I really don't like the idea of keeping your children indoors almost under lock and key. I don't blame parents who do it but it could cause more damage than good. Protection or security purposes might come into mind, but I think children tend to lack conversation skills, are more bent on rebelling sooner or later and unfortunately do things behind your back you cannot imagine. I do not imply that you leave your children exposed to the psychopaths of this world, but let them associate with reasonable people for once.


What do you think?

Those kids are the most vulnerable.

No exposure, no experience. . . . . .ZILCH.
If they happen to mix with the wrong crew eventually, they go beserk!!!
I believe there should be a balance. . . .
Over-exposure is bad. . . . .Under-exposure is horrific.

stillwater:

I really don't like the idea of keeping your children indoors almost under lock and key. I don't blame parents who do it but it could cause more damage than good. Protection or security purposes might come into mind, but I think children tend to lack conversation skills, are more bent on rebelling sooner or later and unfortunately do things behind your back you cannot imagine. I do not imply that you leave your children exposed to the psychopaths of this world, but let them associate with reasonable people for once.


What do you think?

Spot on! The first 1 yr in college was an absolute disaster in terms of inter-personal relations. I could not even look a girl in the face!
I still have issues once in a blue moon especially when i'm very new to an environment but i gradually learned to overcome my limitations . . . thanks to my friends. man were those guys very patient with me.

It does kids no favors . . . parents think they are doing the best for their children but inherently they are simply satisfying their own selfish desires. Most of the parents who are guilty of this are those who want to relive what they should have become thru their kids. They keep their children under the strictest rules, they want them to always be top of the class, want them to appear the smartest dressed . . . all the while the child's feelings are totally ignored or deemed irrelevant.

My father once asked me why i wasnt engaged at 21, i laughed . . . i asked him when he expected me to have met a woman . . . locked up behind his gates? he never asked me that question again.

I do believe that it messes up their social life and whatnot. But when they are released they will still be what they want to be despite the caging - so it really doesn't work in the long run.

I really don't like the idea of keeping your children indoors almost under lock and key. I don't blame parents who do it but it could cause more damage than good. Protection or security purposes might come into mind, but I think children tend to lack conversation skills, are more bent on rebelling sooner or later and unfortunately do things behind your back you cannot imagine. I do not imply that you leave your children exposed to the psychopaths of this world, but let them associate with reasonable people for once.


What do you think?

Well some parents does not have a choice but to keep their children indoors.for example,i grew up in very quiet place where errbody minds their own buzz,so tell me how is it possible for someone living in an area like that to leave their children exposed? but the fact it that,it has affected my lifestyle negatively which i deeply regret but thanks to God. . ! errthing is under control

From my own view,if you feel that your environment is safe for ur kids to play around, all you just have to do is to give them the specific time & place to play and when the time is up!,they should come back home but in case its like my former neighbourhood, u don't have a choice but to lock them indoors. . .(your location has got alot to do with it )

Well I put up this thread because I am a product of such . I had to join the children's choir to get a chance to run out of the house. I did not rebel or do anything disastrous, however, I tend to avoid people for no just cause (though there some other issues contributing to that ). I make a friend today, I avoid you the next time I see you. I'm not scared of anyone but- - I can stay indoors for one month without stepping outside . People would be asking me did you travel? Some guy even told me he had lived in my area for eight years, he knew my sisters but he didn't know I existed .

@ stillwater, where we born by the same parents? You even had a children's choir to escape to, i had none.
It became a standing joke between my brothers and i that anytime we were on holidays the only time we got to see the outside world was on sundays.
The only issue i do have sometimes is i dont mix very easily with pple, it can hurt at times because u miss out on so many great pple and a lot of fun.

Well I put up this thread because I am a product of such

Lol. . . . as for me, i would say im not!. . .because i was turning white as a result of staying indoors. . ., people started calling me all sorts of name from micheal jackson to george bush because of the colour transformation of my skin , it was changing from yellow to white and i confirmed this myself as i hardly expose myself to sunlight, (na small he remain, i for turn to albino )


anyway, i still thank God because that is now a thing of the past!

still, it's due to this that I thank God everyday that my parents had us go to Nigeria for secondary school. They stayed here while we(my siblings and I) were staying at our house in Ibadan being looked after by my grandmother and my mother's siblings who ranged from early 19 to early 30s. tons of lenancy, it was great. During every other year, we'd visit them in NY, I remember when I was about to start SS3, that summer we were in the states and for some insane reason my parents decided we should stay here and finish up blah blah, I can sincerely tell you I went bersek, I was so pissed off cos that would mean being locked up by them and just being in the irritating American high school environment.
Anyway I wrote some mean letter then when I calmed down, I forgot the letter some where and my mom found and read it and the next week we were sent back. Lmao. Fortunately fr me I was able to finish up secondary school, but since they wanted me to come back and do college here, my siblings couldnt finish and had to do the rest in the States. I can say I didnt envy them. My sister was miserable as my dad had her on total lockdown, my brother had some freedom but not so much. Lol I was busy far away in University of Buffalo

Anyway I understand why parents THINK this is right but it really I sincerely believe that if you raise your children RIGHT, no matter what kind of environment they are in, they will remember the kind of children they were raised to be. You are right about these kids being so socially awkward, I've seen such examples and you can usually tell the reason, it's pretty depressing. Im actually getting to know most of my cousins better now cos in the past my parents kept us away from them, the ones that lived outside of Nigeria in fear of them being a "bad influence" on us.

