop.
The man is devastated.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the
man and says:
"I can tell you how to get to make love with
her!"
"Yeah?", says the man.
"Yeah!" say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So
all you have to do is dress up in a robe with
a hood, put some of that glowing powder
stuff in your beard, and pop
up in the cemetery claiming
to be an Angel.
"The man promises to give it a Try, and
arrives at the cemetery dressed
as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am an Angel," he declares to the nun,
keeping the hood low about His
face.
"God has directed me to make love with
you."
The nun agrees without question, but begs
him to restrict himself to
anal s*x, as she is desperate not to lose her
virginity. The man agrees,
and promptly has his wicked way with her.
This was the best sexx he had
ever had. After finishing, he jumps up and
throws back
his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily. "Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I
am the bus driver and I
am gay!!"



#na so d quy take faint.....lol


www.fabook.com/guvnasmookey

^^^^^^^^^^^

uprigt_d: A man gets on a bus and sees a pretty young
nun. He sits down next to
her, and pleads with her:
"You are so attractive and I must have sexx with you."
... "No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She
stands up, and gets off at
the next stop.
The man is devastated.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the
man and says:
"I can tell you how to get to make love with
her!"
"Yeah?", says the man.
"Yeah!" say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So
all you have to do is dress up in a robe with
a hood, put some of that glowing powder
stuff in your beard, and pop
up in the cemetery claiming
to be an Angel.
"The man promises to give it a Try, and
arrives at the cemetery dressed
as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am an Angel," he declares to the nun,
keeping the hood low about His
face.
"God has directed me to make love with
you."
The nun agrees without question, but begs
him to restrict himself to
anal s*x, as she is desperate not to lose her
virginity. The man agrees,
and promptly has his wicked way with her.
This was the best sexx he had
ever had. After finishing, he jumps up and
throws back
his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily. "Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I
am the bus driver and I
am gay!!"



#na so d quy take faint.....lol


www.fabook.com/guvnasmookey

Now this one made me laaaaf sotey I nearly hugged transformer

uprigt_d: A man gets on a bus and sees a pretty young
nun. He sits down next to
her, and pleads with her:
"You are so attractive and I must have sexx with you."
... "No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She
stands up, and gets off at
the next stop.
The man is devastated.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the
man and says:
"I can tell you how to get to make love with
her!"
"Yeah?", says the man.
"Yeah!" say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So
all you have to do is dress up in a robe with
a hood, put some of that glowing powder
stuff in your beard, and pop
up in the cemetery claiming
to be an Angel.
"The man promises to give it a Try, and
arrives at the cemetery dressed
as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am an Angel," he declares to the nun,
keeping the hood low about His
face.
"God has directed me to make love with
you."
The nun agrees without question, but begs
him to restrict himself to
anal s*x, as she is desperate not to lose her
virginity. The man agrees,
and promptly has his wicked way with her.
This was the best sexx he had
ever had. After finishing, he jumps up and
throws back
his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily. "Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I
am the bus driver and I
am gay!!"



#na so d quy take faint.....lol


www.fabook.com/guvnasmookey

lo...ls so soo funny

[color=#000099][/color]
Akpos trying to avoid paying Doctor's fee after an eye operation, so he says," Doctor, I still can't see." The Doctor then asks a sexy young and beautiful Nurse to UnCloth in frontof him." He again says," I can't see!"
Doctor tells the Nurse to open her legs.
Again he says," Gai! Doctor I can't see!" Doctor says," you are an slowpoke, if you can't see how come your pr1ck dey rise?
hehehehe

uprigt_d: [color=#000099][/color]
Akpos trying to avoid paying Doctor's fee after an eye operation, so he says," Doctor, I still can't see." The Doctor then asks a sexy young and beautiful Nurse to UnCloth in frontof him." He again says," I can't see!"
Doctor tells the Nurse to open her legs.
Again he says," Gai! Doctor I can't see!" Doctor says," you are an slowpoke, if you can't see how come your pr1ck dey rise?
hehehehe

lol...his weaknes reveald him

ATTENTION MALI !!!

Any attempt, attempted attempt, group of attempts, variable attempt, fixed attempt, debit or credit attempts to stop us from winning;
1. We would withdraw our troops from Mali.
2. You would pay us the 7 billion our govt spent on your war.
3. We would encourage the tuareg rebels to return.
The ball is in your court, pass it to Emenike when d time koms.
Una hear me so
A word is enough for d wise...
Heheheheheehehe ­hehehehee...... ­ God don catch una today!!!

