Salaam, Here is an interesting story (This is a long read, sorry. I've seen a lot of Ex-Christian sides of this story, so I thought I'd give you my perspective to it as an Ex-Muslim)
So here's my story. I was born and raised by devout Muslim parents. I spent my childhood in California. They would make me memorize big chunks from the Quran for 2 hours every week, and would take me to Mosques after school on Thursdays, where they taught us what to do and what not to do.
When I was in third grade, my parents found great jobs in Saudi Arabia. They were really excited to go there, since we'd be living in Jeddah, which is one hour away from the "holy" city Meccah.
At first, I was okay with the new change of society. I made two or three friends, until 7th grade. That's when I started having a lot more friends, and began entering much more social groups. I met this girl over the internet, which studied at my school. I would talk to her over the internet for hours on end. Our relationship was quite complicated. We were friends who were basically 100 meters away from each other for half of the day, but never saw each other. You see, Saudi Arabia has an "Islamic law" which prevents having mixed-gender schools, so our school was separated.
That's what sparked my hatred for the country. Their rules were so sexist and unfair, and they kept on saying that it was religious law. Women weren't allowed to drive. Men were allowed to beat their wives if they refused to have sex for "no reason". Men could have 4 wives at once (Polygamy). Women weren't allowed to have any sort of political power. It was illegal for women to not wear a black cloth covering your entire body in public, from your head to your toes, except for your face and hands. My female friend and me would keep on complaining about it, and how much it didn't make sense. The worst part was that it was my religion the Saudi government was using for these rules. These unfair rules came from my religion. My hate for the country had become so intense, it started turning into hate of my religion. Through all this, my parents kept on forcing me to go to the mosque about 2 times a day, to read Quran without even understanding it, since I never learned Arabic, and to go to Meccah to perform a pilgrimage that was pretty weird.
10th grade. I started dating my friend, and I was finally able to meet her. It was very difficult to meet each other (we could only do it once every two weeks, since you could get jailed for hanging out with a girl) and we eventually broke up. It was probably for the better, since she was better as a friend. But I, quite understandably, blamed the country and religion for our falling out.
12th grade. I applied to multiple Canadian universities (I'm Canadian so the tuition would be really cheap there). My parents made me go to an Islamic University in Malaysia instead. As soon as I got there, I instantly hated everything about it. I didn't understand why at the time, but now I realize it is because, unfortunately, I have developed an intolerable hatred for the religion. I lashed out at my parents, with the help of my brother, and convince them to let me go to the university of my choice. The problem is that I would have to spend one more year in the country I despised, to wait for the next fall semester.
Now, at a gap year, with nothing to do, in Saudi Arabia, I started thinking a lot. I started doubting my religion. My mom and dad made me perform the annual Hajj Pilgrimage. I thought it was a good chance for rediscovery, and boy was I wrong. I looked around me, and I saw Muslims from all around the world. And many of them did not make a very good example. So much pushing, shoving, anger, shouting, cursing. People praying to god and asking him to kill and break the backs of Jews. Prayers to god that were begging him to cure their incurable illnesses.
After a long grueling week, I got back home. I opened up my English translated Quran, and gave it a long good read. But this time, I looked at it from a completely different perspective. I just wanted the truth. And what happened was exactly as I feared. I started losing faith in Islam. In the Quran I found how it was allowed to own slaves, how having sex with a slave is allowed but not with a women who isn't your wife, that you'd get punished for not believing in god by being thrown into hell to burn for all eternity, how invisible "jinnies" existed, how black magic existed, that there is a devil whispering in your ear, that animals are not on the same level as humans and that they're just tools for us to use, that god created us to worship him, that god created adam and eve and all that jazz. I read the Hadith (Teachings of the prophet, Muhammed), and stories about the prophet, and I found writings that the prophet married a 9 year old girl, that he had concubines, that he said good obedient wives do not complain about their husband (beating them).
It took me a while after this, to free myself from the religion. The first period was pure fear, as I thought there was a possibility of me going to hell forever. But slowly, as I read more, I started seeing the truth. I already lost one friend because I simply told him what I thought. He told me "God forgive you, the devil is whispering in your ear".
I still have the fear though. Remember what I said about the messed up laws in Saudi Arabia? Apparently there's another law. The "Crime" of apostasy is punishable by death. Guess I'm a criminal for the horrible crime of free thinking. http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/19px7n/im_an_exmuslim_who_lives_in_saudi_arabia_aka_a/ |