How old are you? Are you in college/university or what? I think you should put yourself out there, if you are in school, join clubs, you'll definitelyn meet more people that way and I'm so with you on the "friend one day, next day you avoid", lol I've done that many times, but that's mainly cos I tend to find people to be just annoying, at times but I knew I couldnt keep that up so I have a nice tight small group of friends, one gone now , anyway not advocating befriending every and anyone but someone you have stuff in common with and you see influencing your life in a GOOD way.

Btw how come you're the one that people dont see, dont your parent lock up your sisters too?

@ stillwater, where we born by the same parents?   You even had a children's choir to escape to, i had none.
It became a standing joke between my brothers and i that anytime we were on holidays the only time we got to see the outside world was on sundays. The only issue i do have sometimes is i don't mix very easily with people, it can hurt at times because u miss out on so many great people and a lot of fun.

lol, we are indeed from the same parents. The choir practise thing was a disaster in the sense that we were punished for coming home late.

Btw how come you're the one that people don't see, don't your parent lock up your sisters too?

They locked them up as well but I guess my sisters are more freespirited than I am. We are free now but I just feel it had more effects on me than them because I also have to deal with a disability in my arm. A nurse twisted my arm when I was maybe two days old and the most funniest thing was that she ran away was never to be found again. So it added to my seclusion from the public eye. I don't feel dejected but I try now to interact with people more often. I'm 22+ , in college and coming to terms that no one can live like an island

stillwater:

A nurse twisted my arm when I was maybe two days old and the most funniest thing was that she ran away was never to be found again.

i sincerely appologise for laughing here . . . but permit me please.

The nurse ran away? LMAO! She shld be dragged out and given 80 lashes for being such a coward! Some people na wa o.

_{can some people (uu know yourself) kindly get a new phone?}

_{can some people (uu know yourself) kindly get a new phone?}

hmnnnnnnnnnnnn. . . .i didn't see anything ooo. . . . .

yes ,morenike, buy a new phone!

still, how bad is your arm?

the kind of treatment my parents gave me when i was a child and a teenager still affects me to date! I can't easily mingle, make friends and the likes. . . but in a way, it has helped me somehow!

I can't easily mingle, make friends and the likes. . . but in a way, it has helped me somehow!

No, it has not helped you. Remember, you "can't easily mingle, make friends and the likes". This is bad.

@seun. . . i get ur point but. . .

Advantages
It has made me dependant, take decisions maself without anyone interrupting, keep to myself when nobody has asked for my opinion, work hard n independently without having in mind that i can always count on somebody. It has also helped me to analyse things/people from afar, study them real well b4 i get myself entangled with. . .

Disadvantages
Most people think am proud and antisocial. . . i don't blame them, but until u come closer u surely wouldn't know who i really am. "Fools" don't usually approach me. When i say fools, i mean folks that lack respect, speak anyhow without thinking dare not come closer, cus in the first place, u're thinking u're not welcomed. . . talk of ur stupid talk.

i ope am making sense. . .

?

@poster,

Please I agree with you.  Moderation is the key.  Let them out when they should be out and lock them up when they should be locked up. Even if they are exposed to the evils of society, they should be taught how to cope. Locking them up is not the answer. Psychopaths have broken into houses and kidnapped children under their parents very nostrils.

Simple.  Knowing when is the issue, so you do not raise a bunch of timid kids who are easily led astray because they never learned how to be street smart as well as book smart!

In the future, conflict resolution, time management, prioritization and socialization skills issues may become problematic.

Besides they may never leave if you keep them locked up and I am really petrified about that!   I want them out at 22.    I was!  From 18-22 should be college years with only part time visits coming home when as needed.


They have to learn to be independent, but it must be a gradual process!

I spent two years in Lagos with my auntie and guess what I didn't learn a single word of yoruba. The children were born and bred in Lagos but they can't speak the language to save their lives. Only the parents and the house help speak yoruba because they mix with them. My auntie would not allow these kids to even play with other children.

Na wa o. Imagine if my mother were like that. I for still dey primary 5 becoz if you nor know Italo, you nor go school for here.

how mcuh do you know now sef?

I know

fi mi sile
Kilode?



I learnt more going to church in Italy once a week for six months, then schooling in Lagos for 2 years!

Lmao. I think I need to give you a proper lesson.

I hope you won't ask for money. Man pikin nor get o!

still, how bad is your arm?

It's slightly bent and shorter than my other arm, not easily noticeable (thank God it's not my leg or I would be limping by now ), but I can't type with it, can't hold objects properly, can't raise my arm up--my clavicle is disjointed at the shoulder. Sometimes I call it my baby arm

Wow, that woman must have been demented. At least you're well

Still trying to understand this topic

What a normal childhood.  No wonder you are so normal!  That should teach Nigerian parents especially not to lock their children up.  Of all ma father's kids I think na only me no normal.   All the boys even normal pass. Being the first of course--I suffered!

Was a locked up or what?  Even had to be withdrawn from the mixed boarding school from Warri yonder, for strict observation only because I made the mistake of telling my dad that I sit on the guys laps in school and think I discovered what an erection  "something moving" was at age 14. I further asked him innocently why his own does not move when I sit on his lap.   It took me a while to understand the horror of asking such a question.   I thought I was sharing "things" with him not knowing I was diggin' ma own grave.   I learned to keep ma mouth shut from then on.


The man just call the school tell them say im dey come pick up in daughter.  I never went back ooooooooooooooh!   Gosh, I hated being a "day's student."! Na all girls school a see for ma "A" levels.  I hated all girls schools.  So so gossip and PMS!

Rubbish!


After all the locking up--see how I turned out?   Sure had a lot of catching up and down to do!  Na God dey save pesin oooooooooooooooooooh!  That is all I can say for now.



To God be the Glory!