what do u do if u find ur self in this situation, mother wants to leave after spending 24 years wit your father, with 4 fully grown kids!

I'll try to do everything possible to keep the family together. . .or if it does not work, i'll carry my bags and follow my mom. . .she needs more protection and caring. . .more fragile

brownsilk:

what do u do if u find your self in this situation, mother wants to leave after spending 24 years wit your father, with 4 fully grown kids!

morenike09:

I'll try to do everything possible to keep the family together. . .or if it does not work, i'll carry my bags and follow my mom. . .she needs more protection and caring. . .more fragile

The poster said "fully grown kids".  Where are you packing your bags to?  Don't you have your own life?

@poster
I will thank her for waiting till we had grown up and enduring all the "unhappiness"  I would like to know the reason why she wants to leave so I can get all the information from all angles so there is no situation of he said, she said. Just as I would not want her to interfere in my home, I would be cautious about what I ask her.  She only has to tell me what she feels like telling me. . . . .just out of respect. She is still older than I am and remains my mother not my child.

If she is hell bent on leaving, sad as I may be, I would respect her feelings and wish her the best. If my father cannot reason with his wife and make her stay with him, just too bad.  It is really not my place and  I would never side my mom against my dad for I love them both dearly.  I would certainly not love her less.  All I can do is pray for all to find peace.  Life goes on.

I fear some of you people

None of you bother to say you'd ask her 'WHY". What the hell so you'd "slap her" and 'hate her" without finding out a damn reason? Eru awon omo komo wo lele

AJ, once again I agree with you.

D-reloaded:

I fear some of you people

None of you bother to say you'd ask her 'WHY". What the hell so you'd "slap her" and 'hate her" without finding out a damn reason? Eru awon omo komo wo lele

AJ, once again I agree with you.

My sister!   Fear no let me talk ooooooooooh.  Well to each his own!

did that, u know, tried to commit suicide to bring them both together, talked to both parties, even marked their anniversary but nothing workeD! well

Scarlett:

[font=tahoma][color=#550000]Ma bi nu
, no excuse is good enough.

That's not for you to say. Some people dont think they should give up their lives for children who dont care for their wellbeing. Can you enjoy a mother if she's dead?

If my children were mad at me for not wanting to stay in a miserable marriage that probably involves abuse or whatnot, I'd sincerely disown them and then ask God to tell me what I must have done in my past for Him to provide me with such hateful children.

brownsilk, what exactly is it that is causing your mom such heartache./ You dont have to say it if it's too personal but do YOU think it's something you'd accept if you were in her shoes. That's all I ask.

I don't see the big deal . . . or maybe that's because of my

It's her decision. Why do you want to kill yourself over it?

You should thank her for staying this long . . . like someone earlier said.

Some men can be . . . no disrespect to anyone, leave the poor woman alone jare

There shld be room for reconciliation, the children are fully old enough to go speak to their father and try and iron things out between their parents.
What's the point having two unhappy parents living apart from each other?

yes why not have them live together in one roof so they can then take out their frustrations on the so called "grown children"

anyway somze for once i agree with you.

There is nothing wrong with your mama to end her 24-years miserable marriage after all their 4 children are fully grown adult! She finds her own happiness that is what she want, not you, the poster, grown adult older enough to know what to do running around the housechore responsible with your father.

Only you should be grateful that your mother stay her miserable marriage until all 4 children are grown adult! 24 years is long enough for her!

Don't try yourself to reconcile your parent back their marriage- - -because you do not know what's going on entire 24 years what your mother suffer through.

4Him:

There shld be room for reconciliation, the children are fully old enough to go speak to their father and try and iron things out between their parents.
What's the point having two unhappy parents living apart from each other?

Reconciliation may have looked more logical if this was a new couple, but they have 4 grown kids.

Don't you think the woman by now would have been experienced enough to know when to quit.

We may be talking about up to 20 years of marriage here. More experienced than any of us are at the moment.

I'd stick by her whatever decision. No meddling. Whatever she decides, it's her life, her happiness, my support.

uspry1:

There is nothing wrong with your mama to end her 24-years miserable marriage after all their 4 children are fully grown adult! She finds her own happiness that is what she want, not you, the poster, grown adult older enough to know what to do running around the housechore responsible with your father.

Only you should be grateful that your mother stay her miserable marriage until all 4 children are grown adult! 24 years is long enough for her!

Don't try yourself to reconcile your parent back their marriage- - -because you do not know what's going on entire 24 years what your mother suffer through.

Solid point, I wouldn't have said this better myself.

@ Poster

It's possible the woman must have suffered years of abuse in silence, (It could be physical, mental or Psychological)

and she felt could "stay" in the marriage for the sake of her children.

Since all four children are fully grown, I think it is time for her to leave and find her sanity.

I wish her well.

uspry1:

Don't try yourself to reconcile your parent back their marriage- - -because you do not know what's going on entire 24 years what your mother suffer through.