Signed
THE PRESIDENCY

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the
shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car,
nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and
stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the
cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't
ever do that again. You scared the daylights
out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't
realize that a little tap would scare you so
much. "
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your
fault.
Today is my first day as a Taxi driver.
I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25
years.

Hahahaha!
Like if you get the Joke

Three Nurses were in a Night shift when one of
them realised
that one of the Male patients was dead
as she Was examining Him, she Noticed that He
had a 'Hard On' she thought to Herself and said, 'Im
soo Hot I
cant let this go
to Waste.!
She Rushed and called the others..
She said, "I Cant let this go to waste!" she
undressed and
jumped on him,, and started enjoying herself..
After a while,
the second Nurse pulled her out and said, "Its My
time!"
she Jumped on Him, and Started pumping
Vigorously..
After a
while of Enjoyment, the third nurse said to herself,
"Am on my Periods, but He is dead
anyway!''
she pulled Out the 2nd Nurse and Jumped On
him... In the Middle of Her enjoyment, the 'dead'
Man woke up!
They got soo surprised and asked the man,"We
thought you were Dead?"
the Man said,
"yeah I was, but with the repeated Pumping and
Some Blood transfusion, I came Back to Life!"

I went to a cinema with
Akpos, on getting to
the cinema we saw a
guy that barbed bololo
(skin cut).
I showed the guy to
Akpos and said; "Look
at fresh head, this one
is good to slap, but i'm
afraid of the guy's
face".
Akpos then said to me;
"Max, you fear alot, i will
slap that head and
nothing will happen".
I dared him to do it and
he went to where the
guy was sitting
and gave him a HOT
SLAP on his head.
The guy was surprised,
and wanted to react,
then Akpos said; "Bros
Max, so you are here,
when we are looking for
you at home".
The guy said;
"I'm not Bros Max,
maybe we look alike",
Akpos said maybe.
After some minutes In
the
cinema, Akpos called me
again and said; "Max, i
will slap that guy again
and nothing
will happen".
I said "ok".
He went to the guy,
gave him a hot slap and
said; "Bros Max stop
lying, i say na u be dis".
The guy said to him
angrily; "I'm not Bros
Max, please, let me be".
The guy then left that
spot for us and went to
the front seat.
After some minutes
Akpos called me and
said; " Max, i will slap
that guy again and
nothing will happen".
This time i told him that
"if
anything happens, i will
pretend as if i don't
know him".
He stood up, went to
the front
seat, gave the guy a
very hot slap and said;
"Bros Max, so na here
you dey, i come dey
slap another person for
back.

Hahahaha...
LIKE www.facebook.com/guvnasmookey

Imagine if we put the names of food b4 our yoruba
names, we would have interesting names like:
Ebawale, Fufusegun, Sakisanmi, Iresitayo,
Akaratobi, Ogibola, Dodobunmi, Ejadupe,
Ponmowunmi, Isuyemi, Moinmointope, Bolikunle,
Amalafunmi, Iyanseun, Semolola, Eransunkanmi, Efofemi, Eweduwole

So funny L L

uprigtd: [color=#000099][/color]
Akpos trying to avoid paying Doctor's fee after an eye operation, so he says," Doctor, I still can't see." The Doctor then asks a sexy young and beautiful Nurse to UnCloth in frontof him." He again says," I can't see!"
Doctor tells the Nurse to open her legs.
Again he says," Gai! Doctor I can't see!" Doctor says," you are an slowpoke, if you can't see how come your pr1ck dey rise?
hehehehe

badddo

entered a bus from Ikeja to Oshodi.
After some minutes, i decided to scare the
passengers. So i brought out my fone.. and
started faking a call. '' hello oga, i don dey
press dat button since but d bomb no gree
blow. Na d blue one or d red one?
Ok d red one? I go do am
now''.
Come and see reactions.
Igbo man: (picks his fone to make a call)
''hello
Chuwkudi, run now to apapa and wait for
my
container. Its like i will die
today but make sure u collect my money
from obinna"..
Yoruba woman: '' driver wêré, apayan. So
u cant stop for somebody to come down,
abi?
Oloshi..

I was just laughin inside of me until d
hausa man sitting close to me said.
Hausa man: ''oka abeg, dat time i dey
make am for call, where dem say make I
press so dat the bomb I go blow? Becos I don dey
press
my own sef since and d tin never blow.
Na then I shout "Chai, Egbami ooo... Moku, Mogbe Modaran!!!!