Dem say dis gospel na for mankind. Afterall, dem say 'he became poor, so that I might be rich.' Why e come be say if you no get money, dem no go respect you. Even for house of God, kwa! Dem born you well make you siddon for front of church if you no park your car for outside? Even the kain car go dtermine wey the ushers go put you. If you dey drive jalope, na for back you go pack your car.
Na so one sunday, I dey church. Two people dey my front. One big man and one poor man. The big man wear traditional, those kain wear the lines for the dress fit cut person finger. The other man, the poor man carry hair like shaggy. The white shirt wey e dey wear don turn to 'it was white'. Those kain white wey if. E touch water, all the fish go kpai. Him black trousers don turn brown, whether na becos the man no get money to buy omo or him don wash am so tey e the colour don fade, na him sabi. Time come reach for praise and worship, and as usual everybody come dey show him skills. Azonto, etighi, galala, suoo, name am. Everybody just dey gyrate like Terry G, except cripple sha. Dem say na when people dey dance, na him cripple dey wish say e get leg.
I notice say if dem dey sing, the big man go dey hold him nose, throw way face go another side. At first, I think say na paparazzi the big man dey form. Besides him body be like michelin so him no go fit move. but wetin dey man dey experience pass am, as him dey event sweat upon the oye-pumping wey full church. As the worship come dey go on, and the anointing come dey come down, pastor jump on top stage to come minister to him flock. Na so him say, "hold yourselves into and decree on one another". My people, na there yawa go gas o. As people dey speak in tongues, raining fire and brimstone, dey punch air as if na Tyson and holyfield dey fight, spraying saliva, em except me sha. Me no sabi speak in tongue. How I go dey talk wetin I no know? And if I no know am, how God go understand me na? Anyway dat one na talk for anoda day. As we, (sorry dem) dey pray, this big man and shaggy hold dem hands. We never even go half of the first prayer point, na him the big man just shout "jesos!!". Ah! No be holy ghost o. Na so him signal usher to come. As tatafo na, I just tune my antenna to grab the latest news.
"Please sir, could you please go behind, we have seats available there" the usher talk.
"Why na? For wetin?" Shaggy dey ask, dey provoke.
"As you can see, the front seats are reserved for special guests and respectable people. Besides our live coverage of the sermon should show this people. You are not dresses for such publicity sir." Hmm. Na so my ear stand. At forst, I think say na fashion modelling the usher dey talk about. Shaggy no dey find dis story funny.
"Wetin you mean by special guests and dressed for the occassion?" Him voice come dey increase. The usher self come dey twist him nose because of the paraga smell wey comot shaggy mouth. Me I call am nasal tsunami. I dey sure say if fly pass, the fly for die sef.
"No be house of God be dis. So una don dey do politics for church abi? Becos I no get money?"
"No that sir, but like I said, these seats are reserved for..."
"Sharraap your mouth. Eediot! No be your colleague direct me come here. Wetin this man tell ​​U̶̲̥̅̊ wey ​​U̶̲̥̅̊ come dey chance me like this?" But the katakata just dey start. Na so other ushers come join. Some go just put head, comot, because of the tsunami. As dem dey taka the matter, no do, no do, na so the head of ushers come come there.
"Yes gentlemen, what's going on?" But the way him look shaggy from head to toe, I know say him own don be. As dem explain finish, the head usher come say
"Sir, that is our church policy. You can't be dressed as a beggar and seat in front. It is not good for our image. I would advise you to go to the back to avoid further embrassment. Yeepa! For church? I know say shayo dey smell for the man body. I know say, him no dress well. But no be dis kain people the gospel dey meant for. Abi the gospel na for rich people? All dis while, the big man just bone as if him no know wetin happen. Na so shaggy look up, as if to ask God why. Him carry him bible waka comot church. I follow am look up. Na gold ceilings dey the church. If God need gold ceilings to talk to me, and if ushers go dey put people for front to promote the image or according to as you dress, na him be say the gospel na for rich people o.