Has it become so irretrievably bad that it cannot be resolved?
I dont understand this obsession with breaking marriages at the slightest excuse. It seems a lot of us see this as a sign of civilization . . . wow!

Browneyes abi na brownsugar . . . dont give urself unecessary headache . . . i will only advice you as i would do if i were in ur shoes (thank God i never will be though).
If you have brothers let them call your father to the table and talk to him man to man . . . you shld do likewise to ur mother.
There is no problem that is too big to be resolved if you are willing to talk it over.

There is no marriage that is perfect, i've seen my parents go thru rocky times to the extent that my mom had to say she would have left but for her kids. Then i fully supported her decision but now looking back i'm 101% glad that she chose to tough it out and today they are as happy as can be.
The world we live in today never ceases to amaze me, like the one of my favorite ads says - you dont like ur shirt, replace it; you dont like your shoe, replace it; you dont like your spouse, replace it; whatever happened to compromise and commitment.

Una well done o.

Kill yourself darling your losing sight of the big picture!!!

She has her reasons let her go. If she makes a mistake she can't say no one told her.

She may have found some Hot stuff to look after her.

Just pray for long life for both your parents.

and enough of trying to kill yourself Jeez,

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I just love this side of Somze!

_{All mushed up!}

4Him:

Has it become so irretrievably bad that it cannot be resolved?
I don't understand this obsession with breaking marriages at the slightest excuse. It seems a lot of us see this as a sign of civilization . . . wow!

Browneyes abi na brownsugar . . . don't give yourself unecessary headache . . . i will only advice you as i would do if i were in your shoes (thank God i never will be though).
If you have brothers let them call your father to the table and talk to him man to man . . . you shld do likewise to your mother.
There is no problem that is too big to be resolved if you are willing to talk it over.

There is no marriage that is perfect, i've seen my parents go through rocky times to the extent that my mom had to say she would have left but for her kids. Then i fully supported her decision but now looking back i'm 101% glad that she chose to tough it out and today they are as happy as can be.
The world we live in today never ceases to amaze me, like the one of my favorite ads says - you don't like your shirt, replace it; you don't like your shoe, replace it; you don't like your spouse, replace it; whatever happened to compromise and commitment.

Una well done o.

Has it ever occurred to you that sometimes a "break" is all you need to make things better, instead of forcing the situation into what you think or feel is ideal for both?  Especially if you are not wearing the shoes? Here is a woman who has been in a marriage for llke 24 years and you think she is not at the 'breaking" point to go somewhere quiet to get back to her senses?

Yes, we believe in committment and compromise. But sometimes it takes a little break from it all to realize both and more.  Let the woman get the desired break she needs.  After 24 years, I doubt if a "replacement spouse" is even at the bottom of her list not to talk of the top.  All she needs is support right now to work out her feelings! Sometime at least, should be allowed, for this woman to work out her "feelings" for the husband and give the man a chance to make it up to her, instead of the children doing his work for him. It is his responsiblity to go after his wife if he cares.  If she comes back, she comes back on her own accord to a willing spouse.

If she comes back tomorrow, this same man will tell her that he did not beg her since the children got involved.  Let him go and use his own mouth and money to get her back if he cares. Let them work it out I say and let the children stay out.  The people who are in this marriage should fix their mess.

No biggie. Let Mami find a place to stay and Daddy the same thing. 24 Years? She tried o.

Her leaving don't mean you've lost her.

Personally the only time I can advice my mother to leave is only if my father's bringing in another wife or hitting/abusing her. Anything other than that would have to go through a discourse between the parents and the children. If all discussion to avoid a break up turn on deaf ears, then I can only leave them to their own fate.

almondjoy:

If she comes back tomorrow, this same man will tell her that he did not beg her since the children got involved.

Exactly. Cant believe that after 24 yrs people think a person actually deciding to leave would be considered "leaving at the slightest excuse" esp without even knowing the reason.

O ga.

thanks to you guys and ur views and opinions, but lettin my mama do what she wants to do is not the best option, for what its worth, we would never stop tryin to change her mind, with God on her side, she will change her mind, one day,

she did not give up on us while we were still growing, why should we give up on her now, no way, i love my dad so much i cant even bear to see him smilin at another woman, my mama is the only one for him, so she cannot leave him, not while we are alive,

their marriage wasnt bad at all, dad has never raised his hands at her, they do have misunderstandings sometimes though, but he would never hit her, i go through his messages but i dont find anything, i have done some investigations concerning him at work but i find nothing, its that serious, yet mama wants to go, but not while we are alive anyway.

thanks for tryin to contribute, i needed solutions on how to change her mind NOT advices to letting her go

You are obviously taking your father's side in this situation. If you cant be unbiased, then it's best you keep your nose out of it

You're saying that you checked phone and whatnot, How about sitting down with your mom and ASKING HER what is wrong??

