CRAZY FACTS MADE IN NAIJA **** (Add urs)
1) Garri no get advert, but e sell pass indomie...
2) No matter how Toms sell, e no go sell pass slippers...
3) If you never thief meat from pot b4, then your mama no sabi cook...
4) A girl who laffs at your dry joke during a first date doesn't have transport money to get back home...
5) The only woman who knows where her man is every night is a "Widow"...
6) Bowen university is the only uni you find people kissing wif there both eyes wild open, so as not to get caught...
7) Say Hausa man poor, no mean say him no fit afford to buy transitor radio...
U can't kneel down to greet ur parent but u can kneel to give ur BF heads (Omoburuku lo wa), u go explain 4 judgment day Oº°˚˚°º...
9) If the alarm of a China fone cannot wake you up.....Forget it u're "DEAD"...
10) To listen to CoolFM, just put ur radio in a Fridge...
11) It's a small world no mean say u go trek from ur house reach Malaysia...
Keep it rolling...
HAPPY N3W W33K!
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"I love to eat and therefore I love to cook,". "Good food is about inspiration…but it is the process that is the adventure."
A guy goes into a bank. The clerk says, ’Can I help you, sir’
Guy: Yea u fucking bitch I wanna open a fucking account
Clerk: Please there’s no need for cussin'
Guy: Yo motherfucka, I just wanna open a fuckin account.
Clerk: Sir, I’ll help u but watch ur language
So, the manager comes over, ’Is there a problem here?’
Guy: Yea mothafucka, I’m trying to fuckin open a motherfuckin account an’ this motherfuckin’ bitch won’t let me.
Manager: Please sir don’t curse and how much areyou opening the account with?
Guy: Twenty motherfuckin Billion Naira
Manager: Ah, omo buruku clerk yi fe ba te mi je ke(useless clerk wants to destroy my career!)... See guy, I am the motherfuckin manager here, and I motherfuckin guarantee that your motherfuckin money will be banked right away even with the help of the motherfuckin clerk also...
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Akpors' family wheeled Grandma out on the field, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but as part of people who were opportuned to go to school in the early days in Nigeria, she could write notes when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the field, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
Akpors - a grandson who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said,
"Mama, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little jotter and slowly wrote a note for Akpors...
"They won't let me fart."
LAFF MATTERS
(This happened many years ago... Enjoy)
Late in 1994, an 87 year old man passed on in a village close to Amai, Kwale, Delta State.
The late man's grand son, Ufiaka (26 years old and fairly educated), was given some money and asked to travel to Agbor to buy a fine casket for his grand pa's burial.
Ufiaka left base early and arrived Agbor in good time to purchase the casket and make the return journey same day.
He was fortunate to get an open back white colored Peugeot 404 pickup heading for Amai. He,however, had to ride in the back of the pickup with the casket because two market women traveling to Amai were already seated in front with the driver.
On the home journey, they ran into a heavy rain storm close to Uronigbe and Ufiaka quickly opened the casket, lay himself nicely in the well padded interior, covered the lid and used the folded newspaper he had with him to leave a small opening between the lid and the main bodyof the white casket to ensure adequate ventilation.
The interior of the casket was very comfortable and Ufiaka soon fell into a very deep sleep.
The rain had subsided at the time the pickup van arrived at Umutu and during a brief stop there, two men traveling to Amai boarded the vehicle atthe back and the same happened at Ubiaruku where a man and a woman traveling also to Amaientered the vehicle. All this while, Ufiaka was enjoying his beauty sleep inside the Casket completely unaware of the new passengers who boarded at Umutu and Ubiaruku.
The pickup van arrived Amai just after 5p.m. and the driver, who was now very hungry, stopped in front of a busy bukataria to have a quick bite before proceeding onto the next village.
The sudden stoppage and revving of the pickup's engine woke Ufiaka who then opened the lid of the casket and rose up.
Trouble come start!
The passengers in the back of the pickup jumped out of the vehicle from various points and took to their heels in various directions.
The people eating in the buka (including the mama-put and her service girls) who saw the white casket open, and a "ghost" step out, ran off all over the place some with balls of eba and akpu in their hands.
Ufiaka, seeing people running 'helta skelta' was convinced that armed robbers were operating and decided to take-off in the direction three of the passengers, including the woman, were running.
When the three passengers realized that Ufiaka was running towards them, they increased their speed and shouted "ghost! ghost!" and, to further worsen the situation, Ufiaka was dressed in whiteup and down with white shoes to match that day.
With the shouting of 'ghost', other people in their homes came out to see what was going on and onseeing people running at high speed all over, theyjoined in the race for their dear life and the number just swelled.
The driver and the two market women were the only people who knew what was on going and they had a hell of a time calming the people down and explaining that … he merely needed shelter, while it was raining.
A GUY'S PRAYER POINTS FOR 2013
Make una see d kind prayer list wey one guy submit for church dis year (I do aproko to see the prayer points as I dey inside church on the first Sunday of the year)...
1. oh God I need toyota spider to impress my six girlsfriends dat i am ready dis year for them all,..
2. oh God let my maga pay me speedily dis year..
3. oh God if u add to my 500k dis year i will visit the orphanage home to give them 5k..
4. oh God let me hammer to oppress my neighbourdis year..
5. oh God if u do all things i will do thanksgiving nd never be late to church..amen
Tell me how God wan take answer dis guy prayer list request.
An he dey fast & pray na as i dey talk2u for 21day now.
Who think sey this guy be; Akpors, Rukenwe, Akpan, Musa?
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nice collection,seen most but the casket story got me cracking ...Thumbs up!