brownsilk:

thanks to you guys and your views and opinions, but lettin my mama do what she wants to do is not the best option, for what its worth, we would never stop tryin to change her mind, with God on her side, she will change her mind, one day,

she did not give up on us while we were still growing, why should we give up on her now, no way, i love my dad so much i can't even bear to see him smilin at another woman, my mama is the only one for him, so she cannot leave him, not while we are alive,

their marriage wasnt bad at all, dad has never raised his hands at her, they do have misunderstandings sometimes though, but he would never hit her, i go through his messages but i don't find anything, i have done some investigations concerning him at work but i find nothing, its that serious, yet mama wants to go, but not while we are alive anyway.

thanks for tryin to contribute, i needed solutions on how to change her mind NOT advices to letting her go

Good attitude dear. This is exactly the mentality with which i would approach the issue.
You still havent asked ur mom WHY though . . . i think that's most important to solving the problem. A man doesnt have to cheat or beat his wife to break down a marriage. There must be some other things that are going on, things they probably hid from u guys just so u wouldnt have to worry about them. Find that out first.
This is the time for u kids to rally around ur parents and talk to them, get other more mature adults to talk to them too if that fails.

I reiterate the solution to the problem is not letting them go their different ways. It solves no problems . . . face it, it will hurt both ur parents very deeply and you guys will be unhappy.
Parents are funny pple, they like to do shakara but deep down they love each other.

D-reloaded:

You are obviously taking your father's side in this situation. If you can't be unbiased, then it's best you keep your nose out of it

You're saying that you checked phone and whatnot, How about sitting down with your mom and ASKING HER what is wrong??

i have asked her and she said its something beyond her, mind you, if i am takin my fathers side, i wouldnt post this thread as to seek for solutions, i wouldnt even think about it, cant keep my nose out of it, when i get married tommorrow, it would have an effect on me and my sibs one way or the other, sorry to say but if u were in the same position and u kept ur nose outta it, then u really did not appreciate them atleast for bringing you into this world.
i love my parents, even if they are doin these things without thinkin about us, i love them and wouldnt wish them unhappiness.

i cannot sit back and watch them go apart, i know we will go through this together as a family, so thanks reloaded, i dont buy your idea. thanks

something beyond her. What exactly does that mean? It could be spirtual;. I suggest you get her to go in depth or if you really want to, invite "elders" from HER SIDE to ask her themselves.

sorry to say but if u were in the same position and u kept your nose out of it, then u really did not appreciate them atleast for bringing you into this world.

what are you apologizing for? I'm not offended because I know myself and my family better than some random person on the internet. If my mom or dad was truly unhappy, they would know how to deal with it, either by him or her taking time apart. My siblings and i wont be on their necks annoying them. They're grown people who can deal with things themselves and they always do. After all they were married before we were born and know themselves well enough.

Alot goes on in marriage. Nobody escapes it,not even the ''holier than thou'' pastor. Everyone goes through turbulent times.

Why would a woman who has spent 24yrs in a marriage give up on it just like that? I hope this is something that can be worked out. If your dad has never beaten her,does not cheat, is alive to his responsibilities, What is it that cannot be resolved?

My parents have been married for 30yrs and they still have their ups and downs. My mother once got on a flight to UK,just to take time out. She said she was leaving. It turned out that the time out was all she needed.

Encourage her to take some time out. For all you know,that may be all that's needed to make both parties chill.

amsky:

Why would a woman who has spent 24yrs in a marriage give up on it just like that?

My point to be precise. If she didnt leave in 24yrs why now?
Yeah you are right they probably need some time out . . . my mom sometimes does it when the home gets a bit too hot. Marriage is never a bed of roses and i only hope some of us will begin to understand the fact that cutting and running isnt always the answer to every percieved problem.

Dont believe anyone said she should get a divorce or whatnot, we all said she can go as she please, which could be interpreted as "taking time off"

I still think silk should try to find out about this "it's beyond me" because that's just a weird statement, if her mom doesnt want to discuss it, then she should let her be for a while.

What are we even talking about here? There's what they call "being fed up". May be your Mom has been enduring a lot and has finally been pushed to the wall. If she wants to leave let her leave. You don't know what the woman is going through. Not all mothers share everything with their children even as much as they're "close".

My Mom till date is still holding back a confession about her marriage. I understand her perfectly. We children can't know everything about our parents tho' we're so "close" to them.

It's only fair to try to make them reconcile but ermmm. . if ain't working then let them be. They both know what's up.

You stop trying to choke her with your "love". Woman needs a break or a leave entirely.

How will you feel if your parents were forcing you to stay in an agony infected marriage? Would you stay because you so "love" them ? I for one, WON'T! My peace and sanity is all I desire.

You should be thankful that she didn't leave when she had to wipe your dirty a$$. You're grown so give her the support she needs. The poor woman knows where it hurts. Period.

Or better still, take her for "deliverance" because she's not allowed/supposed to leave a miserable marriage.